Five Things..

Ok.. I have been away a while.. just really haven't had time to blog.. I have been busy worrying about my honey's hand and doing all the usual running.. and worrying .. you get the picture.. anyway.. Ron is gone to a class today.. he will at least be close to home all week.. this is a good thing... I know I won't be able to be with him but at least I know he is just down the street..sounds strange I know.. but oh well who said I was normal?..

My mother in law is here today.. she is cleaning upstairs and the back yard.. I love my mother in law.. don't get me wrong.. but there are times when I wonder where Ron came from.. both of his parents can be obsessive about things.. he isn't like that at all.. I am.. he isn't.. anyway.. I would love to be helping her but my wrist has decided that anything above normal cleaning is simply not going to happen today or any time in the near future.. I think it is only hurting like this because Ron's poor hand has been getting all the attention lately and it felt left out.. just my opinion..

This weekend is Heather's graduation.. that is the youngest of Ron's girls.. should be a good time.. I can't wait to see her walk across the stage and get her diploma.. even tho I didn't give birth to her I will be there smiling proudly as any other mom.. Next weekend is the one I am looking forward to and not looking forward to.. My ex will be here to take the kids to FL for a month.. that is so gonna suck and be great all at the same time.. I know I can use a break and it will be great to have some alone time with my honey.. but I know me.. after about a week I will be heartbroken and wanting my kids back.. I always wanted to be a mom.. I can't stand being away from my kids for too long.. I know the rest of them will still be around..I just have a hard time when I can't see, touch, kiss good night my kids.. just who I am.. anyway.. this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I started typing this.. Retro has the 5 things thing going on with her blog and I had every intention of responding with my own 5 things .. so.. here goes girl..


FIVE ITEMS
Five Items in my Fridge:
Dave's insanity hot sauce.. 5 drops of this thing on a whole chicken will clear your sinuses
Hunts Snack Pack - applesauce for Kyle
2 percent milk
About 5 different types of hot sauce.. can you tell we like spicy?
Protein Shake.. I have to drink them every day since my gastric bypass.. I would rather drink mud.. but at least they keep me alive.. alive is good

Five Items in my Closet:
About 20 pair of my shoes.. ok.. there I said it.. I have a shoe addiction..
3 pair of Ron's shoes
Lots of Clothes….this is where Ron beats me.. he has 3 times as many clothes as I do
A briefcase.. I don't know what is in that.. don't think I want to
A laptop.. hmm imagine me finding a computer in my closet.. we only have 6 pcs and 4 laptops in our house.
Five Items in my Car:
CD Case with about 15 Cd’s.
Chella's clothes
A gas can.. not that I would run out of gas on a long country road or anything like that
Coupons in my glove box.. I keep getting them every time I buy my diet Dew they keep going in the glove box.. one of these days they are gonna take over the car..
Two empty cigarette boxes and 2 empty pop bottles.. believe me that is clean for a car of mine.

Five Items in my Purse:
12 shades of lipstick at least
A spark plug gap gage.. never know when you might have to change plugs
Orange scented lotion.. I have the dryest hands on the planet.
This old cosmetics bag with a ziplock bag of letters, poems, pictures from and of Ron..
Lots of basic junk.. my purse weighs about 10lbs.. I only wish I were kidding.. It seems like when each child was born the purse got bigger.. now that they are all big enough to carry their own junk I don't think I can make the transition back to a normal sized purse..

Ok .. so there ya have it.. 5 things.. oh yeah.. I also got my hair styled today.. not cut.. the length is still there.. I just got a lot of the bulk cut out..

well mom in law wants me.. Y'all have fun

3 Day Weekend and Other Stuff

Whew it has been a bit of a busy week .. Tuesday night was Chella's 8th grade graduation.. ok .. I am thinking.. this shouldn't be too bad.. give them a few awards.. tell them they passed .. let the kids go to the dance and the parents go home.. Right? Wrong!!!.. this turned out to be a 2 hr EVENT.. there was a 20 minute speech about memories of all the times in school.. ok.. this is middle school.. then there was an hour long awards ceremony .. complete with children in evening attire.. I swear I saw 2 boys in tuxedos and 5 or 6 girls in 200 dollar evening gowns.. then there was the Class of 06 song to be played and sung by the chorus.. then the principal made a speech about the children moving on to real life.. Ummm excuse me.. they are going to HS.. when did HS become real life?.. I swear they were acting like these kids were going out into the world, getting jobs, and starting families.. I'm confused.. when did we decide that celebrating every milestone in a child's academic career had to be a big affair?.. What do these kids have to look forward to with HS graduation if everything is made such a special event?... Kindergarten here have ceremonies complete with cap and gown.. what the hell is that about.. I am not saying we shouldn't recognize accomplishments.. but does everything have to get so blown out of proportion for kids to feel that they have done something? I personally think we are creating a generation of people that won't have any incentive to do anything because everything has been turned into such a big deal that nothing seems worth putting effort into.. just my take..

Wednesday was great.. I went to Ron's school and hung out all day.. we didn't talk a lot. He had work to do and I read an entire book almost completely uninterrupted.. it was great.. I love just being in the same place with Ron.. being able to look up over my book and see him there is enough for me..

Yesterday we went to Rockcastle County.. Ron had a class.. and I had my debit card for shopping.. I got some great clothes for me.. a pair of jeans and a shirt for Ron.. Kyle got a couple of toys.. and Chella got a notebook and some clothes.. then we went back and waited about 45 mins for Ron to get out of class.. we drove home and Ron and I took a short nap until Chris called for us to pick him up from work.. It was a great day overall.. I got to spend time with the kids and Ron as well as going out spending money.. that is a good day.. just kidding.. I am not a big spender.. I just have a slight thrift store, yard sale addiction.. I can't help myself..

I woke up with a major headache this morning so my sweet honey went to pick up Chris for work and I stayed home on the couch with a bottle of advil.. I am starting to feel better now.. I don't know how long my headache will stay gone though.. Kyle's best friend Caimon just knocked on the door and he is not a quiet child.. oh well.. I am gonna get off here and rest for a bit until it is time for me to take Ron lunch.. should be a good day.. we have a somewhat busy weekend scheduled.. singing, dinners, oh and a Preschool Graduation party for our granddaughter.. who would have figured?.. anyway.. I'm gone..

Y'all have fun

Playing Catchup

Not that there is a lot to catch up on but here goes... I have finally mostly recovered from my adventures in riding with Chris.. My shoulder is still a bit sore and my foot still hurts if I stand on it for too long.. but otherwise I think I'm gonna live.. Chelsea seems to be over most of her whiplash too.. well at least the painful part... It is gonna be a long while before I ride with that boy driving again..

The weekend was good.. quiet and at home for the most part.. we had plans for Saturday and Saturday night but due to an ill vehicle and general tiredness on our part and the lack of a return phone call on Jesse's part we didn't do any of the things we planned.. we just sat home mostly and watched tv.. that is not a bad thing.. but by yesterday I was getting a bit stir crazy being mostly in the house all weekend so I decided to go shopping for Chelsea an outfit to wear to her 8th grade graduation tomorrow.. oh yeah tomorrow is the last day of school.. wooo ohoooooooo.. anyway.. after the trip to WalMart.. Ron and I drove out to the airport to pick up the vehicle Ron rented to drive to work today and tomorrow due to the illness in his Bravada (fuel pump)..He got a Chevy HHR.. that thing is cool to look at and has all sorts of gizmos but it isn't the most comfortable thing to ride in there was a something poking me in the rear end the whole trip last night.. oh yeah we had to go out and take the kids for a ride in the thing so they could say they got to ride in it.. you know how kids are.. did I mention I WILL drive this thing before we take it back..

Chelsea went to school today and got sent home.. she is in a special accelerated program and didn't participate in the regular 8th grade activities much.. the 8th grade went on a field trip.. she was not given a permission slip for this trip due to her schedule not being that of the rest of the 8th grade.. she didn't mind.. she got to come home .. She is now upstairs cleaning the apartment that Pete and Angie moved out of.. yeah of course they left a mess.. not that I didn't expect them to ya know.. anyway.. I am thinking Chelsea may have prefered to stay in school if she had known I was gonna put her to work..

Well I have my honey in my right ear.. and I need to go check on the Chella... Oh yeah.. Check out my honey's blog.. there is his latest poem..and some of y'all wonder why I am such a happy woman... Ok.. I'm out..

Y'all have fun

From Kyle To Mom and Other News.

This is an addition to yesterday's post.. it is the letter written by Ron and edited by Kyle..

To Mom

As we grow, we realize that some things cannot stay the same forever.As much as we enjoy the small things that make our relationship wonderful, they cannot last. We know, however, the flowerings that cause the little things, will not change. I know we will not always be able to sit on the bed laughing at yesterdays. We will not always be there to share the personals glimpses of life gone by. Someday, the reins of my life will pass into my own hands, and, while I will ever value your guidance, the decisions will become mine to make.
The invaluable parts of who we are will never change. I will always depend on your eager willingness to be a part of my life. I will rest continuously in the warmth of your love. This core will remain even though the trappings change. Our laughs will grow deeper. Our tears will burrow further into our hearts. Our love will continue to develop.
For now, we will still giggle uncontrollably at the goofiness of the ridiculous. We will talk about the deep mysteries and suddenly be talking about the bizarre. I will be the kid too big for my britches, and you will be the Mom that keeps me straight. I look forward to growing up and becoming the best man I can become. I look forward to becoming independent and making my way in life. I will never look forward to the part of growing up, that changes our everyday joys. Only the very real truth that the foundation will grow stronger allows me to take each step toward my future.

Only knowing that you will always be a part of my life, keeps me reaching.

I will always be your son. You will always be my Mom.

Kyle


In other around here news.. The Lincoln we got for Chris is no more.. Yesterday on the way from Chris' job to his house we had a slight detour in our trip.. into a telephone pole, a tree, a couple of stumps and a fence.. yep Christ totaled the Lincoln on it's maiden voyage from Winchester to Nicholasville.. We are all basically ok.. sore.. in pain.. but ok.. Chris felt bad about the car and having the accident but I assured him it is ok.. the only thing that matters is that we are all ok.. Cars can be replaced.. My kids can't.. poor guy.. he was so proud of having his first car and finally being able to look forward to some independence from having to rely on everyone to get him from point a to point b.. and everywhere in between.. I told him it will happen.. it will just take a little longer now.. I did tell him he buys the next car though.. anyway.. Ron has prescribed rest for me today.. and I think I will follow Doctor's orders on that one.. thank goodness the kids have the day off from school today and I don't have to worry about going out to get them or anything like that.. not that they felt like going today anyway.. ok.. enough of this... I am outta here..

Y'all have fun..

Mother's Day/ Everyday

I had a wonderful Mother's Day.. I didn't get out of bed til about 10:30.. and I only got up then at the insistance of my bladder.. That in itself was a great start to Mom's Day.. getting to sleep in is always a good thing.. I am an insomniac.. so any sleep is a good thing.. anyway.. I got up found the note Chelsea left for me taped to the bedroom door along with a banner, took the dogs out and settled in on the couch.. Kyle got up shortly after I did and started waiting on me hand and foot, getting me coffee, getting me this or that.. and giving me a beautiful letter.. written by Ron.. edited and approved by Kyle.. Kyle has the words on his own.. he just doesn't know how to put them together the way he would like to.. it made me cry..

Chelsea finally got up and we were off to the grocery store.. after shopping we went to Ron's parents house to wish his mom a happy day.. I love Ron's mom.. I have come to think of her as mom too.. she raised 6 kids.. I respect her for doing such an awesome job with them.. they are all good people and they all still love and admire their parents.. that is something you don't see in our world that often anymore.. Ron's dad is wonderful too.. you can see the love they still have for each other in their eyes and in the way they interact with each other.. it is just a wonderful thing to be witness too and I am honored to be included in their family..

We came home and the kids and Ron put the groceries away.. I got fussed at for trying to help.. I was having a bad wrist day.. and they shewed me out of the kitchen.. we sat around for a while, just enjoying each others company.. Sierra stopped by.. she wasn't feeling well and needed to call work to tell them she was still coming in but would be late.. she went to work and they sent her home.. Jordan dropped her off here again and went on to work himself..My brother Calvert called me to wish me a happy day.. he has called me every year on Mother's Day since I became a mom at 17 to wish me a happy day.. Sweet huh?.. anywho.. we talked for a while.. it is always good to hear from him.. since we don't get to see each other much.. he lives in AZ.. that is a bit of a drive from here.... While on the phone with him Ron,the kids and I headed over to visit mom.. It was a good visit.. she knew who we all were.. she didn't know our names.. but she knew who we were.. she remembered Ron and had a ball sitting and talking with us.. the girls and I are planning on taking her shopping tomorrow since there is no school and I will need the assistance with mom... should be a good time.. We left Northpoint and Ron headed towards home.. on the way he turned into the Home Depot parking lot.. the kids were confused.. I wasn't.. there is a Perkins restaurant in the same plaza.. that was Ron's true destination.. I knew it when he turned in the place.. the kids took a bit longer to catch on.. we had a great dinner and an even better time.. I would have liked to spent some time with Chris on Mother's Day but I do still get to see him every day.. that is a good thing.. After dinner we came home where I pretty much chilled for the rest of the night.. just enjoying the company of my kids and my honey.. all in all it was a great day..

I get tickled at all the jewelry commercials for Mom's Day.. and the flower commercials.. most of the moms I know would love jewelry or flowers sure.. but what means the most to a mom is time with our kids.. seeing them smile.. knowing they are growing into good people.. feeling we have done something well in raising them.. there are no diamonds, no roses, no perfume that can possibly rival the simple " I love you Mom" from your child.. just my take on it.. I hope every Mom out there, and the Dads that are being both mom and dad had just as wonderful a Mother's Day as I did..

Y'all have fun.

A Season Of Change

I have been talking to my friends and reading blogs of online friends lately and there seems to be a recurring theme among them.. It seems that it is a season of change.. My best friend is looking forward to getting married in July, another friend is moving out of her house and on with her life .. I have always adapted well to change.. I think it is partially because when I was a kid we didn't stay in one place for very long.. I went to 16 different schools before 8th grade.. No I wasn't a military brat.. My dad drank a lot and we lost a lot of houses because even working 2 and 3 jobs my mom couldn't afford to keep them.. anyway.. All of the talk of changes got me to thinking about some of the changes in my own life in the last 4 years..

I have changed so much about my life that sometimes I have to slow down and take a look at myself in the mirror to make sure it is really me.. I left an 18 yr marriage that I had known for a long time was killing me, I met my sweet wonderful Ron, I have lost 170+ lbs, I became a better mother in spite of the 3 months I went through trying to find out who I was and was not a good mom at the time, and recently I have come to terms with my family.. there have been several other smaller changes in my life that have shaped the last 4 years but, there is no way I can remember most of them I am sure however that they along with the larger things have helped to make me who I am right now.. I like me.. That took a long time.. that is something I still need to work on.. I know I will keep changing.. Life around me will keep changing and shifting directions and I know that all of these things will assist me in being the person I want to be..

I can't wait for the next set of changes.. buying a house.. Moving out of here.. Chella getting into high school.. maybe finally having a job ( thanks Denise).. Think I will just strap on my seatbelt and enjoy the ride.. Y'all have fun

Monday Again

I don't like Mondays .. I don't know anyone that does.. well except maybe my honey.. but then again he likes just about everything...nothing gets that man down.. Gotta love that ya know.. anyway.. the weekend was great.. I didn't have to pick Chris up on Saturday.. that was a good thing. I got 2 hrs of laying in bed cuddling with Ron time instead of drive time. Then we went to Todd's to do the karaoke thing.. Red and Steve were there.. along with a host of other good friends.. not that I don't want to mention them by name but for me it was all about Red and Steve. We haven't seen them in forever.. I miss them both so much.. They were friends with Ron before he and I met.. Red and I just hit it off the first time we met and I have felt I found a long lost sister in her for a long time.. I don't know Steve as well but he is a great guy and makes my friend happy .. that goes a long way towards getting my respect and friendship.. There was singing.. contests.. remembering of old times.. catching up on new things.. oh yeah and the Steve test driving my Camaro.. he liked the way it handles.. you know I gotta like the guy if I give him the keys to my car and tell them to have fun with it.. We all had a really good time..

Ron and I didn't get home til 1:40 in the morning .. when we arrived there was a pissed off Chella on the porch.. hands on hips asking "where have y'all been" I felt 15 again and mom was fixing to ground me.. Chella banished us to our room for the rest of the night.. Kiddo.. you are gonna have to get much better at this grounding thing before you have kids.. Our bed is where we wanted to be.. Sunday was a slow, not feeling good day.. I think I have caught a bit of a cold over the weekend.. I sniffled and ached my way through the day..

I took Chris to work and then upon returning home Ron and I went to the grocery store for dog/cat food along with a few other necessary items.. then it was back to the house for a really sweet treat from Ron.. he made me a milkshake from sugar free ice cream and low fat milk.. I love milkshakes.. I just can't have them most of the time due to sugar content.. I don't digest sugar since my gastric.. the shake was great but him thinking of a way for me to have one and then making it for me was even sweeter.. We crawled into bed around 7pm and that is where I stayed mostly until 6:20 this morning. I feel less stuffy this morning but I still have the headache and I am PMSing on top of all that so I think this will be a more lazy day for me than usual.. I am intermittingly cleaning and resting.. I will get it done, just not at my usual warp speed..

I still don't like Mondays.. but then again I don't like any day that takes my honey away from me.. time to clean..

Y'all have fun

Happy Cinco De Mayo

It is finally Friday.. this has been the longest week.. I don't know why.. Maybe it is just all the changes in schedules this week or the trips to the hospital.. (My dad had heart surgery yesterday).. or it could be the anticipation of seeing our old friends Retro-girl and her hubby Dark's Life.. yes they have real names..anyway.. they are in town from Chicago and we are planning to get together with them this evening for some serious Karaoke.. Clearing my throat.. not that that will help me sing any better..

The best part of it being Friday is my honey will be home with me for the next 2 days.. It is strange how much I miss him while he is at work.. when I was married to my ex.. there were times I wished for the man to stay at work 24/7.. I have never had that feeling with Ron.. don't think I'm gonna.. Ron treats me like I am precious.. who wouldn't miss that..

Right now I am trying to decide what needs to be done the most around here.. house cleaning or napping.. I didn't fall asleep until 2:47 this morning.. too much on the old gray matter .. and I woke up at 5:03 this morning when Ron got out of bed..I fell back asleep til around 6:42 which had me running late to get the kids , the dog and myself out of the house.. I am not good with rushing.

Lacey.. the annoying lil dachshund loves to ride in the car.. she loves to go with me when I do my morning run .. Malcolm loves to ride too... but 4 people and an 85lb dog in a Camaro doesn't work out well.. So I will take Lacey with me a few times a week..but before you start feeling sorry for poor Malcolm don't worry he gets to go for rides on the weekends in the Bravada... where he can hang his head out the window and attempt to stick his head out of the sun roof.. If he were only 3 inches taller he could do it.. but he never quits trying..

Well I think the napping is winning.. I can barely keep my eyes open and my fingers typing at the same time.. I guess it is a good thing I can sleeptype..

Y'all have fun.. I am headed for the couch..

No Morning Commute

I am having a lazy day.. When I got up this morning it was pouring rain.. I still got the kids moving and out the door at 7am.. on the way.. Ron called me and suggested I call Chris and have him call his boss and find out if in fact they were working today.( sometimes my brain is not working enough to do these things).. I called Chris, who called his boss then called me back to inform me that there would be no working this morning..which meant no morning trip to Winchester.. I had a whole hour to do nothing.. I didn't really know what to do with that much unplanned time.. Chella,Kyle and I stopped at the store down the street where I got a diet dr pepper with cherry and vanilla.. funny thing.. I don't like Dr. Pepper. .never have.. but I love the cherry and vanilla and the berries and cream ones.. yeah I do know I am strange..anyway from there we went to mail a rebate form for Ron.. and then took Kyle to school.. he likes to get there in time to socialize in the cafeteria with the other kids.. that means I usually drop him off between 7:30 and 7:45.. school begins at 8:00.. then there is Chella to drop off.. her school doesn't begin til 8:30 and she cannot be there earlier than 8:00 so .. on normal traveling mornings she rides to Winchester and back with me, this morning we just sorta sat around in the parking lot listening to our favorite morning show on the radio.. 103.3 zrock.. and waiting for it to be time for her to go in..wow didn't I have an exciting morning?

After I deposited the kids in their respective schools I came home with every intention of cleaning house and getting some things done around here.. instead I had some sort of strange allergy attack and then Dude (the 15lb cat) decided he just had to get in my lap for petting.. this did nothing to improve the allergy situation considering I am allergic to cats.. I swear cats know when people are allergic to them.. they can sense it.. and will make it their life's ambition to cuddle up to that person.. anyway... when I finally convinced him that the wheezing and sneezing was killing me and that if I dropped dead there would be no more petting he got down.. I promptly fell asleep on the couch for an hour.. I woke up feeling a bit better.. I still can't get my eyes or nose to stop itching.. but at least I can breathe now.. I have done a whole lot of nothing today.. I made the bed and did a load of laundry.. see.. when I have too much free time I don't know what to do with it so I generally do nothing.. ok.. that is my story and I am sticking to it.. my ADHD shuts down when I have nothing to do.. sounds plausible doesn't it?

I do have a few things to do this afternoon... I have kids to pick up and today is Chella's second appt with her counselor.. and somewhere in there I have dinner to cook and vaccuuming to do.. but there will be no trip to Winchester or Nicolasville this afternoon which means I will have 2 more hours with my honey.. sometimes the taking Chris back and forth doesn't bother me much.. but lately I feel like I am neglecting my honey .. that is not a good thing.. Chris is looking at a trailer across the street from where he works tomorrow afternoon.. If he and Tommy room together they should be able to afford it... I love seeing my son every day.. but the running and neglecting my hubby part I don't love.. so I do hope this works out for him.. he will be able to get his license and we are gonna help him get a car or truck that way he won't be out in the middle of nowhere with no way to get anywhere.. and he will have a place of his own which I think will do him a world of good in growing up...

I am very proud of Chris as of late.. the kid is doing everything he should be doing and nothing he shouldn't.. over the weekend some of his friends from FL came into town.. they were lost and had no money.. due to the one with the money having his wallet stolen in a motel room.. they wanted to hang with Chris and borrow enough money to get to one of the boy's grandmother's house in IN.. They followed me out to pick Chris up from work Saturday.. Chris was glad to see his friend.. gave him a guy hug and 20 bucks and politely told them he wouldn't be hanging with them because he needed to get home and rest for work the next day.. the old Chris would have hung with his friends and most likely gotten into some sort of trouble with them.. he is growing up.. that is a good thing and I am proud of his choices.. I let him know.. he turned a little redfaced as he has always done and said "thanks Mom" what more could a mom ask for.. he never fails to tell me thank you for the running him back and forth.. he never fails to let me know he appreciates the things I do for him.. what he doesn't understand.. is even though the thanks and appreciation from him are precious to me.. I do the things I do simply because he is my child.. and I love him..

Well I think I have stalled on the house cleaning long enough.. I get to spend that extra 2 hours with my honey tonight.. I would rather do that in a clean house...

Oh Russ.. thank you for calling and checking on ya girl.. she said she loves ya..

Y'all have fun..

The Pain Is Silent

For those of you that read Ron's blog , you know what happened to Chelsea on Sunday. To make a long painful story short she was attacked and bitten by a boy on our front porch.. before he bit her he told her he would kill Kyle and rape her.. so I tend to look at the attack as not only assault but a sex crime as well.. she wasn't raped.. but she was violated just the same..


We have taken the proper steps to first have this boy arrested and punished for what he did.. and secondly to help Chelsea work through any emotional issues that may arise from this.. She is showing the same type of emotional responses that a rape survivor shows ( I hate the word victim).. she no longer feels safe sitting on the porch alone.. When she and I go to the store she will not leave my side.. she doesn't want to walk home from school anymore.. Not that I ever let her walk home alone .. just now she doesn't even feel comfortable walking with her friends and her boyfriend.. she is showering more and feels "dirty".. those are normal parts of the emotional responses to any violation.. given my history with this subject I knew I could not be objective in helping her.. so I sought outside assistance for her.. she told me yesterday after her first visit that it made her feel better to talk to someone not so close to the issues at hand.. that is a good thing.. she also got a 911 cell phone.. the only # it will call is 911 and anytime she feels she is in an unsafe situation and needs assistance she only has to push one button to get help.. that is a good thing as well..

I have a personal history with this subject that I will not go into here.. I learned to handle it on my own and have made peace with it.. it took me a long time to get here.. I don't want Chelsea to have to go it alone.. no one should have to deal with an issue of any type of personal violation on their own..

Part of me wants to find the kid that did this to my precious child and beat the living shit out of him.. I know that is a normal reaction when a mother's child is hurt.. I won't do that.. I will let the police handle it.. I will not however sit back and wait for them to do it.. I am gonna be like a thorn in the side of the police until something is done about this kid..

I wrote a poem about a year and a half ago about my personal experiences , about how sometimes even to this day 30 years later I still have my moments of pain.. I have shared it here before, so if you will allow me the indulgence I would like to share it again.. for my daughter's pain, for my pain and for anyone that has been there..

The Pain Is Silent

The pain is silent
Screaming only on the inside
Smile brightly outward for the world to see
Never reveal what lies beneath

Tortured waiting, for it will come
In the dead of night
Peace laid to waste by hurt’s wail
Trembling from a frozen touch

The bringer of the torment is dry bones in his grave
Still he lives on in the memory of the child that once was
Reality fades but his face looms large
Shrinking into the smallest space to try to find comfort

Icy fingers invading even love’s warmest embrace
Memories crashing against even the sincerest touch
Cringing inside the child screams not again
The me of now buries the pain just to survive

Suffer silently
To give voice would to lend strength to the demon
To surrender all hope of happiness
Quieter strength is the stronger,
bearing a load that no loud wail of agony could carry

The sound of innocence shattered is deafeningly still..
Tammy J.

November 17, 2004



The only thing I am grateful for in Chelsea's situation is she doesn't have to be silent in her pain..

I usually end my post with Y'all have fun.. I just don't have a fun bone in me right now.. so I will just say .. Take care

What a Week Already.

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday.. but I still got a workout.. Ron's parents own a few houses around here and Ron sorta manages them for them.. I try to help out where I can.. Yesterday was one of those where I can days.. They had a tenant move out and well lets just say this wasn't the cleanest or neatest person on the planet.. I volunteered to help clean out the house and get it ready to re rent.. OMG.. I have never seen such a mess.. I didn't know it was possible to mistake an attic for the garbage can.. I do believe these people are now walking around naked cause they didn't take any of their clothes with them.. Mom and I worked our butts off.. we bagged , swept, carried and fussed for almost 5 hrs .. we got it mostly cleaned out.. all that was left was the heavy furniture stuff we couldn't lift.. I left there a bit after 1 and headed home for a much needed shower.. I decided on a bath instead.. ewwwww the water was a lovely shade of grey about 30 seconds into it.. I bathed then showered afterwards.. yuck..

After my shower I tried to rest my back a bit... I knew that Justin is out of school by 2:30 so I waited til he got home and called him to ask if he would help with the heavy stuff.. he was happy to oblige.. I have to give the boy credit.. he is one of the hardest working skinny little kids I have ever seen in my life.. anyway.. Tommy, Justin and I headed back to the house.. they got the heavy stuff out of the house.. while they were working I went to pick up Chella.. and grab some tools from the house.. they guys got it finished in a couple hours.. then it was time to come home and cook supper.. I put supper in the wok and made Ron's lunch and went to get Kyle from his chess class.. by that time Chris had called for a ride home and Ron was on his way home .. sweet man that he is offered to pick Chris up on his way home from work.. we met at Kroger to exchange son's .. he took Kyle I took Chris and off to Nicholasville we went.. I finally dropped Chris off and got home around 7:15pm.. by this time my back felt like there was some evil gnome in there with a hot poker trying to reaarange my spine.. I curled up on the couch with a book and the heating pad.. and that is where I stayed most of the evening..

This morning I am still hurting a bit.. so my sweet darling hubby offered to meet Chris at his pick up spot and take him to work for me.. saving me and my back 40 minutes of driving/riding time.. he is such a sweety.. Oh speaking of my sweety.. he finished his internship yesterday.. and aside from being so proud of him and a healthy dose of I told you so's it means he doesn't have to stay late anymore..well not til 6 anyway.. yay!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway.. after he left I got to sit here for an additional 45 mins with the heat on my back.. I reluctantly got up and took the kids to school at 7:45 and came home to do my housework.. If I don't keep moving some my back is gonna seize up on me and I won't be able to move at all .. not fun..

The rest of my day is going to be fairly uneventful I hope.. I need to go to the nursing home and visit mom.. but that is usually a good time.. and I still have to pick up kids, do more laundry, clean a bit more, and do the afternoon Chris run.. but those are all part of the ordinary around here.. time to get off here and do something.. I have been sitting too long and the gnome is pissed..

Y'all have fun

I May Hate Myself In the Morning..

Ouch.. I have been wanting to get back into the gym for a long while now.. I have been wanting to get my body in some shape other than the shape it is in.. Today must be the beginning of that..Ron and I started about 2:30 this morning with our own private workout.. ( Russ update).. and knowing I was going with our friend Brandy to the local Y today.. I foolishly thought ok.. a little less sleep ain't gonna hurt me.. ( It was worth it at any rate)..

Brandy called me about 9 : 45 this morning wondering if I were still going or if I had chickened out on her.. I said in my most cheerful voice.. " I'm ready".. Her hubby had her car this morning so I drove over to pick her and her darling little girl up.. and as Brandy was admiring the "Ro" we were off .. we got there, I signed in as a guest.. and next thing I know I am walking 3 mph on an incline of 2 on a treadmill for 20 mins.. that part was ok.. that I can do.. I love to walk anyway.. so ok.. no problem.. then came the weights.. now you have to understand .. I used to work out 3 times a week.. but that was 20 yrs ago.. I ain't young anymore.. I ain't strong anymore.. so Brandy puts me on non wrist taxing machines and helps me adjust the weights and I promptly try to kill myself I think.. I don't remember being this weak.. 20 reps damn near killed me with 12.5lbs.. and that was on the leg lifts.. we don't want to go there with the rest of the machines.. those aren't for excersise.. those things were made for mid-evil torture.. I did make it through it.. I managed to do 2 sets of 20 reps on all the machines I could do without hurting my wrist.. and surprisingly I even managed to find some to work the upper body as well..

I feel pretty good.. I can feel my muscles planning a revolt for later on this evening.. and I know my back is gonna be in a pissy mood.. but I actually feel pretty good.. I am even thinking bout going back with her on Monday.. OMG.. I have truly lost my mind this time.. oh well.. at least it gets me out of my routine and I am doing something for me.. even if it does wind up killing me.. just kidding.. I know when I get used to going again I will feel and look better.. and that is something I need to do for me.. I am so used to doing everything for everyone that I think this will be good for me to do for me.. I don't want to lose weight.. I weigh right about 155 or so.. usually.. and at 5'8 that is a good weight .. I just want to tone my body from where I have already lost so much weight and get into better shape .. I think starting with 2 days a week I should be able to do it.. wish me luck..

TGIF.. I get my sweet Ron home for 2 days.. Yeah I know I had him home for 4 days last weekend.. but that was last weekend.. I miss him.. this is a whole new weekend.. and Ill take the 2 days when I can get em.. well think It is time for me to go.. umm .. lemme think.. oh yeah.. lay down and die till the tylenol kicks in..

Y'all have fun

Still Running

I know I have been negligent in my posting lately.. I just don't seem to have time to blog.. between running back and forth with Chris, dealing with the Chelsea drama.. (too much to go into right now) , and all the other things I have to do in a day.. by the end of most days I am ready to cuddle in the bed and go to sleep by around 8pm.. now Kyle has gotten into the mix of changing up my schedule.. he has 2 different afterschool activities he is involved with now and stays late 3 days a week.. you would think that would free up some time for me around his usual pick up time, it doesn't.. Because my life is so hectic I have to be very precise when scheduling things.. I have to know how long it will take me to do this or that and get back to where I need to be when I need to be there.. Kyle staying late 3 days a week is messing with that.. but I am sure I will adjust soon.. he has only been doing this for 2 weeks and last week was spring break so I had all sorts of time to fill.. That is my main problem.. I am so accustomed to running all the time and having almost every moment filled with things to do, when I don't have things to do or have too much free time I get antsy.. I don't know what to do with myself..

Today will be fun.. I get to go visit Ron's class as a business professional. Ron is having a community business leader in to talk with his class about what the real world expects of them.. I have a degree in business administration as does his principal.. he thought it would be a good chance for the students to take part in a round table type discussion of what employers look for in potential employees and some interviewing techniques for them as some of them are going to be graduating this year and will need some real skills for getting a job soon.. Oh yeah and there will be pizza.. I think the kids will pay more attention to that than me .. but hey they are teenagers and this is only the second day back after spring break..

I think I am gonna get off here and go clean something.. and then maybe take a short nap before I have to leave for Winchester..

Y'all have fun..

I Am Still Alive.. Sorta

I haven't forgotten I have a blog.. I haven't forgotten that some of my best friends actually read this thing.. I am just not quite human enough to write intelligently right now.. the trip kicked my ass.. In more ways than one.. the physical part of it is what is mostly bothering me now.. I forget sometimes that I only feel like I am in my 20's still... in fact my body knows I am getting close to the 40 mark even if my mind doesn't.. my recovery time isn't what it used to be.. My entire body is hurting right now and I seem to have lost all use of the index finger on my right hand.. makes typing interesting to say the least.. anyway.. just wanted to let anyone that is interested know I am still alive and will hopefully be back to myself in a few days..

Oh one major thing that I can't leave out of this .. I know some folks probably get tired of hearing about how wonderful Ron is.. but for y'all .. get over it.. for the ones that ain't tired of it... he is the main reason I made it back at all.. I had a panic attack ( actually two of them) for the first time in about 5 yrs.. and he was able to do something that no one has ever been able to do.. he talked me through them and gave me back my confidence in me and convinced me to take care of me so that I could take care of the kids I had with me on that winding mountain road.. so again my love.. thank you.. your voice in the night was my lifeline.. as your voice is always my comfort..

Y'all have fun

The New Toy

Well.. we got the Camaro.. Monday is still somewhat a blur.. we did so much that day I don't know where to start.. We took the Lumina back to the dealer.. when we got there the salesman tried one more time to get me to keep Rose.. he offered 1000.00 for me to keep her.. I was like no.. then he tried to sell me a blazer.. I don't want a blazer.. they are too big for what I was looking for.. and further more I wouldn't want to buy anything from this guy.. He gave us a check for the full amout of the car plus the tires we put on it.. and we were on our way.. to Ohio that is..

After stopping for lunch and Kyle ( who has a really bad cold/flu this week) getting his first pizza sub we called the man in Ohio and told him we were on our way.. We got there, I drove "lil' toy" and fell in love/lust whatever with him.. (the car).. we paid the man and headed for the next little hole in the wall town to get it legal to make the drive back home.. Yeah .. ok.. that is what we thought we were going to do.. When we got there the building was about the size of the bathrooms in our clerks office here and was staffed with people who didn't seem the least bit interested in helping anyone.. The lady looking bored asked Ron and I for our licenses and SS cards.. I just happened to have my SS card due to the fact I had lost the old one and got the new one in the mail last week, when it came I put it in my purse ( Ron calls it the black hole) and it was still there.. Ron however, didn't have his with him.. the lady tells us we need something with his SS# on it along with his name.. health ins card, voters registration card, something like that.. we had nothing.. We went back out to the truck.. Ron called our health insurance provider to ask them if they could fax the info to the clerk's office.. while he was doing that he rummaged through the glove box and came up with a letter from the SSA .. with his name, addy, and SS#.. I took the letter to the other bored looking lady there.. only to be told that a letter from the federal freakin government was not acceptable.. ok.. if that isn't acceptable what is.. Our insurance company couldn't fax the info due to privacy regulations.. Ron came in with this news.. I shared with him the unacceptability of the letter from the SSA.. he took the paperwork back from miss bored #2 and tells her " Fine, I'll drive it illegally then" and out we go..

We drove the 100 miles home without a tag.. we did have the title.. and the car was insured.. so if I had been stopped I would have gladly informed the officer about the incredible stupidity of the people of Ohio and hoped for the best. ( no offense to anyone from OH) I just don't like that state.. Did I ever mention my ex is from OH?

We got "toy" home and found out our clerks office is open til 6pm on Mondays.. yayyyy.. we rush down there.. they tell us the price on the title is not good enough and we will have to get a bill of sale from the seller stating the price..and the car would need to be inspected.. ok.. fine.. we called the dude in OH.. he said he would fax the info.. got the car insurance carrier to fax proof of ins.. The lady gave us a one day pass to drive the car down there on Tuesday for inspection.. By this time it is after 6... We head home again.. about a half hour after we sit down .. Ron's phone rings , It is Chas needing help moving furniture.. so we are off and running again.. we helped them get the part of their sectional that wouldn't fit in their truck home.. on the way home we stopped for food and smokes for me.. we finally walked back in the house around 8:45pm.. and promptly crashed..

I got the legal stuff done on "toy" yesterday.. and have been driving my little heart out ever since.. I love the little thing.. it drives well.. it shifts well.. and it is way cute.. I will have to get Ron to take a pic or two and post it here soon.. there is the wrist factor with driving a stick.. yes it hurts.. but no more than it hurts anyway.. and the I haven't driven a stick in 4 yrs and I am rusty factor.. but that is getting better.. but mostly there is the I love my car factor..

I thanked Ron Monday night.. he didn't know why I was thanking him.. I told him I was thanking him for dealing with all the hassle and stress just to make sure I had what I wanted.. how sweet is that.. Thank you again my love..

Whew.. I didn't realize this was gonna be a novella when I started.. talk about wrist pain.. I think I am gonna go forage for food.. medicate Kyle, then go sit on the porch and look at " toy" ..

Y'all have fun...

Confused Yet?

OK... the lumina is going back to the car place.. they called us Friday telling us that the car has a salvage title.. that means that at one time or another the car has either been totalled or salvaged.. this in itself is not really a big deal to me.. I have worked as a body repair person and mechanic.. I know that cars can be rebuilt with no harm done.. the problem for me is they didn't tell us this from the beginning and then they tried to rush me into making a decision whether or not to keep the car.. I don't like being rushed into things.. especially things about my money.. then on Saturday they offered us 500.00 to keep it.. we said "No" then the offer jumped to 600.00.. still " No" then the offer went to 800.00.. we said to ourselves.. "Maybe"... we drove the car this weekend.. It finally made the noise I was telling him about yesterday.. he called a friend about the noise.. the friend told Ron it is most likely the Torque Converter going out on it.. that is a 600.00 job to fix.. Umm the car is going back and they are going to pay me for the tires I put on it.. that is the end of it...

Ron and I had planned to meet with the carlot this afternoon and go car shopping afterward.. and guess what happened.. the guy in Ohio called saying he fixed the ignition problem with the Camaro and while he was at it he noticed the clutch was slipping so he fixed that too.. he wanted to know if I still wanted it.. Ummm yeah if it is fixed and running.. yeah I want it.. I feel good about that car.. I have since the first time I saw it..I don't know if we are going to get it today or tomorrow.. but I really want this car.. I know it has more miles on it.. but I just have a good feeling about the car.. I tried to talk myself out of wanting it.. I couldn't get it off my mind.. I kept thinking about it.. I told Ron all weekend I wanted to call the dude about the car.. he must think I am crazy.. I just can't help it.. when something gets in there it won't get out until I know why I keep thinking about it.. now I know.. I think this is the car I am supposed to have.. ok.. go ahead .. think I am crazy.. I do.. anyways.. time to start the running..

Y'all have fun

I Feel Good....

I don't know why.. but today I woke up in a great mood.. I actually slept last night .. that may have something to do with it.

My driving all over has resumed.. no there is nothing wrong with "Rose" she is fine. Chris called me yesterday and informed me that he has gotten his old job back with the landscaping company.. this is a good thing.. the bad news is.. Chris is living in Nicholasville and his job is in Winchester.. Beek's mom met me half way between Nich. and Lexington for me to pick up Chris this morning ( thank you Michelle) and we were off to take Kyle to school and then to Winchester to drop Chris off, then I had to come back home for Chelsea to pick up her things.. the fact that I told her to bring them with us in the first place and she didn't.. didn't seem to be a problem for her.. we stopped here, grabbed the books and it was off again racing to her school.. she was late..

We go to court again next Friday for the so called harassment charge against Chris, hopefully we will be able to get the judge to agree to Chris coming back home.. We can prove that Chris didn't harass John so there is no reason for Chris to not be able to live at home.. It pisses me off that Chris has not been found guilty of anything and he is being punished .. first by making him live in Nicholasville.. not that living with Michelle and Jeff is a bad thing but this is Chris' home.. this is where his family is.. second.. Chris lost a good job because of the moving to Nicholasville thing.. he was working mostly 2nd shift at that time and there is no way I could have picked him up at midnight and taken him home the 20 miles or so.. third.. Now that he has his other job back it makes the rest of us have serious transportation problems trying to help this young man keep a job and make a living.. this is causing him to not be able to do that .. and he hasn't even gone to trial yet...

Ok.. now I am through bitching..I still feel great.. I am still in a great mood.. I am going to Winchester again today.. there is a job there that I want.. it is for an assistant librarian.. for me that would be perfect.. I love books.. I read all the time.. what better place for me than in a library.. ok so it is a school library but I can see me now.. trying to encourage a love of books in young minds.. yep that would work for me.. wish me luck..

We have made no progress on the house yet.. trying to get our mortgage guy to get back with us.. apparently he is either not getting the messages or he isn't calling back right away.. we don't know.. but we really want to get a move on this.. hopefully he will get back with us soon..

I think I am gonna finish my house cleaning and get outta here to go apply for that job.. Y'all have fun..

Change of Cars

Well the camaro didn't pan out.. Friday, I was checking on the how to get the legal part of the car done thing so I could drive the car legally from Ohio to Kentucky.. I found out the only way I could do it was to have a bill of sale .. I couldn't get that without paying the dude for the car, so .. Ron took off from work, I went and got Chris and Beek and we headed for Ohio.. It was a great 1 1/2 drive... we got there and what do you know but the car wouldn't start.. we tried jumping it .. we tried the battery charger.. nothing worked.. so very bummed by that time we headed home.. the guy said he would call us if he found out what was wrong with it and that if we still wanted it fine.. if not that was fine too..

We got home and Ron got online trying to find something else.. something to cheer me up.. I was way down about the whole thing.. he found a cute little Chevy Lumina online.. we went and looked at it today... I drove it and I fell in love.. ok.. so it isn't a camaro.. it isn't HOT.. but it is cute and runs great and it is 2 yrs newer than the Camaro .. It is a beautiful shade of burgandy, almost like a bloodrose color.. I am seriously thinking of calling her Rose.. I don't know why I name my cars.. I just always have.. It usually doesn't take long for me to name them either.. I know it is strange.. but who ever said I was normal... Cars have personalities.. they do.. so they need a name.. It is that simple..

Anyway.. the rest of today's post is for my beautiful friend Red.. here ya go gorgeous..

Name: Tammy J.
Childhood Ambition: To be a doctor
.Fondest Memory: I have many wonderful memories.. One that comes to mind is the look in Ron's eyes as he sang " You had me from hello" to me at our wedding.
.Soundtrack: Hmmm thinking I really loved the music in " Blues Brothers 2000"
MusicRetreat: In my car alone on an open highway.
Wildest Dream: Win the lottery and build my dream home with enough land to build homes for all 7 kids.
Proudest Moment: Graduating College at age 22 after being told I wouldn't go because I got married at 16 and was pregnant with my 3rd child through most of my last yr of college. Also finally doing something totally for me and having gastric bypass surgery.
Biggest Challenge: Being a good wife, mom, friend, mostly being the best me I can be for me so I can be the best whatever to those I love.
Alarm Clock: Ron's cell phone.
Perfect Day: Most every day since May of 2002
First Job: Arby's.. I was 13 and lied about my age to say I was 16
Indulgence:Perfume, shoes
Last Purchase: Last was a cup of coffee,2 diet Dews and Cheetos, Oh yeah and my car.
Favorite Movie: Lady and The Tramp hands down..:
Inspiration: My kids, My hubby, people I love.
(Finish the sentence)

My Life: My life is not just what I am doing now or where I am going it is a combination of where I have been the me that I have become and who I can still grow to be surrounded with all the love anyone could want and the security of finally loving the skin that I'm in..

Y'all have fun

Life Is Good.

Snickers is alive.. Bobby the brother in law, finished putting the starter on Snickers last night.. we were not home, when I got here we had other things to do.. which I will tell ya about in a minute.. anyway.. when the other things got done, I went out and started my little van up.. It came to life as it always has... ahhhhhhhh no more running back and forth to Winchester.. I am sort of bummed about not getting to spend that much time with Ron but I figure he and I can spend time together around 2 am like we did this morning to make up for it... ( sorry Russ).. The kids are not entirely pleased about the resurrection of snickers.. It signals the end to breakfasts from Hardee's and Marathon.. poor little deprived children will just have to go back to cereal, oatmeal, waffles, or whatever else we might have in the kitchen..

Ok.. on to the "other" things Ron and I had to do when we got home last night.. no this will not be a close your eyes Russ thing...Ron and I had been looking at cars on e-bay the other night.. we spotted a 95 camaro z28 that I promptly fell in love with.. Ron put it on his watch list.. yesterday while we were at his school and he was finishing up some things he looked at his e bay watch list and asked me if I wanted him to bid on it.. I thought he was kidding, he wasn't.. he put the bid on it and with and hr and a half left on the auction we left the school and headed home.. when we got here I was anxious to find out if we were still the high bidder.. There was a package here that Ron had to look at first.. then the computer wasn't cooperating and had to be shut down and re booted.. finally he got online and checked.. we were not the high bidder.. Ron entered a new bid.. we were at 18 mins at that point.. I held my breath.. I paced.. I went outside to smoke.. I came back in with 2 minutes to go.. I sat breathlessly beside Ron and watched the last few seconds tick away... We Won!!!!! We are going to Ohio this weekend to get my camaro.. wooohoooooo .. I have always loved the camaro.. I have always wanted one.. now I have it.. I can't wait.. I am gonna look good in that car.. speaking of which.. I need to get my butt to the courthouse and get the temp tag and transfer form..

y'all have fun..

Blah Blah Blah

I feel blah today.. I don't have a clue why.. Ron was having a "foggy" day yesterday so I guess I can have a blah day today.. It isn't that I don't have anything to do.. I have plenty with Ian here..It isn't that I am particularly unhappy about anything.. I'm not.. I don't even think it is the looking for a job and no one wants to hire me thing anymore.. I just feel out of sorts...

I am getting my van back tomorrow.. Our brother in law Bobby came over after work yesterday and took the starter off.. but due to lack of tools and light he couldn't put the new one on, he will be here this afternoon with his own tools to finish the job.. that is good news.. Ron says the not having his truck with him isn't a problem for him, he just hates that I have to drive so much.. He ain't the only one..

I am wanting to hurry up and get the settlement thing done with my wrist. I am getting a new car with part of it.. well not new but new to me.. the van as much as I love the lil thing kills me to drive.. and I want to get things settled with whether or not we are moving to Mt. Sterling.. I love the house.. Honestly.. It doesn't matter to me where we live just so we are together I guess what bothers me is uncertainty.. I like to know what we are doing.. I am just like that I like to know what is going on and when.. If I am gonna do something I do it.. I have always been that way.. Ron takes things more slowly.. he thinks more than I do about things.. I usually know what I want and go for it.. that works for me.. Ron's way isn't a wrong way.. It is just his way ya know.. That is one of the things that make Ron and I work so well.. We have very similar personalities in many ways.. however we are also vastly different in some areas.. those differences just balance us and make us understand each other even better.. that is a good thing..

Well Chas and Chris are here to take my Ian for the day.. Y'all have fun

I'm Too Old For Two Year Old's

I didn't know I had gotten old.. I had no idea until this week.. It is only Tuesday and I am already dreaming of the weekend.. I have Ian all week.. Don't get me wrong...I love having the little guy here.. I love watching him and playing with him.. the problem is I thought I had the energy to chase his lil butt and I don't.. he wants to run.. Nanny wants to walk.. he wants to beat up the dogs.. Nanny wants to sleep.. He wants to.. well you get the picture..

I had also forgotten the simple fact that the word "no" doesn't mean much in a two yr olds vocabulary..He knows what it means.. he just chooses not to understand.. and then he giggles when I say the word to him.. cute little brat that he is.. his favorite game today has been throw yourself at Nanny and see if she can catch you.. So far so good I have caught him every time.. but, I am on guard for that one time when he throws and I am not ready to catch..

Chas.. I know you sometimes read my blog.. don't you dare infer from this one that I don't want kiddo here as much as possible.. I do.. I am just old.. love ya girl..

On to other things.. For those that read Ron's blog.. the situation with my ex is still in my head.. I want to call him and tell him what I think of what he did while he was here and what he can do the next time he wants the kids with him while he is here.. I just don't feel like talking to the asshole.. he hasn't even called to let the kids know he made it home safely.. It is funny.. he and I get along great when he stays in Fl.. It is only when I have to deal directly with him that I have issues with wanting to choke the life out of him.. I remember feeling this way when I was married to him as well .. could explain one of the reasons he is an ex huh?.. I am going to talk to him about this summer.. If he cannot keep the rules we have for the kids here 11 months of the year I am really going to have to re think him having them for a month in the summer.. It takes about a month to undo all he does in that month.. I am just tired of going through all that yr after yr.. Chella doesn't seem all that interested in going to FL for a month... Kyle does.. but last year he only stayed 3 weeks and was begging to come home.. I don't want the kids to not have their father.. but I don't know how to maintain the relationship for him.. and that seems like what I have been doing all along.. If they don't call him.. he won't call often.. if I don't make arraingments for the FL thing he won't .. I think there comes a time when he needs to facilitate his relationship with his kids and leave me out of it.. I will never keep him from them or them from him.. I am just tired of being the go between so to speak..

Oh well better get off here before the whirling dervish wakes up from his nap..

Y'all have fun

Morning Conversation Starters

While the driving back and forth to Winchester is a bit tiring..there are some benefits.. one of them being the conversations I have with the kids on the way back to lexington.. this morning we were listening to the radio .. one of our favorite morning shows.. they were talking about a New York case involving mens rights .. The case is about a guy that had a fling and the woman got pregnant.. she wants him to pay child support .. he doesn't think he should since it was a consensual act and they took precautions..

I personally can see this from all points of view.. my ex and I had 18 yrs of marriage.. he raised our 4 kids with me.. and when we split he fought long and hard to get out of paying child support because I wasn't with him..Ron on the other hand never shirked his child support when he and his ex split .. and he took on the responsiblity of my 4 kids when he married me.. actually long before we got married he was supporting not only me but them as well.. anyway.. Chelsea got to talking about what we were listening to.. she feels about the same way I do.. That in some ways women have all the options available to them and men do not.. I dont think men should get away with not supporting their children.. but what about men that want the child when the woman doesn't.. if she decides to abort the man has no right to keep her from it.. if she decides to put the child up for adoption it is sometimes very hard for the father to keep the child himself.. but if the woman chooses to keep the child the man is almost always required to pay support and in cases of one night stands.. the man often doesn't get to be a part of the child's life that he has to pay to support.. I personally have issues with the unequalness of this..

Personally.. abortion would never be an option for me.. adoption I am on the fence about but to me is a viable option if you know you can't take care of a child.. But, I do know if I had ever gotten pregnant by someone one night stand or similar situation..( not that I have ever had a one night stand) I would be willing to take full responsiblity for any consequences resulting from that.. I am an adult.. If I chose to sleep with someone I know the possible outcome.. if I got a STD I would have to take care of the cost of treatment.. If I got pregnant.. I would have to choose what to do about it.. therefore.. making the decision to have sex in the first place I would have to be ready and willing to raise a child if one were to result from that encounter if I chose to keep the baby.. I think that should go both ways.. both parties should look at it from the standpoint of owning the decisions they make.. I think fathers should support their children.. I think men should have some say so in the decision to keep or not keep a child they helped to create.. if we women have the options we do.. then men should have more themselves.. just my take on it..

Chelsea saw it from a Ron point of view.. she said that even tho she doesn't like some of the rules around here.. and she doesn't agree with Ron all the time.. she has a great deal of respect for him.. she said he has gone above and beyond any responsibility to raise children.. My kids are not biologically his.. but his love and support has made him their dad as much as their biological one is.. I think she said it well..

I know there are a million women out there fighting and struggling to get the support they need for their kids.. I also know there are plenty of good men that want to do the right thing.. and there are men that can't even get the chance to be fathers because all the choices have been taken out of their hands.. except the financial ones..

ok.. rambling and ranting over.. time to eat something and wait for Sierra and Jordan to get here for our thrift store date.. Y'all have fun..

Getting a Break

My honey.. sweet man that he is did something wonderful for me.. he probably thinks it was just the practical thing to do.. and doesn't realize how sweet it really is.. He rented me a car for the rest of the week.. Yep that is it.. he knows how tired I have been lately.. he sees the dark circles and the exhaustion at the end of every day.. he definately sees the house isn't up to my usual standard.. and although there is a practical reason for renting the car.. the sweet one far outweighs it.. With the rental I won't have to run to Winchester for the next 2 days in the morning.. and Ron needs his truck Friday for his skills USA thing.. so I won't have to worry about how I am going to get Chris to court and all that.. just in the simple act of looking online and getting me a car for the next couple days he has taken a load of work and worry off my shoulders.. thank you my love..

In other news... Chris just called me, his attorney has been talking to the prosecutor in the case.. they are willing to drop the charge to Assault 2.. which carries 5-10 yrs.. I think he should take it to trial.. I would fight.. but that is just me.. I have sent an e mail to a friend that is an attorney.. asking his advice.. hopefully he will have some insight on this situation.. I don't know what to tell Chris.. I have never been in a situation like this before.. I don't think sending a 19 yr old kid to prison for defending himself is the right thing to do.. I just don't know what the right thing would be and don't have the power to see that the right thing is done in the first place..so pending legal advice.. I will be worrying..

Well I am outta here for a while.. Y'all have fun

Tuesday Running or Not..

Today I still feel like crud.. It seems my family is generous to a fault.. they shared all of their bug with me.. I don't get strep.. I am a carrier of the bug... I am however very capable of getting the flu.. I didn't want the flu.. but here it is.. invading my already worn out body.. oh well.. at least I am on the downside of the thing now... I still feel crappy just to a lesser degree..

This morning I went to my attorney's office and signed the paperwork to bring this wrist thing to a final settlement.. It isn't what I would have liked it to be but it is wearing me down fighting this along with everything else I have to deal with.. this has been going on for over 2 yrs. It is time to do what I can about it and let the rest go.. I don't have the energy to fight it anymore..

"Snickers" is still ill.. My brother in law should be here this evening or tomorrow evening to fix the poor lil thing.. I really need my van back.. I love spending the time with Ron in the morning and in the afternoon driving to and from work.. but it is killing me with all the driving.. and killing Kyle's attendance record with being late every day.. there is just no way we can get Ron to work and get back here in time to get him to school by 8 .. not gonna happen.. and although his tardies are excused.. they don't like it when a kid is late.. I would think with the absentee problem they have in our county they would rather have the kid there 10 mins late than not at all .. but what do I know..

My father in law called me a while ago.. he wants me to come over and re install his ISP.. Ron hasn't had time to make it over there and I can barely breathe.. I told him I would try to get over there this afternoon after I pick up Kyle from school.. I hate taking my germs over there.. but he is going through internet withdrawl.. not good.. so.. If I can stand up without getting dizzy for longer than 10 mins I will head over there.. if not he may have to wait until tomorrow.. I hate for him to not have access.. but I don't wanna drive up a telephone pole trying to get there to fix it either..

Oh yeah.. about waking up at 5:30.. I told Ron he could wake me up every day like that if he wanted to.. I ain't arguing.. I have always been a morning person anyway.. so it works for me.. apparently though it didn't work this morning. He said I just kept sleeping.. don't stop trying honey.. I like waking up with you .. a lot.... ( Sorry Russ) ok.. I'm not really sorry but ya know..

I think I am gonna get off here and wonder down to the drugstore to see if they have the advil cold and sinus since I can't take the dayquil due to the tylenol in it.. I take a prescription pain killer for my wrist every day that is mostly tylenol. I don't want to OD'..

Oh and one more thing.. Honey.. I was reading "I Remember" again this morning.. and I want you to know.. I remember too.. I remember what your eyes looked like that first day when you held the door for me to leave the restaurant.. I remember your smile when you made that comment to Pam.. I remember how you looked when you asked me to come home to you that first time I had to go to FL.. I remember the look in your eyes when you sang " You Had Me From Hello" at our wedding.. I remember all the times you have held me and just let me know that you are there for me.. I remember everything about us.. and I always will.. I love you....

Y'all have fun..

Almost Back to Life..

I went outside this morning complete with pissed off look on my face.. I got up under the dashboard of snickers.... fever and all.. and I pulled every plug I could find under there.. I cleaned them off well.. and plugged them all back securely.. I tenatively put my key in the ignition and turned it.. She came to life.. I turned her off.. and back on again.. OMG!! I think it might be a miracle.. I don't know if it is fixed.. or if my fiddling had anything to do with it.. but I did get to drive to get Kyle in my van.. not that I don't love your truck honey. I just missed the old girl.. anyway.. I am going to start her several more times before Ron leaves in the morning.. Just in case this is a temporary awakening.. I have one of those drive all over the place days planned for tomorrow.. I would just as soon not get stuck in Nicholasville with a broken down van.. not my favorite town in the first place..

Chella does have strep... she called about 12pm.. the nurse said.. "Her throat is red and gooey" wow all the technical medical terms.. it is a wonder I understood that.. anyway.. I took her to the Dr. at 12:45 to confirm the diagnosis.. they didn't say a word about gooey.. but she did test positive for strep.. so she is out of commission for the rest of the school week.. Oh Joy!!!..

I have supper cooking right now.. and I am waiting for about 4:15 so I can leave to go get my sick hubby from work.. hmm all these sick folks.. wonder why the back of my throat hurts and I have a temp of 101.. oh well so goes life in our house..

Y'all have fun..

Sick House.

If you know us and live close.. Don't come visit this week.. Kyle has strep, Ron has something like strep mixed with the flu, I don't feel so hot myself and this morning Chelsea got up with a fever and sore throat.. heck even "snickers" is still sick.. this house is full of germs I am sure.. I know I am gonna go through a couple cans of lysol and pine sol and a bottle of bleach when all this is over.. there is no way I want this bug or bugs to hang around.. Well I mean I'll be cleaning just as soon as I feel like I can make it to the kitchen to get the cleaning stuff..

In other news.. there is no progress on Snickers.. she is still sitting out in the front looking lost and forlorn.. It is not that we don't love her anymore or that I don't desperately need my van back.. we just haven't had the time or energy to fix her.. I am gonna make an effort in getting her fixed today.. If I don't tomorrow will be a repeat of Monday.. I don't know if I can take that much driving for a 2nd day this week.. especially since my wrist is in a funky foul mood and doesn't want to do anything I tell it to do..

Right now I am sitting here watching Pleasentville.. I saw it when it came out.. and I really liked it then.. thought I would watch it again and see if it still appeals to me.. so far it does..

I guess I should get off here and call the parts stores and see what I can do about my lil van.. wish me luck.. Y'all have fun

The Almost Demise of Snickers

It has been a sad week for me so far.. "snickers" my van seems to be in a coma.. she isn't fully dead but isn't really alive either. Saturday afternoon I was going to pick up Kyle from his friend's house where he had spent the night Friday (giving Ron and I a lot of quiet time).. I got in my ever reliable lil mini van, turned the key, and Nothing!! No! this can't be.. not my little hoopty.. I tried again.. and again.. still to no avail.. I checked it out.. I knew it wasn't the battery or the alternator.. or any of those things.. I realized then that the sensor reading what gear the thing is supposed to be in has gone kaplooey.. this is a minor thing to bypass.. problem.. it was cold out.. and Ron and I don't know which wire is which... Sunday we got the steering column off and looked.. ok yeah.. I can work on a motor.. I can put in a transmission.. give me 200 wires under a dash and I am lost.. we put it off til Monday when Ron could get professional advice..

Monday was a day from hell in itself with taking Ron to work.. that part was good.. but it went downhill from there.. there were 2 trips to Nicholasville and back.. a 2 hr wait at Chris'attorney's office.. a trip back to Winchester to get Ron from work.. by the time we got back to Lex Ron took mercy on me and stopped for supper for us..

Ron did get the advice to fix snickers.. there was supposed to be 2 purple wires attached to the steering column that could be cut and spliced together to bypass the sensor.. ok.. we can do that.. Ron is an electrician.. I do have a working knowledge of cars.. Yeah .. Not.. there were no purple wires.. well there was one but it wasn't where we were told it would be.. so now we are back to calling for more professional advice... I may have to go find someone today to fix it.. I miss my van.. it is a good lil thing.. and although I love spending the extra time in the morning with my honey.. this driving all over is killing me.. and we don't even want to talk about what my house looks like..

Oh in case you are wondering why I call my van snickers.. it is chocolate brown with carmel accents and there are definately nuts inside..

Y'all have fun

Friday Finally

I can't explain how happy I am that it is Friday.. I need to sleep past 6:30.. I need to just chill with no kids to take anywhere.. I need to cuddle in bed with my honey.. all of those things are possible starting this evening.. the only thing that sux about it is Ron has to work late again tonight.. I know he has to get all the hours in for his internship..but it don't stop me from missing him when he isn't home..

Last night when Ron was on his way home from Richmond, Chella asked me who I was talking to on the phone.. I told her Ron.. he said.." yeah.. we love talking to each other.. having long conversations. .we have been having this one for over 3 1/2 yrs now.." I got to thinking about that.. (my mind is strange that way).. he is right.. from our first real conversation, we have enjoyed each others company and conversation.. He is funny, smart, witty and can debate or agree with the same passion I have for conversation.. those are rare traits to find in anyone, makes it even better when you find that with the love of your life..

The fact that we are both empaths helps too.. we can feel what others feel a lot of the time.. with each other that seems to be intensified to the nth degree.. whether we agree on something or not.. we can still feel where the other is coming from .. makes for a great life together.. I love feeling what is in his heart.. the only downside to this is I can feel when something is wrong too.. or something is bothering him.. lately I have felt his stress and worry at having so much to do for work.. and thinking he is not doing enough to be with me and the kids at home.. and the pressure of worrying about if we can get the house , the worry about chris or more acurately the worrying about me worrying about chris.. Honey.. it is ok.. I am not worrying as much now.. I am not thinking about it 24/7.. and as for your time at home.. when you are here you are here.. you give us all we need.. and if you are distracted at times.. it's ok.. happens to the best of us..

Anyway.. I guess I should get off here.. I have a ton of things to take care of.. including trying to locate a police report that doesn't seem to be in the system at the police dept.. it is the one about what happened to Chella, Sierra, and Justin on the 5th of this month.. the assault by an officer thing.. it seems the officer filed a report with the store involved but didn't file one with the dept.. hmmm can we say hiding something? If you don't do anything wrong, why not file a report.. I am trying to solve the mystery.. now all i need is a funky tie dyed van and a great dane... I wonder if a chocolate brown van and a boxer will work.. I can hear it now.. " we would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for that meddling redhead and her dog"... ok.. yep I have lost my mind.. I'm outta here..

Y'all have fun..

Friends, Lovers, Life

I was talking to my best girlfriend this morning.. she is engaged to a pretty nice guy.. I don't know him all that well but he is good to her and treats her kids well.. that says a lot over the ones she has dated in the past.. she is having issues about whether or not she is doing the right thing by marrying him.. I know it is normal to have the jitters as the date gets closer.. and I know it is normal to have second and even third thoughts about getting into that kind of committment when you are our age and have a life of your own you are used to doing things your way.. and to think about combining that life with someone else's is a bit frightening.. I asked her if she loves him.. she says she does.. I believe her.. but there is something else going on with her.. She was with this total loser, user for about a year.. he was unavailable emotionally, a player and I think used her for a sexual toy.. she was there.. ya know.. one of those things.. but unfortunately she fell in love with the "tadpole" (if you read Ron's blog you know the origin of that colorful name) anyway.. this man seems to have taken hold of her heart and she has had so many problems letting him go.. he cheated on her with another woman (several actually) he is living with the last one now and has a child with her.. but "L" still loves him..

I don't know what it is with women.. we seem to have the most annoying habit of falling in love with people that hurt us.. It isn't all of us.. but enough to take notice.. what is it that causes otherwise normal, intelligent, strong women to fall for the jerks of the world.. and not being able to get them out of our hearts and minds.. I know part of it is the "bad boy" factor.. I get that entirely too well. My ex was one of the bad boys.. until Ron.. that was the only type man I fell for.. I guess looking back from where I am now.. I was afraid of a man that was intelligent, strong and didn't need a mother figure to fix him.. if I couldn't fix him or at least try to then what good was I to him.. I never thought that a man could just love me.. could just like having me around.. could respect my intelligence and my outpouring of love for him just because he does.. I always felt that if he didn't need me to fix him... he didn't love me.. strange huh?...

Ron has taught me so much.. I know I am worthy of being loved just because I am me.. I know I deserve love and happiness, I don't have to be perfect all the time.. I don't have to look a certain way.. I don't have to cook certain foods.. hell I don't even have to cook if I don't have time or whatever.. I don't have to do anything.. The only thing Ron wants from me is my love.. and that I have in abundance.. I never understood that is what love is .. it is given and received unconditionally when it is real.. I never understood what the word unconditional meant until Ron.. does he like a clean house, food on the table, lunch in his lunch box, back rubs, a woman that takes pride in her appearance for him.. of course he does.. but I don't have to do any of those things for him to keep loving me the way he does.. that makes doing all of those things my choice and my pleasure.. I get it now.. I just wish I could explain it to "L".. I wish I could find her a "Ron".. I wish I had some way of convincing her she needs to just be her to be loved.. "B" was a loser.. "R" seems to really care for her.. sometimes I guess that scares the hell out of women like us.. It is frightening to know that being just who we are is enough because we don't think in our hearts and mind that we are enough.. I know that feeling so well.. my heart breaks for her.. I know I can' t fix her.. but I can keep loving her and supporting her just because she is my friend.. that is something else Ron has taught me.. I have to know when I can't fix someone or something but it doesn't keep me from loving them just the same.. that is a good thing to know..

Oh yeah.. honey.. I love you .. more than I have the words to express to you.. more than I could have imagined.. thank you my love for letting me find out that I really like me.. and for loving the me that I am with all my imperfections, Have a great day...

Y'all have fun..

At Work and Mario

I am sitting here at work with Ron.. he is in a staff meeting so I thought what better to do with my time than to get on here and blog a bit... hey I have nothing else to do and the book I brought with me will not last the rest of the day..I started it yesterday and am more than halfway through it already..I read fast ..

Both kids came with us today.. this serves a couple of purposes, It gets them out of the house so I don't have to worry all day about what John is doing.. and It gets me out of the house and with Ron.. what could be better.. Chella and I have serious thrift store plans for later today .. there will be shopping.. I need to replenish my book supply.. I am down to 3 novels I haven't read.. I have about 30 I need to take to the used book store and trade I just never seem to have the time to do those sorts of things..

The kids brought the game system and hooked it up to the big screen TV in Ron's classroom.. so in the background of my thoughts I keep hearing Mario Party.. screeching, beeping, hollering and the most annoying music known to mankind.. I know I am gonna hear this stuff in my sleep.. Now I know why I tell them to shut the bedroom door when they are playing.. Oh well at least they are having fun. Uh Oh Chella just came over fussing about the game.. Guess I had better get off here and find out what the problem is..

Y'all have fun

The Weekend Continues

I know it is Sunday evening and most people think of Sunday as the end of the weekend.. I usually do too. This weekend won't end until tomorrow night for us.. The kids are out of school.. Ron has to work.. but, the kids and I are going with him tomorrow.. all it took to convince Kyle to go was to tell him he can take his game system with him and play on the huge screen TV in Ron's classroom.. Chelsea was a bit more difficult until I mentioned there could and most likely will be shopping.. thrift store shopping at that.. she is convince.. So I get to continue to spend time with my honey and with my kids.. what could be better than that.. well it would have been nice to have the winning numbers for the 365 million power ball.. but not better than spending time with the people I love most..

On another good note.. I am feeling better.. I still get tired out easily.. going out and about wears me down.. but I can stand up straight now and I haven't been running a fever for 3 days.. these are good things.. I figure I should be back to me soon..

Thursday I had a meeting with my atty for my wrist injury.. It seems the insurance company is willing to admit some culpability and come up with a settlement.. It isn't the best they could have done.. but at least it will save me a year of court and this will be over with.. Nothing is going to fix my wrist.. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.. I resigned myself to that fact a while back.. I guess that makes this settlement thing a bit easier for me..

Friday Chris went to court for the status hearing(whatever the hell that is supposed to be) and I won't find out what it is for another 2 weeks due to the continuance his atty asked for and got.. oh well at least Chris is not in jail and he is safe.. that is all that matters to me.. this will work out one way or another soon enough.. and then perhaps we can all get on with our lives.. I am not gonna say drama-free lives. I know me and my life until now entirely too well I know there will be other dramas.. I am just tired of the same old one..

My honey is gone to a board meeting.. or is that bored meeting? I have been to one of these with this particular group and I tend to think they are the latter.. anyway.. I miss him.. I hate it when anything takes us away from each other, especially on the weekends.. but , we both have a strong sense of upholding our responsibilities therefore, he is there.. I am here..

I think I will get off here and take my meds and curl up on the couch with a book to wait for my honey to come home..

Y'all have fun..

It's Back

Well it seems that my kidney infection is back for an encore presentation despite the "pristine" urine test of a couple weeks ago, I am now sick again.. I knew something still wasn't right.. It is my body after all.. why don't Drs. listen when you tell them about your own body? I have had this thing for 37 yrs.. you would think I would know when something ain't quite right with it.. oh well... I am back on antibiotics and ibuprofen every 4 hrs for the pain and fever.. oh what fun... I also have an ear infection, bladder infection and a sinus infection.. so all in all I am one hurtin unit once again.. I will be glad when this mess is over with.. I rarely get sick.. but when I do.. It hits me hard.. the Dr. asked me yesterday if I have had a lot of stress lately.. those of you that have been following the Chris saga are probably laughing your butts off at that question.. I just said to her.. Ummm yeah you could say I have been under stress as of late.. she tells me to cut down on caffiene, stop smoking, and limit alcohol intake.. I said I thought you wanted me to not be stressed?..ok.. enough.. on to other things..

Chris is out of jail.. he got out Friday.. the new condition of his bond is that he may not live here.. so he is living with his GF and her parents for the time being.. I understand why the judge made that ruling.. I just think it sux that my son has to live somewhere else and John is still here harassing away and no one will do anything about it.. doesn't seem quite right.. but there is good news.. At court Friday the police officer was reading the report of the so called harassment .. In the report John gave her an entirely different story about what occured on Oct 31.. he is at some point going to have to explain why he told one cop one thing and another cop a different thing.. can't wait to hear that.. I know why he told the story to the most recent officer.. he wanted to make Chris sound like a violent person that attacked him for no reason.. so the cops would arrest him.. when they didn't the first time he made up another story.. he also screwed up by saying Sierra was restraining the unknown black man.. first there wasn't any man.. second when he called the police, Sierra was with me walking lacey.. now she is a black dog.. but I don't think anyone would ever mistake her for a man.. just my thoughts on it.. There is a line in the bible that scared me when I was a kid.. "Be sure your sins will find you out".. I am thinking John's are just about to catch up to him..

Other than that.. Ron and I had a wonderful weekend together.. I love spending time with him no matter what we are doing.. it can be grocery shopping or going out to dinner.. It doesn't matter to me.. as long as he and I can be together I'm good.. I have to try to feel better today at least for as long as it will take me to get Ron something for Valentine's day.. Honestly there is nothing I could ever buy in any store that would be enough to express my love for him.. he says I gave him his Valentine's day gift with a wonderful weekend.. I say hush.. I wanna get ya something.. so There... It is funny.. sometimes we get so caught up in all the drama around here that it feels like we don't spend time with each other.. and we don't get to talk or touch.. but I feel him with me always.. when we can have time like we did this weekend.. it is more than just reconnecting.. it is me falling in love with him all over again..

I think I have used all the energy I can for now.. gonna go lay down.. Y'all have fun and a Happy Valentine's Day to you all..

Getting Somewhere?

I don't know that I am actually acomplishing anything in the Chris situation but for some reason I feel somewhat more hopeful about it.. Today didn't go as planned.. the state's witness ( arresting officer Cook) was not there.. she had not been told she needed to be.. the state has 10 days to get all witnesses in court if the person charged is in custody.. and they have to put on their case by that time or drop the charges altogether.. so.. according to how the law is applied.. instead of telling the state "too bad you should have been prepared" we have to go back to court on Friday for this hearing.. Chris' atty told me the full charges today.. I was shocked.. I had already known John lied when he called the police but now I know to what extent this man will go to lie.. he told the officers that there was an unknown black man being restrained by Sierra that was attempting to chase him down on the day Chris was arrested... There was no black man here at all.. not to mention the fact that Sierra weighs all of 110lbs and couldn't restrain a grown man if there was one to restrain..

We will all be back in court on Friday.. the atty only wants to use 2 of the witnesses we have.. Chris wants him to use them all .. I agree with Chris.. I don't care about the court's time.. they obviously don't care about Chris' time or the fact that a lie by John has now cost him his job.. or what happens to our family in the meantime.. Personally I think having more people that are telling the judge Chris has done nothing.. the better Chris' chances are and the chance of the court getting a clue about what John really is improves.. but that is just my opinion..

I also spoke with the County Atty. today about the harassment, assault on Tommy, the lies and everything else John has done.. he told me his hands are tied by policy but he did give me the number to his boss.. he is able to make a call on this.. I have called him and I will call him again tomorrow.. I want this taken care of.. I want some protection for my family for a change.. I need help here too.. So wish me luck on getting it..

Well I need to go rest for a while.. Y'all have fun..

Another Week Starts Off Badly

I tell ya.. I am thinking seriously about running away.. I don't eat much.. I don't sleep much.. I don't need much space.. Ron and I could live on a deserted island and be just fine..

You would think with all the drama going on around here I would be used to it.. oh no.. I'm not.. there was an incident last night involving Chelsea, Sierra, Justin and Tommy.. surprisingly this one had nothing to do with John.. lets just say it started over a misunderstanding and ended with Chelsea being forcibly pushed to the ground by a police officer putting his hand on her neck and pushing her to the concrete.. not a good night.. then the trip to the ER to check out her neck.. and finally bed.. where I spent the next couple hrs brooding and thinking.. I have just about had it.. I know the Bible says God doesn't put on you more than you can handle so I guess God thinks I am a lot stronger than I think I am..

This morning didn't start out much better.. I got up.. got Kyle to school... called the Dr. to follow up for Chelsea.. then I got killer cramps.. yeah on top of everything else there is that.. wooo hooo.. how much fun can one person take.. so.. I am in the bathroom dying.. and I go to pull my jeans up.. My cell phone falls out of the pocket and you guessed it.. into the toilet.. I took it apart and blow dried it.. to no avail.. maybe it will dry out eventually.. I know we have a couple of old phones around here.. I looked for one of those.. nuttin.. then Eureka!! there is the old one my mother in law had.. I put my SIM card in it only to be told it is incompatable witht that phone.. I go on another search of the house and find Chris' old phone.. I put my SIM in it and it works.. finally good news .. or so you would think.. I then realize the battery is almost dead and there is no charger to be found.. I make a dash to Wally World to get a cheap one.. and what do you know.. the only one they are out of is the one I need.. I asked the clerk to call the other stores.. they are all out of the same one.. what was there a run on those chargers over the weekend??? I did at least get the stuff I need to make the chili I have been craving for the last week.. Upon returning home I searched for an appropriate charger... we have an abundance of those sorts of things.. I came up with 12.. I went through all of them.. and low and behold I finally found on that seems to be working .. we shall see.. Chris is supposed to call me around noon.. perhaps I can cheer his day.. Hopefully mine will get better..

Y'all have fun..

Oh yeah Honey.. did I mention to you how much I love you and how much you being by my side has held me together.. have a great day baby..

Sometimes I Wonder Why I Get Out Of Bed

I am having serious issues today.. Chris got arrested again last night.. again for doing nothing.. Here is the story..

Chris, Sierra, Chelsea, Kyle and Chelsea's friend Brandon were out on the porch yesterday afternoon/evening.. John ( the asshole down the street) was outside driving his Jeep.. he was circling around the stop sign and the cut through by our house, slowing down and flipping the kids off on the porch.. trying to get a reaction from them.. he didn't.. the kids didn't react.. they simply ignored him.. Sierra came in to get the video camera to try and catch him in the act of harassing us yet again..I decided to go outside.. the minute I stepped off the porch, John's girlfriend leans out his door and flips me off.. I ignored her too..Sierra and I walked Lacey up to the corner.. when we turned around we saw a cop car pull up to John's house followed by a second one.. I called Ron and asked him to come out on the porch until I could get back home.. he did.. when we got there I got my copies of the police reports about John harassing us and Tommy and we waited..the cops came to our house and told Chris that he can't say anything to John .. to watch his p's and q's.. we told them Chris doesn't and hadn't said a word to John nor had he responded in any way to the antics John is forever pulling.. the cops left.. Chris went upstairs to play video games.. Sierra and I came inside so she could roll my hair.. Things were normal for about an hour or so... Jordan came to pick Sierra up.. the next thing I know Chelsea is coming in to tell me the police are back at John's .. I really didn't think too much of it I knew Chris was upstairs and had not been out at all..

Ten minutes after Chelsea told us the cops where out there they were knocking on our door.. Ron and I went to the door.. the cop said that someone had yelled at John about flipping off their brother and they were taking Chris to jail.. they arrested him and left. I got the story from Chelsea and Brandon.. apparently while Jordan was in the house Chelsea and Brandon were leaning against his car talking when Brandon's brother and some other guy came up.. they talked to Chelsea and Brandon for a few minutes and walked off down the street.. the brother walked in the direction of John's house.. when he passed John yelled something at him from the porch.. the boy yelled something back.. and then John came out in the yard trying to start something and the boy walked on.. next thing we know the cops are here arresting Chris.. hell he wasn't even outside and we don't know this kid..

What the cops basically explained to us is that John can say anything he wants and they will take his word for it.. he can call and tell them Chris is doing something even if he isn't home.. even if Chris isn't around.. and they will arrest Chris.. They even told us they don't have to have proof..Just John's word.. I am so tired of John calling all the shots.. I am tired of us not having any rights..

Ron and I got into a rather heated discussion about this whole thing.. he asked me if I would want to be afforded protection if I was the victim of a crime such as the one Chris is accused of.. I told him.. I understand protection.. but I was apparently misled by this document called the constitution.. it says.. that you are innocent until proven guilty.. now.. if I were the victim of a crime.. I would expect the police to protect me.. but I wouldn't go out of my way to harass someone. If I did think the person that committed the offense was doing something to intimidate me.. you better damn well bet I would have proof out the wazoo to make sure they would be arrested.. I wouldn't make up things and tell lies.. and I would expect the police to believe the other person too if I had done something to harass that person, until they were found guilty of a crime.. that is what our justice system is founded on..

So now I am back on the phone.. calling attorneys, judges, anyone I can get to listen to me.. I don't think my son should be in jail for nothing.. I also think we should be afforded some protection from John.. he does all sorts of things to me and my family and we aren't even allowed to press charges against him.. I am angry at John, the police, the court system, damn near everything.. I have taken it out on Ron.. the kids .. I don't know what to do.. I swear I am really close to having a break down.. the only thing keeping me from it is, I am the only person that is gonna fight for my son the way I fight for him.. no one loves my son the way I do.. no one is willing to go to the end of the earth to protect him but me..that is what is keeping me from losing my mind.. I honestly don't know how much more I can take.. I don't know how much longer I can be strong.. It is exhausting to have to be strong all the time.. it is wearing me down .. I don't understand why things work the way they do.. I don't understand how and why this keeps happening..

I need to get off here and get back to work.. Y'all have fun.

Asleep at the Keyboard

I am sitting here half asleep.. I know I can go lay down and take a nap and I probably should .. but I really need to work on this house today.. I have been cleaning at it all week.. that is not really cleaning but picking up and faking the rest.. I just don't seem to be in the spirit of the whole OCD cleaning thing this week.. My back is part of it.. The treatment for the back is the rest.. the Dr. gave me a new muscle relaxer yesterday.. It has seriously inhibited my obsessive tendencies.. I just don't care enough about cleaning to get off my butt today.. In fact the only thing that sounds like a good plan is a good long nap.. I am thinking I need to take these things early in the evening and sleep them off.. they work.. my back isn't hurting.. or maybe it is and I just don't feel it..

Chris has the day off.. this is a good thing.. no 11pm pick up time.. I love my son.. I am glad he has a good job and he likes it.. but I will be so happy when this boy gets his license and his own car.. this staying up til 11:30 is hell on old folks like me..

Kyle's Dr. appt went well.. he has a staph infection .. and very very dry skin.. he is now on meds and a regimen of Dove soap only and serious moisturizer after showering.. I told him there is a good side to having funky skin.. you have to take better care of it and it doesn't age as fast..I should know.. The kid inherited the funkiness from me.. I have had to baby my skin all of my life.. between the dryness now and the acne as a kid..and the eczema... there has never been a time in my life when taking care of my skin wasn't a priority..the skin care companies love me.. I should invest..

Well I think that nap is getting to be more of a reality than a wish right now.. maybe I'll go lay down for an hr or so..

Y'all have fun