Trying to Move On

It has been 3 days since we laid David Gabriel to rest.. I know now that this pain is not something I am going to be able to get over.. It is something I am going to have to learn to live with.. I can do that..

Sierra is physically well.. she is getting stronger by the day.. I didn't realize just how weak her poor little body had become during her pregnancy.. Jordan is taking good care of her physically and emotionally.. He and I have not always seen eye to eye.. in fact we usually don't , but we both love Sierra and want the best for her..seeing him with her, how can I not be proud of him.. He has been a rock for her through this all.. Thank you Jordan... I know that he will need a rock of his own when he needs to feel all of his grief.. perhaps his love will have strengthened her enough to be that for him.. just my theory..

Ron has been wonderful for me.. I know he is hurting too.. he is very good at trying to conceal his pain from me.. what he doesn't know is those incredible blue eyes are like crystal balls to me.. I can see what is inside of him.. what he is feeling.. I have been able to almost from the beginning of our relationship...

He knows more about me than anyone ever has.. he knows that under all my toughness there is a fragility that I cannot explain or admit is there.. that is where his strength carries me through.. he also knows.. that when he needs me.. when he needs to deal with his own pain, I can be just as strong as he needs me to be while still being his soft place to fall..

There is a sense of things getting back to normal around here.. there is still cleaning to be done.. there are meals to be cooked ... chelsea to take care of.. dogs to walk.. all of these things, while they cannot heal my heart or the hearts of any of us, can help us restore a sense of balance that while our hearts are broken.. Life carries on...