Happy Halloween

Today started off as usual.. Kissing Ron goodbye.. running Chris to work.. taking kids to school.. and that is where the trouble started.. Chelsea wore face paint to school today.. It is Halloween.. we have always loved halloween.. we dress up.. we trick or treat.. we do the whole spooky day thing. That is just us..

I hadn't been gone from her school more than 10 minutes when I got a call from Chelsea.. she said that her choices were to go home or get suspended all for wearing face paint.. I (being the smart ass I am) put on my costume and headed for the school.. I walked in the office and the lady behind the desk tells me, " you can sign her out now".. I was like ok.. do I get the opportunity to talk to the person with the issue.. " He is in a meeting".. So I signed her out and as we were leaving Chelsea informs me that several teachers are also in costume.. I was like wait.. you mean to tell me that the teachers are in costume and they are having a fit about kids being in a little face paint?.. UMMMM NO..

I think teachers should be held to the same dress standards as the student..at Chelsea's school they have a dress code.. Chelsea was in dress code.. just wearing face paint.. I said as much to the lady at the desk. She was like take it up with the school board.. I said OK.. I will.. and I did.. I sent them a nicely worded email ( yes Nicely worded) telling them of the situation and voicing my complaint.. I also sent a not so nice email to the assistant principal.. the dude that had the issue in the first place.. now ya'll know I couldn't have stayed nice through all of this.. geesh.. anywho.. We shall see where this goes.. I personally don't think the kids should be allowed to attend in costume.. but I don't see a problem with face paint or temporary hair color.. on Halloween.. But ya know.. I guess some people forget what being a kid is about when they get in a position of authority over kids..just my take..

Y'all have fun and a Happy and Safe Halloween to you all..

Happy Birthday Kyle

I can't believe he is 10.. it seems like such an advanced age for my baby to be.. I have no problem with Chris being 19.. I have no problem with the girls being 16 and 14.. but Kyle is supposed to be my lil' guy.. He isn't supposed to be getting to an age where he will be looking more to his friends than to mommy.. I don't think I am ready for that with him..

You would think I would be used to how fast they grow up.. with 3 ahead of him. There is something different about it when it is your "Baby".. you never expect them to grow up so fast.

He is such a great little kid.. He is smart, loving, and has a wicked sense of humor.. He is quick witted and absorbs information like a sponge.. he needs a lot of attention and will talk your ear off.. I don't have the same problem Ron does though.. it is hard to remember he is only 10 sometimes.. but for me.. It is hard to remember that he is already 10...

Kyle doesn't realize it.. or maybe he does as bright as he is.. he has so many advantages.. he was born from love.. no matter what else was going on with Ronnie and I we loved our kids beyond reason.. they were always first in our hearts.. Ronnie still stays in touch with his kids.. and that is a good thing.. Kyle has the advantage of having Ron as a dad too.. Ron raised girls.. so this might be a bit different for him.. he takes it well.. boys are a lot different than girls growing up.. they tend to be more clingy, needy and demanding of attention.. (in my experience).. Ron has stepped up to the plate and done well with Kyle.. Kyle adores Ron. they don't always see eye to eye.. and there are times I have to be the middle man.. Kyle for all of his outgoingness tends to be shy in some ways just like his mom.. and needs someone that knows what he really wants to say to help him say it.. but over all Kyle is one lucky little kid.. he has 4 parents that love him.. 5 sisters to annoy that adore him.. and a big brother that thinks he is the greatest little kid in the world.. as well as several sets of grandparents and a wonderful extended family..


So.. my little guy.. I love you more than I can tell you.. I know you are growing up as you must do.. but when you feel you are too big for cuddling on the couch with mom.. or that you can't call me momma anymore cause it ain't cool.. or when a little girl catches your eye.

I will still be here.. there will be a pillow and a snuggly blanket and a space next to momma's always waiting for you my sweet kiddo..I hope your birthday was all you wanted.. and that you always have all you dream of having.. you can be anything.. but the one thing I want for you more than anything.. Is for you to be Kyle.. and be happy...


Y'all have fun..

Reflections..

With all the drama going on around here lately .. I have been reflecting on some things.. My kids sometimes make me think they have lost their minds and as their mother I wonder from time to time if something I did or didn't do could have caused the way they act..

My first husband and I were married for 18 yrs.. we had 4 beautiful kids together.. you would have thought from the outside that our marriage was perfect.. Yeah OK..

I decided I couldn't take anymore of the way things were.. The things that hurt me to the point that I just couldn't continue to sacrifice who I was even for the kids to have a roof over their heads and food to eat.. I knew I could provide those things for them on my own.. I am a strong person.. I have never been on my own before.. I have never had to do things on my own.. I had to try though..

My kids wanted my ex and I to separate but when it happened they went a bit nuts.. now, I did expect them to have a reaction.. I took them from everything they knew.. I took them from everything they had come to think of as normal.. I wanted them to see their mom happy.. I thought they deserved better than constant fighting and name calling.. I wanted to give them and myself a chance at a better life and maybe a chance at a healthy relationship somewhere down the road..

Ron and I started dating a few months after Ronnie and I separated.. The kids loved him.. he was wonderful with them he is strict but not unfair.. still the kids lost their minds.. Sierra wouldn't go to school.. wouldn't listen.. chris wouldn't go to school , started smoking weed and so forth.. Even Chelsea and Kyle took their turns at insanity.. Hell I went crazy for about 3 months myself.. I was not the mother they had always known .. I was free for the first time in my life and I know I took that too far.. I saw what that was doing to my kids and stopped.. I stayed home.. I didn't go out.. I tried to bring back what we had lost as a family.. they didn't want any part of it..

Ron and I married after 17 months of dating.. we have the healthy wonderful relationship I wanted my kids to see.. I fall in love with Ron on a daily basis..he is still wonderful with the kids.. still strict but fair.. and still they are nuts.. Is it a requirement for teenagers to be clinically insane?

I think back.. If I had stayed with Ronnie ( an unimaginable thought) would it have made a difference in their lives.. I think it would have to the point that they would not have done as much as they have as soon as they have but I believe you can raise your kids only so much..you can teach them and tell them all they need to know about who they should be and then there comes a time when they will make their own choices.. they will do what it is they want to do whether you like it or not .. and you have no choice but to sit back and watch them screw up.. you can try to talk to them, you can try to tell them the things they are doing are wrong.. but they ultimately will make their own choices..

So.. I guess I try to blame myself for their behavior.. but I know.. the only thing that would have come from me staying where I was .. was my misery and the kids ultimately doing exactly what they are doing.. Not to mention I would not have found the only person that can make me feel like Ron makes me feel.. the person that makes me believe for the first time that not only am I truly loved but that I deserve the love he gives me.. there are no words to describe my life with Ron.. I never thought this kind of love was for me..

So.. I guess for now.. I will leave the kids in the Lord's hands.. and pray for them.. I know I gave them the knowledge to do the right thing.. now I have to believe that at some time they will come to the place where they will decide to use it....

Y'all have fun...

Walls

Have you ever felt like the walls are closing in.. that you are so tied in knots about the things you want to do vs. the things you can do that you feel walled in by your own thought processes..

That is me lately.. Right now.. I feel like the house has shrunk about 3 sizes smaller than it was originally...I have this pressure bearing down on me. I feel like I have to get a job soon.. I have to start doing something with my life.. I have to start helping Ron more financially. I have to clean more.. I have to make things perfect around here.. Nothing I do feels like enough .. at least not to me.. no one else has made me feel this way.. no one else has even hinted that I am not doing all I can do right now.. this is all in my head.. I know that.. doesn't make it any better tho.. doesn't make it go away..

I have always been a perfectionist.. mostly because I was always afraid that I wasn't good enough for anyone or anything that I did wasn't good enough.... I don't feel that way anymore.. I know I am good enough ( thank you honey) I know that I can only do so much.. I just haven't ever been very good at limitations.. they piss me off..

I guess that is part of it.. I am pissed off at most of the world right now..I am pissed that I hurt.. I am pissed that I can't hide my pain better than I do.. I am pissed that this stupidity is keeping me from doing things I want to do and making me afraid that I won't be able to do them anytime in the near future.... I hate self pity.. I hate whining.. and lately I feel like I define the word "whiner"..

Well.. ok.. venting over.. that feels better.. There are so many wonderful things in my life.. I am blessed more than I ever imagined I would be.. I am thankful for all the things in my life that make me feel blessed.. I just get so frustrated.. OMG.. I told Ron last night he is human.. you don't supposed this makes me one of those humans too do ya?.. oh well .. gotta get kyle..

Y'all have fun

Another Old Friend..

I recently joined classmates.com for a free 7 day trial.. I was going over all the names in my old highschool registry.. One name jumped out at me in particular.. Matt.. we were friends in Jr high and in high school.. I sent him an e mail and he wrote back to me.. it was great.. we are catching up on old times and what is going on in our lives now.. It seems so strange to me that we are in our late 30's I don't feel any older than I did when I was 20..

I think part of that is Ron though.. he makes me feel like the world is a great place and there are wonders still to discover.. ok.. before I get all mushy as usual.. I just wanted to say Howdy Matt.. glad we have gotten to talk.. and talking to you on the phone was great.. perhaps Ron and I can convince you to join us for Karaoke one night.. you can hear his great voice and can step outside when it is my turn to sing.. it won't offend me really.. heck we survived high school together.. surely one night of my singing won't kill ya..

Y'all have fun

Martians are Strange..

Ok.. Far be it for me to cabbage on my honey's blog post but this needs an answer.. Ron has his 3 pair of shoes that he wears.. he also has 3 pair in the closet that he does not wear.. that is fine.. I have shoes that I wear once in a blue moon.. but to a woman.. those shoes must remain in her position cause ya know.. Just about the time you get rid of them.. Boom.. there is a blue moon.. and there ya are without the shoes to wear for the occasion..

I admit... I have a "shoe thing" but I don't think it is anymore odd for me to think that 11 ( I went to the payless sale) pairs of shoes is bare minimum.. when Ron has 3 or more toolboxes full of tools in the laundry room that mostly just become lethal weapons to my poor toes.. every time I go out there one of those things will reach out maliciously and hit my lil toes.. My shoes don't abuse Ron.. ok.. not often anyway..

The real truth about me and shoes is this.. I have big feet.. when I find shoes that fit right.. and go with most of what I need them to go with.. I buy them.. Payless happens to be the one inexpensive place that I can buy shoes that fit my big feet (size 10 ) so when they have a sale.. I try to get to it.. I will keep a pair of shoes that fit well forever..

Oh yeah.. and one more thing.. the shoes that hurt yer feet the first day and you wear them a second.. then you never wear them again thing.. first.. women are supposed to be the weaker sex.. yet we can stand a day or two of painful shoes just to make sure we get a good fit without the safety net of old compfy shoes in hand.. ( we keep them in the car) .. Second.. it isn't like we will put the offending shoes in the closet and forget about them.. we take them back and get other shoes that will most likely hurt our feet at first too.. ( ok I know all of us have at least 2 pair that did hurt and are hiding in the back of the closet.. but shhhhh )

The 3 pair that I bought Sunday will last me for a while.. the thing that guys don't get.. our styles change everytime the wind blows.. most designers are MEN.. they do this to us on purpose.. just so our hubby's can pic on us and have something to take our minds off the fact they left their socks on the floor again.. whatcha think ladies.. back me up on the shoe thing.. even though at owning only 11 pairs I am barely qualified to call myself a woman..

Y'all have fun..

Off and Running

Today started out off and running.. I packed Ron's lunch.. sent him off to work with a kiss.. then I got everyone else moving.. I had to take Chris to work today he didn't get up in time to ride with Ron.. then Chelsea and Kyle off to school... then I needed to come back home to get my stuff for the lawyer.. My cell ph died over the weekend.. so I went out to the cell phone store, just for the guy to tell me that my phone is in fact DEAD.. as in.. buy a new phone.. with the money we spent this weekend it is a good thing we have E-Bay..

Then I dashed across town to the new lawyer's office.. I like him.. the so called damning video tape that the Insurance company took of me really doesn't show anything other than me doing things with my brace or TENS unit on.. so he wasn't intimidated by it..he said he is gonna draft a letter to the Dr. asking him how he can base a medical decision on a tape that shows me doing exactly what I told him I can do as long as I have a brace or TENS unit on my wrist.. he says this will give the Dr a chance to redeem himself before going to court and getting chewed a new one.. Did I mention I like this lawyer..

Chris will have to ride to work with Ron tomorrow.. I have a job interview.. the job that Ron found out about last week... the guy liked my resume' he wants me to come in for an interview at 9 in the morning.. and two trips to Winchester before 9 am is just a bit much for me.. not to mention I would have to drop Chris off.. then come back .. drop Chelsea off .. and get my butt back to Winchester all between 8 and 9.. not gonna happen in my old van unless I get some serious modifications done to it overnight.. like adding wings..

I have finally settled down for a few minutes.. thought I would fill ya in on my day.. how are things in your world?...

Y'all have fun..

Us

Us.

Yes my love I know of the ache awakened.
I feel it in your every touch.
I know of the fire that never dies,
burning ever brighter with every heart beat, loving you.

The depth of love, desire and passion that you ignite in me,
knows no boundaries.
My heart is not enough to contain it all..
It spills forth covering you.

There are times I cannot tell you of my heart.
Times that no words created by man,
can possibly describe.

Our paths crossed many times unknown to us..
Until it was our place and time to find Us
So many memories we have created.
So many more await.

I came into loving you never expecting to find my heart's perfect fit,
Never expecting to find the place I didn't know I was missing.
Never expecting to find my safe harbor in your arms.

You have opened my heart and filled it with all I never dared to dream.
Today we celebrate the 2nd year of our joining as man and wife.
I need a lifetime more to return to you all you give to me..

Tammy J. Simpson
October 11, 2005
Happy Anniversary My Poet.

Monday, Monday

Today started off alright.. got up.. got kyle off to school.. Yay.. the boy is back in school pox free... Chasity called and wanted to know if I could watch Ian today.. I was all for that.. so I rush out the door to get back in time to get my lil guy.. and then the brat.(chasity) calls and tells me that she is taking off today and doesn't need me to watch him after all.. how much does that suck..

Chas was full of all sorts of good news this morning.. The job ( oh yeah I got the job), chas' hubby works for the same company in a different dept. He told Chasity that the company is requiring all work at home data entry people to purchase the software they will need to work with.. I'm thinking NOT.. so I put in a call to the hiring manager.. he hasn't called me back yet.. if it turns out to be true I will not be taking the job... Oh well so goes life..

Chelsea.. who I might mention is suspended again.. this time for skipping school.. and I went to her school to pick up her work.. by the time this suspension is over she will be begging me to send her to military school.. I have worked her tail end off.. My house is looking good.. my floors are clean.. the kitty litter is clean.. the laundry is done.. and my wrist is getting a much needed break.. anyone have any really lousy jobs they need done around the house? holler at me.. I have a servant available for the next day or so.. she will be cleaning out vehicles this afternoon.. I think she will rethink the whole school skipping thing next time.. at least I hope so..

Y'all have fun..

Love, Life, Just General Stuff

Today I had another job interview.. this one is for what will eventually be a work at home position.. now don't get started on all the scams out there.. this is a reputable company and they don't want any up front money or anything like that.. Yep..there really are such things as reputable companies.. anywho.. the interview went well.. the guy went ahead and gave me the drug screening sheet even though I haven't been offered the position yet.. guess there is a lot to be said for long legs in a short skirt..

I called Ron on the way home from the interview to let him know how it went.. actually I call him most of the time just to hear that wonderful, rich, sweet voice of his.. he doesn't know it but when I hear his voice I still get that little shiver that you get when you first start seeing someone.. you ladies know the shiver I am talking about.. the one that goes down your spine yet makes you feel warm all over.. yep that's the one.. every time I hear his voice.. It is funny.. when he calls me.. I see his name on my cell phone.. or hear his ring.. I get all excited that I am gonna get to talk to him.. sickening ain't it..Oh well if you can't handle mushiness you are so reading the wrong blogs with Ron and I.. we aren't really mushy.. we are just us.. we express our love for each other in so many ways, and we are very open about the way we love each other..

He said in his blog today that he is unapologetic about the way we are devoted to each other.. and he is right.. I have loved deeply and passionately before as well and although those relationships did not last, they were complete unto themselves.. they were what I was and where I was at the time.. this love I have with Ron is so much different.. it isn't that it is more real or more deep.. it is a connection that I have with him.. and he with me.. that I just cannot explain.. it is like the world is brighter.. laughter is sweeter.. life is so much richer than it has ever been .. There is no place I would rather be than in his arms. I can't imagine a life without him.. I feel him with me even though we are miles apart.. It is a love that is tightly woven throughout the freedom we both have to still be ourselves as well as two halves of the same whole. If that makes sense.. I know it will to Ron.. he knows me so well that one look he can almost tell me my thoughts..

In other news.. Kyle has the chicken pox.. he has been home all week.. my nerve.. the only one I had.. is shot all to hell.. whew.. this kid is a non stop talking machine.. I love the lil dude.. but there are times I just wish he would have gotten laryngitis instead of the chicken pox.. he should be cleared up by the weekend.. and WILL be in school on Monday.. only thing is.. next week is a three day week for our school district.. oh well maybe he will talk himself out in the first three days.. ok ok.. I know that won't happen but , dang a mom can hope can't she?..

Time to get outta here and check on halloween costumes.. Y'all have fun.. and Ron.. My Poet.. I love you..

Happy Birthday Honey..

Today is my honey's birthday.. I took him lunch and a cake.. I have presents and another cake waiting here at home..I know he says I give him everything he wants every day... but I believe that birthdays are special..

It is the celebration of being alive another year.. having Ron around another year is always a reason to celebrate.. I plan on having him around another 50 or so years and I hope to be here for every one of the future celebrations of his life.. he is a wonderful man.. he deserves to be pampered and spoiled and celebrated every day.. so on his birthday I can just do it a little more.. so there..

I sometimes don't understand the why's or how's of a man like him hooking up with a redneck like me.. but ya know what.. I'm just glad he did.. he makes me feel loved and precious every minute of every day.. there is never a time that I don't feel his love.. I want him to be able to feel my love like that.

So my love on this special day.. the day your parents brought such an extraordinary person into this world.. I want to tell you .. I love you more than I will have years to show you.. and even though you say it isn't necessary to mark this day any differently than any other day.. I think it is... so....Happy Birthday.. enjoy your day..

Y'all have fun..