Will this year never end?

I don't even know where to start.. I don't even know what all I am feeling right now.. Those of you who read Ron's blog know that on Sunday November 25 my ex hubby killed himself.. The aftermath of that has been an incredibly horrible nightmare that I wish I could wake from..

Tuesday morning we left for FL.. It was a hard trip in itself.. the car that Sierra, Nick and Cloe were driving got overheated and we had to do some minor repairs to it and some major praying over it.. it finally made it to our destination..

When we got there we tried to find out from the family just exactly where the service was being held.. no one seemed to know.. that sounded a bit fishy to me that they wouldn't know where his service was.. Sierra got on the phone and called all of the funeral homes to see what she could find out.. she finally found the right one..

We were at first told that I was not welcome at the service.. It seems as how most of the family is blaming me for Ronnie's death. Sierra called Linda ( ronnie's wife) she said she didn't think it was a good idea for me to come but she wouldn't oppose me coming in and paying my respects and then leaving.. Wednesday morning there were phone calls from the family threatening me to stay away.. my kids wanted and needed their mother to be there with them, I called the police and arranged for an officer to be there to make sure everything went ok.. that didn't work .. when we got to the funeral home Chella and Sierra got out of the cars and went into the funeral home to say goodbye, Kyle didn't want to go without me.. as soon as the family saw the children they started screaming obsenities and threats at me.. they started to charge towards the car.. the police arrived about that time and kept them by the funeral home.. I had stayed by the truck the whole time I never even got close to going to the funeral home.. The family continued to rant and rave and make threats even going as far as knocking Ronnie's stepmom down inside the funeral home and throwing punches.. all the while screaming vile and obscene lies at my children.. it was the most disgusting, disrespectful spectacle I have ever witness and I hope to never see anything like that again..

After the service we were escorted by the police to the city limits to keep the family from following us.. We went back to our hotel for some much needed time to grieve and regroup... I went with my best friend Mauritha to get some food and brought it back to the hotel, we ate and talked.. Mauritha had to go to work, the kids and I went to the beach.. I had promised Ronnie a long time ago I would sing a song for him at his funeral.. since they wouldn't let me go to the service I went to his favorite spot on the beach and sang for him there with my kids around me.. I think he would have liked that.. We went back to the hotel.. Ron told me on the way back that he had heard someone at the pool with the same name as Ronnie's nephew.. I told him.. lots of people have that name.. when we got back to the hotel, the kids asked if they could go play pool.. we told them yes.. as they were walking around they ran into Ronnie's brother , his wife and some other family members. The kids came back to the room and told us who they had seen, we packed up and left.. we just didn't want to deal with anymore drama.. we drove as far as Brunswick GA. got a room and fell asleep.. We got up the next morning and drove on home.

We have been trying to pick up the pieces of our lives and our kids lives and get back into some sort of routine.. the kids went back to school today.. hopefully concentrating on that will help to take their minds off everything else.. we are still getting threats from Ronnie's family and are taking the necessary steps to protect ourselves.. Ron and I are going to hold on to each other and our children for the duration.. we will come out all that much stronger as a family.. our faith in God and each other will help us through this as well as the support and love of our many friends and family.. Just keep us in your prayers..

y'all take care..