2007 Not Starting Out Well..

As years go.. this one has started out in a spectatularly bad direction.. maybe it is gonna be bad at the start and end up being one of the best ever.. hell it can't go down hill much from here anyway..

I don't know how other people do it.. I just don't know if I can deal with this situation.. What I am talking about is what Ron alluded to on his blog.. It not only didn't go well for Chris in court Friday.. it was an all out shock and disappointment.. The judge sentenced him to 5 yrs in prison.. I don't understand .. I was floored.. This was a first offense for Chris.. I have watched this judge for over a year now.. handing out sentences.. doing justice.. and I have never seen him give a sentence like this to anyone with a first offense.. hell most of the time he lets repeat offenders out of jail on bond or probation .. I just don't get it.. yeah.. the jerk that started all of this was in the courtroom and had written a letter full of lies to the judge.. but you would think reading a letter from a man that has changed his story 3 times that a judge would be able to see him for what he is.. Chris' attorney just stood there like an idiot.. like nothing was wrong with this.. he didn't even try to argue for my child.. I am hurt.. angry.. sad.. I don't even begin to know which emotion to try and deal with first so .. I guess I will go with angry.. I accomplish a lot more with that one..

I couldn't go to work Saturday.. I had to talk to a friend of ours that happens to be an attorney.. D. told me some hopeful news.. he said in this type of thing this particular judge will give a sentence like this to give the defendant a taste of doing time and in most cases will grant "shock probation" after a period of 30 to 90 days.. I talked to Chris' attorney this morning and he has assured me that we will be applying for shock probation in about 90 days.. this is good and bad news.. good that there is hope of getting my son out.. bad in that he has to be in that place for 90 days.. for those of you that don't know the original story of how all this started check my posts from Nov of 2005 it is in there somewhere. I just don't feel like doing a recap of it now..

In the mean time.. I am working overtime researching law about this type of case.. seeing what legal options are available to us.. doing Chris' banking and such.. getting in touch with everyone that might have info for me.. and basically trying to stay as busy as possible so I don't have to think.. thinking is bad.. If I think too long I will break down.. I will not be able to function.. that ain't good.. Most of the time around here I am so busy with ordinary life I don't have time to think.. now it feels like there just isn't enough for me to do..

My biggest problem right now is that I don't want to break in front of Chris.. it is indescribable what it feels like to visit my firstborn child in a place like that.. what it feels like to not be able to hug him.. to not be able to fix this.. I know that chris bears responsibility in all of this.. he made some bad choices.. but in this case the punishment does not fit the crime. As a mom I want to fix things for my children.. this is something I cannot fix.. I can work on it.. I can get the info together and I can pray.. but ultimately my child's fate lies in the hands of the judicial system that I just don't have much faith in anymore.. That is almost unbearable for a person like me.. or any mom I would imagine.. People tell me all the time I am the strongest woman they know, there are times I would like to not be strong.. I would like to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and hide there.. I won't do that of course... It is just not who I am.. Ron has been more than my husband and friend in helping me deal with this.. he has been what I have always known he is.. My Angel..

Well time to get off here and get back to work.. Y'all have fun