Monday, January 31, 2005

Drama central

Whew.. long/short weekend.. Long because there was much to do.. and short because 2 days with my honey is just not enough..

It is Monday Monday again.. and as usual.. there is monday drama.. First thing this morning I was asked by the mother my son's wife if I had talked to the kids last night.. I told her no.. I did speak to Chris yesterday.. she then asked me if I knew that my ex had told the kids to get out of his house.. I was like no.. but, how bout I call and talk to my ex.. so.. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with the ex .. he told me that the reason he gave the kids the boot is the same reason that Chris went to FL in the first place.. all the kids wanna do is party.. and sleep all day.. he doesn't want to provide them with a place to crash when they come down from all the partying.. On this ..I agree with him fully.. and I support his decision to ask them to leave.. I had to do the same thing when Chris was here.. I know it sounds like tough love .. This is a kid that was given everything all of his life and now he says he is an adult and wants to live his own life, so maybe his father and I should let him do just his own life on his own.. We will always be here for them if they need us.. they both have a lot of support.. Ron and I .. Ronnie and Linda.. and a large extended family.. but they have to want to make it on their own enough to show some initiative and responsibility..

Then it was off to the continuing drama of Chelsea and the social studies teacher.. It seems that she and her teacher have a personality conflict.. this in itself is not a problem.. but the situation that it has caused has gotten to the point where it is time for intervention from me and the principal.. I tried talking to the teacher myself ... that didn't work out too well .. I was trying to be adult and she jumped to the defensive as soon as I asked her for her side of the story.. So at 10:30 this morning I sat down and discussed it with the assistant principal and the principal.. who have agreed to help me in this and to get the matter resolved.. I feel I have left it in good hands..we have open lines of communication and that is always a good thing..I have always been very involved in my children's education I think a parent has to be involved at all levels of their children's education to make sure they are getting everything they need and are where they should be.. The only alternative to resolving the problem with this teacher is to move Chelsea to another class.. the only other social studies class available at her grade level is not an advanced class.. 4 of Chelsea's classes are advanced and sometimes even then she is not challenged I would like to resolve this if at all possible..

Later on today I have a dental appointment.. wow.. doesn't my day just keep getting better? I am looking forward to getting a broken tooth fixed.. I asked Ron if he is going to like my new smile as much as he likes the one I have now.. he gave me a look.. sorta like it ain't the teeth.. it is the face.. he is such a sweetheart.. anyway like I said fixing the tooth is a good thing.. but I am not looking forward to that whole needle in the gum thing... Oh honey.. dinner may be a bit late today...

With this cold/flu thing I have been lucky to be able to have the energy to sign on to AOL let alone anything else... so I think I will try to drag myself to the laundry room and get some of this housework done.. Have a great day.. can't wait to see how the rest of mine goes..

Friday, January 28, 2005

Early thinking..

All my friends wonder why I get up this early..I don't have to be up until 7:00 .. I get up at 5:50.. I do this to spend time with Ron.. It is that simple.. Is there something wrong with wanting to say good morning?.. with packing his lunch and walking him to the door for a kiss? Some of my friends say I am just old fashioned.. some say I am spoiling him.. and a few have said that I am crazy, Ron is a grown man he can take care of himself,.. well yeah.. he can.. and yeah i am spoiling him and yeah.. i am old fashioned...

Let me explain.. I believe in what the bible tells me about the man being the head of the household.. the bread winner.. the provider.. the protector..
I believe that a woman's role in a family is to nurture .. provide love.. support.. and take care of her family ...

Before you feminists get a rope and start looking for a tree.. give me a minute.. Yes I know that there are a lot of men that not only won't earn money for their families but won't provide even the simplist things for them either.. I also know there are too many women that have to go it alone ... been there done that.. I have had to work all of my life outside the home... Still I did the school mom thing.. the having dinner on the table thing.. the keeping up the home thing.. I am not superwoman.. I never thought there was anything special about me because I had the home and the professional me .. I thought that was the norm, the way things should be... I still do..

What I am trying to say is .. I love taking care of my kids.. I love taking care of Ron.. I don't see me as wasting my talents and education because I am unable to work right now.. I have a full life.. a full time "job" .. My friends don't understand that I do the things I do.. the spoiling.. the taking care of .. because I want to..

Ron was married for 20 years the first time.. I was married for 18 .. We both had very different lives then.... This marriage thing isn't new to either of us.. The roles that defined us then made us who we are now.. Do I think that men should share in housekeeping.. YEP... do I think that men should change diapers.. get up for 2 am feedings.. help in making decisions about bringing up the children.. YEP YEP YEP..

Do I think there is anything wrong with me bringing Ron his dinner.. taking his plate.. making sure he has clean clothes to wear.. getting up with him in the morning when I don't have to.. NOPE.. I think we as women have many roles to play.. and sometimes we get so used to being everything to everyone that we forget to nurture not only ourselves but the ones we love the most..I know we don't live in a "Father Knows Best" world anymore.. I am just saying that if you have a good solid relationship.. if you have a good one.. perhaps a little spoiling can go a long way to keeping him and you happy..

On the other side of the coin.. I must admit that Ron treats me like a queen.. he has never done one thing to damage my self esteem .. to make me feel less than him.. he always tells me how much he appreciates what I do.. he never forgets to tell me that he loves me.. he tells me i am beautiful.. (he needs glasses).. He makes me feel like i am precious to him.. I guess what I am doing with the things that I do for him is telling him that he is precious to me.. maybe that is what it is all about.. appreciating each other and defining your roles in a marriage by the simple act of loving and taking care of each other.. ok.. gotta run.. kids won't get up.. oh honey.. by the way.. have you gotten the I LOVE YOU part of this ??...

Thursday, January 27, 2005

pig biting mad

yep that's right.. I'm pig biting mad (redneck phrase).. The reason for this swine chomping mood is simply that i am tired of getting the royal runaround everywhere I go.. This morning I was supposed to get a bone scan on my wrist to determine what is wrong with the thing.. I get there and they tell me that Worker's Comp is not going to pay for the test... They are not going to authorize the one test that might just give me a definative answer for all the pain I have endured for the last year..

Mood cause # 2.. After the Dr. appointment that never was I had an appt for Sierra to apply for SSI for her ADHD and OCD.. her appointment time was 10:15 we arrived early at 10:00 and got signed in.. the lady at the desk told me that it would be just a few minutes.. tick.. tick.. tick.. a whole hr and 15 minutes worth of a few went by.. I went and politely asked when she thought we would be seen.. she runs off to the back room... I think they have a poker tournament going on back there.... she returns telling me.. it will be .. (guess).. a few minutes.. well 10 minutes later we are called to the back .. other people that have been waiting as long or longer than we have are now glaring at us or looking longingly at us..we take a seat and the interviewer's personal cell phone starts to ring.. she talks to someone on the other end of the line for about 10 minutes about the unfortunate flooding of her basement and what she is going to do about it.. she finally hangs up and continues with the interview.. about 15 minutes goes by.. and again.. here is her cell phone ringing.. she answers again.. and again launches into a lengthy conversation about her basement and selling her home.. by the way.. it is a split level 4 bdrm 2 bath .. if anyone is interested.. ill give you her office number.. you won't get her there.. but I seem to be the only person that does not have her cell number.... so she gets off the phone.. May I add here that she did not at any time apologize for her rudeness... anywho.. she continues with our interview.. that last til almost the last I is dotted and the last T is crossed.. then.. for the third time.. her phone rings.. she actually (gasp) tells this person that she is busy and will call them later.. she then goes on to tell this person that yes the house is up for sale.. (i think she really wants to get the word out).. after telling them again how busy she is.. she gets off the phone and concludes our appointment.. so all in all what should have taken less than half an hour wound up taking two hours..

Is it just me or have people completely forgotten what professionalism is.. I would never put a client on hold to conduct personal business.. furthermore I would never conduct personal business when I am on the US governments payroll.. or anyones for that matter.. I guess its just me.. oh well i don't seem to see any pigs around here.. Guess ill just go fry some bacon.. and hope the rest of the day goes better.. until later..

oh.. oh.. wait.. there was one more thing.. apparently chelsea has fallen prey to one of her many ills.. and the school just called wanting me to come pick her lil pukey butt up.. doesn't look like my day is improving.. so goes life..

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

for a child

I have been thinking about a subject this morning that no parent or child should have to think about.. I have been thinking about child abuse.. It has hit close to home and forced me to make a decision that while i know is the right thing to do.. is still one of the hardest decisions to makeMy youngest daughter has been "dating" this boy.. J... He is a great kid for the most part.. he cares about my daughter.. he is bright and funny .. recently we found out that he is also being abused..

I knew that his home life wasn't ideal he and his brothers and sister would be out over the summer at all hours of the night .. the children always have an unkempt appearance and seem to be undernourished.. but still i minded my own business.. I didn't feel it was my place to intervene.. they appeared to be basically healthy and didn't have any visible marks on them.. I never suspected abuse.. neglect yes.. outright abuse no... I didn't know the children that well at the time...

J started seeing my daughter.. and I started to get a better picture of what his home life is like.. he would act surprised when i said i had to get dinner on the table.. he said his mom doesn't cook.. he would act shocked when i would tell my little one to go take a bath.. He said that his parents never told them to do that.. little things like that.. they started to add up.. then 2 days ago.. he ran from his home.. he came by here and met with chelsea in the back yard and told her that his parents hit him and that he couldn't take it anymore..I got to thinking about all the things that had "added" up..

I made a call to the child abuse hotline and told them about what he had related to chelsea.. It was a hard decision.. you don't want to accuse someone incorrectly.. you don't want children to be uprooted from their homes.. but you have to do something.. you can't just sit idly by and let a child be hit.. the hotline told me that they would go and speak to J at his school away from his parents.. We haven't heard anything..

The affect this is having on Chelsea is near devastation.. she is only 14 she should be studying .. enjoying her friends.. trying on clothes and makeup.. not worrying about her boyfriend being beaten or taken away.. she is depressed and she misses him terribly.. but i think the one thing that is bothering her the most is she doesn't know what is happening with him.. not knowing how he is.. where he is.. it would be hard for an adult to deal with I can't imagine what it is like for a child..

Ron and I are being supportive.. we are giving her all the encouragement we know how to give.. Russ sent her an email that touched my heart as well as hers.. everyone that knows what is going on has been there for Chelsea and for me.. they support my decision to make that call.. I just hope that all of our love and support is enough to help my precious child through this..

I can't imagine hurting a child.. I don't understand how any parent could do something like that.. My children are my world.... there is nothing i wouldn't do to protect my children..sometimes i wonder why some people were given children in the first place.. they are not ours.. they are not property.. they are a loaned gift from God who places them in our care expecting us to love them and teach them how to become the people they are supposed to be.. not to hurt them.. or neglect them.. I have made mistakes as a parent.. we all do.. but to injure a child through abuse.. whether it be emotional, physical, or sexual is not a mistake.. it is an offense to not only the law but to God himself...

I just hope that in this case the athorities can do something to get these children out of the situation and get them to a safe place that will help them to heal.. Ron gave me a prayer cloth to help me quit smoking.. I am praying instead for these children and all the children that are suffering at the hands of those that should love them ..

I wrote a poem about abuse.. i would like to share it with you.. i hope if someone reading this needs help .. or knows a child that does.. it reminds you to do what you have to do to make that call .. to help..

The Pain Is Silent

The pain is silent
Screaming only on the inside
Smile brightly outward for the world to see
Never reveal what lies beneath

Tortured waiting, for it will come
In the dead of night
Peace laid to waste by hurt’s wail
Trembling from a frozen touch

The bringer of the torment is dry bones in his grave
But still he lives on in the memory of the child that once was
Reality fades but his face looms large
Shrinking into the smallest space to try to find comfort

Icy fingers invading even love’s warmest embrace
Memories crashing against even the sincerest touch
Cringing inside the child screams not again
The me of now buries the pain just to survive

Suffer silently
To give voice would to lend strength to the demon
To surrender all hope of happiness
Quieter strength is the stronger, bearing a load that no loud wail of agony could carry

The sound of innocence shattered is deafeningly still..

Tammy J. November 17, 2004

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Another Doctor.. another test.. another.. oh nevermind

Had to go to the Doctor's today.. for what I had hoped would be a less worker's comp biased second opinion.. guess that is what you get for hoping.. This Dr. told me that he can't find anything medically wrong with my hand.. now this is just from visually observing it.. He did take X- rays that showed no major fracture.. you would think after a year of this if there were a major fracture someone would have noticed by now.. anyway.. he was telling me.. i don't have a reason for you to be in pain.. i don't know why it hurts.. I told him .. i dont either .. all i know is that it does hurt.. and it is limiting my life.. apparently that isn't a reason for workers comp to be concerned with it.. they think that me being in pain is perfectly ok.. well actually they seem to think that i prefer to not be able to use my right hand.. and that i like wearing this brace with a heat pad under it all the time. .. because they think that it doesn't hurt and that i am just making it all up .. This new doctor did do one thing that the other doctor's havent done.. he set up an appointment for a bone scan... that will show tissue damage.. hopefully that will finally give me some answer as to why it hurts so much it is exceedingly frustrating to know something is wrong .. to know what you are feeling is real.. and to be told they can find no reason for it... well on to happier and brighter subjects.. Ron should be home in a few minutes.. so i need to go figure out something for dinner.. ya'll have a great evening and happy blogging to ya..

Monday, January 24, 2005

Got the bug

Well here it is another Monday... and what did i get over the weekend? It seems as how some germ made a beeline for my poor body..My head hurts, my throat hurts, I'm coughing and sneezing.. generally.. I got a cold... Oh Joy!! Just what I needed this morning..I have to be in court to finalize the guardianship of my mother. I can see it now.. "Yeth yer honor I am cabbable of taging care of my mudder" that is about how I sound right now..Like Elmer Fudd with a stuffy nose..

Oh well I'll live..

Ron just called to tell me that I left my wallet in the truck when I drove it yesterday.. Now I will spend the entire day roaming around without my license or any of my cards.. I am gonna feel totally naked all day.. that sux naked without Ron .. ( Russ update) .. Is it just me or is it everyone that when you have a cold or the flu it seems to inhibit your ability to think? I forget things, I break things, I lose things and I am grumpy.. sometimes i think that if guys feel this way when they are sick all they would need is a kicking 20 pound lump in front and they would understand being pregnant..

Oh yeah.. Stacey.. It was your blog I was trying to comment on that resulted in the birth of my blog here.. so I only have one thing to say.. Thank you.. I love this outlet for what passes for the thoughts in my head.. they have a way to escape now and I don't have to have my diary handy.. or my notebook.. or a napkin (on which many random thoughts have been written) so again... Thank you Stacey.. I enjoy reading your blog.. and I know I ain't nowhere near as interesting as you or my wonderful hubby but perhaps you both will enjoy a walk on the redneck side every now and then..

OK.. time to take me and my cold and get outta here.. have a great day all..

Friday, January 21, 2005

Snow Day

It is beautiful outside.. there is about an inch or so of snow on the ground making everything all white and shiny.. and oh yeah.. COLD... but otherwise it is beautiful..

Ron is calling work.. his school county is closed today ..but he still has to work to get paid. So I assume he is calling to make some sort of arrangment as to when he will be in or that he will be visiting our local vocational school to get the credit for working..

Our county is not closed today.. Our county doesn't close unless you have 10ft drifts outside your door and then only if they decide that you don't have a shovel big enough to clear a path.. Granted our county is fairly well maintained as far as keeping the roads clear and salted.. the problem lies in the fact that we have a lot of children attending school here that live out in the wilderness and have to take a bus.. First, I have seen how some of our bus drivers right here in Lexington drive on clear days.. the thought of putting my child on a bus on a country winding road covered in snow, that is the stuff that nightmares are made of..Second.. my problem with not closing when they should is, what does it cost them? an extra day in the summer? ok.. wouldn't it be better to go the extra day in the summer than to take a chance with children's safefy in the wintry icy conditions that we sometimes have?

Ok stepping down off my soapbox.. getting my coats on.. getting gloves and hats and scarves out.. time to brave the winter.. wish me luck

Thursday, January 20, 2005

morning blahs

Wow .. Is it morning already.. seems I have this feeling every day..that It should still be night time.. I am always shocked and surprized when the alarm goes of telling me to get my lazy butt outta the bed NOW.. I am generally a morning person. I like the quiet in the mornings. I think better. There is one down side to me being up this early..I am an insomniac... so when I do sleep.. I want to sleep more..

It is almost time to get the kids up.. I wonder what age it is that kids become dang near impossible to get up.. Kyle is easy I say his name, tell him it is time for school, and he gets up.
Chelsea is another story.. I start by repeatedly calling her name.. then i move on to calling it louder..when that fails to bring the girl outta dream land I resort to threats.. " If you don't get up this minute there will be no boyfriend allowed over" "Chelsea!!!!!!" finally, somewhere between my frustration and her hard headedness she rises.. looking like something has made a nest in her hair and giving me the evil eye.. She will sit on the edge of her bed and look stoned for about 10 minutes..I personally call this sleeping sitting up.. I then have to remind her again that yes, it is a school day and yes, she is going.. Depending on the day she will either get up and get dressed, while grumbling or she will come up with some exotic illness that has struck her in her sleep..

She wasn't like this when she was younger.. none of my kids were .. It is like somewhere between 10 and 12 they begin to sleep like the dead and are harder to wake.. I swear there have been times when trying to wake her or one of the other teenagers that ghosts have told me to keep it down..well it is 7am time to begin the morning battle.. y'all have a good day now.. and may your teenagers be easily wakened..

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Well, here we are again..

Funny.. last night Ron blogged about my blog.. said i have a zany outlook on life with a redneck twist.. I never thought my outlook was zany.. I just tend to think outside the box.. I don't understand why he would think such a thing.. Now the redneck part I must clarify.. I am a redneck.. I believe in family, my country, old cars, Harley's, cowboy boots, mini skirts.. fried chicken for Sunday dinner... and i will defend the things that I believe in vehemently.. I however am not a racist redneck.. that kinda thing doesn't work for me.. I don't believe in any kind of discrimination.. Now on to my day so far.. This morning started out with my coffee maker deciding that it had made it's last cup of peace for me.. it died quietly and apparently without warning.. those of you that know me know that Tammy without coffee is not a good thing.. I drink about 3 pots a day and those are just to calm me down a bit.. i tend to be hyper... caffeine works opposite on me.. without coffee i am like a hamster on a treadmill i just keep going and going.. spinning my lil wheels but not getting anywhere.. and generally.. i ain't real friendly until i have had that first cup of ahhhhhhhh in the morning.. So after getting the kids off to school.. including the 2 extras I am providing transportation for this week.. I went on a coffee pot hunt.. i am a thrifty person by nature so where did i head but to the thrift store.. and just my luck they have no coffee pots.. but i did find a combo tea and coffee maker.. wonder how this is gonna work.. hey if it keeps coffee in me im willing to give it a shot.. I also found Ron some stuff.. seems like i can't go in that place without finding something that has just been sitting there screaming my name.. my car hears it.. it just heads in the direction of the thrift store it can't take the tormented wails of all the cheap stuff that just knows i will give it a good home.. Before we got to the thrift store though I had to stop at the auto parts store and get a tail light bulb for my car.. it had blown.. buying it was easy.. taking out the part that it plugs into was easy.. getting the dang bulb out was not.. I tried.. Jordan tried.. finally Sierra tried and succeeded...leave it to a 110lb kid with ADHD to figure it out.. all i can say is thank you sierra.. now i have a turn signal and tail light.. these are good things.. Other than all that it has been a pretty much normal day.. housecleaning.. dog beating.. cat fighting.. you know the normal household things.. and how was your day?

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

first time out

Well dang.. looks like i have a blog.. i wasn't trying to get a blog.. i was just trying to comment on someone elses.. but hey what the heck .. i have some things to say sometimes.. and who knows maybe some one that is really bored or just trying to find a cure for insomnia will find this and read it ..

It is a regular day for me.. getting ready to clean house( oh the joys of being a housewife) and trying to restrain myself from injuring small animals..we have a houseful of puppies right now that seem to be intent on leaving me small presents wherever they go.. these are not the types of gifts i would give someone that feeds me but hey maybe dogs have different ways of expressing gratitude and love.. at least the kitten is considerate enough to leave her deposits in one place..

Guess i am outta words for right now.. oops there is another pile.. im off to chase down the culprit and show her again just where the puppy pad is.. y'all have fun..