Thursday, March 15, 2007

Life Changes

Things are settling down a bit.. as Ron said they are not returning to normal.. I don't think they can return to what was "normal" .. Dad is not here..

My life has taken a new direction and it is one that I have wanted it to take for a long time.. I was at church Sunday afternoon.. it was a wonderful service.. there was crying, singing, dancing, and then there was me right in the middle of all of it.. I don't know how many of you are Pentecostal or know what being Pentecostal is but, I was blessed by receiving the Holy Ghost.. I have never felt anything like it in my life.. when we left church .. I asked Ron if he thought the pastor of the church we normally attend would baptize me.. he called him and on Tuesday night I was baptized..

I have never been happier in my life.. it seems so strange that I have a peace about me that I have never had before.. I am not having trouble sleeping anymore.. from the time I was 13 I have had insomnia.. now.. for the last few days.. I fall right asleep.. I don't have the desire to do the things I used to do without thinking about it..I don't feel the stress that has been a part of my life for so long it seems as if I were born with it.. Some of my friends are sorta worried that I won't still be me.. I am still me.. just a better me.. how can that not be a good thing?.. I still love the same people I have always loved.. I still will never judge anyone for who they are or the things they do in their lives.. I just feel a change in me.. down to the core of who I am.. I like it..

Ok.. this wasn't supposed to be blog about Tammy day.. The kids are doing ok.. they are getting past the inital shock of losing their papaw and are going on .. that is what they should do.. they are kids.. Sierra is doing well.. she gave us a bit of a scare on Friday.. she started having cramps in her lower abdomen.. I took her to the hospital here in Mt. Sterling.. they checked the baby first.. she is fine.. she was kicking and so forth.. wouldn't stay still long enough for the dr. to get her heart rate.. but finally she cooperated.. They checked Sierra after making sure the baby was ok.. she has a minor infection somewhere in her body based on the blood work they did.. they just weren't sure if it was in her appendix or not so they kept her overnight for observation.. she was released Saturday afternoon and some friends of ours picked her up and brought her to Dad's funeral.. thank you so much B and S.. you are wonderful.. your helpfulness and thoughtfulness alone is overwhelming but the love that you have shown our family during this time has been a Godsend.. thank you again.. and don't think I am leaving out the cute lil english guy.. he is loved and greatly appreciated as well..

I am going this afternoon to apply for a real job.. our son in law works for a company in lex and they are hiring right now... he put in a good word for me.. he thinks I will get the job.. wow.. it will feel pretty good to work a 9-5 mon- fri job and not have to work weekends.. or nights.. I will have benefits and all that good stuff too.. and will be making a lot better money than I am at Dollar Tree.. don't get me wrong.. I love the folks there.. but I need a real job.. and this is something I will be good at.. I almost said that it would cut down on my blog time.. but then again.. I don't blog that often anyway do I?..

Well it is about time for me to think about getting out of here..

Y'all have fun..

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The Latest From the World of TammyJ

I keep promising myself that I will do better about keeping up with my posts.. and then something else happens around here and my posting takes a back burner again.. by the time I think about the fact I haven't blogged in a week or a month or whatever it is I am usually in bed with the covers just about over my head and don't feel like getting out of bed to post anything.. mostly all I want to do by that time is stay hidden next to my honey and try to put my thoughts to rest long enough for me to do something I rarely get to do.. SLEEP!!

There have been some good developments with Ron's dad, not as many as we would like but we will take this one day at a time and will take all good news we can get regardless of its magnitude.. I won't be able to attend the family meeting with Ron tomorrow when the family will get together with the doctors to decide the next course of action with his dad but Ron will be there for both of us and I am sure he will tell me everything they discuss.. The reason I won't be there is tomorrow Sierra is having her full ultrasound appointment.. Hopefully we will find out the sex of the baby but mostly I think it will help to reassure Sierra that everything is OK. I know she worries about the baby especially since her loss of Gabriel, but the only thing I can do as her mother is continually reassure her that she is taking care of herself and that is all she can do.. I think seeing the baby on the ultrasound and seeing that he/she is healthy will do her a world of good..

The news about my dad is not so good.. He refused to have the procedure that could extend his life expectancy from a couple weeks to a yr or so this morning.. I had a feeling that he might do something like that.. it is something he has done in the past. This time though I don't think he is going to be as fortunate as he has been in the past.. the Dr. told my uncle that if my dad doesn't have this procedure he will most likely not live another week or so.. there is only a 20% chance that the procedure will not kill him in itself, but he has no chance at all of survival without it. My dad and I have a very strained relationship.. there was much abuse of my mother by him when I was growing up.. there was much drinking and violence.. I really never got to know him other than as the person who was doing all of these things.. I don't want him to die.. but I honestly can't say that it is unexpected either.. I don't wish him any ill will at all.. I forgave him a long time ago.. for my own reasons.. but forgetting is an entirely different thing.. His family thinks that my brother and I should be doing more for him than we are doing.. they can think what they like.. I am doing all my heart will allow me to do.. My brother really doesn't even know my dad.. he left his mother when he was 2 yrs old.. and he didn't have any contact until he was in his 20's so I really don't see him having this huge obligation.. I guess that is just how I think about it.. I will do what I can as far as trying to convince my dad to have the procedure.. I will help to get him into a nursing home if he lives long enough to be transferred and I will help in arranging for his final expenses but that is about all I can do..

Other than all the medical things going on around here things are OK.. I have been a bit snippy with everyone.. I am sure that is just stress.. Ron and I don't usually ever have a cross word between us and for the last few days we have both been a little on the short fused side.. that has to change.. Ron and the kids are my life and I feel like I am either not spending enough time with them or snapping at them lately.. that is not a good thing.. I made a decision today to put an end to that kind of thing.. I am going to do what I can where I am needed but Ron and the kids have to come first..

Well I think I hear the coffee pot calling me and I may just take a half an hour for me so I can cover all these new gray hairs I have gotten in the past two weeks or so..

Y'all have fun