Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Almost Demise of Snickers

It has been a sad week for me so far.. "snickers" my van seems to be in a coma.. she isn't fully dead but isn't really alive either. Saturday afternoon I was going to pick up Kyle from his friend's house where he had spent the night Friday (giving Ron and I a lot of quiet time).. I got in my ever reliable lil mini van, turned the key, and Nothing!! No! this can't be.. not my little hoopty.. I tried again.. and again.. still to no avail.. I checked it out.. I knew it wasn't the battery or the alternator.. or any of those things.. I realized then that the sensor reading what gear the thing is supposed to be in has gone kaplooey.. this is a minor thing to bypass.. problem.. it was cold out.. and Ron and I don't know which wire is which... Sunday we got the steering column off and looked.. ok yeah.. I can work on a motor.. I can put in a transmission.. give me 200 wires under a dash and I am lost.. we put it off til Monday when Ron could get professional advice..

Monday was a day from hell in itself with taking Ron to work.. that part was good.. but it went downhill from there.. there were 2 trips to Nicholasville and back.. a 2 hr wait at Chris'attorney's office.. a trip back to Winchester to get Ron from work.. by the time we got back to Lex Ron took mercy on me and stopped for supper for us..

Ron did get the advice to fix snickers.. there was supposed to be 2 purple wires attached to the steering column that could be cut and spliced together to bypass the sensor.. ok.. we can do that.. Ron is an electrician.. I do have a working knowledge of cars.. Yeah .. Not.. there were no purple wires.. well there was one but it wasn't where we were told it would be.. so now we are back to calling for more professional advice... I may have to go find someone today to fix it.. I miss my van.. it is a good lil thing.. and although I love spending the extra time in the morning with my honey.. this driving all over is killing me.. and we don't even want to talk about what my house looks like..

Oh in case you are wondering why I call my van snickers.. it is chocolate brown with carmel accents and there are definately nuts inside..

Y'all have fun

Friday, February 24, 2006

Friday Finally

I can't explain how happy I am that it is Friday.. I need to sleep past 6:30.. I need to just chill with no kids to take anywhere.. I need to cuddle in bed with my honey.. all of those things are possible starting this evening.. the only thing that sux about it is Ron has to work late again tonight.. I know he has to get all the hours in for his internship..but it don't stop me from missing him when he isn't home..

Last night when Ron was on his way home from Richmond, Chella asked me who I was talking to on the phone.. I told her Ron.. he said.." yeah.. we love talking to each other.. having long conversations. .we have been having this one for over 3 1/2 yrs now.." I got to thinking about that.. (my mind is strange that way).. he is right.. from our first real conversation, we have enjoyed each others company and conversation.. He is funny, smart, witty and can debate or agree with the same passion I have for conversation.. those are rare traits to find in anyone, makes it even better when you find that with the love of your life..

The fact that we are both empaths helps too.. we can feel what others feel a lot of the time.. with each other that seems to be intensified to the nth degree.. whether we agree on something or not.. we can still feel where the other is coming from .. makes for a great life together.. I love feeling what is in his heart.. the only downside to this is I can feel when something is wrong too.. or something is bothering him.. lately I have felt his stress and worry at having so much to do for work.. and thinking he is not doing enough to be with me and the kids at home.. and the pressure of worrying about if we can get the house , the worry about chris or more acurately the worrying about me worrying about chris.. Honey.. it is ok.. I am not worrying as much now.. I am not thinking about it 24/7.. and as for your time at home.. when you are here you are here.. you give us all we need.. and if you are distracted at times.. it's ok.. happens to the best of us..

Anyway.. I guess I should get off here.. I have a ton of things to take care of.. including trying to locate a police report that doesn't seem to be in the system at the police dept.. it is the one about what happened to Chella, Sierra, and Justin on the 5th of this month.. the assault by an officer thing.. it seems the officer filed a report with the store involved but didn't file one with the dept.. hmmm can we say hiding something? If you don't do anything wrong, why not file a report.. I am trying to solve the mystery.. now all i need is a funky tie dyed van and a great dane... I wonder if a chocolate brown van and a boxer will work.. I can hear it now.. " we would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for that meddling redhead and her dog"... ok.. yep I have lost my mind.. I'm outta here..

Y'all have fun..

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Friends, Lovers, Life

I was talking to my best girlfriend this morning.. she is engaged to a pretty nice guy.. I don't know him all that well but he is good to her and treats her kids well.. that says a lot over the ones she has dated in the past.. she is having issues about whether or not she is doing the right thing by marrying him.. I know it is normal to have the jitters as the date gets closer.. and I know it is normal to have second and even third thoughts about getting into that kind of committment when you are our age and have a life of your own you are used to doing things your way.. and to think about combining that life with someone else's is a bit frightening.. I asked her if she loves him.. she says she does.. I believe her.. but there is something else going on with her.. She was with this total loser, user for about a year.. he was unavailable emotionally, a player and I think used her for a sexual toy.. she was there.. ya know.. one of those things.. but unfortunately she fell in love with the "tadpole" (if you read Ron's blog you know the origin of that colorful name) anyway.. this man seems to have taken hold of her heart and she has had so many problems letting him go.. he cheated on her with another woman (several actually) he is living with the last one now and has a child with her.. but "L" still loves him..

I don't know what it is with women.. we seem to have the most annoying habit of falling in love with people that hurt us.. It isn't all of us.. but enough to take notice.. what is it that causes otherwise normal, intelligent, strong women to fall for the jerks of the world.. and not being able to get them out of our hearts and minds.. I know part of it is the "bad boy" factor.. I get that entirely too well. My ex was one of the bad boys.. until Ron.. that was the only type man I fell for.. I guess looking back from where I am now.. I was afraid of a man that was intelligent, strong and didn't need a mother figure to fix him.. if I couldn't fix him or at least try to then what good was I to him.. I never thought that a man could just love me.. could just like having me around.. could respect my intelligence and my outpouring of love for him just because he does.. I always felt that if he didn't need me to fix him... he didn't love me.. strange huh?...

Ron has taught me so much.. I know I am worthy of being loved just because I am me.. I know I deserve love and happiness, I don't have to be perfect all the time.. I don't have to look a certain way.. I don't have to cook certain foods.. hell I don't even have to cook if I don't have time or whatever.. I don't have to do anything.. The only thing Ron wants from me is my love.. and that I have in abundance.. I never understood that is what love is .. it is given and received unconditionally when it is real.. I never understood what the word unconditional meant until Ron.. does he like a clean house, food on the table, lunch in his lunch box, back rubs, a woman that takes pride in her appearance for him.. of course he does.. but I don't have to do any of those things for him to keep loving me the way he does.. that makes doing all of those things my choice and my pleasure.. I get it now.. I just wish I could explain it to "L".. I wish I could find her a "Ron".. I wish I had some way of convincing her she needs to just be her to be loved.. "B" was a loser.. "R" seems to really care for her.. sometimes I guess that scares the hell out of women like us.. It is frightening to know that being just who we are is enough because we don't think in our hearts and mind that we are enough.. I know that feeling so well.. my heart breaks for her.. I know I can' t fix her.. but I can keep loving her and supporting her just because she is my friend.. that is something else Ron has taught me.. I have to know when I can't fix someone or something but it doesn't keep me from loving them just the same.. that is a good thing to know..

Oh yeah.. honey.. I love you .. more than I have the words to express to you.. more than I could have imagined.. thank you my love for letting me find out that I really like me.. and for loving the me that I am with all my imperfections, Have a great day...

Y'all have fun..

Monday, February 20, 2006

At Work and Mario

I am sitting here at work with Ron.. he is in a staff meeting so I thought what better to do with my time than to get on here and blog a bit... hey I have nothing else to do and the book I brought with me will not last the rest of the day..I started it yesterday and am more than halfway through it already..I read fast ..

Both kids came with us today.. this serves a couple of purposes, It gets them out of the house so I don't have to worry all day about what John is doing.. and It gets me out of the house and with Ron.. what could be better.. Chella and I have serious thrift store plans for later today .. there will be shopping.. I need to replenish my book supply.. I am down to 3 novels I haven't read.. I have about 30 I need to take to the used book store and trade I just never seem to have the time to do those sorts of things..

The kids brought the game system and hooked it up to the big screen TV in Ron's classroom.. so in the background of my thoughts I keep hearing Mario Party.. screeching, beeping, hollering and the most annoying music known to mankind.. I know I am gonna hear this stuff in my sleep.. Now I know why I tell them to shut the bedroom door when they are playing.. Oh well at least they are having fun. Uh Oh Chella just came over fussing about the game.. Guess I had better get off here and find out what the problem is..

Y'all have fun

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Weekend Continues

I know it is Sunday evening and most people think of Sunday as the end of the weekend.. I usually do too. This weekend won't end until tomorrow night for us.. The kids are out of school.. Ron has to work.. but, the kids and I are going with him tomorrow.. all it took to convince Kyle to go was to tell him he can take his game system with him and play on the huge screen TV in Ron's classroom.. Chelsea was a bit more difficult until I mentioned there could and most likely will be shopping.. thrift store shopping at that.. she is convince.. So I get to continue to spend time with my honey and with my kids.. what could be better than that.. well it would have been nice to have the winning numbers for the 365 million power ball.. but not better than spending time with the people I love most..

On another good note.. I am feeling better.. I still get tired out easily.. going out and about wears me down.. but I can stand up straight now and I haven't been running a fever for 3 days.. these are good things.. I figure I should be back to me soon..

Thursday I had a meeting with my atty for my wrist injury.. It seems the insurance company is willing to admit some culpability and come up with a settlement.. It isn't the best they could have done.. but at least it will save me a year of court and this will be over with.. Nothing is going to fix my wrist.. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.. I resigned myself to that fact a while back.. I guess that makes this settlement thing a bit easier for me..

Friday Chris went to court for the status hearing(whatever the hell that is supposed to be) and I won't find out what it is for another 2 weeks due to the continuance his atty asked for and got.. oh well at least Chris is not in jail and he is safe.. that is all that matters to me.. this will work out one way or another soon enough.. and then perhaps we can all get on with our lives.. I am not gonna say drama-free lives. I know me and my life until now entirely too well I know there will be other dramas.. I am just tired of the same old one..

My honey is gone to a board meeting.. or is that bored meeting? I have been to one of these with this particular group and I tend to think they are the latter.. anyway.. I miss him.. I hate it when anything takes us away from each other, especially on the weekends.. but , we both have a strong sense of upholding our responsibilities therefore, he is there.. I am here..

I think I will get off here and take my meds and curl up on the couch with a book to wait for my honey to come home..

Y'all have fun..

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

It's Back

Well it seems that my kidney infection is back for an encore presentation despite the "pristine" urine test of a couple weeks ago, I am now sick again.. I knew something still wasn't right.. It is my body after all.. why don't Drs. listen when you tell them about your own body? I have had this thing for 37 yrs.. you would think I would know when something ain't quite right with it.. oh well... I am back on antibiotics and ibuprofen every 4 hrs for the pain and fever.. oh what fun... I also have an ear infection, bladder infection and a sinus infection.. so all in all I am one hurtin unit once again.. I will be glad when this mess is over with.. I rarely get sick.. but when I do.. It hits me hard.. the Dr. asked me yesterday if I have had a lot of stress lately.. those of you that have been following the Chris saga are probably laughing your butts off at that question.. I just said to her.. Ummm yeah you could say I have been under stress as of late.. she tells me to cut down on caffiene, stop smoking, and limit alcohol intake.. I said I thought you wanted me to not be stressed?..ok.. enough.. on to other things..

Chris is out of jail.. he got out Friday.. the new condition of his bond is that he may not live here.. so he is living with his GF and her parents for the time being.. I understand why the judge made that ruling.. I just think it sux that my son has to live somewhere else and John is still here harassing away and no one will do anything about it.. doesn't seem quite right.. but there is good news.. At court Friday the police officer was reading the report of the so called harassment .. In the report John gave her an entirely different story about what occured on Oct 31.. he is at some point going to have to explain why he told one cop one thing and another cop a different thing.. can't wait to hear that.. I know why he told the story to the most recent officer.. he wanted to make Chris sound like a violent person that attacked him for no reason.. so the cops would arrest him.. when they didn't the first time he made up another story.. he also screwed up by saying Sierra was restraining the unknown black man.. first there wasn't any man.. second when he called the police, Sierra was with me walking lacey.. now she is a black dog.. but I don't think anyone would ever mistake her for a man.. just my thoughts on it.. There is a line in the bible that scared me when I was a kid.. "Be sure your sins will find you out".. I am thinking John's are just about to catch up to him..

Other than that.. Ron and I had a wonderful weekend together.. I love spending time with him no matter what we are doing.. it can be grocery shopping or going out to dinner.. It doesn't matter to me.. as long as he and I can be together I'm good.. I have to try to feel better today at least for as long as it will take me to get Ron something for Valentine's day.. Honestly there is nothing I could ever buy in any store that would be enough to express my love for him.. he says I gave him his Valentine's day gift with a wonderful weekend.. I say hush.. I wanna get ya something.. so There... It is funny.. sometimes we get so caught up in all the drama around here that it feels like we don't spend time with each other.. and we don't get to talk or touch.. but I feel him with me always.. when we can have time like we did this weekend.. it is more than just reconnecting.. it is me falling in love with him all over again..

I think I have used all the energy I can for now.. gonna go lay down.. Y'all have fun and a Happy Valentine's Day to you all..

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Getting Somewhere?

I don't know that I am actually acomplishing anything in the Chris situation but for some reason I feel somewhat more hopeful about it.. Today didn't go as planned.. the state's witness ( arresting officer Cook) was not there.. she had not been told she needed to be.. the state has 10 days to get all witnesses in court if the person charged is in custody.. and they have to put on their case by that time or drop the charges altogether.. so.. according to how the law is applied.. instead of telling the state "too bad you should have been prepared" we have to go back to court on Friday for this hearing.. Chris' atty told me the full charges today.. I was shocked.. I had already known John lied when he called the police but now I know to what extent this man will go to lie.. he told the officers that there was an unknown black man being restrained by Sierra that was attempting to chase him down on the day Chris was arrested... There was no black man here at all.. not to mention the fact that Sierra weighs all of 110lbs and couldn't restrain a grown man if there was one to restrain..

We will all be back in court on Friday.. the atty only wants to use 2 of the witnesses we have.. Chris wants him to use them all .. I agree with Chris.. I don't care about the court's time.. they obviously don't care about Chris' time or the fact that a lie by John has now cost him his job.. or what happens to our family in the meantime.. Personally I think having more people that are telling the judge Chris has done nothing.. the better Chris' chances are and the chance of the court getting a clue about what John really is improves.. but that is just my opinion..

I also spoke with the County Atty. today about the harassment, assault on Tommy, the lies and everything else John has done.. he told me his hands are tied by policy but he did give me the number to his boss.. he is able to make a call on this.. I have called him and I will call him again tomorrow.. I want this taken care of.. I want some protection for my family for a change.. I need help here too.. So wish me luck on getting it..

Well I need to go rest for a while.. Y'all have fun..

Monday, February 06, 2006

Another Week Starts Off Badly

I tell ya.. I am thinking seriously about running away.. I don't eat much.. I don't sleep much.. I don't need much space.. Ron and I could live on a deserted island and be just fine..

You would think with all the drama going on around here I would be used to it.. oh no.. I'm not.. there was an incident last night involving Chelsea, Sierra, Justin and Tommy.. surprisingly this one had nothing to do with John.. lets just say it started over a misunderstanding and ended with Chelsea being forcibly pushed to the ground by a police officer putting his hand on her neck and pushing her to the concrete.. not a good night.. then the trip to the ER to check out her neck.. and finally bed.. where I spent the next couple hrs brooding and thinking.. I have just about had it.. I know the Bible says God doesn't put on you more than you can handle so I guess God thinks I am a lot stronger than I think I am..

This morning didn't start out much better.. I got up.. got Kyle to school... called the Dr. to follow up for Chelsea.. then I got killer cramps.. yeah on top of everything else there is that.. wooo hooo.. how much fun can one person take.. so.. I am in the bathroom dying.. and I go to pull my jeans up.. My cell phone falls out of the pocket and you guessed it.. into the toilet.. I took it apart and blow dried it.. to no avail.. maybe it will dry out eventually.. I know we have a couple of old phones around here.. I looked for one of those.. nuttin.. then Eureka!! there is the old one my mother in law had.. I put my SIM card in it only to be told it is incompatable witht that phone.. I go on another search of the house and find Chris' old phone.. I put my SIM in it and it works.. finally good news .. or so you would think.. I then realize the battery is almost dead and there is no charger to be found.. I make a dash to Wally World to get a cheap one.. and what do you know.. the only one they are out of is the one I need.. I asked the clerk to call the other stores.. they are all out of the same one.. what was there a run on those chargers over the weekend??? I did at least get the stuff I need to make the chili I have been craving for the last week.. Upon returning home I searched for an appropriate charger... we have an abundance of those sorts of things.. I came up with 12.. I went through all of them.. and low and behold I finally found on that seems to be working .. we shall see.. Chris is supposed to call me around noon.. perhaps I can cheer his day.. Hopefully mine will get better..

Y'all have fun..

Oh yeah Honey.. did I mention to you how much I love you and how much you being by my side has held me together.. have a great day baby..

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Sometimes I Wonder Why I Get Out Of Bed

I am having serious issues today.. Chris got arrested again last night.. again for doing nothing.. Here is the story..

Chris, Sierra, Chelsea, Kyle and Chelsea's friend Brandon were out on the porch yesterday afternoon/evening.. John ( the asshole down the street) was outside driving his Jeep.. he was circling around the stop sign and the cut through by our house, slowing down and flipping the kids off on the porch.. trying to get a reaction from them.. he didn't.. the kids didn't react.. they simply ignored him.. Sierra came in to get the video camera to try and catch him in the act of harassing us yet again..I decided to go outside.. the minute I stepped off the porch, John's girlfriend leans out his door and flips me off.. I ignored her too..Sierra and I walked Lacey up to the corner.. when we turned around we saw a cop car pull up to John's house followed by a second one.. I called Ron and asked him to come out on the porch until I could get back home.. he did.. when we got there I got my copies of the police reports about John harassing us and Tommy and we waited..the cops came to our house and told Chris that he can't say anything to John .. to watch his p's and q's.. we told them Chris doesn't and hadn't said a word to John nor had he responded in any way to the antics John is forever pulling.. the cops left.. Chris went upstairs to play video games.. Sierra and I came inside so she could roll my hair.. Things were normal for about an hour or so... Jordan came to pick Sierra up.. the next thing I know Chelsea is coming in to tell me the police are back at John's .. I really didn't think too much of it I knew Chris was upstairs and had not been out at all..

Ten minutes after Chelsea told us the cops where out there they were knocking on our door.. Ron and I went to the door.. the cop said that someone had yelled at John about flipping off their brother and they were taking Chris to jail.. they arrested him and left. I got the story from Chelsea and Brandon.. apparently while Jordan was in the house Chelsea and Brandon were leaning against his car talking when Brandon's brother and some other guy came up.. they talked to Chelsea and Brandon for a few minutes and walked off down the street.. the brother walked in the direction of John's house.. when he passed John yelled something at him from the porch.. the boy yelled something back.. and then John came out in the yard trying to start something and the boy walked on.. next thing we know the cops are here arresting Chris.. hell he wasn't even outside and we don't know this kid..

What the cops basically explained to us is that John can say anything he wants and they will take his word for it.. he can call and tell them Chris is doing something even if he isn't home.. even if Chris isn't around.. and they will arrest Chris.. They even told us they don't have to have proof..Just John's word.. I am so tired of John calling all the shots.. I am tired of us not having any rights..

Ron and I got into a rather heated discussion about this whole thing.. he asked me if I would want to be afforded protection if I was the victim of a crime such as the one Chris is accused of.. I told him.. I understand protection.. but I was apparently misled by this document called the constitution.. it says.. that you are innocent until proven guilty.. now.. if I were the victim of a crime.. I would expect the police to protect me.. but I wouldn't go out of my way to harass someone. If I did think the person that committed the offense was doing something to intimidate me.. you better damn well bet I would have proof out the wazoo to make sure they would be arrested.. I wouldn't make up things and tell lies.. and I would expect the police to believe the other person too if I had done something to harass that person, until they were found guilty of a crime.. that is what our justice system is founded on..

So now I am back on the phone.. calling attorneys, judges, anyone I can get to listen to me.. I don't think my son should be in jail for nothing.. I also think we should be afforded some protection from John.. he does all sorts of things to me and my family and we aren't even allowed to press charges against him.. I am angry at John, the police, the court system, damn near everything.. I have taken it out on Ron.. the kids .. I don't know what to do.. I swear I am really close to having a break down.. the only thing keeping me from it is, I am the only person that is gonna fight for my son the way I fight for him.. no one loves my son the way I do.. no one is willing to go to the end of the earth to protect him but me..that is what is keeping me from losing my mind.. I honestly don't know how much more I can take.. I don't know how much longer I can be strong.. It is exhausting to have to be strong all the time.. it is wearing me down .. I don't understand why things work the way they do.. I don't understand how and why this keeps happening..

I need to get off here and get back to work.. Y'all have fun.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Asleep at the Keyboard

I am sitting here half asleep.. I know I can go lay down and take a nap and I probably should .. but I really need to work on this house today.. I have been cleaning at it all week.. that is not really cleaning but picking up and faking the rest.. I just don't seem to be in the spirit of the whole OCD cleaning thing this week.. My back is part of it.. The treatment for the back is the rest.. the Dr. gave me a new muscle relaxer yesterday.. It has seriously inhibited my obsessive tendencies.. I just don't care enough about cleaning to get off my butt today.. In fact the only thing that sounds like a good plan is a good long nap.. I am thinking I need to take these things early in the evening and sleep them off.. they work.. my back isn't hurting.. or maybe it is and I just don't feel it..

Chris has the day off.. this is a good thing.. no 11pm pick up time.. I love my son.. I am glad he has a good job and he likes it.. but I will be so happy when this boy gets his license and his own car.. this staying up til 11:30 is hell on old folks like me..

Kyle's Dr. appt went well.. he has a staph infection .. and very very dry skin.. he is now on meds and a regimen of Dove soap only and serious moisturizer after showering.. I told him there is a good side to having funky skin.. you have to take better care of it and it doesn't age as fast..I should know.. The kid inherited the funkiness from me.. I have had to baby my skin all of my life.. between the dryness now and the acne as a kid..and the eczema... there has never been a time in my life when taking care of my skin wasn't a priority..the skin care companies love me.. I should invest..

Well I think that nap is getting to be more of a reality than a wish right now.. maybe I'll go lay down for an hr or so..

Y'all have fun