Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Still Going On..

I am still here.. I am still semi sane.. I am still pissed in a major way.. I have been ok really.. I am dealing with the Chris situation as best I can. That mostly means writing letters to judges, asking questions of legal minds, researching backgrounds of lying people.. that sorta thing. Other than all of that there are still the day to day things I have to do.. there are dinners to be cooked, lunches to be made, laundry to be done, and a huge house to be cleaned.. then there is the fact that I do have 3 other children here and 3 more that don't live at home and a wonderful husband that all need me to be sane and healthy.. So.. I have decided to be healthy.. Completely sane is never gonna happen for me..

Russ called me today. He said he wanted to check on me to make sure I am alright.. He knows I am strong enough to handle damn near anything but he could read between the lines on my last post to know that I might be holding too much in and not dealing with everything the way I probably should be.. I am not really holding much in.. I am dealing as best I can.. and yes Russ I am staying mad..It was good talking to Russ.. he is a really good person it would be great if he knew what a great guy he is.. but that is another story..

Ron is in my ear right now driving home from work.. I have dinner mostly done and will be making Ron's lunch here in a bit. I am going to see Chris in a bit.. I will go in there and tell him the things I have found out.. I will try to let him know we are all still with him.. and I will try to read his eyes and make sure that he is really ok and not just pacifying mom by saying he is.. then I will come home and get out of this really frigid weather and get in the bed with my hubby and try to get some sleep. I will get up in the morning and start the day all over just like we all have to do..

Y'all have fun..

Monday, January 29, 2007

2007 Not Starting Out Well..

As years go.. this one has started out in a spectatularly bad direction.. maybe it is gonna be bad at the start and end up being one of the best ever.. hell it can't go down hill much from here anyway..

I don't know how other people do it.. I just don't know if I can deal with this situation.. What I am talking about is what Ron alluded to on his blog.. It not only didn't go well for Chris in court Friday.. it was an all out shock and disappointment.. The judge sentenced him to 5 yrs in prison.. I don't understand .. I was floored.. This was a first offense for Chris.. I have watched this judge for over a year now.. handing out sentences.. doing justice.. and I have never seen him give a sentence like this to anyone with a first offense.. hell most of the time he lets repeat offenders out of jail on bond or probation .. I just don't get it.. yeah.. the jerk that started all of this was in the courtroom and had written a letter full of lies to the judge.. but you would think reading a letter from a man that has changed his story 3 times that a judge would be able to see him for what he is.. Chris' attorney just stood there like an idiot.. like nothing was wrong with this.. he didn't even try to argue for my child.. I am hurt.. angry.. sad.. I don't even begin to know which emotion to try and deal with first so .. I guess I will go with angry.. I accomplish a lot more with that one..

I couldn't go to work Saturday.. I had to talk to a friend of ours that happens to be an attorney.. D. told me some hopeful news.. he said in this type of thing this particular judge will give a sentence like this to give the defendant a taste of doing time and in most cases will grant "shock probation" after a period of 30 to 90 days.. I talked to Chris' attorney this morning and he has assured me that we will be applying for shock probation in about 90 days.. this is good and bad news.. good that there is hope of getting my son out.. bad in that he has to be in that place for 90 days.. for those of you that don't know the original story of how all this started check my posts from Nov of 2005 it is in there somewhere. I just don't feel like doing a recap of it now..

In the mean time.. I am working overtime researching law about this type of case.. seeing what legal options are available to us.. doing Chris' banking and such.. getting in touch with everyone that might have info for me.. and basically trying to stay as busy as possible so I don't have to think.. thinking is bad.. If I think too long I will break down.. I will not be able to function.. that ain't good.. Most of the time around here I am so busy with ordinary life I don't have time to think.. now it feels like there just isn't enough for me to do..

My biggest problem right now is that I don't want to break in front of Chris.. it is indescribable what it feels like to visit my firstborn child in a place like that.. what it feels like to not be able to hug him.. to not be able to fix this.. I know that chris bears responsibility in all of this.. he made some bad choices.. but in this case the punishment does not fit the crime. As a mom I want to fix things for my children.. this is something I cannot fix.. I can work on it.. I can get the info together and I can pray.. but ultimately my child's fate lies in the hands of the judicial system that I just don't have much faith in anymore.. That is almost unbearable for a person like me.. or any mom I would imagine.. People tell me all the time I am the strongest woman they know, there are times I would like to not be strong.. I would like to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and hide there.. I won't do that of course... It is just not who I am.. Ron has been more than my husband and friend in helping me deal with this.. he has been what I have always known he is.. My Angel..

Well time to get off here and get back to work.. Y'all have fun

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Trying to Get Back in The Mood

I sometimes wonder why I still have a blog... Lately I just don't seem to care to sit down and write anything... I really am not sure why I feel this way.. I have the words in my head as I always do.. I have things going on in my life that, if I wrote about them they may not take up so much space in my head.. but still I simply don't seem to have the energy or the inclination most days to sit down at the computer, log in to blogspot, and type.. I don't know if it is stress or if it is whatever weirdness my body has been going through as of late.. or hell maybe I am just getting lazy in my old age..

Things are actually a bit calmer nowdays than they were when Sierra and Jordan were both at the house.. sometimes being around them is like being around a bomb with a light trigger you never know what might set them off therefore you walk carefully around them to keep the peace.. Sierra is doing ok physically since his forced departure, mentally I am not to sure.. I know she is having a hard time dealing with the situation that caused us to tell Jordan to leave.. I know she is afraid of facing the future of having a baby alone, and raising one by herself. I know that isn't an easy thing to contimplate when you are that young.. I know because I was 17 and pregnant with my first child, alone and scared to death.. I guess I just did things differently.. I went out and got a job and concentrated on keeping me and my baby healthy, Sierra's main goal seems to be breaking the guiness book record for sleeping on the couch.. but hopefully given a bit of time she will be able to come to terms and make the right choices for her and her child to be..

Last week my manager called me on both days I was scheduled to work to inform me I didn't need to come in, due to cutting back on hours for all employees... When she called me on Friday I told her" I will bring you a 2 week notice tomorrow when I come in to check next weeks schedule if I am only going to get scheduled for 5 or 10 hour weeks and then not even get to work them".. she said she understood.. when I called Saturday to check on my schedule for this week it turns out I am scheduled for 15 hours this week and 20 next week .. hmm I guess she wants to keep me around after all..

Right now I am sitting here at Ron's school waiting for him to get off work.. we had our first snow day of the winter here and at home.. so there are no students here.. just me, Ron, Kyle and Sierra.. I have been reading, Ron has been doing whatever work he needs to do, Kyle has been watching TV and you will never guess, Sierra has been..... Sleeping of course..

Well Ron needs his work puter so I guess I will get back to my 3rd reading of "A Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood.. great book..

Y'all have fun