What Happened to This Week???

It has been one of those weeks that you can't decide if you have really done anything or not.. I know I must have accomplished something this week.. but I'll be danged if I can remember what it was.. Ron has been home all week.. that tends to make me a bit lazy.. yeah let's see.. clean house or cuddle for as long as possible in the bed with my sexy hubby.. tough choice eh?.. there has been the usual amount of running Chris back and forth to and from work.. and the normal Chella drama..nothing major.. just the whole "I'm bored " thing that all teenagers do.. I did go to the Dr. last friday for my toe.. he tells me I am going to be in this boot cast thing for "AT LEAST" 3 more weeks.. then the fun will begin.. I have a bone spur on this toe and severe arthritis in the joint.. he compared my toe to that of an 80 yr old woman.. how's that for an ego boost.. anyway.. I have to have this bone spur removed.. it has been there for a long time and yeah from time to time has given me some trouble.. but with this break and the arthritis it is only getting worse so it is time to shave the dang thing off with a bone shaver.. doesn't that sound pleasant? All this really means is that I will be in a cast for most of the summer.. including during the time we are moving into our house.. should be lots of fun..

Oh yeah.. great news on the house.. we accepted the counter offer on the house.. the paperwork is in the process.. hopefully we will be moved in and able to relax a bit before Ron and the kids go back to school.. we, well I am planning a huge housewarming party.. as soon as possible after we move in and get organized.. should be a blast.. I actually have the menu planned..ok so I like to plan ahead..

Chris has a court date today at one.. the good news is this should be one of those in and out type things.. the bad news is it never works out that way.. also Ron will have to drive today.. I can't drive his truck with my boot cast on and my poor lil Camaro is ill.. starter went out on it yesterday at Taco Bell.. I stopped for Sierra to pick up dinner from Jordan .. turned the car off.. and when I got back in it.. Nuttin.. just nuttin.. I called Ron .. he called his brother in law.. the mechanic.. he came to meet me in the parking lot of Taco Bell.. and tells me.. Yep.. it's the starter.. being a stick shift we push started it so I could get home.. The brother in law will be here Sunday to get my baby back on the road for me.. but until then if I want to go anywhere I have to get Ron to take me.. not that I have a problem going anywhere with Ron.. I am just way independent and it makes me a bit nuts to not be able to drive myself.. oh well it is only til Sunday..

Well I guess I better go look for "Court Clothes" y'all have fun..

Words

Something kept repeating in my head last night as I tried to go to sleep.. so I thought I would share .. nothing like keeping your friends awake too.. anyway..

What was on my mind was the power of our words.. words can have such an impact on people .. they can bring a smile to someone needing one.. they can brighten the day of a total stranger.. they can convey the love one feels for another whether that love be platonic, parental, or to the one you share your life with.. they can be a positive influence on the world at large.. I personally choose to think that is why we were given the gift of verbalization and the ability to translate that into the written word..

Words can also be used to hurt, demean, attempt to embarass, and for all sorts of negative influences on our world.. while most of us can dismiss the people that say words or write them for evil intent this is not the worst way words can be used as a weapon.. the worst way to me is for someone to take the innocent or non hurtful words of another and twist them to suit some personal agenda.. it demeans not only the person they are trying to hurt but themselves, this perversion of words more often than not causes not the furtherment of their agenda but the distruction of their own hearts eventually.. It is often hard to dissociate the person twisting the words from their actions and they become the object of anger, pity and ridicule themselves..

I have heard the expression of something being a double edged sword many times in my life.. I find this to be especially true in the case of words.. be careful how you use them.. try to use them for good... If you don't or if you twist the words of another the only person you will be cutting with your sword is yourself..

Just my take on words .. now that is out of my head.. I think I'll take a nap.. Y'all have fun

Water Wars on The Way

Ok... It is 4 days and counting.. that is until the annual picnic of a non profit group that Ron and I are a part of.. This thing is an EVENT.. there are water guns.. food.. fun.. and did I mention water guns.. It has now become a team on team thing.. I can't wait... Last year "K" had this water bazooka.. I mean this thing shot about a gallon of water at a time.. and he could reload at a moments notice.. this year.. "K" is mine.. I am bringing water guns.. but if all else fails.. there will be a garden hose in the back of the truck.. It is a lot of fun..I am trying to convince them that I have a handicap this year.. but they aren't going for the broken toe excuse.. It really is broken guys.. I am not wearing this cast to make a statement...Hopefully by Saturday I won't be wearing this thing at all .. I go back to the Dr. on Friday.. He said if it was healing he would take me out of it.. I am thinking I might just hold on to it to take to the picnic..

In other news.. My baby is in FL and I am going through Kyle withdrawls.. there are times when that boy is home that you can't help but wish for duct tape.. but he is the sweetest little thing for the most part.. he will do anything you ask of him.. he loves everyone.. he loves to give hugs and if you are someone he happens to love.. you will receive many hugs a day.. who wouldn't miss that.. I don't know how I am gonna make it through the next 4 and a half weeks without my lil guy.. I will say that it is somewhat easier with Chelsea still home.. she is a great kid.. she has her moments when I question why teenagers exist at all but for the most part.. she is a blast to hang out with and is one of my best friends.. I don't think it is a problem being friends with your kids as long as they still understand you are a friend that can and will ground them .. Sierra lives close by so I get to spend time with her when she isn't working and of course I get to see Chris every day.. I am lucky to have my kids so close.. I enjoy their company.. In fact on of my favorite days of the year is Thanksgiving.. we have a long tradition of having everyone from youngest to oldest tell what they are thankful for.. I look forward to all the work of cooking for all those people every year just because it gets them all under our roof at the same time.. But none of this is helping me not miss my Kyle.. dangit

My mom in law and helper have gotten the apartment upstairs just about ready to rent out again.. I wonder what kinda neighbors we are gonna get this time.. that is one benefit of the landlord being your parent's in law.. you get a say so in picking the tenants.. you would think this would be a good thing.. and it usually is .. until the last ones we had.. hopefully we will be able to get our house soon and that will no longer be a concern..

Well.. I have procrastinated long enough.. I have housework to do.. I have found out one thing that Kyle not being here has changed.. the amount of housework I have to do.. I think the child has been following along behind me messing things up.. My house has stayed pretty much clutter free since he has been gone.. hmmm I guess he took "not me" with him..

Y'all have fun

Just Say No.. To Drama

I swear sometimes the drama level around here could give soap opera writers material for the next century.. This weekend my ex came up here from FL to pick up the kids and take them home with him for 5 weeks.. that sounds simple enough doesn't it.. a dad picking up his kids.. taking them to the 3rd or 4th (i can't remember) wedding of his 35 yr old sister.. then taking them out to dinner and bowling and back to his brothers house for the night before heading back to FL today.. ok.. yeah... nothing is ever simple where that man is concerned.. ( well there is his mind) ..

The ex picked up the kids yesterday afternoon..Ron and I spent a fairly eventful / uneventful day dealing first with Sierra and Jordan doing their usual sniping and arguing with each other.. then they left and Ron and I were blessedly alone for much of the late afternoon and early evening.. We went out around 8 to do some serious Karaoking.. we had a great time at Todd's Karaoke ( one of our favorite haunts) we each sang 4 or 5 songs (can't remember that either) we left there about 11:30 or so... we got home, Ron was on the computer doing whatever and I was wondering around the house making coffee and such when my phone rang.. It was a hysterical Chelsea, crying and asking me to come get her at her uncle's house.. I asked what was wrong.. she just pleaded for me to come get her.. Ron and I got in the truck and picked her up.. his house is only 5 minutes from ours..Chelsea got in and through tears and trying to calm down she told us what happened.. apparently the ex's wife was late getting back from her daughter's house and when she did come in he started accusing her of screwing around on him and being with other men and so forth.. Chelsea saw that her father was in a state of anger and was approaching his wife that way, she thought that he was going to hit her so she stepped in the middle of it.. then her dad started telling Chelsea that she was taking "L's" side of things, he asked Chella if she wanted to go home.. when she replied that she did .. he got pissed at her and wanted to know why all his kids left him.. she told him that he is the one that chose to move to FL and demanded to know why.. he told her that he would tell her when she was older.. she pressed him on it and he finally told her that he moved because she lived with Ron and I.. this isn't exactly true but, the truth isn't something he is really all that familiar with when it doesnt' suit him.. finally she asked to use his wife's phone and called us to come get her..

When Ronnie and I were married.. it was common for him to accuse me of cheating on him.. if I was 5 minutes late getting home from anywhere, If I took a shower when he wasn't home.. if I wore makeup when he wasn't around me.. If I wore certain clothes and so on and so on.. he was also physically abusive.. but mostly it was the never ending mental and emotional abuse that finally caused me to walk out on him.. I had to get me and my kids out of that situation before he either killed me and my kids would have been left with him.. or he turned my boys into him and my girls into woman that thought all women were whores and should be treated the way their father treated me..

Today when Ronnie came to bring Kyle so he could get his clothes and such.. he asked if Chella was still going with him to FL.. I told her ( at her request) that she had decided she didn't want to go and have to listen to that anymore.. that she had heard enough of that sort of thing growing up.. that got him going on one of his usual bullshit trips .. he first tried the.."it was just an argument thing" not knowing Chella had told me all of it.. I responded with " no it wasn't it was you treating "L" the way you treated me" he said .." I guess you and Ron don't argue" to which I said " In fact we don't" that took the wind out of those sails.. then he tried the poor pitiful me routine.. saying that his kids don't want to be with him.. I told him to take me to court to change it.. he is the one that sat in the judge's chambers and told the judge to " let her have the kids" .. when that didn't work he went to accusations.. nothing I hadn't heard before.. that I was unfaithful to him ( I wasn't).. that I didn't treat him right.. yeah yeah yeah.. when nothing worked for him he decided to call me a whore.. that got him booted off my porch.. Meanwhile Ron had Kyle in the house explaining to him what the problem was and giving him the same option to go or not go.. he chose to go.. that is fine.. Ronnie won't act as much a fool with him there.. he still sees Kyle as a baby and won't go psycho when he is around.. don't ask .. it is a strange thing with him.. but he is just like that.. anyway.. after they left.. we had a pretty much lazy day.. I did my nails and thought a lot..

Last night took me instantly back to a place I fought so hard to get away from.. I have at times felt so guilty about walking out on 18 yrs and breaking up my childrens family.. but, I know every day that I am loved by Ron.. that I did the right thing.. I know I should have done it sooner.. but I look at the reason I didn't do it sooner as that I was supposed to meet Ron and that may not have happened unless I did it when I did it.. ok.. so I look at things a bit differently.. so what.. I am a bit different to begin with.. I will worry about Kyle the entire time he is down there.. I will miss his sweet little face and his voice.. and in 5 weeks I will break the land speed record to go get my baby.. We did tell Kyle that if his dad starts the same old crap and it scares him or he just doesn't want to hear it.. all he has to do is call.. and we will be there as soon as possible to get him.. I think knowing that made it ok for him to make his decision..

My kids have for the most part a good relationship with their dad.. the older ones remember the things he said and did to me... that was between he and I.. he was a good dad to them.. I want them to have a good relationship with him.. and unless I think there is a threat to them I will continue to allow them to make the decisions regarding the time they spend with him.. I won't tell them what to do with their relationship with him... I can't.. I don't want to run the risk of influencing them with my feelings about him.. I won't poison them against their father.. he can do that all by himself..

Well now that I have all that off my chest I think I will go lay my head on Ron's chest and watch the 4400.. y'all have fun..

My Side..

I don't want to drag out the drama around here any more.. I am not posting this to piss anyone off or to continue what has turned out to be a dramatic mess and a hell of a lot of hurt and heartache.. but, this blog..this writing is my way of getting things out of my system.. my way of putting down on cyber paper the things that are going through my head.. It allows me to put things in perspective.. so that being said.. here goes

When all of the drama started about buying our house.. ( check out TroubledRamblings.blogspot.com for details) I was dumbfounded.. I couldn't believe that a woman who owns her own business, lives in a beautiful home, and has everything going for her would deny her ex husband, the father of her children , a man she lived with for 20 years..the access to 2 pieces of paper that would allow him to buy a home of his own.. I couldn't imagine that it would be such a personal issue for her to allow Ron and I to go after our american dream.. It is difficult for me to understand people that allow the past to rule their lives and hang on to all the hurt, and forget the wonderful.. Then the kids started to get involved.. It amazed me how much of Ron and his ex's life together was known (if not accurate) by his children..There was no other way for them to have some of the information they thought they had without being told these things.. and I knew Ron was not the one that had told them..

My children know some details of the personal relationship their dad and I had because they saw it.. My ex was verbally, mentally and physically abusive to me.. they saw that.. even still I would never ever try to poison my children against their father. There are things that happened in my first marriage that I would never tell my children.. first they don't need to know.. second the telling of these things could alter the way they feel about their dad.. and I don't want that.. My ex does enough on his own to alienate himself from his kids.. he doesn't need me helping him.. I think what my point is here is that while R was not a wonderful husband.. for the most part he was a wonderful dad.. what happened between he and I should stay between he and I.. All the children need to know is how he relates to them.. what kind of father he is to them.. not what kind of husband he was to me..

One of the first things Ron and I talked about when we realized that our relationship was going to be a long term serious relationship was the fact that he and I both came as a package deal.. we both had lives, loves, a past.. and we both had children that were the center of who we are.. and we discussed the fact that in order to blend these two families and 7 children that we would have to understand.. by loving the parent we would have to accept and grow to love the children..we both did that.. Ron adores my kids.. he is a wonderful father and friend to them.. and I couldn't love his girls more if I had given birth to them myself.. this situation with his ex and now with his daughters is tearing me apart.. I hate to hear and read the venom in the e mails 2 of them have sent.. and the phone calls they have made.. I hated sitting at a restaurant Friday night with 2 of his daughters and one of them totally ignoring her father.. I hate the fact that his ex is such an unhappy, bitter person that she would even poison her daughters against their father to try and prevent his being happy.. I guess I am just not made that way..

I would love for his daughters to sit down with him and allow him the luxury of telling his side of the story.. since they are already involved in this whole thing. I think it would be the right thing to do.. to allow Ron to speak.. instead of hurling hateful accusations at him which he has to defend.. It would be so much easier to sit down and discuss matters and then having both sides of the story make a decision as to what really happened in that relationship..

I know a lot about Ron's past.. he was, from the beginning of our relationship open and honest with me about things that had happened in his past.. He has tried to convince me that at one time he was not the wonderful, loving , sensitive man that I fell in love with.. He insists that he wasn't the person he is now.. that may be true.. (hard to believe)..but to me, all that matters is the person I have known and loved for the last 4 years.. a man that is a wonderful, devoted husband, a great friend, a good son... and a loving, supportive father.. I can't believe he became this person overnight.. that he was magically transformed into the man he is today.. I believe that yes, he did have issues years ago and was man enough to realize it and work on himself to become who he is.. and that he has always been the man I fell in love with inside..

I see the hurt in Ron's eyes when he has talked to his daughters on the phone and they are spewing venom at him.. I see the hurt when he opens an email from one of them and they are calling him names and still hurling accusations and intentionally trying to hurt him.. guess what ladies.. it worked.. you have broken your father's heart.. I love Ron's girls with all my heart.. but I cannot stand the pain I feel everytime I see him like this.. If I could take his pain and bear it myself I would.. He puts on his beautiful smile and tells me he is ok.. but there is something I told him a long time ago.. Honey.. even wearing shades.. your eyes tell me everything I need to know.. I will stand beside Ron.. I will be here no matter what happens in all of this.. I am hoping and praying with all of my soul that what has happened here can be repaired and that his daughters don't listen to all of the poison to the point they step out of our lives and deny themselves and their children the lifetime of love and support that Ron and I want to give to them and the opportunity for a happy future as a wonderful blended family..

I think I am all out of words now.. time to dry my eyes and go about my day.. Girls.. I know you read my blog and I know you have my number.. we are still going to be here.. always..

Y'all have fun

Fashion Statement

Well.. It is broken.. that's right.. My big toe on my right foot is broken in two places.. one break on each side of the joint.. how much fun can one woman have..

A few weeks ago I wrote about Chris totaling his car and dang near totaling me.. well as a result of that accident I now have a new shoe.. it is about two foot tall and about eight inches wide, complete with many velcro straps and an air pump to keep pressure on the foot to immobilize it.. oh yeah it is that beautiful shade of medical navy blue.. can ya beat that for accessorizing?..

What happened was.. right after the wreck, my foot hurt.. I thought I had just jammed my toe by trying diligently to hit the brakes on the passenger side of Chris' car..that didn't work.. So hardheaded me I think ok.. it will go away.. I continued on with my daily thing.. Running Chris back and forth to work.. doing housework.. shopping.. oh yeah and shampooing the carpets in the house.. The toe never got better.. in fact the more I did.. the worse it hurt.. finally last Wednesday I went to the dr.. He sent me for an X-Ray, after saying repeatedly.. " I believe you have broken it".. anyway.. Thursday morning the Dr. called me.. he tells me " Not only is it broken .. It is broken in two places.. we need to get you in to an Ortho NOW!!!!".. the dr. had his secretary set up an appointment for me.. 9:30 Friday morning.. which might I add was an hr and a half before Chris was due to take his drivers test for the second time.. The new Dr. tells me I have a choice.. I can go with the beautiful air boot cast I have now or the traditional plaster cast.. I chose this thing.. I can at least take it off to bathe and sleep.. ok.. so I am not supposed to take it off to sleep.. I don't see this as a problem.. I am not walking in my sleep so there is no danger of me repeatedly re breaking the toe like I had been doing prior to the going to the dr.. I am just sleeping.. I hobble out to Ron's truck to take Chris to his appt.. wouldn't you know it.. this thing on my foot is too wide for me to drive the Bravada.. how much does that suck?.. so.. Chris wound up driving us to his drivers test appointment.. which he failed.. We later met up with Ron.. who took over all driving of the Brevada.. I can drive my car ok.. the Camaro makes you sort of recline to drive and the space between the brake and the gas pedal is wider so I can get this thing on the gas without driving like the rest of the folks around here and riding the brake..

I am now hobbling around .. I can only wear skirts comfortably.. and while I don't mind skirts.. I am not a girly girl type.. so a full 6 weeks wearing nothing but dresses or skirts isn't gonna work for me.. I can wear pants.. but it is a pain to get them on and off.. I have to take this boot off and on every time.. and that is an exercise in velcro strapping , wrapping and air pumping that I would rather undertake as little as possible..

Today I am planning to do not much of anything.. I try to stay off of this foot as much as I can.. If I don't.. I pay for it by mid evening.. of course there is always the Lortab to take the pain away.. or at least make me not care if I have pain.. but I can't drive on drugs.. hmm thinking.. trying to remember what gear to put the car in and exactly where is that clutch thingy anyway.. nope.. not a good plan to drive stoned..

Well I think I am gonna get off here and hobble over to the couch for a morning of riveting television.. or a nap.. which is often the result of riveting morning television for me.. Y'all have fun..

Five Things..

Ok.. I have been away a while.. just really haven't had time to blog.. I have been busy worrying about my honey's hand and doing all the usual running.. and worrying .. you get the picture.. anyway.. Ron is gone to a class today.. he will at least be close to home all week.. this is a good thing... I know I won't be able to be with him but at least I know he is just down the street..sounds strange I know.. but oh well who said I was normal?..

My mother in law is here today.. she is cleaning upstairs and the back yard.. I love my mother in law.. don't get me wrong.. but there are times when I wonder where Ron came from.. both of his parents can be obsessive about things.. he isn't like that at all.. I am.. he isn't.. anyway.. I would love to be helping her but my wrist has decided that anything above normal cleaning is simply not going to happen today or any time in the near future.. I think it is only hurting like this because Ron's poor hand has been getting all the attention lately and it felt left out.. just my opinion..

This weekend is Heather's graduation.. that is the youngest of Ron's girls.. should be a good time.. I can't wait to see her walk across the stage and get her diploma.. even tho I didn't give birth to her I will be there smiling proudly as any other mom.. Next weekend is the one I am looking forward to and not looking forward to.. My ex will be here to take the kids to FL for a month.. that is so gonna suck and be great all at the same time.. I know I can use a break and it will be great to have some alone time with my honey.. but I know me.. after about a week I will be heartbroken and wanting my kids back.. I always wanted to be a mom.. I can't stand being away from my kids for too long.. I know the rest of them will still be around..I just have a hard time when I can't see, touch, kiss good night my kids.. just who I am.. anyway.. this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I started typing this.. Retro has the 5 things thing going on with her blog and I had every intention of responding with my own 5 things .. so.. here goes girl..


FIVE ITEMS
Five Items in my Fridge:
Dave's insanity hot sauce.. 5 drops of this thing on a whole chicken will clear your sinuses
Hunts Snack Pack - applesauce for Kyle
2 percent milk
About 5 different types of hot sauce.. can you tell we like spicy?
Protein Shake.. I have to drink them every day since my gastric bypass.. I would rather drink mud.. but at least they keep me alive.. alive is good

Five Items in my Closet:
About 20 pair of my shoes.. ok.. there I said it.. I have a shoe addiction..
3 pair of Ron's shoes
Lots of Clothes….this is where Ron beats me.. he has 3 times as many clothes as I do
A briefcase.. I don't know what is in that.. don't think I want to
A laptop.. hmm imagine me finding a computer in my closet.. we only have 6 pcs and 4 laptops in our house.
Five Items in my Car:
CD Case with about 15 Cd’s.
Chella's clothes
A gas can.. not that I would run out of gas on a long country road or anything like that
Coupons in my glove box.. I keep getting them every time I buy my diet Dew they keep going in the glove box.. one of these days they are gonna take over the car..
Two empty cigarette boxes and 2 empty pop bottles.. believe me that is clean for a car of mine.

Five Items in my Purse:
12 shades of lipstick at least
A spark plug gap gage.. never know when you might have to change plugs
Orange scented lotion.. I have the dryest hands on the planet.
This old cosmetics bag with a ziplock bag of letters, poems, pictures from and of Ron..
Lots of basic junk.. my purse weighs about 10lbs.. I only wish I were kidding.. It seems like when each child was born the purse got bigger.. now that they are all big enough to carry their own junk I don't think I can make the transition back to a normal sized purse..

Ok .. so there ya have it.. 5 things.. oh yeah.. I also got my hair styled today.. not cut.. the length is still there.. I just got a lot of the bulk cut out..

well mom in law wants me.. Y'all have fun