Where I am

After reading my Honey's blog and bawling like a lovesick teenager.. I got to thinking bout where I was when I met Ron.. where I am now..

I was married the first time for 18 yrs.. Ronnie and I got married young.. started having kids young.. and started having issues young.. I am a fixer.. I think I have mentioned this before.. I didn't know how to be in a relationship with someone that didn't need my help.. that didnt' need me to fix them in some way.. I was 16 going on 50.. I thought I knew everything.. and no one was gonna tell me any differently.. Ronnie and I had problems... we had great times.. we had what most consider a normal marriage.. It had a darker side that I will not go into here.. but it did last for 18 yrs..

During the last 5 yrs of my marriage to Ronnie.. I started making small changes for myself.. things like cutting my hair the way I liked it.. buying and wearing clothes that I liked.. wearing makeup.. then in 2002 came the biggest change.. Gastric bypass surgery.. when I went through that I knew that I could do anything I wanted to do and take care of myself and my children without anyone beside me.. I could finally let go of a relationship that simply was not healthy for either one of us.. I still loved Ronnie.. I always will.. but I was about as far from being in love with him as a person can be and I had felt that way for a long time..

I met Ron at a luncheon.. the first few times we met .. we didn't talk at all more than the usual pleasentries.. then one day.. we talked for real.. we met somewhere and had a real conversation.. I knew this man was someone that I could trust...someone that would be a part of my life in some capacity.. and would have an impact on who I am.. what I didn't know is that he would become the Love of my life.. that he would be the one that allowed me to be me.. that we would have this unique and wonderful love that would allow me to finally grow.. I felt like I had been stuck in an 18 yr olds frame of mind for most of my life and was finally able to grow up and have grown up thoughts and conversations .. I could be the me that I always knew that I was..

We got married 17 months into our relationship.. the most wonderful part of us being us is that we still grow together.. we still talk.. we love being together.. I dont care if it is just him sitting at the computer (did I mention he is a computer hog?).. and I am sitting on the couch , or if we are out in the company of friends.. we still are individuals as well as a couple.. we just work.. I don't know why.. or how.. I just know that we do..

Ron has, without knowing it.. altered the me that I was into the me that I am.. and I found out that I am now the me that I always thought I was in the first place.. able to love.. able to trust.. able to just be who I am.. I don't have to earn Ron's love.. I don't have to earn happiness.. In our life.. love and happiness are as natural as breathing.. Ron is the air...


y'all have fun