I Feel Good....

I don't know why.. but today I woke up in a great mood.. I actually slept last night .. that may have something to do with it.

My driving all over has resumed.. no there is nothing wrong with "Rose" she is fine. Chris called me yesterday and informed me that he has gotten his old job back with the landscaping company.. this is a good thing.. the bad news is.. Chris is living in Nicholasville and his job is in Winchester.. Beek's mom met me half way between Nich. and Lexington for me to pick up Chris this morning ( thank you Michelle) and we were off to take Kyle to school and then to Winchester to drop Chris off, then I had to come back home for Chelsea to pick up her things.. the fact that I told her to bring them with us in the first place and she didn't.. didn't seem to be a problem for her.. we stopped here, grabbed the books and it was off again racing to her school.. she was late..

We go to court again next Friday for the so called harassment charge against Chris, hopefully we will be able to get the judge to agree to Chris coming back home.. We can prove that Chris didn't harass John so there is no reason for Chris to not be able to live at home.. It pisses me off that Chris has not been found guilty of anything and he is being punished .. first by making him live in Nicholasville.. not that living with Michelle and Jeff is a bad thing but this is Chris' home.. this is where his family is.. second.. Chris lost a good job because of the moving to Nicholasville thing.. he was working mostly 2nd shift at that time and there is no way I could have picked him up at midnight and taken him home the 20 miles or so.. third.. Now that he has his other job back it makes the rest of us have serious transportation problems trying to help this young man keep a job and make a living.. this is causing him to not be able to do that .. and he hasn't even gone to trial yet...

Ok.. now I am through bitching..I still feel great.. I am still in a great mood.. I am going to Winchester again today.. there is a job there that I want.. it is for an assistant librarian.. for me that would be perfect.. I love books.. I read all the time.. what better place for me than in a library.. ok so it is a school library but I can see me now.. trying to encourage a love of books in young minds.. yep that would work for me.. wish me luck..

We have made no progress on the house yet.. trying to get our mortgage guy to get back with us.. apparently he is either not getting the messages or he isn't calling back right away.. we don't know.. but we really want to get a move on this.. hopefully he will get back with us soon..

I think I am gonna finish my house cleaning and get outta here to go apply for that job.. Y'all have fun..

Change of Cars

Well the camaro didn't pan out.. Friday, I was checking on the how to get the legal part of the car done thing so I could drive the car legally from Ohio to Kentucky.. I found out the only way I could do it was to have a bill of sale .. I couldn't get that without paying the dude for the car, so .. Ron took off from work, I went and got Chris and Beek and we headed for Ohio.. It was a great 1 1/2 drive... we got there and what do you know but the car wouldn't start.. we tried jumping it .. we tried the battery charger.. nothing worked.. so very bummed by that time we headed home.. the guy said he would call us if he found out what was wrong with it and that if we still wanted it fine.. if not that was fine too..

We got home and Ron got online trying to find something else.. something to cheer me up.. I was way down about the whole thing.. he found a cute little Chevy Lumina online.. we went and looked at it today... I drove it and I fell in love.. ok.. so it isn't a camaro.. it isn't HOT.. but it is cute and runs great and it is 2 yrs newer than the Camaro .. It is a beautiful shade of burgandy, almost like a bloodrose color.. I am seriously thinking of calling her Rose.. I don't know why I name my cars.. I just always have.. It usually doesn't take long for me to name them either.. I know it is strange.. but who ever said I was normal... Cars have personalities.. they do.. so they need a name.. It is that simple..

Anyway.. the rest of today's post is for my beautiful friend Red.. here ya go gorgeous..

Name: Tammy J.
Childhood Ambition: To be a doctor
.Fondest Memory: I have many wonderful memories.. One that comes to mind is the look in Ron's eyes as he sang " You had me from hello" to me at our wedding.
.Soundtrack: Hmmm thinking I really loved the music in " Blues Brothers 2000"
MusicRetreat: In my car alone on an open highway.
Wildest Dream: Win the lottery and build my dream home with enough land to build homes for all 7 kids.
Proudest Moment: Graduating College at age 22 after being told I wouldn't go because I got married at 16 and was pregnant with my 3rd child through most of my last yr of college. Also finally doing something totally for me and having gastric bypass surgery.
Biggest Challenge: Being a good wife, mom, friend, mostly being the best me I can be for me so I can be the best whatever to those I love.
Alarm Clock: Ron's cell phone.
Perfect Day: Most every day since May of 2002
First Job: Arby's.. I was 13 and lied about my age to say I was 16
Indulgence:Perfume, shoes
Last Purchase: Last was a cup of coffee,2 diet Dews and Cheetos, Oh yeah and my car.
Favorite Movie: Lady and The Tramp hands down..:
Inspiration: My kids, My hubby, people I love.
(Finish the sentence)

My Life: My life is not just what I am doing now or where I am going it is a combination of where I have been the me that I have become and who I can still grow to be surrounded with all the love anyone could want and the security of finally loving the skin that I'm in..

Y'all have fun

Life Is Good.

Snickers is alive.. Bobby the brother in law, finished putting the starter on Snickers last night.. we were not home, when I got here we had other things to do.. which I will tell ya about in a minute.. anyway.. when the other things got done, I went out and started my little van up.. It came to life as it always has... ahhhhhhhh no more running back and forth to Winchester.. I am sort of bummed about not getting to spend that much time with Ron but I figure he and I can spend time together around 2 am like we did this morning to make up for it... ( sorry Russ).. The kids are not entirely pleased about the resurrection of snickers.. It signals the end to breakfasts from Hardee's and Marathon.. poor little deprived children will just have to go back to cereal, oatmeal, waffles, or whatever else we might have in the kitchen..

Ok.. on to the "other" things Ron and I had to do when we got home last night.. no this will not be a close your eyes Russ thing...Ron and I had been looking at cars on e-bay the other night.. we spotted a 95 camaro z28 that I promptly fell in love with.. Ron put it on his watch list.. yesterday while we were at his school and he was finishing up some things he looked at his e bay watch list and asked me if I wanted him to bid on it.. I thought he was kidding, he wasn't.. he put the bid on it and with and hr and a half left on the auction we left the school and headed home.. when we got here I was anxious to find out if we were still the high bidder.. There was a package here that Ron had to look at first.. then the computer wasn't cooperating and had to be shut down and re booted.. finally he got online and checked.. we were not the high bidder.. Ron entered a new bid.. we were at 18 mins at that point.. I held my breath.. I paced.. I went outside to smoke.. I came back in with 2 minutes to go.. I sat breathlessly beside Ron and watched the last few seconds tick away... We Won!!!!! We are going to Ohio this weekend to get my camaro.. wooohoooooo .. I have always loved the camaro.. I have always wanted one.. now I have it.. I can't wait.. I am gonna look good in that car.. speaking of which.. I need to get my butt to the courthouse and get the temp tag and transfer form..

y'all have fun..

Blah Blah Blah

I feel blah today.. I don't have a clue why.. Ron was having a "foggy" day yesterday so I guess I can have a blah day today.. It isn't that I don't have anything to do.. I have plenty with Ian here..It isn't that I am particularly unhappy about anything.. I'm not.. I don't even think it is the looking for a job and no one wants to hire me thing anymore.. I just feel out of sorts...

I am getting my van back tomorrow.. Our brother in law Bobby came over after work yesterday and took the starter off.. but due to lack of tools and light he couldn't put the new one on, he will be here this afternoon with his own tools to finish the job.. that is good news.. Ron says the not having his truck with him isn't a problem for him, he just hates that I have to drive so much.. He ain't the only one..

I am wanting to hurry up and get the settlement thing done with my wrist. I am getting a new car with part of it.. well not new but new to me.. the van as much as I love the lil thing kills me to drive.. and I want to get things settled with whether or not we are moving to Mt. Sterling.. I love the house.. Honestly.. It doesn't matter to me where we live just so we are together I guess what bothers me is uncertainty.. I like to know what we are doing.. I am just like that I like to know what is going on and when.. If I am gonna do something I do it.. I have always been that way.. Ron takes things more slowly.. he thinks more than I do about things.. I usually know what I want and go for it.. that works for me.. Ron's way isn't a wrong way.. It is just his way ya know.. That is one of the things that make Ron and I work so well.. We have very similar personalities in many ways.. however we are also vastly different in some areas.. those differences just balance us and make us understand each other even better.. that is a good thing..

Well Chas and Chris are here to take my Ian for the day.. Y'all have fun

I'm Too Old For Two Year Old's

I didn't know I had gotten old.. I had no idea until this week.. It is only Tuesday and I am already dreaming of the weekend.. I have Ian all week.. Don't get me wrong...I love having the little guy here.. I love watching him and playing with him.. the problem is I thought I had the energy to chase his lil butt and I don't.. he wants to run.. Nanny wants to walk.. he wants to beat up the dogs.. Nanny wants to sleep.. He wants to.. well you get the picture..

I had also forgotten the simple fact that the word "no" doesn't mean much in a two yr olds vocabulary..He knows what it means.. he just chooses not to understand.. and then he giggles when I say the word to him.. cute little brat that he is.. his favorite game today has been throw yourself at Nanny and see if she can catch you.. So far so good I have caught him every time.. but, I am on guard for that one time when he throws and I am not ready to catch..

Chas.. I know you sometimes read my blog.. don't you dare infer from this one that I don't want kiddo here as much as possible.. I do.. I am just old.. love ya girl..

On to other things.. For those that read Ron's blog.. the situation with my ex is still in my head.. I want to call him and tell him what I think of what he did while he was here and what he can do the next time he wants the kids with him while he is here.. I just don't feel like talking to the asshole.. he hasn't even called to let the kids know he made it home safely.. It is funny.. he and I get along great when he stays in Fl.. It is only when I have to deal directly with him that I have issues with wanting to choke the life out of him.. I remember feeling this way when I was married to him as well .. could explain one of the reasons he is an ex huh?.. I am going to talk to him about this summer.. If he cannot keep the rules we have for the kids here 11 months of the year I am really going to have to re think him having them for a month in the summer.. It takes about a month to undo all he does in that month.. I am just tired of going through all that yr after yr.. Chella doesn't seem all that interested in going to FL for a month... Kyle does.. but last year he only stayed 3 weeks and was begging to come home.. I don't want the kids to not have their father.. but I don't know how to maintain the relationship for him.. and that seems like what I have been doing all along.. If they don't call him.. he won't call often.. if I don't make arraingments for the FL thing he won't .. I think there comes a time when he needs to facilitate his relationship with his kids and leave me out of it.. I will never keep him from them or them from him.. I am just tired of being the go between so to speak..

Oh well better get off here before the whirling dervish wakes up from his nap..

Y'all have fun

Morning Conversation Starters

While the driving back and forth to Winchester is a bit tiring..there are some benefits.. one of them being the conversations I have with the kids on the way back to lexington.. this morning we were listening to the radio .. one of our favorite morning shows.. they were talking about a New York case involving mens rights .. The case is about a guy that had a fling and the woman got pregnant.. she wants him to pay child support .. he doesn't think he should since it was a consensual act and they took precautions..

I personally can see this from all points of view.. my ex and I had 18 yrs of marriage.. he raised our 4 kids with me.. and when we split he fought long and hard to get out of paying child support because I wasn't with him..Ron on the other hand never shirked his child support when he and his ex split .. and he took on the responsiblity of my 4 kids when he married me.. actually long before we got married he was supporting not only me but them as well.. anyway.. Chelsea got to talking about what we were listening to.. she feels about the same way I do.. That in some ways women have all the options available to them and men do not.. I dont think men should get away with not supporting their children.. but what about men that want the child when the woman doesn't.. if she decides to abort the man has no right to keep her from it.. if she decides to put the child up for adoption it is sometimes very hard for the father to keep the child himself.. but if the woman chooses to keep the child the man is almost always required to pay support and in cases of one night stands.. the man often doesn't get to be a part of the child's life that he has to pay to support.. I personally have issues with the unequalness of this..

Personally.. abortion would never be an option for me.. adoption I am on the fence about but to me is a viable option if you know you can't take care of a child.. But, I do know if I had ever gotten pregnant by someone one night stand or similar situation..( not that I have ever had a one night stand) I would be willing to take full responsiblity for any consequences resulting from that.. I am an adult.. If I chose to sleep with someone I know the possible outcome.. if I got a STD I would have to take care of the cost of treatment.. If I got pregnant.. I would have to choose what to do about it.. therefore.. making the decision to have sex in the first place I would have to be ready and willing to raise a child if one were to result from that encounter if I chose to keep the baby.. I think that should go both ways.. both parties should look at it from the standpoint of owning the decisions they make.. I think fathers should support their children.. I think men should have some say so in the decision to keep or not keep a child they helped to create.. if we women have the options we do.. then men should have more themselves.. just my take on it..

Chelsea saw it from a Ron point of view.. she said that even tho she doesn't like some of the rules around here.. and she doesn't agree with Ron all the time.. she has a great deal of respect for him.. she said he has gone above and beyond any responsibility to raise children.. My kids are not biologically his.. but his love and support has made him their dad as much as their biological one is.. I think she said it well..

I know there are a million women out there fighting and struggling to get the support they need for their kids.. I also know there are plenty of good men that want to do the right thing.. and there are men that can't even get the chance to be fathers because all the choices have been taken out of their hands.. except the financial ones..

ok.. rambling and ranting over.. time to eat something and wait for Sierra and Jordan to get here for our thrift store date.. Y'all have fun..

Getting a Break

My honey.. sweet man that he is did something wonderful for me.. he probably thinks it was just the practical thing to do.. and doesn't realize how sweet it really is.. He rented me a car for the rest of the week.. Yep that is it.. he knows how tired I have been lately.. he sees the dark circles and the exhaustion at the end of every day.. he definately sees the house isn't up to my usual standard.. and although there is a practical reason for renting the car.. the sweet one far outweighs it.. With the rental I won't have to run to Winchester for the next 2 days in the morning.. and Ron needs his truck Friday for his skills USA thing.. so I won't have to worry about how I am going to get Chris to court and all that.. just in the simple act of looking online and getting me a car for the next couple days he has taken a load of work and worry off my shoulders.. thank you my love..

In other news... Chris just called me, his attorney has been talking to the prosecutor in the case.. they are willing to drop the charge to Assault 2.. which carries 5-10 yrs.. I think he should take it to trial.. I would fight.. but that is just me.. I have sent an e mail to a friend that is an attorney.. asking his advice.. hopefully he will have some insight on this situation.. I don't know what to tell Chris.. I have never been in a situation like this before.. I don't think sending a 19 yr old kid to prison for defending himself is the right thing to do.. I just don't know what the right thing would be and don't have the power to see that the right thing is done in the first place..so pending legal advice.. I will be worrying..

Well I am outta here for a while.. Y'all have fun

Tuesday Running or Not..

Today I still feel like crud.. It seems my family is generous to a fault.. they shared all of their bug with me.. I don't get strep.. I am a carrier of the bug... I am however very capable of getting the flu.. I didn't want the flu.. but here it is.. invading my already worn out body.. oh well.. at least I am on the downside of the thing now... I still feel crappy just to a lesser degree..

This morning I went to my attorney's office and signed the paperwork to bring this wrist thing to a final settlement.. It isn't what I would have liked it to be but it is wearing me down fighting this along with everything else I have to deal with.. this has been going on for over 2 yrs. It is time to do what I can about it and let the rest go.. I don't have the energy to fight it anymore..

"Snickers" is still ill.. My brother in law should be here this evening or tomorrow evening to fix the poor lil thing.. I really need my van back.. I love spending the time with Ron in the morning and in the afternoon driving to and from work.. but it is killing me with all the driving.. and killing Kyle's attendance record with being late every day.. there is just no way we can get Ron to work and get back here in time to get him to school by 8 .. not gonna happen.. and although his tardies are excused.. they don't like it when a kid is late.. I would think with the absentee problem they have in our county they would rather have the kid there 10 mins late than not at all .. but what do I know..

My father in law called me a while ago.. he wants me to come over and re install his ISP.. Ron hasn't had time to make it over there and I can barely breathe.. I told him I would try to get over there this afternoon after I pick up Kyle from school.. I hate taking my germs over there.. but he is going through internet withdrawl.. not good.. so.. If I can stand up without getting dizzy for longer than 10 mins I will head over there.. if not he may have to wait until tomorrow.. I hate for him to not have access.. but I don't wanna drive up a telephone pole trying to get there to fix it either..

Oh yeah.. about waking up at 5:30.. I told Ron he could wake me up every day like that if he wanted to.. I ain't arguing.. I have always been a morning person anyway.. so it works for me.. apparently though it didn't work this morning. He said I just kept sleeping.. don't stop trying honey.. I like waking up with you .. a lot.... ( Sorry Russ) ok.. I'm not really sorry but ya know..

I think I am gonna get off here and wonder down to the drugstore to see if they have the advil cold and sinus since I can't take the dayquil due to the tylenol in it.. I take a prescription pain killer for my wrist every day that is mostly tylenol. I don't want to OD'..

Oh and one more thing.. Honey.. I was reading "I Remember" again this morning.. and I want you to know.. I remember too.. I remember what your eyes looked like that first day when you held the door for me to leave the restaurant.. I remember your smile when you made that comment to Pam.. I remember how you looked when you asked me to come home to you that first time I had to go to FL.. I remember the look in your eyes when you sang " You Had Me From Hello" at our wedding.. I remember all the times you have held me and just let me know that you are there for me.. I remember everything about us.. and I always will.. I love you....

Y'all have fun..

Almost Back to Life..

I went outside this morning complete with pissed off look on my face.. I got up under the dashboard of snickers.... fever and all.. and I pulled every plug I could find under there.. I cleaned them off well.. and plugged them all back securely.. I tenatively put my key in the ignition and turned it.. She came to life.. I turned her off.. and back on again.. OMG!! I think it might be a miracle.. I don't know if it is fixed.. or if my fiddling had anything to do with it.. but I did get to drive to get Kyle in my van.. not that I don't love your truck honey. I just missed the old girl.. anyway.. I am going to start her several more times before Ron leaves in the morning.. Just in case this is a temporary awakening.. I have one of those drive all over the place days planned for tomorrow.. I would just as soon not get stuck in Nicholasville with a broken down van.. not my favorite town in the first place..

Chella does have strep... she called about 12pm.. the nurse said.. "Her throat is red and gooey" wow all the technical medical terms.. it is a wonder I understood that.. anyway.. I took her to the Dr. at 12:45 to confirm the diagnosis.. they didn't say a word about gooey.. but she did test positive for strep.. so she is out of commission for the rest of the school week.. Oh Joy!!!..

I have supper cooking right now.. and I am waiting for about 4:15 so I can leave to go get my sick hubby from work.. hmm all these sick folks.. wonder why the back of my throat hurts and I have a temp of 101.. oh well so goes life in our house..

Y'all have fun..

Sick House.

If you know us and live close.. Don't come visit this week.. Kyle has strep, Ron has something like strep mixed with the flu, I don't feel so hot myself and this morning Chelsea got up with a fever and sore throat.. heck even "snickers" is still sick.. this house is full of germs I am sure.. I know I am gonna go through a couple cans of lysol and pine sol and a bottle of bleach when all this is over.. there is no way I want this bug or bugs to hang around.. Well I mean I'll be cleaning just as soon as I feel like I can make it to the kitchen to get the cleaning stuff..

In other news.. there is no progress on Snickers.. she is still sitting out in the front looking lost and forlorn.. It is not that we don't love her anymore or that I don't desperately need my van back.. we just haven't had the time or energy to fix her.. I am gonna make an effort in getting her fixed today.. If I don't tomorrow will be a repeat of Monday.. I don't know if I can take that much driving for a 2nd day this week.. especially since my wrist is in a funky foul mood and doesn't want to do anything I tell it to do..

Right now I am sitting here watching Pleasentville.. I saw it when it came out.. and I really liked it then.. thought I would watch it again and see if it still appeals to me.. so far it does..

I guess I should get off here and call the parts stores and see what I can do about my lil van.. wish me luck.. Y'all have fun

The Almost Demise of Snickers

It has been a sad week for me so far.. "snickers" my van seems to be in a coma.. she isn't fully dead but isn't really alive either. Saturday afternoon I was going to pick up Kyle from his friend's house where he had spent the night Friday (giving Ron and I a lot of quiet time).. I got in my ever reliable lil mini van, turned the key, and Nothing!! No! this can't be.. not my little hoopty.. I tried again.. and again.. still to no avail.. I checked it out.. I knew it wasn't the battery or the alternator.. or any of those things.. I realized then that the sensor reading what gear the thing is supposed to be in has gone kaplooey.. this is a minor thing to bypass.. problem.. it was cold out.. and Ron and I don't know which wire is which... Sunday we got the steering column off and looked.. ok yeah.. I can work on a motor.. I can put in a transmission.. give me 200 wires under a dash and I am lost.. we put it off til Monday when Ron could get professional advice..

Monday was a day from hell in itself with taking Ron to work.. that part was good.. but it went downhill from there.. there were 2 trips to Nicholasville and back.. a 2 hr wait at Chris'attorney's office.. a trip back to Winchester to get Ron from work.. by the time we got back to Lex Ron took mercy on me and stopped for supper for us..

Ron did get the advice to fix snickers.. there was supposed to be 2 purple wires attached to the steering column that could be cut and spliced together to bypass the sensor.. ok.. we can do that.. Ron is an electrician.. I do have a working knowledge of cars.. Yeah .. Not.. there were no purple wires.. well there was one but it wasn't where we were told it would be.. so now we are back to calling for more professional advice... I may have to go find someone today to fix it.. I miss my van.. it is a good lil thing.. and although I love spending the extra time in the morning with my honey.. this driving all over is killing me.. and we don't even want to talk about what my house looks like..

Oh in case you are wondering why I call my van snickers.. it is chocolate brown with carmel accents and there are definately nuts inside..

Y'all have fun

Friday Finally

I can't explain how happy I am that it is Friday.. I need to sleep past 6:30.. I need to just chill with no kids to take anywhere.. I need to cuddle in bed with my honey.. all of those things are possible starting this evening.. the only thing that sux about it is Ron has to work late again tonight.. I know he has to get all the hours in for his internship..but it don't stop me from missing him when he isn't home..

Last night when Ron was on his way home from Richmond, Chella asked me who I was talking to on the phone.. I told her Ron.. he said.." yeah.. we love talking to each other.. having long conversations. .we have been having this one for over 3 1/2 yrs now.." I got to thinking about that.. (my mind is strange that way).. he is right.. from our first real conversation, we have enjoyed each others company and conversation.. He is funny, smart, witty and can debate or agree with the same passion I have for conversation.. those are rare traits to find in anyone, makes it even better when you find that with the love of your life..

The fact that we are both empaths helps too.. we can feel what others feel a lot of the time.. with each other that seems to be intensified to the nth degree.. whether we agree on something or not.. we can still feel where the other is coming from .. makes for a great life together.. I love feeling what is in his heart.. the only downside to this is I can feel when something is wrong too.. or something is bothering him.. lately I have felt his stress and worry at having so much to do for work.. and thinking he is not doing enough to be with me and the kids at home.. and the pressure of worrying about if we can get the house , the worry about chris or more acurately the worrying about me worrying about chris.. Honey.. it is ok.. I am not worrying as much now.. I am not thinking about it 24/7.. and as for your time at home.. when you are here you are here.. you give us all we need.. and if you are distracted at times.. it's ok.. happens to the best of us..

Anyway.. I guess I should get off here.. I have a ton of things to take care of.. including trying to locate a police report that doesn't seem to be in the system at the police dept.. it is the one about what happened to Chella, Sierra, and Justin on the 5th of this month.. the assault by an officer thing.. it seems the officer filed a report with the store involved but didn't file one with the dept.. hmmm can we say hiding something? If you don't do anything wrong, why not file a report.. I am trying to solve the mystery.. now all i need is a funky tie dyed van and a great dane... I wonder if a chocolate brown van and a boxer will work.. I can hear it now.. " we would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for that meddling redhead and her dog"... ok.. yep I have lost my mind.. I'm outta here..

Y'all have fun..

Friends, Lovers, Life

I was talking to my best girlfriend this morning.. she is engaged to a pretty nice guy.. I don't know him all that well but he is good to her and treats her kids well.. that says a lot over the ones she has dated in the past.. she is having issues about whether or not she is doing the right thing by marrying him.. I know it is normal to have the jitters as the date gets closer.. and I know it is normal to have second and even third thoughts about getting into that kind of committment when you are our age and have a life of your own you are used to doing things your way.. and to think about combining that life with someone else's is a bit frightening.. I asked her if she loves him.. she says she does.. I believe her.. but there is something else going on with her.. She was with this total loser, user for about a year.. he was unavailable emotionally, a player and I think used her for a sexual toy.. she was there.. ya know.. one of those things.. but unfortunately she fell in love with the "tadpole" (if you read Ron's blog you know the origin of that colorful name) anyway.. this man seems to have taken hold of her heart and she has had so many problems letting him go.. he cheated on her with another woman (several actually) he is living with the last one now and has a child with her.. but "L" still loves him..

I don't know what it is with women.. we seem to have the most annoying habit of falling in love with people that hurt us.. It isn't all of us.. but enough to take notice.. what is it that causes otherwise normal, intelligent, strong women to fall for the jerks of the world.. and not being able to get them out of our hearts and minds.. I know part of it is the "bad boy" factor.. I get that entirely too well. My ex was one of the bad boys.. until Ron.. that was the only type man I fell for.. I guess looking back from where I am now.. I was afraid of a man that was intelligent, strong and didn't need a mother figure to fix him.. if I couldn't fix him or at least try to then what good was I to him.. I never thought that a man could just love me.. could just like having me around.. could respect my intelligence and my outpouring of love for him just because he does.. I always felt that if he didn't need me to fix him... he didn't love me.. strange huh?...

Ron has taught me so much.. I know I am worthy of being loved just because I am me.. I know I deserve love and happiness, I don't have to be perfect all the time.. I don't have to look a certain way.. I don't have to cook certain foods.. hell I don't even have to cook if I don't have time or whatever.. I don't have to do anything.. The only thing Ron wants from me is my love.. and that I have in abundance.. I never understood that is what love is .. it is given and received unconditionally when it is real.. I never understood what the word unconditional meant until Ron.. does he like a clean house, food on the table, lunch in his lunch box, back rubs, a woman that takes pride in her appearance for him.. of course he does.. but I don't have to do any of those things for him to keep loving me the way he does.. that makes doing all of those things my choice and my pleasure.. I get it now.. I just wish I could explain it to "L".. I wish I could find her a "Ron".. I wish I had some way of convincing her she needs to just be her to be loved.. "B" was a loser.. "R" seems to really care for her.. sometimes I guess that scares the hell out of women like us.. It is frightening to know that being just who we are is enough because we don't think in our hearts and mind that we are enough.. I know that feeling so well.. my heart breaks for her.. I know I can' t fix her.. but I can keep loving her and supporting her just because she is my friend.. that is something else Ron has taught me.. I have to know when I can't fix someone or something but it doesn't keep me from loving them just the same.. that is a good thing to know..

Oh yeah.. honey.. I love you .. more than I have the words to express to you.. more than I could have imagined.. thank you my love for letting me find out that I really like me.. and for loving the me that I am with all my imperfections, Have a great day...

Y'all have fun..

At Work and Mario

I am sitting here at work with Ron.. he is in a staff meeting so I thought what better to do with my time than to get on here and blog a bit... hey I have nothing else to do and the book I brought with me will not last the rest of the day..I started it yesterday and am more than halfway through it already..I read fast ..

Both kids came with us today.. this serves a couple of purposes, It gets them out of the house so I don't have to worry all day about what John is doing.. and It gets me out of the house and with Ron.. what could be better.. Chella and I have serious thrift store plans for later today .. there will be shopping.. I need to replenish my book supply.. I am down to 3 novels I haven't read.. I have about 30 I need to take to the used book store and trade I just never seem to have the time to do those sorts of things..

The kids brought the game system and hooked it up to the big screen TV in Ron's classroom.. so in the background of my thoughts I keep hearing Mario Party.. screeching, beeping, hollering and the most annoying music known to mankind.. I know I am gonna hear this stuff in my sleep.. Now I know why I tell them to shut the bedroom door when they are playing.. Oh well at least they are having fun. Uh Oh Chella just came over fussing about the game.. Guess I had better get off here and find out what the problem is..

Y'all have fun

The Weekend Continues

I know it is Sunday evening and most people think of Sunday as the end of the weekend.. I usually do too. This weekend won't end until tomorrow night for us.. The kids are out of school.. Ron has to work.. but, the kids and I are going with him tomorrow.. all it took to convince Kyle to go was to tell him he can take his game system with him and play on the huge screen TV in Ron's classroom.. Chelsea was a bit more difficult until I mentioned there could and most likely will be shopping.. thrift store shopping at that.. she is convince.. So I get to continue to spend time with my honey and with my kids.. what could be better than that.. well it would have been nice to have the winning numbers for the 365 million power ball.. but not better than spending time with the people I love most..

On another good note.. I am feeling better.. I still get tired out easily.. going out and about wears me down.. but I can stand up straight now and I haven't been running a fever for 3 days.. these are good things.. I figure I should be back to me soon..

Thursday I had a meeting with my atty for my wrist injury.. It seems the insurance company is willing to admit some culpability and come up with a settlement.. It isn't the best they could have done.. but at least it will save me a year of court and this will be over with.. Nothing is going to fix my wrist.. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life.. I resigned myself to that fact a while back.. I guess that makes this settlement thing a bit easier for me..

Friday Chris went to court for the status hearing(whatever the hell that is supposed to be) and I won't find out what it is for another 2 weeks due to the continuance his atty asked for and got.. oh well at least Chris is not in jail and he is safe.. that is all that matters to me.. this will work out one way or another soon enough.. and then perhaps we can all get on with our lives.. I am not gonna say drama-free lives. I know me and my life until now entirely too well I know there will be other dramas.. I am just tired of the same old one..

My honey is gone to a board meeting.. or is that bored meeting? I have been to one of these with this particular group and I tend to think they are the latter.. anyway.. I miss him.. I hate it when anything takes us away from each other, especially on the weekends.. but , we both have a strong sense of upholding our responsibilities therefore, he is there.. I am here..

I think I will get off here and take my meds and curl up on the couch with a book to wait for my honey to come home..

Y'all have fun..

It's Back

Well it seems that my kidney infection is back for an encore presentation despite the "pristine" urine test of a couple weeks ago, I am now sick again.. I knew something still wasn't right.. It is my body after all.. why don't Drs. listen when you tell them about your own body? I have had this thing for 37 yrs.. you would think I would know when something ain't quite right with it.. oh well... I am back on antibiotics and ibuprofen every 4 hrs for the pain and fever.. oh what fun... I also have an ear infection, bladder infection and a sinus infection.. so all in all I am one hurtin unit once again.. I will be glad when this mess is over with.. I rarely get sick.. but when I do.. It hits me hard.. the Dr. asked me yesterday if I have had a lot of stress lately.. those of you that have been following the Chris saga are probably laughing your butts off at that question.. I just said to her.. Ummm yeah you could say I have been under stress as of late.. she tells me to cut down on caffiene, stop smoking, and limit alcohol intake.. I said I thought you wanted me to not be stressed?..ok.. enough.. on to other things..

Chris is out of jail.. he got out Friday.. the new condition of his bond is that he may not live here.. so he is living with his GF and her parents for the time being.. I understand why the judge made that ruling.. I just think it sux that my son has to live somewhere else and John is still here harassing away and no one will do anything about it.. doesn't seem quite right.. but there is good news.. At court Friday the police officer was reading the report of the so called harassment .. In the report John gave her an entirely different story about what occured on Oct 31.. he is at some point going to have to explain why he told one cop one thing and another cop a different thing.. can't wait to hear that.. I know why he told the story to the most recent officer.. he wanted to make Chris sound like a violent person that attacked him for no reason.. so the cops would arrest him.. when they didn't the first time he made up another story.. he also screwed up by saying Sierra was restraining the unknown black man.. first there wasn't any man.. second when he called the police, Sierra was with me walking lacey.. now she is a black dog.. but I don't think anyone would ever mistake her for a man.. just my thoughts on it.. There is a line in the bible that scared me when I was a kid.. "Be sure your sins will find you out".. I am thinking John's are just about to catch up to him..

Other than that.. Ron and I had a wonderful weekend together.. I love spending time with him no matter what we are doing.. it can be grocery shopping or going out to dinner.. It doesn't matter to me.. as long as he and I can be together I'm good.. I have to try to feel better today at least for as long as it will take me to get Ron something for Valentine's day.. Honestly there is nothing I could ever buy in any store that would be enough to express my love for him.. he says I gave him his Valentine's day gift with a wonderful weekend.. I say hush.. I wanna get ya something.. so There... It is funny.. sometimes we get so caught up in all the drama around here that it feels like we don't spend time with each other.. and we don't get to talk or touch.. but I feel him with me always.. when we can have time like we did this weekend.. it is more than just reconnecting.. it is me falling in love with him all over again..

I think I have used all the energy I can for now.. gonna go lay down.. Y'all have fun and a Happy Valentine's Day to you all..

Getting Somewhere?

I don't know that I am actually acomplishing anything in the Chris situation but for some reason I feel somewhat more hopeful about it.. Today didn't go as planned.. the state's witness ( arresting officer Cook) was not there.. she had not been told she needed to be.. the state has 10 days to get all witnesses in court if the person charged is in custody.. and they have to put on their case by that time or drop the charges altogether.. so.. according to how the law is applied.. instead of telling the state "too bad you should have been prepared" we have to go back to court on Friday for this hearing.. Chris' atty told me the full charges today.. I was shocked.. I had already known John lied when he called the police but now I know to what extent this man will go to lie.. he told the officers that there was an unknown black man being restrained by Sierra that was attempting to chase him down on the day Chris was arrested... There was no black man here at all.. not to mention the fact that Sierra weighs all of 110lbs and couldn't restrain a grown man if there was one to restrain..

We will all be back in court on Friday.. the atty only wants to use 2 of the witnesses we have.. Chris wants him to use them all .. I agree with Chris.. I don't care about the court's time.. they obviously don't care about Chris' time or the fact that a lie by John has now cost him his job.. or what happens to our family in the meantime.. Personally I think having more people that are telling the judge Chris has done nothing.. the better Chris' chances are and the chance of the court getting a clue about what John really is improves.. but that is just my opinion..

I also spoke with the County Atty. today about the harassment, assault on Tommy, the lies and everything else John has done.. he told me his hands are tied by policy but he did give me the number to his boss.. he is able to make a call on this.. I have called him and I will call him again tomorrow.. I want this taken care of.. I want some protection for my family for a change.. I need help here too.. So wish me luck on getting it..

Well I need to go rest for a while.. Y'all have fun..

Another Week Starts Off Badly

I tell ya.. I am thinking seriously about running away.. I don't eat much.. I don't sleep much.. I don't need much space.. Ron and I could live on a deserted island and be just fine..

You would think with all the drama going on around here I would be used to it.. oh no.. I'm not.. there was an incident last night involving Chelsea, Sierra, Justin and Tommy.. surprisingly this one had nothing to do with John.. lets just say it started over a misunderstanding and ended with Chelsea being forcibly pushed to the ground by a police officer putting his hand on her neck and pushing her to the concrete.. not a good night.. then the trip to the ER to check out her neck.. and finally bed.. where I spent the next couple hrs brooding and thinking.. I have just about had it.. I know the Bible says God doesn't put on you more than you can handle so I guess God thinks I am a lot stronger than I think I am..

This morning didn't start out much better.. I got up.. got Kyle to school... called the Dr. to follow up for Chelsea.. then I got killer cramps.. yeah on top of everything else there is that.. wooo hooo.. how much fun can one person take.. so.. I am in the bathroom dying.. and I go to pull my jeans up.. My cell phone falls out of the pocket and you guessed it.. into the toilet.. I took it apart and blow dried it.. to no avail.. maybe it will dry out eventually.. I know we have a couple of old phones around here.. I looked for one of those.. nuttin.. then Eureka!! there is the old one my mother in law had.. I put my SIM card in it only to be told it is incompatable witht that phone.. I go on another search of the house and find Chris' old phone.. I put my SIM in it and it works.. finally good news .. or so you would think.. I then realize the battery is almost dead and there is no charger to be found.. I make a dash to Wally World to get a cheap one.. and what do you know.. the only one they are out of is the one I need.. I asked the clerk to call the other stores.. they are all out of the same one.. what was there a run on those chargers over the weekend??? I did at least get the stuff I need to make the chili I have been craving for the last week.. Upon returning home I searched for an appropriate charger... we have an abundance of those sorts of things.. I came up with 12.. I went through all of them.. and low and behold I finally found on that seems to be working .. we shall see.. Chris is supposed to call me around noon.. perhaps I can cheer his day.. Hopefully mine will get better..

Y'all have fun..

Oh yeah Honey.. did I mention to you how much I love you and how much you being by my side has held me together.. have a great day baby..

Sometimes I Wonder Why I Get Out Of Bed

I am having serious issues today.. Chris got arrested again last night.. again for doing nothing.. Here is the story..

Chris, Sierra, Chelsea, Kyle and Chelsea's friend Brandon were out on the porch yesterday afternoon/evening.. John ( the asshole down the street) was outside driving his Jeep.. he was circling around the stop sign and the cut through by our house, slowing down and flipping the kids off on the porch.. trying to get a reaction from them.. he didn't.. the kids didn't react.. they simply ignored him.. Sierra came in to get the video camera to try and catch him in the act of harassing us yet again..I decided to go outside.. the minute I stepped off the porch, John's girlfriend leans out his door and flips me off.. I ignored her too..Sierra and I walked Lacey up to the corner.. when we turned around we saw a cop car pull up to John's house followed by a second one.. I called Ron and asked him to come out on the porch until I could get back home.. he did.. when we got there I got my copies of the police reports about John harassing us and Tommy and we waited..the cops came to our house and told Chris that he can't say anything to John .. to watch his p's and q's.. we told them Chris doesn't and hadn't said a word to John nor had he responded in any way to the antics John is forever pulling.. the cops left.. Chris went upstairs to play video games.. Sierra and I came inside so she could roll my hair.. Things were normal for about an hour or so... Jordan came to pick Sierra up.. the next thing I know Chelsea is coming in to tell me the police are back at John's .. I really didn't think too much of it I knew Chris was upstairs and had not been out at all..

Ten minutes after Chelsea told us the cops where out there they were knocking on our door.. Ron and I went to the door.. the cop said that someone had yelled at John about flipping off their brother and they were taking Chris to jail.. they arrested him and left. I got the story from Chelsea and Brandon.. apparently while Jordan was in the house Chelsea and Brandon were leaning against his car talking when Brandon's brother and some other guy came up.. they talked to Chelsea and Brandon for a few minutes and walked off down the street.. the brother walked in the direction of John's house.. when he passed John yelled something at him from the porch.. the boy yelled something back.. and then John came out in the yard trying to start something and the boy walked on.. next thing we know the cops are here arresting Chris.. hell he wasn't even outside and we don't know this kid..

What the cops basically explained to us is that John can say anything he wants and they will take his word for it.. he can call and tell them Chris is doing something even if he isn't home.. even if Chris isn't around.. and they will arrest Chris.. They even told us they don't have to have proof..Just John's word.. I am so tired of John calling all the shots.. I am tired of us not having any rights..

Ron and I got into a rather heated discussion about this whole thing.. he asked me if I would want to be afforded protection if I was the victim of a crime such as the one Chris is accused of.. I told him.. I understand protection.. but I was apparently misled by this document called the constitution.. it says.. that you are innocent until proven guilty.. now.. if I were the victim of a crime.. I would expect the police to protect me.. but I wouldn't go out of my way to harass someone. If I did think the person that committed the offense was doing something to intimidate me.. you better damn well bet I would have proof out the wazoo to make sure they would be arrested.. I wouldn't make up things and tell lies.. and I would expect the police to believe the other person too if I had done something to harass that person, until they were found guilty of a crime.. that is what our justice system is founded on..

So now I am back on the phone.. calling attorneys, judges, anyone I can get to listen to me.. I don't think my son should be in jail for nothing.. I also think we should be afforded some protection from John.. he does all sorts of things to me and my family and we aren't even allowed to press charges against him.. I am angry at John, the police, the court system, damn near everything.. I have taken it out on Ron.. the kids .. I don't know what to do.. I swear I am really close to having a break down.. the only thing keeping me from it is, I am the only person that is gonna fight for my son the way I fight for him.. no one loves my son the way I do.. no one is willing to go to the end of the earth to protect him but me..that is what is keeping me from losing my mind.. I honestly don't know how much more I can take.. I don't know how much longer I can be strong.. It is exhausting to have to be strong all the time.. it is wearing me down .. I don't understand why things work the way they do.. I don't understand how and why this keeps happening..

I need to get off here and get back to work.. Y'all have fun.

Asleep at the Keyboard

I am sitting here half asleep.. I know I can go lay down and take a nap and I probably should .. but I really need to work on this house today.. I have been cleaning at it all week.. that is not really cleaning but picking up and faking the rest.. I just don't seem to be in the spirit of the whole OCD cleaning thing this week.. My back is part of it.. The treatment for the back is the rest.. the Dr. gave me a new muscle relaxer yesterday.. It has seriously inhibited my obsessive tendencies.. I just don't care enough about cleaning to get off my butt today.. In fact the only thing that sounds like a good plan is a good long nap.. I am thinking I need to take these things early in the evening and sleep them off.. they work.. my back isn't hurting.. or maybe it is and I just don't feel it..

Chris has the day off.. this is a good thing.. no 11pm pick up time.. I love my son.. I am glad he has a good job and he likes it.. but I will be so happy when this boy gets his license and his own car.. this staying up til 11:30 is hell on old folks like me..

Kyle's Dr. appt went well.. he has a staph infection .. and very very dry skin.. he is now on meds and a regimen of Dove soap only and serious moisturizer after showering.. I told him there is a good side to having funky skin.. you have to take better care of it and it doesn't age as fast..I should know.. The kid inherited the funkiness from me.. I have had to baby my skin all of my life.. between the dryness now and the acne as a kid..and the eczema... there has never been a time in my life when taking care of my skin wasn't a priority..the skin care companies love me.. I should invest..

Well I think that nap is getting to be more of a reality than a wish right now.. maybe I'll go lay down for an hr or so..

Y'all have fun