Friends, Lovers, Life

I was talking to my best girlfriend this morning.. she is engaged to a pretty nice guy.. I don't know him all that well but he is good to her and treats her kids well.. that says a lot over the ones she has dated in the past.. she is having issues about whether or not she is doing the right thing by marrying him.. I know it is normal to have the jitters as the date gets closer.. and I know it is normal to have second and even third thoughts about getting into that kind of committment when you are our age and have a life of your own you are used to doing things your way.. and to think about combining that life with someone else's is a bit frightening.. I asked her if she loves him.. she says she does.. I believe her.. but there is something else going on with her.. She was with this total loser, user for about a year.. he was unavailable emotionally, a player and I think used her for a sexual toy.. she was there.. ya know.. one of those things.. but unfortunately she fell in love with the "tadpole" (if you read Ron's blog you know the origin of that colorful name) anyway.. this man seems to have taken hold of her heart and she has had so many problems letting him go.. he cheated on her with another woman (several actually) he is living with the last one now and has a child with her.. but "L" still loves him..

I don't know what it is with women.. we seem to have the most annoying habit of falling in love with people that hurt us.. It isn't all of us.. but enough to take notice.. what is it that causes otherwise normal, intelligent, strong women to fall for the jerks of the world.. and not being able to get them out of our hearts and minds.. I know part of it is the "bad boy" factor.. I get that entirely too well. My ex was one of the bad boys.. until Ron.. that was the only type man I fell for.. I guess looking back from where I am now.. I was afraid of a man that was intelligent, strong and didn't need a mother figure to fix him.. if I couldn't fix him or at least try to then what good was I to him.. I never thought that a man could just love me.. could just like having me around.. could respect my intelligence and my outpouring of love for him just because he does.. I always felt that if he didn't need me to fix him... he didn't love me.. strange huh?...

Ron has taught me so much.. I know I am worthy of being loved just because I am me.. I know I deserve love and happiness, I don't have to be perfect all the time.. I don't have to look a certain way.. I don't have to cook certain foods.. hell I don't even have to cook if I don't have time or whatever.. I don't have to do anything.. The only thing Ron wants from me is my love.. and that I have in abundance.. I never understood that is what love is .. it is given and received unconditionally when it is real.. I never understood what the word unconditional meant until Ron.. does he like a clean house, food on the table, lunch in his lunch box, back rubs, a woman that takes pride in her appearance for him.. of course he does.. but I don't have to do any of those things for him to keep loving me the way he does.. that makes doing all of those things my choice and my pleasure.. I get it now.. I just wish I could explain it to "L".. I wish I could find her a "Ron".. I wish I had some way of convincing her she needs to just be her to be loved.. "B" was a loser.. "R" seems to really care for her.. sometimes I guess that scares the hell out of women like us.. It is frightening to know that being just who we are is enough because we don't think in our hearts and mind that we are enough.. I know that feeling so well.. my heart breaks for her.. I know I can' t fix her.. but I can keep loving her and supporting her just because she is my friend.. that is something else Ron has taught me.. I have to know when I can't fix someone or something but it doesn't keep me from loving them just the same.. that is a good thing to know..

Oh yeah.. honey.. I love you .. more than I have the words to express to you.. more than I could have imagined.. thank you my love for letting me find out that I really like me.. and for loving the me that I am with all my imperfections, Have a great day...

Y'all have fun..