The Pain Is Silent

For those of you that read Ron's blog , you know what happened to Chelsea on Sunday. To make a long painful story short she was attacked and bitten by a boy on our front porch.. before he bit her he told her he would kill Kyle and rape her.. so I tend to look at the attack as not only assault but a sex crime as well.. she wasn't raped.. but she was violated just the same..


We have taken the proper steps to first have this boy arrested and punished for what he did.. and secondly to help Chelsea work through any emotional issues that may arise from this.. She is showing the same type of emotional responses that a rape survivor shows ( I hate the word victim).. she no longer feels safe sitting on the porch alone.. When she and I go to the store she will not leave my side.. she doesn't want to walk home from school anymore.. Not that I ever let her walk home alone .. just now she doesn't even feel comfortable walking with her friends and her boyfriend.. she is showering more and feels "dirty".. those are normal parts of the emotional responses to any violation.. given my history with this subject I knew I could not be objective in helping her.. so I sought outside assistance for her.. she told me yesterday after her first visit that it made her feel better to talk to someone not so close to the issues at hand.. that is a good thing.. she also got a 911 cell phone.. the only # it will call is 911 and anytime she feels she is in an unsafe situation and needs assistance she only has to push one button to get help.. that is a good thing as well..

I have a personal history with this subject that I will not go into here.. I learned to handle it on my own and have made peace with it.. it took me a long time to get here.. I don't want Chelsea to have to go it alone.. no one should have to deal with an issue of any type of personal violation on their own..

Part of me wants to find the kid that did this to my precious child and beat the living shit out of him.. I know that is a normal reaction when a mother's child is hurt.. I won't do that.. I will let the police handle it.. I will not however sit back and wait for them to do it.. I am gonna be like a thorn in the side of the police until something is done about this kid..

I wrote a poem about a year and a half ago about my personal experiences , about how sometimes even to this day 30 years later I still have my moments of pain.. I have shared it here before, so if you will allow me the indulgence I would like to share it again.. for my daughter's pain, for my pain and for anyone that has been there..

The Pain Is Silent

The pain is silent
Screaming only on the inside
Smile brightly outward for the world to see
Never reveal what lies beneath

Tortured waiting, for it will come
In the dead of night
Peace laid to waste by hurt’s wail
Trembling from a frozen touch

The bringer of the torment is dry bones in his grave
Still he lives on in the memory of the child that once was
Reality fades but his face looms large
Shrinking into the smallest space to try to find comfort

Icy fingers invading even love’s warmest embrace
Memories crashing against even the sincerest touch
Cringing inside the child screams not again
The me of now buries the pain just to survive

Suffer silently
To give voice would to lend strength to the demon
To surrender all hope of happiness
Quieter strength is the stronger,
bearing a load that no loud wail of agony could carry

The sound of innocence shattered is deafeningly still..
Tammy J.

November 17, 2004



The only thing I am grateful for in Chelsea's situation is she doesn't have to be silent in her pain..

I usually end my post with Y'all have fun.. I just don't have a fun bone in me right now.. so I will just say .. Take care