troubleshandful

New pics and new grandbaby on the way

2010-11-02T20:21:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to take a minute to say Sierra is expecting yet again. As much as I love my grand children I hope this is her last for a while. She is due in Dec but as usual for her the doctor said she could have this one at any time. She is 34 weeks today and we still don't know if it is another girl or a boy this time I just hope for a healthy baby. Kiera is almost 15 months old now and is just the most adorable little thing. She is very tiny for her age and looks like a tiny little doll running around. Cloe gets smarter and more beautiful every day. I told her this evening that papaw isn't feeling well today and she says " awww poor papaw" she asked me to send him her best wishes to get well soon.. that kid is a character. We saw two of the other grands today as well Ian and Abby are 6 and 3 and it just doesn't seem like they should be that big. Time flies entirely too fast.

I am having a spinal cord stimulator implanted tomorrow to assist me in pain management I am hoping it works and that I will be able to get off some of the medications I am on and be able to be more active. Active seems to be the key word around here. Ron has lost 53lbs in 12 weeks and I have lost 51lbs in 16 weeks. We are eating healthier and walking as well as just being all around more active. We have to we keep getting more and more grand babies to keep up with.

Chris is getting married on Nov 9 to a really sweet girl that I like.. that is always a good thing to like the person your child marries. She has a 4 yr old son Ali so we are getting another grand child there too. Good thing we are taking better care of ourselves.

Well that is about all there is from here. Ya'll have fun.

Week 3.

2010-08-27T18:01:00.000-04:00

Week 3.

Facebook Has Taken Over

2009-11-28T22:38:00.003-05:00

Wow.. just looked and it has been almost 4 months since I have posted here. I am blaming Facebook. I have been posting there. I have been keeping up with people and finding new people there I have sadly been neglecting my old blogspot. I don't know if I remember how to post anything more than a few lines anymore, but here goes.

Things have been way busy around here with Chris being home and enjoying Miss Kiera. Chris is trying to find a job, which is not the easiest thing to do when you have a failing economy, a small town and a felony on your record. It just ticks me off that if he were on probation or parole he would get help getting a job but because he served out his time he gets no assistance. Some of you may disagree with me and that is fine but I think that if a person has served his time and paid his/her debt to society then the felony record thing should not be a constant block to gainful employment, should he have to pay for a mistake he made at 18yrs old for the rest of his life? Yes I feel that way about most all people that have served time. The debt is paid, end of story. The only exception I can think of right now are child molesters and well that is another story entirely.

On to more pleasant subjects. Kiera is growing and thriving, she smiles almost constantly, Ron and I take her to church with us every Sunday just as we have been doing with Cloe since she was 12 days old. Kiera seems to take everything in stride and just loves being with her family. Cloe is still having some sibling rivalry issues but seems to understand that Kiera is here to stay and won't be going back to the hospital. They are both just adorable. We also have a couple of beautiful grand nieces, Trinity and Juliana born about 6 week apart. They are both just gorgeous and it is wonderful to see the family growing.

My back is giving me some trouble again apparently it likes this time of year to mess up. It started with the severe pain about 3 weeks ago. I am on lyrica now and that seems to be helping a bit..

Ron is still looking for work too. The economy, especially in a very small town just isn't favorable to employment right now. He has been applying for some jobs that might require him to have to be away from home through the week and only home on weekends due to the distance from home. That would not be an ideal situation in fact it would suck, but I know God has a plan for us and will take care of us according to that plan. The bills are paid, the kids are fed, we are still very much in love and living for God and each other, so things are good.

I will try to get back here more often, I miss my little corner of the world here where it is quiet and I can put my thoughts in some sort of order. I also greatly miss my blogger friends.

Take care everyone and if I don't make it back here before then, have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year filled with all the blessings of our Lord.

Y'all have fun.

Kiera's Latest Pics

2009-07-31T17:06:00.004-04:00

Ok, so it is hard to tell on ultrasound whether they are recent pics or not.. These were about a month ago. Oh yeah Sierra went to the Dr. Wed and was given a great report for Kiera, Doc said that if she were born right now she would be healthy, her heart and lung function is great and she is about 5lbs or more by ultrasound. She isn't due for another 6 weeks but, it is good to know she is doing well. Sierra tends to have em early so we keep a real close eye on her at this stage in pregnancy.

We have the 2 oldest grandsons this weekend so things have been interesting to say the least. We picked them up yesterday and will have them until Sunday, if I don't need a rubber room by then it will be a good thing. I am just not used to that much energy all at one time anymore. I was talking to my ex sister in law last night about how quickly kids grow up, she asked me about Kyle and when I answered her she asked if we are really that old. After having an 8 and 10 yr old around I have to answer "Yes , Yes we are THAT old."

Y'all have fun

Grandbabies and Other Things

2009-07-09T16:19:00.004-04:00

I really didn't die. I am still around. I don't know what has been wrong with me lately, I just haven't been online much as of late in fact I really haven't been doing much of anything lately.

Things are still going smoothly with Sierra's pregnancy, she seems to be carrying this baby better than her previous pregnancies. We are all hopeful that she carries to full term or at least 36 weeks. That is only 6 weeks away so keep up with the prayers and thank you so much for them. Oh the new baby will be Kiera (pronounced Kira) Jo Faith. Jo is my middle name and Sierra decided to give Kiera my name, I love that of course.

Cloe' is just as cute as she can be, she just turned two a couple weeks ago and has embraced the terrible twos with a passion.. She isn't really terrible it is just that I have forgotten how busy they can be at that age. She is lightening fast and changes gears and directions in true tornado fashion. I am getting too old for all that. She is speaking in a much more mature fashion and to me some of the things she can now say correctly aren't improvements at all.. I have a huge pink hippo beside my bed (gift from Ron) , Cloe used to run in here and holler "hoppo mamaw hoppo" because she loves playing with my stuffed animals. Now she says "hippo" see that is no fun at all..She still has some of her cute ways of saying things tho.. Ron recently introduced her to haagen daas ice cream. Sierra and I were grocery shopping the other day and I showed Cloe the ice cream cooler and her new favorite thing. She looks at me and says "Doggin hoss" and promptly went around the store hollering for "Doggin hoss" she did get 2 of the tiny containers to take home with her. She also mixes up what she wants. She will run up to you holding out her cute little arms while asking " hold you?" she wants you to pick her up. I am loving this stage of her development and am in no hurry for her to out grow it.

Rosie the Shar Pei has definitely decided she likes it here. She likes me a little too much though she follows me everywhere I go including the bathroom. I will go in there and she sits outside the door knocking on it until I come out. If I am walking through the house and stop real quick she walks right into the back of my knees. At least we know she is happy here.

OK I need to get off here and kill this gnat that has been trying to fly up my nose for the last 5 minutes then on to hand washing to get the bug guts off and then to cook something for supper.. OK maybe I will wait on cooking til I get the thought of bug guts out of my head ...

Y'all have fun

Oops ..

2009-05-12T19:42:00.001-04:00

Well as it turns out the grand baby to be will not be Isaiah Christopher after all. In fact it will not be a boy. We are getting another granddaughter. Sierra had her full ultrasound today and after 4 weeks of thinking boy, we did not see a penis on the ultrasound, and she was definitely willing to show us that she is NOT a boy at all.. Oh well at least Sierra has all the clothes and everything else for a baby girl.

I don't know if she has a girls name picked out when she does I will post it. There are some really great ultrasound pictures that I will post as soon as Ron scans them for me, or transfers them to a disk so I can upload them to my laptop.

The leak in the bathroom has been fixed. The 15 towels it took to clean up all the water have been laundered. Now we are just patiently waiting for whatever breaks next.

My little hoopty is having issues already. It has a transmission problem. With my luck it is probably a leak. Why not everything else has been leaking round here this week.

I am feeling a bit better, well maybe better is not the right word. The pain in my back is no different than it was before, I just seem to be coping with it better, I feel stronger than I did. I don't know if that is because it is healing finally or if I am finally learning to slow down a little and rest more. I will take it either way.

Rosie the Shar Pei is fitting in well around here. She has decided this is where she was always supposed to live. She was afraid of our bed the first time she jumped up there, her fear however, quickly subsided when she found out she could lay in the bed with the humans and get petted. I don't think she has had a lot of affection in her life. She just seems to have bloomed in the last week or so when she settled in here and realized she is a member of our "pack" now.

I think that is about it for catching up..

Y'all have fun

News

2009-04-16T21:38:00.002-04:00

I have debated about posting our upcoming news. I have thought about it and thought about it. I have concerns due to I know that some of the people that might want to cause trouble used to read my blog but you know what.. I really don't care. I am excited and happy about it and want to share it here with people I care about and with people I have come to care about through my blog and Ron's ..

OK no more beating around the bush.

Ron and I have been talking about it for a while now. With Kyle and Chelsea's consent and with the acceptance and consent of all of the kids Ron will be adopting my kids. He will be adopting Kyle and Chelsea. Even though she is 18 she wants him to adopt her too.. and that is fine with him. This is just something we all want. I don't know how long the process takes but I understand that it isn't that long or that expensive when it is a step parent adoption and when there is no need to have parental rights terminated. As the kids biological father is deceased there will be no need of any of the usual legal steps.

My kids will always love and remember their biological father, they will always consider him "daddy" but they have a wonderful relationship with Ron and although this adoption is in no way necessary to solidify the relationship they have with him it is something that we all want.

We would in no way prevent them from contact with any members of their father's biological family that they want to be in contact with. I know they want to still see their papaw and they will of course still be able to do that. They will also still have the large extended family they have had since Ron and I got married. Nothing will change in any of that.

Just thought I would share that with y'all.. When things get moving I will keep y'all updated and when the big day arrives I will definitely let everyone in on the celebration.

Y'all have fun

The Newest Grandbaby

2009-04-10T22:57:00.006-04:00

We are getting a new grand baby in September. Tuesday we went with Sierra for her full ultrasound. The tech did a good job of finding fingers and toes and bottom and top, she even got what looked like it waving, being Sierra's child that is entirely possible Sierra has never met a camera she didn't like, then we asked if she could tell if it is a boy or girl. She found the genitals and we all saw something that looked a lot like a penis. She wouldn't commit to saying for sure that is what we were looking at because Sierra isn't quite as far along as her records had her seems someone wrote a number incorrectly on her chart when she was 14 weeks along and made her 18 weeks. When in fact she is only 16 1/2 weeks now, anyway the next day Sierra was talking to her doctor at her follow up appointment and mentioned the appearance of what we thought was a penis, so the Dr did a quickie ultrasound right there and yep sure enough there was a penis. So it looks like we are getting a grandson. I am so excited.. I would be excited either way girl or boy.. I just love my grand babies.. We did get a DVD of some of the ultrasound pics so.. here they are.. oh yeah his name will be Isaiah Christopher.. well that is what she says right now .. Cloe was supposed to be Olivia Rose.. no matter.. Mamaw will call him anything his mommy names him as long as I get to spoil him...

I love the face pic.. wow have ultrasounds changed since I had my last baby.. of course that was 13 yrs ago.. OK now I feel old my baby is 13.. the fact that my oldest daughter is making me a mamaw again doesn't make me feel old.. but Kyle being a teenager does.. I know I'm a weirdo..

Y'all have fun

Spoiled and Other Things

2009-04-09T11:02:00.002-04:00

OK.. So I am spoiled we all know this.. but, last night we found out I am not the most spoiled creature in this house, Not even close.

We finally got our bed back together, those of you that read Ron's blog know about the water bed side popping off and subsequent repair efforts. Last night I was laying in my bed enjoying having the comfort of my water bed back and not having to sleep in Chella's rock hard bed, I was reading a book and minding my business, Ron stuck his head in the door and started chuckling. I didn't have a clue what he thought was amusing until he said "Look at Dusty" and there he was, under the cover with his big furry head on Ron's pillow peeping out as if to say " Yes I am so happy to have MY bed back." I turned on my other side and he put his paw on my shoulder and dozed happily back to sleep. That is spoiled!! Both of the dogs are happy to have the bed back they are even willing to let us sleep in it.

In other things. I was approved for my disability. It isn't much per month but at least I will have some feeling of contributing to the household financially. The best part in a way though it the vindication. I have known that my back is unstable, I have known what type pain I deal with on a daily basis, I haven't been sitting on my butt because I am lazy or because it is all in my head. Finally the SSA has determined what I already knew.

I am still not smoking and still not missing it. I feel really good about quitting and I have discovered a bonus, if I had known that my voice would improve from quitting, I would have done it a long time ago. I started smoking so young that I don't remember how my voice sounded back then but I do know what it sounds like now. Not that I am a superstar by any means but I love to sing and I have noticed a big improvement.

Well can't think of much else to write about today. So I think I will get off here and go back to reading my book. Lake News by Barbara Delinsky. It is really good I just started reading her last year and have found most of her books to be good. I would highly recommend The Vineyard though it is one of the best books I have read in a really long time.

Y'all have fun

Still Not Smoking and Other Things

2009-03-15T18:24:00.004-04:00

Sorry for being gone so long... I have just not really felt much like doing anything.. blogging.. cleaning.. standing upright.. you know not anything..

I feel somewhat better right now.. I can't say I feel somewhat better and leave it at that because for the last few weeks how I feel changes on a minute to minute basis I think. I have been getting to do a few more things I think that contributes to the overall feel better thing.. It hurts my back to get out and do things but it hurts my spirit to not get out and do things. I can live with the physical pain a lot easier than the emotional or mental pain.

I went to see Chris yesterday and then Ron and I went to Lexington, we stopped at his mom's then at his sis Kathy's and then we headed home stopping along the way for a bite to eat.. It has really been a pretty good weekend over all Ron and I have had the house all to ourselves for most of it. Kyle spent Fri and Sat night at Sierra's house and Chella of course was with Caleb until midnight both nights. It was great..no reason to get dressed to leave the bedroom. Eating what we wanted when we wanted.. I like it.... I am in no hurry for my last two kids to move out of the house but I don't mind a weekend without them now and then.

I have not had a cigarette in almost 6 weeks.. It was hard the first few weeks but now it is like I don't even think about smoking. Even when I am around smokers it doesn't bother me. I know a lot of people were praying and still are praying for me to be able to quit so thank y'all...It means a lot to me to know.

Red.. thank you for the award. You my friend are a sweety.. love you and miss you much.

Well I think I am gonna get off here and go eat the rest of my 3 musketeers bar.. y'all have fun

Bye Bye Joe Camel

2009-02-04T19:41:00.003-05:00

OK before the bugging begins I will blog about my recent activity. After 27 years I have quit smoking for the first time for me. I have quit a number of times, I quit with all 4 of my pregnancies but that wasn't for me that was for the health of my babies. I kept off cigarettes through the whole time I was nursing, as soon as those kids were on a cup, I was back to lighting up. About 5 and a half years ago I was part of a research study for the medication Chantix to assist in quitting, I did quit for about 3 months, most of that was for Ron. I knew he didn't like smoking and I wanted to do it for him. Shortly after I thought I had the smoking under control I had to take a trip to FL I wound up having to spend a week with my mother and my ex husband, needless to say I started smoking again, it's a wonder I didn't start drinking as well. So here we are present day. I decided last month that Feb 1st would be my goal date for quitting. I missed it by 2 days. This time I am quitting because I want to quit. I want to not spend that much money on cigarettes, I want to help my bones to heal faster and more completely, I want to avoid all of the problems associated with smoking, heart disease, emphasema, and all that lovely stuff that happens to run in my family in the first place, so yesterday morning I put on my first patch and struggled through my first day as a non smoker, IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! but, I am determined to hang in there as of 9:30 tonight it will be a full 48 hrs since I have had a cigarette and everyone around here is still alive and in one piece. I haven't bitten too many heads off or started to throw things yet so I will take that as a good sign. I have never backed down from anything I really wanted and have been known to go after what I want with a vengance, (right honey) so I know this will get easier. Hope we all live through it.

Y'all have fun

Boreditis

2009-01-31T22:43:00.003-05:00

I have a major case of the boredom's. I have been sitting around not doing much of anything for going on 4 months now first it was the pain from the back/ leg herniated disk thing that was keeping me confined and for the last month it has been the recuperation and Herman the hump thing. Seriously I have read 12 novels in 9 days. I will admit I have always been an avid reader and will readily read anything I can get my hands on but lately it has gotten ridiculous. Especially when you add to it the hours upon hours of Lifetime television and my usual strange shows. I really have entirely too much time on my hands. I am not good at being idle, I have been going 90miles an hour for most of my life and to be put in the position to not only slow down but pretty much come to a complete stop is making me and everyone I come in contact with crazy. (poor Ron) I have tried to come up with ideas for crafts but nothing really comes to mind that I would like. I have been writing a bit in my journal but nothing worth publishing. I do get to spend time with the kids and with Cloe which is entertaining but the kids all have other things to do besides hang out with mom and Cloe wears me out fairly quickly.. I am trying not to whine here but wow this whole post sounds like a whine fest. Anyone got some cheese to go with it?

OK over my fit for now.. In good news I have been able to get out a bit lately. We went to Lexington yesterday and took Cloe with us. We stopped to see Ron's mom, then to visit his nephew to take a drawing Ron did of his baby. Then to my favorite thrift store, and back to mom's, then we came home and grabbed Sierra and the 4 of us went out to eat. That was great but I have paid for it. I was beyond exhausted when we got home last night and haven't had the energy to do much of anything today I have pushed myself a bit to get out for a short trip to the store, but otherwise I have been in bed most of the day. I can't wait until the 12th when I go back to the doctor to see if some of my restrictions can be lifted and if they have a cure for the Herman thing that is still hanging out back there. Freezing him didn't work.

Does anyone have any good ideas for someone like me who loves to stay physically as well as mentally active in a situation like this?

I am gonna try to make it to church tomorrow. I haven't been the last 2 weeks and I really think that has a lot to do with my feeling down lately too. I miss my church family and friends and I miss being in God's house. I don't want to ever feel like just a visitor there ya know.

Well I am gonna get off here and try to find something to get into for a bit.. hey maybe there is a good lifetime movie on.. Ron just loves them so much.. NOT!!!!!!!!

My New Friend Herman

2009-01-26T20:56:00.003-05:00

Ok well he isn't really a friend or even friendly. He has invaded my space and moved into my body. He is the huge lump on my back at my incision sight he is about 3 to 4 inches long ,2 to 3 inches wide and about an inch or so tall. About 2 weeks ago I noticed a small lump on my back at the incision sight. I popped a couple of ibuprofen and took it easy and the dang thing went down. The next morning it was back , again with the ibuprofen only this time nothing happened in fact said lump got bigger. This went on for a couple days. I called my doctor on Friday I left a message for his assistant. Monday afternoon she called me back, I told her what was going on and she assured me she would talk to the dr and call me back. Fast forward 4 days to the next Friday when she still had not returned my phone call. I called again, this time she was out of the office and I spoke with someone who was filling in for her. I was again told I would be called back. This time only an hour went by when I did get a phone call. Brooke, told me I have a hematoma, and that while they are not all that common in this type of surgery they are fairly normal and mostly harmless I was further instructed to ice it for 20 mins per hour and take it easy. If I take it any easier I will be in a coma. I have been icing as instructed, and still there is a big painful lump in the lower part of my back. I have decided if it is gonna be hanging around with me 24/7 it should have a name, hence, Herman. I have a strange obsession with naming things anyway from cars to thanksgiving day turkeys so, for my new lump to have a name doesn't seem at all odd to me. I am however hoping ours is a very short friendship.

In other news , I know Ron has told everyone about Chella getting her GED. I am very proud of her. It isn't the way I wanted her to get her education but I do understand why she chose this way and I have supported her decision. Her next step is to check out colleges and what financial assistance is out there. She wants to go into journalism, (imagine a writer in this family who would have thought?) I just hope she continues to follow through with her education. I know it isn't easy to do it once you are grown and married so hopefully she goes ahead with the education now and the home and family thing later. I didn't quite do it that way. I got married when I was 16 had my first child a month before I turned 18. I was 20 and had just given birth to my 2nd child when I went to get my GED, and 21 when I started college and spent most of my 2nd year of school pregnant with my 3rd child. Talk about getting your education the hard way. I did manage to come out the other side of it with a good education and 2 degrees but it would have been much easier to have done it without the full time home/mother/and 60 hr a week job thing as well. These kids don't seem to realize how great it is to still be able to live at home and not have to do anything but get your education. Oh well all I can do is encourage her and pray. Now I am working on Sierra to try and get her to go to work on getting her GED. Wish me luck.

Well, Herman is getting pissed about sitting upright so I am gonna get off here and try to freeze him to death.

Y'all have fun.

Post 250

2009-01-13T22:35:00.003-05:00

Apparently this is my 250th post. I am not sure what the posting etiquette is for such an occasion. Am I supposed to throw a party? Should I post something meaningful and full of wisdom? ( that would confuse my readers) Or should I just say yay 250 I am surprised I have had that much to say at all?

I have been slowly recuperating from the back surgery. I am trying to obey my doctor and take it very very easy (his words) I am just not good at taking it easy. I have too much to do. The laundry won't do itself, the house won't clean itself, the groceries won't come into the house on their own, it just seems this taking it easy bit causes more stress than it is worth. According to the doctor my spine is destroyed that was his medical term for it. I have to be very careful right now and for at least the next 4 to 6 weeks that I don't hurt my back in any way. I am not even allowed to pick up my grand baby how much does that suck? In fact I am not allowed to lift anything over 5lbs now ladies seriously how many things in the life of a housewife weigh under 5lbs? The good news is he hasn't grounded me completely from going places I do have to limit how far I ride and how often but I can still get out of the house. If I couldn't believe me no one would want to be in the house with me.

In other things, American Idol (my guilty pleasure) has returned, I don't know why I love that show but I do. I love music, I love to sing. I do have a problem with the age limit thing, I think they should come up with an Old Fogey Idol. You know for us old farts that are over 29. What do they think that if you are 30 or older you can't carry a tune and your walker at the same time? I do have one other complaint about the show.. when the judges do the 150% or the one million percent thing does that make the yes or no answer to are the contestants going to Hollywood more important? If it is more than 100% does that mean they get to skip the Hollywood round altogether? Do they get to go straight to the finale? Sorry that sorta thing just bothers me I don't know why it is just a minor pet peeve of mine. Over all though I will sit here in my bed and watch for the next several weeks and yell at the TV when my favorite pick gets sent home or cry when they do the sappy background stories, and love every minute of it.

OK I don't know how this post measures up on such a momentous occasion as my 250th post but it is the best I have to work with right now..

Y'all have fun

I am Home and Not in Pain

2008-12-26T22:36:00.002-05:00

I am home and resting in my bed. For the first time in almost a month I am able to lay in my bed without pain. I can roll over. I can lay on my back, or side, the only drawback is I am not allowed to sleep on my stomach and you guessed it I am a belly sleeper normally. I think I will be able to deal with this minor problem however, after all I have been sleeping (sorta) sitting up in a chair for over 3 weeks.

The surgery went well, my doctor removed 3 large pieces of the disk and scraped things out well. Hoping that the scraping will encourage the bones to fuse together on their own, negating the necessity for future fusion surgery. I hope it works out that way but right now I am just thankful for what I have, or rather don't have. ( pain)

I want to thank all my kids and my family and friends for the visits, phone calls and e mails.. the encouragement and prayers are so welcome and appreciated.

Not to make light of my love for any of my kids or to say I love one more than the others or anything like that I do need to tell one of them a special I love you. Audrey, you are not my child by birth, I couldn't love you more if you were. I am so fortunate and so honored to be able to call you my daughter. Thank you for every thing. Love you kiddo.

Well I am gonna get off here now and enjoy my pain free rest.. Thank you all

Y'all have fun

Improving Slightly

2008-12-20T20:52:00.003-05:00

I just realized this morning that I hadn't posted anything in over a week. I also realized I haven't driven a car in almost 3 weeks so not posting suddenly didn't seem so bad. I am feeling somewhat better, the debilitating, excruciating, drop dead now pain has for the most part passed, what I have now is more of a constant pain/irritation sorta feels like a pulled muscle. I can really live with this a lot better. I am used to chronic back pain so over the years I have learned some coping mechanisms for that, if I keep my brain busy I can pretty much block it.

I have gotten out a bit more this week, that has done a lot for my mental and emotional health if not my physical. I am not a stay cooped up in the house type person, I love being outdoors, now don't get me wrong I am not the roughing it in the woods, eating berries type either, I just like the fresh air and sunshine. We haven't had much sunshine lately but here in KY we have plenty of fresh air. I even got most of the Christmas shopping done with only one pair of socks being purchased and those didn't make it to Christmas Chella got them the same day I bought them. I even got brave and went thrift store shopping. That is one of my favorite activities, I hate department stores for the most part, but thrift stores are like a bargain hunters mecca and I am queen of the bargain, my kids say I can smell a bargain happening in another part of the state. I didn't buy much but it felt good to be able to walk, yep walk around the store. I walked slowly but it was still upright transport.

I am looking forward to this weeks family Christmas party, I am making a ham, mashed potatoes, and 2 pumpkin pies. Chella is making a cake. Kyle is doing cookies and I am sure Sierra will cook something. If it is anything like cooking was on Thanksgiving it should be a blast and I bet I won't even notice my back/leg pain.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and positive thoughts they have not gone unanswered. While I am not healed I have had a great deal of pain reduction and just knowing there are people out there who don't even really know me that care enough to pray and wish me well does wonders for my heart. A special thank you to a special lady who sent me the most wonderful lumbar support and sleep mask filled with yummy smelling herbs to make me feel better. They have helped, you are such a sweet person. In the midst of your own problems you took time out to think of us. I know there are so many blessings ahead for you.

It will be a busy week around here. We have the party on Tuesday, Christmas, and Sierra's birthday on Friday which happens to be the same day I am having surgery. Sierra told me yesterday, " Mom, I will have other birthdays and all I really want for my 20th is for you to come through surgery healthy and not in pain." Thank you kiddo, I love you.

Well my pain meds just kicked in so I had better stop typing while I am still somewhat coherent.

I wish all of you a wonderful Christmas, may you be blessed with all the love and joy of the season.

Y'all have fun

Still Standing...Ok Sitting

2008-12-09T15:55:00.003-05:00

I am still around. I haven't disappeared or anything I just really have been in too much pain to type or walk or well heck do much of anything.

Ron has been wonderful, from cooking dinners to waiting on me hand and foot and getting the youngin up for school even to staying up with me til 5:30am because he knew I was uncomfortable so he couldn't go lay down in the bed and get comfortable himself, He is the sweetest man I know.

The kids have been helping out as well..Kyle has been the real trouper though, he makes my coffee and brings me a cup in the mornings, he volunteers to do most anything he can to help me out.. what a great kid.

Chelsea has helped by doing chores for me and bringing me stuff, even Sierra who has the Cloe to chase has been great about doing things for me that I can't do for myself, Heck Cloe takes empty diet dew bottles and other things to throw them away for grandma.

I am so thankful to my family, they have been helping without making me feel useless, being useless is a big fear of mine, I have always been very independent and strong willed. I never liked asking anyone for help, if I couldn't do it by myself then I just didn't do whatever it was or dang near killed myself trying. That is just who I am, stubborn, hardheaded, strong willed, obstinate, and very very determined. This past week I have learned that accepting help from those who love you when you need it, is a great way to make them feel needed and loved. That is how they make me feel, that when they are doing something for me it isn't a burden but a labor of love.

Our pastor came to the house on Sunday eve with his wife and another friend from church, I had called him earlier in the day to ask him to come here to pray for me, They and we all prayed, and for the first time that day I was able to stand up straight and sit leaning towards my left instead of my right. I know that God can and does heal us. I haven't had the intensity of that pain from that time on. I still have pain, but I honestly think God has left me some of the pain to remind me that it is OK to ask for help, and so that I won't go back to thinking I am superwoman and then not get this problem fixed. He can heal it completely but he also knows I am stubborn and if he takes all the pain I will be right back trying to do all the things my body can no longer do. So thank you Brother and Sister R, and Robin. I love all of you.

I also want to thank all of you that have been sending prayer and positive energy my way. It means more than I can say, and I certainly can't express it as well as my sweet hubby did on his blog.

The plan for fixing this mess right now is starting with an MRI tomorrow, stronger pain meds, and a follow up with my orthopaedic surgeon next Wednesday when he will most likely suggest surgery to remove the disc that is causing all the trouble.... gotta hate those trouble making discs, geesh. I don't care if he suggests the surgery for 3am, I am so there. The last time this happened the surgery took care of all the pain in my right leg I haven't even had a twinge since, so I have every reason to believe that this time will do the same for my left leg. So if y'all don't mind too much I would so appreciate your continued prayers and good thoughts.

Well my handsome honey has gone into MY ( he is only renting it) kitchen to cook some supper so I think I will try to go in there to sit in a chair and do what I can to help.. that is if he lets me.

Y'all have fun

Dr. Idiot Paging Dr. Idiot

2008-12-02T13:09:00.003-05:00

Ron was right I am gonna fill y'all in on Dr. Idiot. First let me say I have a great deal of respect for dr's I in fact was accepted to a pre med program when I was 16 but, got married instead. So I do love medicine and respect those that practice it. Every now and then you run into the 10th yr resident who was at best a d student that doesn't realize that sometimes.. just sometimes the patient may have a clue.

I don't usually seek medical care unless I know I can't handle something myself. Yesterday I could not walk when I got up due to the excruciating pain in my back and left leg. The day wore on and I realized that I couldn't take the pain any longer. It was too late to call my Ortho. and I don't think I would have made it to Lexington 35 miles away in a vehicle anyway. I have a hard time riding or driving the vibrations in the road generally make it a way less than pleasant experience. Back to yesterday. It was about 5pm when I got Sierra to take me to our wonderful little band aid station. oops I mean hospital. There was no one in the waiting room when we got there. The triage nurse took me straight away, then I went to registration for the inevitable paperwork, once that was done I was told it would be just a few minutes to go to the lobby and wait, so that is what I did.. I waited for an hour and 35 mins. Finally they call my name.. the nurse does all the prelims, you know the usual, urine, take off all of your nice warm clothes and put on this paper thin gown open in the back so you can get a really good draft and lay down on the table ( which I can't do) the doctor will be with you shortly. What exactly is the measurement of time for shortly anyway? It wasn't really that long before a very nice lady Dr came in to see me.. I gave her a very extensive background on my back conditions. She said OK, lets get you a steroid, muscle relaxer, and something for pain in an IV and see if that helps. So that is what they did.. Sometime while they had me stoned on morphine and robaxin they had a shift change, this is never a good thing when you are in the hosp. In walks Dr. Idiot. He asked me how I felt, I told him somewhat better pain level at that point was about a 5 it is usually a 7 or 8. He asked me what had happened to put me in such pain, I gave him the exact history that I had given the other dr. He looks at me and says well you know it probably isn't the L4 at all. I asked him what made him think that , He tells me that a lot of times people don't know what is wrong with them and not everyone is truthful about what they have done. I told him. Dude I know my own medical history quite well I know what is wrong with my own body and my orthopaedic surgeon told me this was a good possibility when he removed the L5, what they normally give me is a prednizone dose pack for a week, a cortisone shot, and a script for muscle relaxers because I don't like to take pain killers unless I have to. He then tells me that he is going to write a script for lortab and send me home.. I asked him.. Did you hear anything I just said? I was speaking English right? He again tells me that sometimes people just want painkillers. I told him I didn't want pain killers I just want the prednizone, and muscle relaxer to get me through until I can get into my Ortho's office.. He went on to say again that the L4 is probably not the cause and most likely not herniated. Now mind you he had done no x rays or even a physical exam of my back you can actually feel my scoliosis and where the disc is protruding through I have a skinny back and it is easy to feel. I told him.. Yeah and you are the same Dr that told me that my 11 month old granddaughter was manipulating us by holding her breath and passing out even though there is no medical support EVER to show that a baby that young is capable of such complex planning and execution of said plan. I finally just told him. " SEND ME HOME".. he did.. with a prescription for.. you guessed it.. lortab. So I am sitting here today in not as much pain thanks to the lady doc giving me the steroid and wondering how this guy even got into med school in the first place.. oh well.. I will call my ortho and find out what we can do about getting me in and go from there.. at least I know he is a good dr.

Ron is still sniffling and sneezing through the day but his fever is down which puts my mind at ease a bit.. he told you all about his heart and such so I won't go into it again except to tell you how stubborn he is and how he needs to let me take better care of him.

Well I think I am gonna try to navigate the stairs there is food down there..

Y'all have fun

Dreams Do Come True

2008-11-28T10:06:00.003-05:00

Whew... the cooking marathon is over. The food is put away the house is back to its regular clutter and not the holiday disaster it was yesterday. There is enough left over in the fridge (not red yet) to feed a large 3rd world country for the next couple of weeks. I loved every minute of it.

When my girls were little and under my feet in the kitchen while I was trying to cook I used to dream about the day when they would be in the kitchen with me helping to prepare a big holiday meal. I had this idea that we would work well together with no arguing or fussing from anyone. That we wouldn't get in each other's way but would be genuinely happy to be working together as a team.. Yesterday that dream came true. It actually started Wed. night. We all worked on pies. Chella and Caleb did the cherry pie, Kyle did the apple pie, Sierra did the pecan pie, and I did my usual pumpkin pies. It was great we were in the kitchen at the same time and you have to understand something about my kitchen here.. It is about the size of a short hallway, anyway we were all in there at the same time, laughing, reaching for ingredients, teasing each other, it was wonderful and the pies turned out beautifully. That same team spirit carried over into yesterday. We all worked together to make a beautiful and delicious meal. I loved it. I think the kids had a much better time knowing they helped out so much in the preparation of the meal. I knew I would have to rely on them a lot this year because of my back, but they all went above and beyond. Kudos to you my kiddos, I am so very proud of you all and love you so much.

We will be living on leftovers for the next 3 days or so but that has always been one of my favorite parts of thanksgiving , cook like a maniac for a few days and then take the next week off.

Ron and I seem to have caught miss Cloe's cold so we will be skipping the black friday shopping frenzy or as I like to call it... hell. We will do our shopping later next week. We also have to prepare for a b day party for Chella she will be 18 on the 8th and we will be having her party on the 6th. Hmmm a room full of teenagers wolfing down food.. didn't we just do that yesterday? Oh well it should be a good time for all.. I hear Cloe up downstairs I think I am gonna go spend some time with the little angel/demon. I hope all of you had as wonderful a thanksgiving as we did.. God Bless

Y'all have fun

Time to Give Thanks

2008-11-26T16:59:00.002-05:00

On this day before Thanksgiving, before I drag myself out of my nice comfy chair and downstairs to get started on my pies I just want to take a few minutes to let you all know what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for God, for His mercy for His love but, mostly for His patience in waiting on me to finally get on the ball and depend on Him and to give my heart and my problems over to Him knowing they will be taken care of.

I am thankful for my Ron. He is my comfort, my hopes,my desires, the light and love of my life. He is my soft place to land and my solid ground when things get shaky.

I am thankful for my 7 children for the love and joy they have brought into my life as well as the heartaches and headaches that have allowed me to grow with them and appreciate them as a group and as individual people that I am honored to call not only my children but my friends. I like the people they are and love watching as they continue to grow into the people they will be.

I am thankful for my 6 beautiful grandbabies. I don't get to see 5 of them nearly enough but when I do get to spend time with them they bring back the memories of being a child and I love seeing the world through their eyes.

I am thankful for my friends. All of them the ones here that I can call when I have had a horrible day, Sandra, Leigh, and they always give me something to remind me that tomorrow is another day. I am also thankful for the wonderful friends I don't see as often anymore, Red, Russ, Glenna you have all added something special to my life and have been there for me when I needed you. You tell me when I am being stupid or forgetful of all that I have and you cheer me on and up just when I need it most. I am also thankful for those of you I only know from this big old internet. Thank you for sharing your lives and for coming into mine. Trish, Debbie, Whitney and I know I am forgetting some names not that I would forget any of you in any way. It is just that I am not a name person.

I am thankful for my life, for this journey I have been travelling, for the places I have been and the places I have yet to go.. It hasn't always been easy but, it has always been worth the ride.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving to you all..I wish you all love and happiness and if you would just do me one little favor. Take a look around, no matter what your circumstances are right now.. no matter how hard life seems. Think about all that you do have and give thanks.

Y'all have fun

Uh Oh Tammy Poetry

2008-11-23T20:09:00.005-05:00

I haven't blogged for a couple days.. I have been in too much pain.. and I am sorta gonna cheat on this post but oh well..

Warning I am not as gifted a poet as my sweet, wonderful hubby but, sometimes the writing bug gets me too.. this is one that I wrote a while back .. it is just a little bit racy.. and yeah it is about my honey..

Patience

Quiet, peaceful, serene.
hearts beating together,
skin touching.

Feeling a rising heat,
hands exploring,
no words needed.

Breathing deepens,
a sudden sharp intake of breath
a shiver passes through.

Reacting to the gentlest touch,
like a surge of electricity
discovering all the places needing to be touched.

Tasting each other,
lips touching, tongues entwined,
tasting, devouring each other.

Hungry eyes taking in all they can see,
understanding instinctively,
all that has not been said.

Excitement growing,
breathless anticipation,
desiring more.

Waiting patiently to be sated,
exquisite torture.

Tammy J.
July 20, 2005

I don't know if I will post anymore of my poetry. I have to find it ... It is somewhere in a pink folder in this house. Like I said I am not as talented as Ron.. but I hope y'all enjoy it anyway.

Y'all have fun

The Brats

2008-11-18T17:05:00.001-05:00

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Rocky Has A New Home

2008-11-14T21:13:00.003-05:00

Rocky has a new home. Ron and I drove him to meet his new owners earlier this evening. I had had several phone conversations with the wife and she seemed very sweet and sincere about just wanting a pet for her family (her, hubby 2 boys 3,and 8) so tonight we got Rocky in the truck and drove about 40 miles to meet them halfway between their house and ours. We stood out in the drizzling rain while Rocky got acquainted with them. He played tug-o-war with both of them. He jumped and wiggled and begged for petting, pretty much showed them all of his personality and they played right back with him and seemed to take a liking to him. It was all pretty easy until it was time for us to go. He got into their truck we got into ours and he was looking across the hubby at us like " where are you going without me?" that part really sucked. We left and went to find a bite to eat and it seemed like a longer drive home than usual.

When we got home Dusty was running around the house, he has looked and looked like he knows someone is missing but he is enjoying the freedom of not having to be in our room or kennelled. I know this is better for Rocky and Dusty and in a lot of ways for us too. There will be no more dogs fighting, no more of me getting jumped on or my feet nipped at as I come down the stairs. There will also be no more need of the major strategic exercises to make sure the dogs had no contact with each other.

I know it was the right decision and his new owners seem like great folks but I am gonna miss the little guy. We have had him since he was a 5 week old fur ball with legs. I will probably worry a bit about him and shed a few tears ( a few more) and then like all moms I will have to let him go. I know he loves kids and he loves attention and I believe he will have all he wants and needs in his new home.

Be happy in your new home Rocky.. we still love you.

Y'all have fun

Me Strange? Nahhhhh

2008-11-14T11:04:00.002-05:00

Ron is always teasing me about my tastes in TV shows. He will be in the sitting room and I am in the bedroom on my heating pad watching TV and he will hear something he finds strange and will ask " Honey, what ARE you watching in there?" Now I will admit I do watch some out of the ordinary things. I like notorious on the history channel, along with several other shows like....deranged, most evil, snapped, taboo, the dog whisperer, and what not to wear. As you can tell my tastes are somewhat eclectic, but sometimes have an underlying theme of the unusual behaviors of people. I am not a weirdo in the sense of watching these shows to get pointers. (well not most of the time) just kidding. I have always been interested in medicine and in psychiatry. I like to know what makes people tick and what forces influence people to turn out the way they do. My reading materials run along the same lines sometimes. Right now I am reading a book by Ann Rule called Every Breath You Take. It is about this really screwed up psychotic man who becomes a multimillionaire and continues to stalk and abuse his ex wife who he eventually kills. It just makes me wonder why people turn out cruel or kind, abusive, loving, basically why we all are the way we are. Just so y'all don't think I am completely nuts I also read anything from Nora Roberts, to Danielle Steel to Stephen King and Dean Koontz..and everything in between .. OK so those last two can be a bit strange but oh well..

I would love to know if the strange reading and watching habits are something unique to me or if most of my female friends are also that interested in what makes folks tick. What do you read or watch? Oh yeah.. I also love Football ( college or pro) and basketball and will tell any guy to get out of the way of the tv if one of my favorite teams are playing. A good lifetime movie will get my attention too.. but then again they often run towards killers , kidnappers, and psychotic people. Maybe I am strange after all..

Time to get off here Deranged comes on in a few or is that What not to wear.. One thing is for sure if I ever do snap .. I will be well dressed for the occasion..

Y'all have fun

Goodbye to Rocky

2008-11-10T19:50:00.003-05:00

The end of Rocky living here has come.. this afternoon Rocky was outside, Dusty was in our bedroom.. Kyle took food to Dusty and was going back out the door, Dusty decided to run for it at about the same time Chelsea decided it would be a good idea to let Rocky in the house. I was in the bathroom and hear this awful fight ensue between them. Then I heard Kyle holler in pain. Ron sent him into the bathroom with me.. here I am trying to finish my business and in walks a bleeding Kyle. His right hand was streaming blood every where it seems when he tried to break the dogs up Dusty bit him instead of Rocky talk about biting the hand that feeds you. It was a bad enough bite to spend 3 hours at the ER and require 5 stitches.. that is it.. I have had enough.. Even though it wasn't Rocky that did the biting he did do the instigating as usual.. anyone want an AKC registered 15month old male boxer? We are trying to find a place for him. The nearest no kill shelter is about 60miles from here we will be calling them in the morning as well as the boxer rescue. It will take too long to place him by running an ad and I don't want to dawdle on this.. He really is a sweet dog on his own but he and Dusty simply don't get along and with the injury to Kyle I really don't want to take any more chances while trying to train him. So.. it is the end of his time with us.. I won't have him put down.. I know he can be trained but I don't have the time or the inclination to do it now.. I just can't take the chance.. It will break my heart to say goodbye to him for all of his faults I love the little guy and I know he can be a great dog .. just not a great dog for us. I most likely won't go with Ron to take him to the shelter or where ever he goes.. I know I will bawl my eyes out if I do.. but this has to be done..

In other news.. Lacey will be in heat this weekend and apparently I will be providing the honeymoon suite for her and her suitor.. they will have the whole back room to themselves.. I wonder if the lil' guy will bring her flowers and a good wine.. he might need the wine, Lacey isn't the nicest little thing about the whole breeding process.

I think I am gonna get off here and check on my boy.. see if he needs anything for pain.. one thing he does like about this injury.. he gets out of dish night for the next week. I told the Dr that he will be begging the other dogs to bite him every week if it gets him outta doing dishes.. oh yeah and tonight is trash night.. and he can't do that either.. hmm I wonder if I could get one of the dogs to bite my hand?

Y'all have fun

Dogs & Coffee

2008-11-09T22:48:00.002-05:00

I have a question.. OK I have a story then a question.. Ron and I have 2 boxers which most of you already know. Dusty is almost 2 and Rocky is 15 months. They used to be friends they would play together and rough house then they would lay down and go to sleep together. Then they both hit doggie puberty.. there were a few easily broken up skirmishes, nothing serious. Then we fostered Samson for a few weeks and all you know what has broken loose between Rocky and Dusty now days.. If they see each other Rocky will go after Dusty and Dusty will not back down for any reason. We have to literally pull them apart and it takes several of us to do it. I have been bitten by both of them in the process, Ron has injured his hand as has Kyle. Chelsea so far has been uninjured. I have trained dogs for years I have always been very good at it. However when there are 2 dogs of their size that need to be trained at the same time and the trainer has serious back problems it can be a job almost too big to handle.

My question is have any of you had a similar problem? If so what did you do to solve it. ( expensive training is not an option) I want to keep both of them. Individually they are wonderful, sweet, loving dogs.. Dusty is neutered Rocky isn't . I don't want to fix him unless I have to. I would like to breed him 1 time before he is fixed. Help.... If anyone has any good tips, please feel free to share them..

Oh yeah and my little pain in the butt Lacey ( mini Dachshund) is in heat right now so both of the guys are all up in arms about that too.. not that they could do anything about it without her having a step ladder..

Well I am off.. I have to go check on the cleaning process of my way cool but technologically advanced coffee pot.. apparently it isn't enough to just pour vinegar in the dang thing there is an entire process to cleaning it.. who knew.. all I want is a good cup of coffee or ten especially now dealing with these dogs.. ya know..

Y'all have fun

2008-11-08T12:50:00.002-05:00

OK this is all about seriously cool.... Ron my sweet wonderful hubby... (no I am not sucking up) got up at 7am on a Saturday no less to go to one of his least favorite places ( Wal-mart) to stand in line for 30 mins or more to buy my newest toys one of which I am using right now to type this post on, he got me a laptop. I have been wanting one for a while now and he was going to get me one for my b day but I told him never mind on that one due to cost considerations and such. Yesterday while doing his usual browsing the web thing he came across an ad walmart had for this laptop for 50% off it's original price so there my sweet honey was this morning out in the cold driving to stand in line and get it for me. I love it... I was sitting in the bed with my old dear friend the heating pad just blogging away, now I have come out to the front porch where I can enjoy the sunlight and outdoors as well as have a cigarette all while continuing to post here.. tell me does it get any better? He also got me the digital picture key chain I have been wanting.. I don't know how he knew I have been wanting it. I didn't tell him but he is good about just knowing things. He also said he would like to take me out this evening. I don't know what I have done to deserve all this.. and no he isn't in any trouble that I know of. He is just a sweety.

I think I may be able to keep up with my blog now and get back into the swing of things. I have no excuses not to now I can stay on my heating pad and type, I can be outside and type, I can go most anywhere wireless is available and type, hmmm maybe that is it. Maybe I had been neglecting my blog for so long he had to take drastic measures to get me back in and online. But I think it is mostly just because he likes spoiling me.. that works for me..

Well off to play with my new toy more.. Y'all have fun

back to school and other things

2008-10-27T21:55:00.001-04:00

yay!! Kyle was able to go back to school today. I know the little guy had a rough time with the tonsillectomy and all but whew it was good to have him back at school today. There was driving to mom in law's to drop off a cabinet, there was adult conversation, and there was no continuous talking from the backseat. I did wind up taking Sierra and Cloe to the store today and Kyle went along for the ride but that was after he had gotten most of his talking done at school.

In other news I got my turn down letter for disability benefits a couple of days ago, so now starts the appeals process. The letter stated that I was not disabled because I had worked as a cashier in the past and should be able to do that now. Sure if they help me find a job that allows me to lie down after sitting or standing for more than 30 minutes, and will also let me not ring up many customers as running a register for more than say 20 minutes would kill my hands. By the time I finish this post my right hand will be hurting and I won't be able to use it for a while. I would love to be working, but as hard as it was for me to come to terms with, I know I can't work anymore. Oh well I will be filing my appeal tomorrow and we will see what happens from there.

Well, my honey just got in the nice cozy waterbed with me so I'm outta here.

y'all have fun.

Second Time Around Today

2008-10-15T00:14:00.002-04:00

I do realize it has only been a few hours since my last post but apparently the earlier post caused some word dam to break in my brain and here I am again at the keyboard.

I have decided it is time for me to jump into the political quagmire. I am so tired of hearing about this one did this and that one did that, and add to it the e mails of myth, legend and downright lies and you have nothing but a bunch of adults acting like 3rd graders you know the " did not" "did too" thing. That is what this entire election has sounded like. Somewhere in this mess of misinformation, and innuendo I have managed to choose whom I am going to vote for based on the facts I have been able to research. Hmmm there is a novel idea a person making a decision on whom to vote for based on facts, research and not TV ads and emails.

We have a large group of friends, very diverse for the most part in lifestyle, religion, politics and economic status. We respect the rights of all of them to believe what they believe. To vote the way they want to vote based on those beliefs and in fact either one of us would fight to defend their right to believe and vote whichever way they want. I just wish several of the people we know would respect our right to do the same. We hear how bad our world is from people we love and respect, we hear that the party we choose will take this country to hell in a hand basket. We have had a couple of people we know get downright angry because we don't see things in the same way they do. Here is the deal people, this country was founded on the principle that everyone is equal and have the same rights as everyone else. I will fight to defend that principle I will always listen to someone else's opinion even if I don't agree with it and will support that person's right to have that opinion. Please feel free to do the same with me. I don't go around spouting my political beliefs but as with my religious beliefs I will give you my opinion if asked for it. I will not try to convert you to my way of thinking I will not judge you if your opinion differs from mine. So don't do it to me.. It tends to piss me off.

OK sorry bout that but this stuff has been on my mind for a bit and it just all came spewing out of my fingers and onto the screen. If I have offended anyone I am sorry but like the television if you don't want to watch something that is on because it offends you change the channel. I do not ever want or try to offend anyone but I also know you can't please everyone all the time so if you don't like what I have to say I respectfully say to you don't read my blog.

I think I finally have most of that out of my head. I may actually be able to sleep now.. Have a good night..

Y'all have fun

I Was Gone How Long?

2008-10-14T16:31:00.003-04:00

OK.. so it has been a while since I have posted anything.. mostly because I have had a really hard time recovering from the back surgery and all of the complications of daily life thrown in there as well..

I used to love to post as often as possible. I felt strange if I didn't get to write if not every day at least several times a week. Now it seems like I have either gotten out of the habit of writing, not just here but in general or I just don't have the where with all to do anything about getting on the computer and writing something. I don't know how you can get out of the habit of doing something you really love to do but that seems to be the case. It isn't a matter of laziness, or not having time to write, I guess it has been a combination of depression from not being able to do much of anything and thinking there really is nothing I have to say that anyone would find interesting anyway.

So here is the quick update, if I repeat anything that you have already read on Ron's blog I do apologize.

The surgery on my back was June 10th. Everything went really well better than even my doctor expected. I was up and about in about no time after waking up and the doctor made the decision to let me go home that day... I was happy about that, Ron was not so much happy. He thought I should at least stay overnight so that I could rest better, but for me the hospital is the worst place for me to rest. I would have been worrying about everything going on at home, whether or not the kids were doing what they were supposed to be doing and all the things that moms worry about. I came home and did nothing just like I was supposed to do.. see Ron I can take care of myself if monitored closely enough. My recovery has been great and not so great depending on your way of looking at things. My legs don't hurt at all anymore. That is a good thing. I do however tire out very easily still and my back is hurting more than it did before the surgery but that is to be expected when you take a part of it out and put nothing in there to replace it.

My 40th birthday came and went in Aug. It was great Ron got me several of my favorite things, as well as a great watch. We all went out to JD legend for dinner and karaoke. Some friends stopped in as well including one friend that shares my exact birth date. It was a really good time.

Chelsea is going to the adult education center several times a week to get her GED and take her ACT so she can start applying to schools for either the spring or fall of 09. She didn't want to be in HS another yr and a half and then have to start all of this when she will be 18 this Dec and wants to jump start her education. I do understand her way of thinking, I was never one to sit around and wait for something I knew I could start on now.

Kyle is doing well, right now he is recovering from his tonsillectomy yesterday and pretty much just laying around taking pain meds and eating yogurt, ice cream, Popsicles, pudding and things like that. Sounds like a rough diet doesn't it.. If I tried that my hips would be planning world domination in about 3 days. He should be over the worst of it by Thursday according to his Dr. and will be back at school next week wahooooooooo.. oh sorry did I say that out loud. At least his school work won't suffer they have assigned him a home bound teacher to bring his work to him while his is recuperation. Which will hopefully not only keep his grades up but solve some of his boredom being at home all day issues as well.

Cloe is still just as beautiful as ever and just as spoiled rotten as ever also.. She is talking a lot more now. One of her favorite things to say is thank you. It doesn't matter if you give her something or she gives you something you will get this big grin and a big "Tank yooo" It is adorable of course. She also says " uh oh" " ewwwwwww" and if she is leaving or you are she will throw up one tiny little hand and say " Bye". She is a mess..

Other than that there really haven't been many note worthy events. Ron and I celebrated our 5th anniversary well sort of.. we were together, always a good thing, we had 3 grand babies not a bad thing, but a busy thing at any rate. Cloe spent the night with us as did Chris (9) and Kody (7). We kept Cloe upstairs with us mostly while Kyle kept the boys entertained in his room and downstairs watching Ironman. All of that sounds fine except Kyle complaining about two very active younger kids driving him crazy and Cloe having a cold and fever and refusing for all she is worth to go to sleep. The next day was Sunday, we had hoped to go to church, instead we returned the children to their rightful owners and came home to crash. It was a good anniversary but one we don't plan to repeat.

We have the big celebration of Court Days coming up this weekend.. that should be fun our little town being over run with people from all over who don't know how to pick up after themselves at all.. they always leave an over abundance of trash in our streets and in our yards. I really don't understand that at all .. I want to tell them " look I don't come to your town and throw trash in your yard would you kindly return the favor?". I am still looking forward to it mostly, it is usually a good time.

Well it is time for me to go downstairs and wait for the home bound teacher to get here for Kyle and to think up something for dinner maybe. I will not promise to do better on keeping up with posting. I will promise to try.

Y'all have fun

Surgery

2008-06-05T09:57:00.003-04:00

Oh my... this is scary two posts in the same week? No!!! no brain sucking alien has taken over my keyboard it really is me..

Just a quick update to the other day's post about my back issues. Ron and I went to my dr. yesterday, we looked at the new MRI. What had looked like a small protrusion on last months MRI now looks to be about the size of the tip of my pinkie and where there was no discernable herniation on the l4 l5 lumbar before there is a tiny one showing up now. So.. we discussed and scheduled surgery. I will be having what the dr. termed a diskectomy on Tues the 10th.. We discussed all the risks and benefits and it seems like the most logical step for me at this point. I can't tolerate this pain any longer and if that much damage has occurred in just a month I don't want to put this off too much longer. I am good at damaging myself , so the longer I wait the worse it will be.

The dr did put me on a pain patch thing that is a powerful narcotic. Finally someone that understands the pain I am in and is willing to give me something to relieve it... I am not a junkie.. I am not looking to get high.. I just want to be relatively pain free for a little while. Most of the drs. I have been to will not prescribe any type of pain killer that can be abused and while I do understand the fear of addiction and abuse of drugs I think our doctors need to be educated in pain relief and the necessity of short term drug therapy in some patients. Even long term therapy in some patients is not a worry for addiction but a humane and kind way to alleviate severe pain. I have done a lot of research on the subject and all of the studies I have been able to find indicate that drug therapy for those in severe chronic pain can help those people live more normal lives or at least in some cases relieve the pain for whatever duration of life those people have left and in a large percentage of these patients whether they have terminal conditions or not addiction does not become a problem..My personal opinion is that most of us with severe chronic pain just want to be somewhat normal and be able to do things with our families and not have the burden of pain always with us. This morning I woke up mostly pain free and feeling a lot like the old me.. something I haven't felt much of since Oct when this whole thing began. I am only using half of the patch and it is good for 3 days.. wow sounds like I want to get high don't it?

Ok off the patient rights soapbox.. other than planning for my surgery I think I will try to get some things done around here beforehand. I need to leave my house in good shape. I know I will only be gone for one day but I know my children they can do a lot to a house in 24 hours...

I am outta here for a while.. who knows I may turn up again soon.

Y'all have fun

Back to My Regularly Scheduled Life

2008-06-02T18:33:00.005-04:00

I realize it has been a really long time since I have blogged. Sometimes I am too busy to blog. Sometimes there is too much going on around me too post anything. Sometimes I forget I have a blog at all.

There really isn't too much going on right now. The kids are both out of school and both passed to the next grade. Chelsea will be a jr next school year and Kyle will be in 7th grade. They both did really well Kyle passing with all A's and Chelsea passing with mostly A's. Chelsea finished the rest of the school year at home. She was having a lot of problems dealing with all that happened last year and couldn't go back to regular classes but being at home has helped her a lot and she really liked her homebound teacher.

Things are pretty much back to normal all the way around. Ron and I are still very much in love and love being together as often as we can. Not easy sometimes with Chelsea always wanting to go somewhere with the new boyfriend (Caleb) and leaving Kyle at home with us. He doesn't have a lot of friends his age so he likes to hang with Ron and I when Chella is not home. Actually he would prefer to hang with Ron and I anyway. Chelsea picks on him.

My hands are somewhat better. Well actually I don't know if they are better or if they just get lost in the pain from my back. I have recently found out I have two herniated disks that are compressing a bundle of nerves in my back causing pain in both legs and in the back. I was taking part in a research study to inject an enzyme into the protruding part of the disk to dissolve it and that would take care of all the pain problems. I went through all the testing and all the questionaires and things were looking good for the procedure. Then the MRI results came back and where I had only one disk that was protruding in April I now have two which disqualified me for the study. Now I have to go to my ortho on Wed. to discuss my surgical options. I am not afraid of the surgery exactly I am afraid sorta of either it not working at all or of it doing more damage. The only alternative I have to surgery now is to be on pain meds for the rest of my life while every day things do more damage to the back and eventually get it to a point where I won't be able to work or walk or anything else. When it is put that way surgery starts to look like a great option.

Cloe is getting bigger every day and I think the child learns a new word or a new thing every day. She is so smart, she listens to everything said to her, she picks up new words fast, so yes we have to all watch the language around her. There has been one incident involving the "S" word already so we have become very clean mouthed around here. It is hard to believe she will be a year old on the 26th of this month. It doesn't seem like it has been a year yet. She has grown so quickly. She isn't walking yet but she is trying to. As long as no one is looking at her that is. If she is standing alone and no one is watching she is fine but the minute someone looks at her she will sit down and put her arms out to be picked up. Can we say spoiled? I didn't do it.. (much)..

Well Ron just walked over to the graduation for his kids. Today was his last day with students this year and tonight he gets to watch 2 of his students he has had for 3 yrs graduate. That is pretty cool. I am just gonna sit here in his nice air conditioned classroom and read or something. It is like 80 degrees out there and someone had the brilliant idea to have graduation outside.. Ummm not for me.. OK back to my book..

Y'all have fun

Whew.. It's over..

2008-01-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

Wow.. finally.. 2007 is over, done, kaput.. I couldn't be happier.. I know that all we have gone through in 2007 is not the year's fault but still I am glad to see it go...

I know most people reflect about the year past and then make resolutions to do something bigger, better or different in the year to come.. I really don't want to reflect too much on last year.. there were great highlights..

I went back to church.. I was baptized and received the gift of the Holy Ghost.. that has brought me much needed peace and comfort throughout the year..

Cloe was born and continues to thrive and be a wonderfully bright spot in our lives.. she started crawling yesterday.. hmmm I wonder if I remember how to baby-proof a house after all these years..

Ron's book was published and is now available on the Author House website and many of the major booksellers websites.. I read it again.. as a book not as something we lived.. Ron really is a very talented writer.. I am picky about books.. and would not just say it was a good book to make him feel good.. it really is a good book.. Book Store Search Results there is a link to the author house website.. check it out if you like..

The kids are all basically healthy.. Chelsea and Kyle both recently had to have allergy testing.. they weren't too happy about the 92 needles in the back thing.. we did however find out that both of them are allergic to all molds, mildews and dust.. they thought that would get them out of housework.. not so much.. I have the same allergies.. I take my daily meds and just keep on cleaning.. they did come home with 4 new prescriptions each one being a preventative for their asthma.. that has to be a good thing.. although the last time Chella had an attack the school called 911 and chella thought the EMT's were really hot.. I told her there are better ways to look at hot guys..

Speaking of Chella she is doing well she is working on some personal issues and moving through her grief for her dad and everyone else we lost this past year.. she is being homeschooled through the homebound program at her highschool right now and it seems to be working for her.

Kyle is still Kyle.. he is annoying at times.. talks WAY too much.. and basically acts like a 12 yr old boy.. but he is also one of the sweetest kids on the planet.. he will just come up to me and say " Mom, can I have a hug" he does this several times a day what a great way to make mom's day ya know..

Sierra is not working right now. She is job hunting.. she assures me she has another job lined up already.. I assurred her that is a good thing because her bedroom here is not lined up for her anymore.. I don't mean to sound heartless but she needs to realize that raising a child means work, responsibility and not expecting mom and dad to bail you out everytime you lose a job, or a car or whatever.. I was doing it on my own at her age and she knows that she will never not have help but helping and doing it for her are two different things...

Chris is up for probation / parole this month.. the parole people came to the house on Friday.. we weren't home, Kyle called me and gave me the number they left.. I called them and spoke with a really nice guy there he told me they were checking us out to make sure Chris has a place to go and that we don't drink or have firearms, and to make sure we aren't crimminals ourselves.. I assured them we weren't .. Neither one of us drinks.. and neither one of us has any type of record.. I also made sure they know that Chris has gotten his GED and has a job in the jail as well as one waiting for him when he gets out.. the guy told me that to him it looks like Chris has a really great home plan.. I don't know if that means anything one way or the other as far as the decision goes for letting him out but I am taking it to be a positive thing..

I do want to thank all of our friends and our family for all of the prayers and support you have given us this past year and always..you are greatly loved and appreciated.

Hmm I just noticed that my honey has signed off aol.. I am thinking that means he is upstairs mostly naked and in the bed.. I think I will be joining him.

Y'all have fun

Will this year never end?

2007-12-04T09:39:00.000-05:00

I don't even know where to start.. I don't even know what all I am feeling right now.. Those of you who read Ron's blog know that on Sunday November 25 my ex hubby killed himself.. The aftermath of that has been an incredibly horrible nightmare that I wish I could wake from..

Tuesday morning we left for FL.. It was a hard trip in itself.. the car that Sierra, Nick and Cloe were driving got overheated and we had to do some minor repairs to it and some major praying over it.. it finally made it to our destination..

When we got there we tried to find out from the family just exactly where the service was being held.. no one seemed to know.. that sounded a bit fishy to me that they wouldn't know where his service was.. Sierra got on the phone and called all of the funeral homes to see what she could find out.. she finally found the right one..

We were at first told that I was not welcome at the service.. It seems as how most of the family is blaming me for Ronnie's death. Sierra called Linda ( ronnie's wife) she said she didn't think it was a good idea for me to come but she wouldn't oppose me coming in and paying my respects and then leaving.. Wednesday morning there were phone calls from the family threatening me to stay away.. my kids wanted and needed their mother to be there with them, I called the police and arranged for an officer to be there to make sure everything went ok.. that didn't work .. when we got to the funeral home Chella and Sierra got out of the cars and went into the funeral home to say goodbye, Kyle didn't want to go without me.. as soon as the family saw the children they started screaming obsenities and threats at me.. they started to charge towards the car.. the police arrived about that time and kept them by the funeral home.. I had stayed by the truck the whole time I never even got close to going to the funeral home.. The family continued to rant and rave and make threats even going as far as knocking Ronnie's stepmom down inside the funeral home and throwing punches.. all the while screaming vile and obscene lies at my children.. it was the most disgusting, disrespectful spectacle I have ever witness and I hope to never see anything like that again..

After the service we were escorted by the police to the city limits to keep the family from following us.. We went back to our hotel for some much needed time to grieve and regroup... I went with my best friend Mauritha to get some food and brought it back to the hotel, we ate and talked.. Mauritha had to go to work, the kids and I went to the beach.. I had promised Ronnie a long time ago I would sing a song for him at his funeral.. since they wouldn't let me go to the service I went to his favorite spot on the beach and sang for him there with my kids around me.. I think he would have liked that.. We went back to the hotel.. Ron told me on the way back that he had heard someone at the pool with the same name as Ronnie's nephew.. I told him.. lots of people have that name.. when we got back to the hotel, the kids asked if they could go play pool.. we told them yes.. as they were walking around they ran into Ronnie's brother , his wife and some other family members. The kids came back to the room and told us who they had seen, we packed up and left.. we just didn't want to deal with anymore drama.. we drove as far as Brunswick GA. got a room and fell asleep.. We got up the next morning and drove on home.

We have been trying to pick up the pieces of our lives and our kids lives and get back into some sort of routine.. the kids went back to school today.. hopefully concentrating on that will help to take their minds off everything else.. we are still getting threats from Ronnie's family and are taking the necessary steps to protect ourselves.. Ron and I are going to hold on to each other and our children for the duration.. we will come out all that much stronger as a family.. our faith in God and each other will help us through this as well as the support and love of our many friends and family.. Just keep us in your prayers..

y'all take care..

Broken Promise

2007-11-02T22:12:00.000-04:00

I know, I know.... I promised not to get so lax in posting and then I went and did it again.. In my defense I have been having medical issues with my hands and have not been able to type much.. the arthritis isn't getting any better.. but so goes life..

Cloe the latest love of my life is a complete joy to have around she is getting so big.. It is amazing to see the way she is developing into this tiny little person. She has a wonderful personality. She rarely cries, smiles all the time and charms everyone she comes in contact with.. I have discovered though after 4 months of babysitting an infant I am a bit older than I thought I was.. I love having her here.. I love taking care of her and seeing those beautiful smiles.. and I love when mom and dad pick her up at the end of the day and take her home.. give an old lady a break ya know.. I guess it was just as hard when my own children were little but I had 3 of them at 22 and 4 by 27 that I figured wandering around with spitup stained clothes, no makeup, hair in a perpetual ponytail, and never sleeping was just normal..

Chelsea has been having a rough time lately she went through a very harrowing and personal experience and is now dealing with the reality and aftermath of what happened we are taking it day by day and she is getting counselling.. I am not one of those parents that think I can provide everything she needs and I know when to step away from a situation that is too close to home and get professional advice and counselling when needed.. I hate it when parents don't realize that children sometimes can't talk to the people they love most about things that have hurt them the most and take it personally when the kid doesn't talk to them.. she needs my love, she needs my support, and she needs my wisdom to know there are things that I won't be well equipped to handle alone and will find her someone who is..

I lost my grandmother on Halloween.. she was 94 yrs old she lived a very long life.. I know that the first 70 yrs of it was relatively happy and secure for her.. then after that with the alzheimers she was still happy most of the time but just didn't know what happiness meant anymore.. I am very grateful to have had her in my life for this long she was a wonderful, sweet, simply classy lady.. I will miss just knowing she was there... I love you Grammy.

Ron's book will be out soon.. I am sooooo excited and soooo proud of my honey.. I told him I have always been proud to be with him.. to be his wife.. to be a part of his family.. but I am proud of him for this too.. It takes talent to write, a gift of words and a whole lot of guts to put that out there for everyone to see.. I respect that.. reading the book for me is somewhat theraputic reminding me of what was then and what we learned to get to where we are now... and I love the idea of knowing that Ron loves me so much that he left this legacy of my mother for not only our family but to anyone that is struggling with an alzheimers patient and may need to just know there are others out there that have been there and come out the other side.. Mom has moved into the 3rd stage of this disease and most of the time doesn't really know me.. but that is ok.. I know her..

OH... I almost forgot.. Chelsea also started her first job today.. she said it was fun and she loved working.. I was thinking it is easy to love working when you don't have to... but I am still way happy for her and very proud of her. I also think that having the job will help her to not dwell on the other issues going on with her right now..

Kyle turned 12 last Thursday.. he had 2 parties and was the center of attention for several days.. which is always his favorite place to be.. It is amazing to me that he is that age.. he is so mature in several ways and very intelligent.. but sometimes I still see him as that little angel faced baby that spit mashed potatoes at me. ( he still doesn't like them) I know they all have to grow up but for some reason I had it in my head because he is the baby it wouldn't happen to him..

I am dealing with a pulled hamstring and torn muscle never again will I question why athletes have to take off from playing for so long with this injury that sucker HURTS!!.. I don't really know how I did it but somehow I did.. now all I want is to undo it and make the pain go away.. I am supposed to heat it 20mins every 2 hours and keep it elevated most of the day.. Yeah like that is gonna happen around here.. I have a baby to watch.. kids to cook for... a hubby to take care of.. and a house to clean.. not to mention all the other things people seem to find for me to do.. but I am trying to behave and not do too much.. I promise.. ok so I didn't keep my last promise in a post but I will this time... no really .. I will..

I guess I should post more often.. these marathon postings hurt my hands and Ron is already mostly nekkid and in the bed.. think I will go join him..

Y'all have fun..

2 months later

2007-08-21T16:30:00.000-04:00

OMG... I just realized when I looked at this thing it has been over 2 months since I have posted anything.. and believe me that ain't for lack of things to post about. Cloe' my beautiful granddaughter being on the top of the list of things that have been going on around here. She is just a doll baby I keep telling Sierra that Cloe' is the 2nd prettiest baby I have ever seen, Kyle being the first she is a really really close 2nd place though. I am having a ball being a grandma, I get to watch her right now while mom and dad are at work , I have a lot of time on my hands right now..

Oh yeah my hands, that is another subject altogether, I went to the Dr. a couple weeks ago because my hands were hurting beyond belief he took me off work for a week, actually he said I could go back to work with no repetitive motions of my hands hmmmm wonder how I am supposed to type all day and not use my hands, my boss wondered the same thing and forced me to resign, with the option of returning when the hands are able, I am typing right now, the hands ain't liking it but I am doing it, anyway, I go back to the doctor again tomorrow this time a rheumatologist, needless to say they don't really know what is wrong with my hands , they think it is arthritis and perhaps a pinched nerve in my neck the only think they have determined for sure is I do have the tendonitis in my left wrist again and where I had the surgery on the right wrist the dr removed too much of the sheath over the tendon and now the tendon is rubbing the bone and I have a bone spur there so that is causing pain too.. but the left one is the one causing most of the trouble right now. oh well..

My friend Glenna had her beautiful baby recently, I got pics... wooo hoo .. Ella.. you are beautiful ..

I am hoping to get back to work soon. I promise to try and not be another 2 months between posts.. I miss my blog friends and getting my thoughts out of my head and sharing them with y'all..

Oh yeah.. I have a birthday coming up thursday.. 39 for the 1st time.. woo hoo..

Y'all have fun

Still Kickin'

2007-06-07T21:13:00.000-04:00

I don't really have much time to post before my eyes slam shut just thought I would let everyone that is interested .. all three of you that I am still alive.. I had my surgery on the 25th I guess it went ok surgery wise .. the pain afterwards was anything but ok.. and I wound up off work for a week but I am much better now.. I have my follow up appointment tomorrow and then hopefully I won't have to see my GYN for another year... that sounds like a good plan to me..

The job is going well .. I am still liking it so I guess that is a good thing for the old bank account at least.. the only thing I don't love about it is the time it takes to get there and get home again most of the time I am gone about 11 hrs a day so when I do get to drag my butt in the house all I really want to do is sit, lay down for about 10 hrs and not move.. but of course I can't do that I have to spend time with the kids and I don't want to neglect Ron either ya know.. but so goes life..

The kids are going to FL next tues that is really gonna suck I am so gonna miss them.. but, I go through this every year and every year I get over it.. at least this year I have a full time job to go to and I won't have to sit here alone at least..

Well that about covers everything around here.. gonna go check on the kiddos then gonna go my lil butt to bed.

Y'all have fun

Slowing Down

2007-05-02T18:51:00.000-04:00

Vehicularly speaking this hasn't exactly been a banner week.. not that anything terribly traumatic has happened this week but, it has been a curious driving week.. after the mess on Monday.. there was the incident today..

I was crusing along this morning talking to Ron in my ear and Sierra in the passenger seat.. keeping up with traffic on my normal morning run to work it was about 7:15am and I was about 2 miles from my exit..Then I saw him.. in his cute little white undercover car, sitting there on the inside barrier wall of the inside lane on the highway and I was in the far left lane closest to him.. then I look at my speedometer..87!!!!!! OMGosh brakessssssssssssss as I passed him I saw him turn on his lights.. I knew I was had.. I pulled over.. he approached my side of the car.. he said " I'll pulled you over for doing 85 in a 65" I said" yes, sir I didn't realize I was going that fast I was really just keeping up with traffic" he took my license, registration and insurance back to his car..when he came back he explained he was going to write the ticket for 80 instead of what he clocked me at to save me from getting 6points on my license and as he handed me the ticket he says " Do you think you can slow this big thing down a bit?" I was happy to say "yes sir!".. I drove away talking to Ron on my bluetooth and getting razzed by him about my first speeding ticket in 21yrs.. the ticket is only 30.00 but the court costs are 139.00 I have until June 13th to pay it or go to court and ask for an extention.. it will get paid.. it just seriously sucks to have finally gotten stopped for speeding again.. dang and my record was so good.. 21 yrs is a good run.. oh well so goes life.. On my way home this evening.. I didn't get a hair above 70mph.. so I guess I kept my word and slowed that big thing down a bit..

My day at work at least went well I started on receiving calls today..I was bored.. I told my boss I was gonna start on them even though no one had trained me how to do them.. he was like OK.. he knows if I tell him I can do something, I can do it.. I took a few calls and got several interviews from call ins.. that is a good thing to complete the interviews.. that is basically our goal in making the calls we make or taking the ones we take.. so I think I did OK for my first day out..

Sierra's car is now legal.. I took my lunch break to take care of it.. so now she is on the road alone.. I'm not sure that is a good thing for the other drivers, Just kidding she is a great driver.. I am glad she has that independance.. Well so much for sharing my day.. I am whooped I think I am gonna go make Ron's lunch and get into a hot tub and soak for a while..

Y'all have fun

The Week Begins

2007-04-30T17:13:00.000-04:00

Just taking a few minutes to catch up while dinner is simmering in there...

The job is going well.. if I can get a full week in that is.. between the deaths going on, me getting sick, taking off early to get Sierra's car legal and my upcoming laser hysterectomy thing on Monday it seems like I am never going to get a full weeks work in.. good thing I am very good at my job and I like the calls that no one else wants to do.. My boss was seriously impressed that I like calling the doctors office and even more so that when I call I seem to get better results.. guess it is just my natural charm.. yeah right..

Sierra starts her regular hours at the same company on Wednesday, so I took off today to get the paper work done on her car to get it legal and wouldn't you know it the guy that has the paper work I need and was supposed to leave it for me today took it to work with him in his truck.. I called him and told him I was not amused.. he said I won't hurt him cause I love him.. I told him not that much.. but he will get it to me.. I can always take a little time off and go get it.. I doubt my boss would notice since I haven't been there that much anyway..

I bumped the concrete divider between me and another car this morning.. I may have bumped her car too.. I don't know for sure but whatever the case it turned out to be quite funny.. she kept telling me she was going to call the police.. I kept telling her to go ahead.. she was driving daddy's car and whining that daddy was going to be mad.. the problem was there is a gash in her bumper that even if I did bump her it wouldn't have caused that there are no pointy areas on the back bumper of a caddilac.. anywho.. she called the police.. they came out and said the same thing.. that there was no way my car did that to her car.. she wasn't happy about it.. I doubt daddy will be either.. the cop wrote the report "no damage to either vehicle".. and then wrote her a ticket for no proof of insurance.. didn't turn out well for her did it..

Well that is about it.. for now.. gotta go serve my sexy hubby some supper.. how are things in y'all's world?

Y'all have fun

Back To Work

2007-04-13T23:42:00.000-04:00

OMGosh me posting twice in the same week.. wow.. feels like old times.. anywho.. I went back to work yesterday.. I love my job and my boss.. F.(my boss) was afraid that I had either forgotten everything that I had learned during my training from being off too long or was not ready to get back on the phones and make the calls at first so he put me with another girl to listen in on her calls for the day.. about 11am I was utterly bored to tears and asked her if she would like to goof off for the rest of the day and let me make the calls.. she readily agreed (imagine that) turns out the only thing I had forgotten was how to clock out at the end of the day.. the system we use is a bit unusual and I had only clocked in and out one day before the trip to Louisville and all that followed..F reminded me of how to do that today and all is well..This morning when I went in F decided to put me at my own cubicle and let me go.. problem is we are a bit overstaffed and didn't have an available cubicle for me.. I was homeless .. he finally found a place for me but not with our group.. I assured him that I am a big girl and if I needed him or any one's assistance I would find someone to ask..F. is a really sweet guy and he tries to go out of his way to make sure his employees are comfortable and happy in their environment that is a good thing.. but sometimes he worries too much.. I am fairly easy to get along with and don't need much to be comfortable once I know my job. What we do is process disability claims by calling employees, employers and doctors offices to verify information.. well no one seems to like the Dr. office calls..This afternoon F asked me if I would mind making that those calls for the rest of the day.. I told him that was all I had been doing and in fact I like those best.. you would have thought the man had won the lottery.. needless to say I got brownie points.. woo hoo go me!!

There is this one guy where I work that we have nicknamed "creepy" this is the kinda guy that you just know is gonna come to work in a trench coat and either start shooting up the place or flashing people.. neither of these things is anything I want to see.. I thought I had gotten rid of him.. about my 3rd day there he was outside talking as I was on the phone to a friend on my lunch break.. he kept interjecting himself into everything I was saying.. finally I got off the phone and asked him " Do you ever stop talking?" to which he replied "Yes, I stop talking all the time" I said.. " this would be a good time to practice that" He walked away from me and was going out of his way to avoid me after that.. this was a good thing.. but as they say all good things must come to an end.. Today Sierra was at my job applying for a job herself..when she was finished with her application process she came around to my office.. I happened to be outside.. I gave her my keys so she could listen to the radio and such.. when she was finished I had told her to ask someone outside to come get me.. guess who happened to be outside when she was finished.. you guessed it creepy himself.. he came into the office and asked me if I was Tammy.. I was like great now he knows my name.. I told him yep that's me.. he told me Sierra was outside waiting for me.. wow even better he knows my pregnant daughter's name too.. can this get any worse?.. I took my lunch break and went outside to sit with Sierra while she waited on her friend to come get her to give her a ride home..(she did get her license Wed but her car isn't transferred over to our name yet) as she and I were talking , of course creepy kept interjecting things into our conversation.. at one point we were talking about driving he mentions that he drives 110mph in the mountains.. I said "That doesn't make you a good driver just stupid".. he said "I'm still here" I said " OK you are still stupid".. he didn't take the hint.. Now I am gonna have to find a way to get rid of him again.. thanks Sierra ya brat..

Well I guess I am about done on here tonight I need to get my butt in bed and the rest of me.. I am going to visit Chris in the morning and although it isn't that far to drive it is a bit of a difficult drive as you have to go through all these mountains and such..and I won't be driving 110mph.. I am taking the new Cadillac tomorrow.. (OK new to me Cadillac.. 99 Deville.. pearl white.. it is a great car..) so I want to get an early start just in case.. not that I expect any problems but you never know with any used car..

Y'all have fun.

Numb

2007-04-10T16:21:00.000-04:00

I am sort of still in a blur.. I am functioning.. cleaning house, trading vehicles, cooking dinners, doing the shopping.. you know normal daily function type of things.. what I am not really doing much of is thinking.. I can't right now.. If I think I will cry.. It is hard to explain, as long as I keep busy doing the things I should be doing I won't think about all the loss we have had over the last month.. I won't think about or question why my dad's death hit me as hard as it did.. I won't regret not going to visit him in the hospital.. I won't think about not seeing Ron's granny as often as we should have..I won't have time to miss Ron's dad.. I won't think about the fact that I don't spend as much time with my mom and grandmother as I should.. I won't think about anything but doing the things I am doing.. Yes, I know that having the what ifs, and the regrets about are a normal healthy part of the greiving process.. It is just that in less than a month we have lost 3 people and that I haven't had time to deal with or really grieve for any one of them.. who do you grieve for first or most.. what do you do in a situation like this? What is the normal response or even is there a "normal" response to a situation like this? I just don't know.. Last night I was talking to Chris on the phone.. oh yeah.. someone else I am worried about.. anyway.. while I was talking to him.. we were talking about my dad.. I burst into tears.. I don't know why.. I just did.. sometimes I want to just get back in bed and sleep all day.. Chelsea is sleeping too much.. I guess that is her way of dealing with is or heck I don't know...maybe she just isn't feeling good right now.. I feel everything right now in a mostly cautious way.. like if I let myself feel too much I am gonna break..

There is a bright light in my life other than my precious Ron.. since I was baptized I have felt this I don't know.. inner peace and comfort.. I know that can only come from God.. that is what keeps me going and lets me know that when I am able to feel things normally again that I won't actually break.. He will always be there in my heart and my mind to keep me from just falling apart.. ya know Ron said something at church the other day .. I had said something about God not putting on us more than we can bear.. Ron said to me " wish He didn't trust you so much sometimes".. I do and I don't.. I am grateful that God has given me the inate strength that everyone that has ever known me remarks on.. and I am grateful that I have been strong enough to hold it together this far in dealing with all that has been going on.. I just wish I had the strength to be as strong for me as I can be for those I love.. I guess that is what He is for.. He is the strength I need just for myself..

I know life goes on.. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful healthy children, the promise of a great little granddaughter coming in August, a good job, (which I can't wait to get back to on Thursday), the love and support of my friends, an over all good life.. I also know I will get back to really living it as soon as God thinks I am ready to.. right now though..I guess I am just gonna be numb a while longer..

Y'all have fun

Life Changes

2007-03-15T14:01:00.000-04:00

Things are settling down a bit.. as Ron said they are not returning to normal.. I don't think they can return to what was "normal" .. Dad is not here..

My life has taken a new direction and it is one that I have wanted it to take for a long time.. I was at church Sunday afternoon.. it was a wonderful service.. there was crying, singing, dancing, and then there was me right in the middle of all of it.. I don't know how many of you are Pentecostal or know what being Pentecostal is but, I was blessed by receiving the Holy Ghost.. I have never felt anything like it in my life.. when we left church .. I asked Ron if he thought the pastor of the church we normally attend would baptize me.. he called him and on Tuesday night I was baptized..

I have never been happier in my life.. it seems so strange that I have a peace about me that I have never had before.. I am not having trouble sleeping anymore.. from the time I was 13 I have had insomnia.. now.. for the last few days.. I fall right asleep.. I don't have the desire to do the things I used to do without thinking about it..I don't feel the stress that has been a part of my life for so long it seems as if I were born with it.. Some of my friends are sorta worried that I won't still be me.. I am still me.. just a better me.. how can that not be a good thing?.. I still love the same people I have always loved.. I still will never judge anyone for who they are or the things they do in their lives.. I just feel a change in me.. down to the core of who I am.. I like it..

Ok.. this wasn't supposed to be blog about Tammy day.. The kids are doing ok.. they are getting past the inital shock of losing their papaw and are going on .. that is what they should do.. they are kids.. Sierra is doing well.. she gave us a bit of a scare on Friday.. she started having cramps in her lower abdomen.. I took her to the hospital here in Mt. Sterling.. they checked the baby first.. she is fine.. she was kicking and so forth.. wouldn't stay still long enough for the dr. to get her heart rate.. but finally she cooperated.. They checked Sierra after making sure the baby was ok.. she has a minor infection somewhere in her body based on the blood work they did.. they just weren't sure if it was in her appendix or not so they kept her overnight for observation.. she was released Saturday afternoon and some friends of ours picked her up and brought her to Dad's funeral.. thank you so much B and S.. you are wonderful.. your helpfulness and thoughtfulness alone is overwhelming but the love that you have shown our family during this time has been a Godsend.. thank you again.. and don't think I am leaving out the cute lil english guy.. he is loved and greatly appreciated as well..

I am going this afternoon to apply for a real job.. our son in law works for a company in lex and they are hiring right now... he put in a good word for me.. he thinks I will get the job.. wow.. it will feel pretty good to work a 9-5 mon- fri job and not have to work weekends.. or nights.. I will have benefits and all that good stuff too.. and will be making a lot better money than I am at Dollar Tree.. don't get me wrong.. I love the folks there.. but I need a real job.. and this is something I will be good at.. I almost said that it would cut down on my blog time.. but then again.. I don't blog that often anyway do I?..

Well it is about time for me to think about getting out of here..

Y'all have fun..

The Latest From the World of TammyJ

2007-03-06T18:18:00.000-05:00

I keep promising myself that I will do better about keeping up with my posts.. and then something else happens around here and my posting takes a back burner again.. by the time I think about the fact I haven't blogged in a week or a month or whatever it is I am usually in bed with the covers just about over my head and don't feel like getting out of bed to post anything.. mostly all I want to do by that time is stay hidden next to my honey and try to put my thoughts to rest long enough for me to do something I rarely get to do.. SLEEP!!

There have been some good developments with Ron's dad, not as many as we would like but we will take this one day at a time and will take all good news we can get regardless of its magnitude.. I won't be able to attend the family meeting with Ron tomorrow when the family will get together with the doctors to decide the next course of action with his dad but Ron will be there for both of us and I am sure he will tell me everything they discuss.. The reason I won't be there is tomorrow Sierra is having her full ultrasound appointment.. Hopefully we will find out the sex of the baby but mostly I think it will help to reassure Sierra that everything is OK. I know she worries about the baby especially since her loss of Gabriel, but the only thing I can do as her mother is continually reassure her that she is taking care of herself and that is all she can do.. I think seeing the baby on the ultrasound and seeing that he/she is healthy will do her a world of good..

The news about my dad is not so good.. He refused to have the procedure that could extend his life expectancy from a couple weeks to a yr or so this morning.. I had a feeling that he might do something like that.. it is something he has done in the past. This time though I don't think he is going to be as fortunate as he has been in the past.. the Dr. told my uncle that if my dad doesn't have this procedure he will most likely not live another week or so.. there is only a 20% chance that the procedure will not kill him in itself, but he has no chance at all of survival without it. My dad and I have a very strained relationship.. there was much abuse of my mother by him when I was growing up.. there was much drinking and violence.. I really never got to know him other than as the person who was doing all of these things.. I don't want him to die.. but I honestly can't say that it is unexpected either.. I don't wish him any ill will at all.. I forgave him a long time ago.. for my own reasons.. but forgetting is an entirely different thing.. His family thinks that my brother and I should be doing more for him than we are doing.. they can think what they like.. I am doing all my heart will allow me to do.. My brother really doesn't even know my dad.. he left his mother when he was 2 yrs old.. and he didn't have any contact until he was in his 20's so I really don't see him having this huge obligation.. I guess that is just how I think about it.. I will do what I can as far as trying to convince my dad to have the procedure.. I will help to get him into a nursing home if he lives long enough to be transferred and I will help in arranging for his final expenses but that is about all I can do..

Other than all the medical things going on around here things are OK.. I have been a bit snippy with everyone.. I am sure that is just stress.. Ron and I don't usually ever have a cross word between us and for the last few days we have both been a little on the short fused side.. that has to change.. Ron and the kids are my life and I feel like I am either not spending enough time with them or snapping at them lately.. that is not a good thing.. I made a decision today to put an end to that kind of thing.. I am going to do what I can where I am needed but Ron and the kids have to come first..

Well I think I hear the coffee pot calling me and I may just take a half an hour for me so I can cover all these new gray hairs I have gotten in the past two weeks or so..

Y'all have fun

WOW.. Where to Start?

2007-02-23T10:12:00.000-05:00

Ok.. first things first here.. I don't like being forced to do things.. I don't like being told I can't do things the way I have been doing them.. and what happens today?.. I was finally forced to change to the new blogger.. I have been avoiding it like the plague.. I don't really know why.. I don't have major problems with change.. in fact I am really rather good at it.. I would have never made it through childhood if I couldn't handle complete and utter change at a moment's notice.. my parents were a bit touched and things changed frequently with them.. Oh Lord I don't even want to try to go down that particular road this morning.. lets just end that train of thought now.. anyway.. here I am google blogging away.. Lets just see if it will grow on me..

There have been so many things going on around here I really am not sure where to start or if there is actually a starting place.. I think most of what has been going on basically started a while back and has just continued.. Ron told y'all about Chris being moved and about buying the trailblazer so I won't bore ya with that stuff.. one thing he didn't tell you about the trip to see Chris was the roads were bladder locking up bad and he did a great job navigating them.. I used to be able to drive in just about anything .. rain, sleet, snow, wind, who cared.. but ever since the trip from hell last April when I had to drive that 24ft truck back up here to KY from FL by myself while pulling a trailer with a van on it through the mountains and in the rain. I think my confidence has waned.. It is not a matter of thinking I cant do it.. It is more a matter of I get sweaty, wheezy, and scared half to death at the slightest hint of a skid or a slide now days.. that truck tried to slide sideways with me and the kids on a really bad part of the road in the middle of the night and I think now when something skids with me it just triggers a panic type reaction in me.. thank God my honey was driving last Saturday.. I don't know that I could have done it. The weather looks good for this weekend so I will be going up there to see Chris on Saturday. I don't think Ron is going this time because we are going to be having some work done on the Bravada .. nothing major.. just some basic maintenance things that are a bit overdue.

Sierra's pregnancy is progressing well.. she is finally over the morning sickness part of it and is starting to show a bit.. it looks funny she is such a tiny little thing and any amount of belly at all looks strange on her.. it all shows.. but she is handling the lost of her cute lil shape pretty well.. she wants this baby and knows she will get her shape back later.. not that it matters all that much to her as long as her baby is healthy..

Ron's Dad has been in the hospital for a little over a week. He had his kidney taken out and some gall stones removed last Thursday.. He was doing well.. he had a difficult night on Tuesday with his breathing.. and wasn't responsive to the nurses and family.. Wednesday morning Ron took off work to go to the hospital. While he was in the room his dad was more himself. The medical staff had scheduled a CT-Scan to see if the breathing/disorientation problem of the night before was due to some sort of blockage. As they were taking him down to do the procedure Ron heard his dad tell them if they would sit him up a bit he could breathe better.. when they got him down to radiology he stopped breathing and his heart stopped for about 5-10 mins.. They got him going again and he is now on a ventilator. The doctors are worried about brain damage, they called in a neurology consult yesterday the neurologist did an EEG and we should get the results of that today. The neurologist did tell the family that if he has any damage at all it is mild to moderate.. Ron says his faith leads him to believe that when we were praying for God to heal him while they were trying to get his heart started again that God heard us and he doesn't believe that God would bring his dad back just to be a drooling old man sitting in a chair.. I believe that too.. I have a simpler way of putting it.. I don't believe that God heals us half way.. He doesn't practice medicine..He has it perfected. God knows how much healing we need to make us who we need to be it is hard for me to believe that he would fall short of giving us all that we need.. that is just how my faith works... If you pray please include Ron's dad and the rest of the family in those prayers.. He is a wonderful man, a great father, a faithful husband and a long time servant of God. This family will not fall apart if we lose him but there will be such a huge hole in it from his loss.. the strength to survive his loss is just one of the many gifts he has bestowed on his family but we just really don't want to have that strength tested. I have only been a part of this family for a few years. I have mentioned time and time again what a wonderful group of people they are. I have never once felt like an outsider I have never been treated like I am not good enough.. I have always been just included as any member of the family would be.. I think that is pretty great.. Ron's sister told me the other day.. There is no probation period in this family we just pretty much accept you as family when you become family. That about sums it up.

I have to take Kyle and Chella to the Dr today.. Kyle has had a swollen, red, sore throat all week.. I have been having one heck of a time trying to get an appointment for him.. Chella has done something to her back again.. who knows.. the child is as bad as I am when it comes to hurting her back.. I want to get an MRI done on her back soon to find out if she has inherited all of the bone problems I have inherited from my mom and grandmother.. it is a family thing for the women to have back problems.. I have been out of work for another week with mine and am now on light duty for another week .. my boss is having some sort of mental block in understanding the NO part of lifting, bending, stooping and squatting.. she asked me to unload several boxes that I couldn't lift and was unable to unload without having to be bent over for sometime .. I told her "NO".. she didn't like it.. but oh well I am not gonna hurt myself for 6 bucks an hour at the Dollar Tree and she really needs to understand what can happen to the company if she insists on trying to make me do things I am not medically able to do.. but oh well .. she'll get it eventually..

Well now that I have written a novella here I think I will go hunt up some food.. I just realized I haven't eaten a thing all morning.. and my lil belly is hollering away in there.. time to quiet the beast..

Y'all have fun.

Still Going On..

2007-01-31T15:37:00.000-05:00

I am still here.. I am still semi sane.. I am still pissed in a major way.. I have been ok really.. I am dealing with the Chris situation as best I can. That mostly means writing letters to judges, asking questions of legal minds, researching backgrounds of lying people.. that sorta thing. Other than all of that there are still the day to day things I have to do.. there are dinners to be cooked, lunches to be made, laundry to be done, and a huge house to be cleaned.. then there is the fact that I do have 3 other children here and 3 more that don't live at home and a wonderful husband that all need me to be sane and healthy.. So.. I have decided to be healthy.. Completely sane is never gonna happen for me..

Russ called me today. He said he wanted to check on me to make sure I am alright.. He knows I am strong enough to handle damn near anything but he could read between the lines on my last post to know that I might be holding too much in and not dealing with everything the way I probably should be.. I am not really holding much in.. I am dealing as best I can.. and yes Russ I am staying mad..It was good talking to Russ.. he is a really good person it would be great if he knew what a great guy he is.. but that is another story..

Ron is in my ear right now driving home from work.. I have dinner mostly done and will be making Ron's lunch here in a bit. I am going to see Chris in a bit.. I will go in there and tell him the things I have found out.. I will try to let him know we are all still with him.. and I will try to read his eyes and make sure that he is really ok and not just pacifying mom by saying he is.. then I will come home and get out of this really frigid weather and get in the bed with my hubby and try to get some sleep. I will get up in the morning and start the day all over just like we all have to do..

Y'all have fun..

2007 Not Starting Out Well..

2007-01-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

As years go.. this one has started out in a spectatularly bad direction.. maybe it is gonna be bad at the start and end up being one of the best ever.. hell it can't go down hill much from here anyway..

I don't know how other people do it.. I just don't know if I can deal with this situation.. What I am talking about is what Ron alluded to on his blog.. It not only didn't go well for Chris in court Friday.. it was an all out shock and disappointment.. The judge sentenced him to 5 yrs in prison.. I don't understand .. I was floored.. This was a first offense for Chris.. I have watched this judge for over a year now.. handing out sentences.. doing justice.. and I have never seen him give a sentence like this to anyone with a first offense.. hell most of the time he lets repeat offenders out of jail on bond or probation .. I just don't get it.. yeah.. the jerk that started all of this was in the courtroom and had written a letter full of lies to the judge.. but you would think reading a letter from a man that has changed his story 3 times that a judge would be able to see him for what he is.. Chris' attorney just stood there like an idiot.. like nothing was wrong with this.. he didn't even try to argue for my child.. I am hurt.. angry.. sad.. I don't even begin to know which emotion to try and deal with first so .. I guess I will go with angry.. I accomplish a lot more with that one..

I couldn't go to work Saturday.. I had to talk to a friend of ours that happens to be an attorney.. D. told me some hopeful news.. he said in this type of thing this particular judge will give a sentence like this to give the defendant a taste of doing time and in most cases will grant "shock probation" after a period of 30 to 90 days.. I talked to Chris' attorney this morning and he has assured me that we will be applying for shock probation in about 90 days.. this is good and bad news.. good that there is hope of getting my son out.. bad in that he has to be in that place for 90 days.. for those of you that don't know the original story of how all this started check my posts from Nov of 2005 it is in there somewhere. I just don't feel like doing a recap of it now..

In the mean time.. I am working overtime researching law about this type of case.. seeing what legal options are available to us.. doing Chris' banking and such.. getting in touch with everyone that might have info for me.. and basically trying to stay as busy as possible so I don't have to think.. thinking is bad.. If I think too long I will break down.. I will not be able to function.. that ain't good.. Most of the time around here I am so busy with ordinary life I don't have time to think.. now it feels like there just isn't enough for me to do..

My biggest problem right now is that I don't want to break in front of Chris.. it is indescribable what it feels like to visit my firstborn child in a place like that.. what it feels like to not be able to hug him.. to not be able to fix this.. I know that chris bears responsibility in all of this.. he made some bad choices.. but in this case the punishment does not fit the crime. As a mom I want to fix things for my children.. this is something I cannot fix.. I can work on it.. I can get the info together and I can pray.. but ultimately my child's fate lies in the hands of the judicial system that I just don't have much faith in anymore.. That is almost unbearable for a person like me.. or any mom I would imagine.. People tell me all the time I am the strongest woman they know, there are times I would like to not be strong.. I would like to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and hide there.. I won't do that of course... It is just not who I am.. Ron has been more than my husband and friend in helping me deal with this.. he has been what I have always known he is.. My Angel..

Well time to get off here and get back to work.. Y'all have fun

Trying to Get Back in The Mood

2007-01-24T14:51:00.000-05:00

I sometimes wonder why I still have a blog... Lately I just don't seem to care to sit down and write anything... I really am not sure why I feel this way.. I have the words in my head as I always do.. I have things going on in my life that, if I wrote about them they may not take up so much space in my head.. but still I simply don't seem to have the energy or the inclination most days to sit down at the computer, log in to blogspot, and type.. I don't know if it is stress or if it is whatever weirdness my body has been going through as of late.. or hell maybe I am just getting lazy in my old age..

Things are actually a bit calmer nowdays than they were when Sierra and Jordan were both at the house.. sometimes being around them is like being around a bomb with a light trigger you never know what might set them off therefore you walk carefully around them to keep the peace.. Sierra is doing ok physically since his forced departure, mentally I am not to sure.. I know she is having a hard time dealing with the situation that caused us to tell Jordan to leave.. I know she is afraid of facing the future of having a baby alone, and raising one by herself. I know that isn't an easy thing to contimplate when you are that young.. I know because I was 17 and pregnant with my first child, alone and scared to death.. I guess I just did things differently.. I went out and got a job and concentrated on keeping me and my baby healthy, Sierra's main goal seems to be breaking the guiness book record for sleeping on the couch.. but hopefully given a bit of time she will be able to come to terms and make the right choices for her and her child to be..

Last week my manager called me on both days I was scheduled to work to inform me I didn't need to come in, due to cutting back on hours for all employees... When she called me on Friday I told her" I will bring you a 2 week notice tomorrow when I come in to check next weeks schedule if I am only going to get scheduled for 5 or 10 hour weeks and then not even get to work them".. she said she understood.. when I called Saturday to check on my schedule for this week it turns out I am scheduled for 15 hours this week and 20 next week .. hmm I guess she wants to keep me around after all..

Right now I am sitting here at Ron's school waiting for him to get off work.. we had our first snow day of the winter here and at home.. so there are no students here.. just me, Ron, Kyle and Sierra.. I have been reading, Ron has been doing whatever work he needs to do, Kyle has been watching TV and you will never guess, Sierra has been..... Sleeping of course..

Well Ron needs his work puter so I guess I will get back to my 3rd reading of "A Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood.. great book..

Y'all have fun

Playing Catch Up

2006-12-29T16:26:00.000-05:00

Today is the first time in 5 days I have checked my e-mail... it is the first time in 24 days I have posted to my blog.. bet ya'll thought you were rid of me.. no such luck.. actually things have been a bit nuts for me lately..

Around the first of December my back went out.. and it went out good.. I lived with the pain for about 3 days and then went to the dr. he put me on drugs.. wahoooo... then about 2 days after the pain in the back went away or mostly away I came down with a terrible cold.. this thing is still holding on a bit.. but when most of the symptoms had gone away and I felt more or less like me I got to thinking ok. everything that could have gone wrong with my body has.. I am done with this mess.. not so.. I went to work on a normal Wednesday afternoon about 2 weeks ago.. I was fine.. I was cutting up with co-workers and customers when all of a sudden I got the worse cramps I have ever had in my life.. I went down to the floor.. the manager on duty at the time sent me home.. I couldn't drive so I called Jordan to walk to the store and drive me home.. when I got home I called the nurse help line through our insurance company and was told that if the cramping got worse or the bleeding which had begun by that time got worse to go to the ER.. neither of those things happened so we went to the doctor the next day.. this led to blood tests..ultrasounds.. uncomfortable exams and ultimately to the diagnosis of "we don't really know what is wrong with you .." they gave me some birth control pills and sent me home.. with a note for work that I can only work 6 hrs per day and cannot lift anything for at least a month.. which my boss took to mean reduce my hours to one day per week.. I am feeling somewhat better now.. the cramps are still a daily part of my life but nothing like the ones that started this mess... My regular doctor has suggested that a partial hysterectomy might be in order.. I asked her if we could do it now.. other than all of that.. Life has been wonderful..

Christmas was great.. I love going to Ron's parent's house for Christmas Eve. There is so much love and joy in that house you can't help but to feel at home.. they have always made me feel like I am a part of the family .. that means so much to me.. My family did Christmas but to them it was always about having the gifts and worrying about not having the money for the gifts rather than enjoying the greatest gift of all.. Having our family together.. I was telling Ron one of my favorite Christmas memories is of the year that Chelsea was born.. She was born on Dec 8 so she was just a tiny little thing that year.. My mom and dad were there.. My kids were there.. My ex and I were getting along.. and most of all my grandparents were both alive then and were at my house for Christmas.. It was one of the first and last times I remember having a real family Christmas with my family.. When Ron and I were still dating I went to my first Christmas at his parents house.. I mostly sat in a corner and watched this amazing family.. they didnt make me feel left out.. I did that on my own .. I wasn't used to a family that really does enjoy being together.. This year I was all up in the middle of everything, sitting next to Ron while he and his brother passed out gifts and teasing all the newcomers.. it is amazing to me how much I feel at home with all of them.. But that is just another gift Ron has given me.. this wonderful family...

There are other things going on around here.. Jordan is looking for a job.. Sierra is sorta looking for a job and mostly thinking that pregnancy is a reason to sleep all day.. Chella is looking forward to getting her drivers permit.. and Kyle is just well.... Kyle..

I really need to keep up with this blog more often.. this playing catch up thing is murder on my poor wrists and fingers... I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas and the New Year brings you all the happiness and love you want in your life..

Y'all have fun..

Grandbabies, colds, and Sweet 16

2006-12-05T14:43:00.000-05:00

We have got the cutest lil ole grandbaby this morning.. I had to go to Lexington this morning to do some shopping at Sam's.. ok.. we all know I was gonna find some reason to go to Lexington today when we heard last night that Chas had our granddaughter.. shopping was just the first thing I could think of.. anywho.. she is the cutest lil thing.. she looks just like her big brother.. she has a head full of hair .. the tiniest little hands.. but huge feet.. they are gonna spend a fortune on that youngin for shoes.. I wanted to hold her so badly.. it was just wrong for me to have to stand there with this mask thing on and look but not touch.. I have this flu/cold thing going on right now and didn't think it was such a hot idea to be holding a newborn.. so.. I just looked.. that sucked.. but at least I got to see her.. and hopefully this weekend I will be recovered from this bug enough to snuggle my newest lil grandbaby.. We have to go to Lexington this weekend anyway to return the annoying little dog to Chris and Chas anyway.. we have the Brewer again.. Chris is staying at the hospital with his beautiful wife and darlin little daughter until she is released Friday so they needed a dog sitter again.. you know me.. I am a sucker for animals and small children..

Those of you that read Ron's blog have also gotten the news that Sierra is expecting.. We are cautiously excited.. I know she is terrified because of her last experience with pregnancy.. she doesn't want to admit the fear but I can see it there.. I understand how she feels.. but I did tell her.. If I had let my miscarriage be the end of me having kids I wouldn't have had her, Chella or Kyle.. I know that probably doesn't make it easier to keep from worrying but it might help her keep it in perspective... Looks like our family will be growing...

Chella is celebrating her sweet 16 this Friday.. It is hard for me to believe she is that old.. she shouldn't be yet.. hell maybe it is just hard for me to believe I am that old.. I don't know.. Next week her and I will make the appt for her to go take her test to get her driver's permit.. just fair warning for anyone thinking of visiting Mt. Sterling.. Chella will be behind the wheel.. how's that for a scary thought..

Well I guess I had better get going.. Kyle's bus just pulled up.. and I still have to do something about dinner and all that good stuff.. thank goodness I am off today.. I don't think I could do Dollar Tree again today with this cold thing going on..

Y'all have fun..

I Thought The T Was For Therapy?

2006-12-01T14:34:00.000-05:00

I think he broke me.. my physical therapist that is.. I don't think my honey is gonna like that much.. you can play with broken toys too well .. anyway.. I didn't go to PT yesterday.. the guy called and asked if I could reschedule for today.. being the easy going person I am (translated to chickenshit) I agreed.. anyway.. I thought I was ready for this today.. that man twisted my back into positions I haven't been in since I was 18.. a 38 yr old back isn't supposed to bend that way.. I know it isn't..he tells me he is trying to get the natural movement back into my spine.. there was nothing natural about the things he did to my back.. He made me lie on the table and do the leg lift thing.. ok..that I can do.. then he came over and grabbed my legs and twisted me like a pretzel.. not so good.. he is about my height and outweighs me by about 80lbs.. all muscle..it wasn't like I could tell him not to bend me that way.. he pretty much could.. Right now I am sitting here wondering how the hell I am supposed to get in there and cook dinner and all the stuff I have to do with my back hurting this way.. I just took my muscle relaxers and pain killer so I am either gonna be higher than a kite and cooking or hurting and cooking.. sounds like fun eh? I am gonna continue with the PT.. hopefully he can help me to build up the muscles around the scoleosis and DJD. degenerative joint disease.. enough to support my spine without pain.. hopefully this pain is a good pain and means that my muscles can be built up.. this is my 7th or 8th trip through PT with this back thing but every time I go through it I get the hope that this time it will work.. the good thing is my therapist is a bit of a hottie so it ain't hard to look at him while he is breaking me.. that is almost as bad as having a hot gyno.. ya know.. I had one of them one time.. he was my dr. when I was preg with Chris 20 yrs ago he was from australia and had the looks and the accent thing going on.. very uncomfortable considering where he was looking.. I was 17 and had no clue about anything.. not good..

Speaking of hot men .. my honey should be leaving school here in a bit.. and making his way home in the wind and the cold that our day turned out to be here in the bluegrass state.. they are predicting the high for tomorrow will only be 35.. I hate cold weather.. my favorite season is winter but I don't like being cold.. talk about being a weirdo.. it is the starkness of the trees and the snow that I love about winter.. not to mention the clothes.. ok lets not mention clothes or I will want to go shopping.. I don't like to clothes shop often.. but I do love thrift stores and clearance racks.. I am the queen of finding a good deal.. ok.. I think my pills just kicked in I have been having a time typing for the last few minutes.. better go lie down..

Y'all have fun..

A New Week Begins

2006-11-28T15:17:00.000-05:00

You can always tell when a week has started out normal around here.. Things start screwing up.. This morning.. I took my car to Ron's school to have the automotive students look at it for a 3rd or is it 4th opinion on whether or not I have a blown head gasket.( I have thought so all along was just in denial about it) anyway.. at the school I left my car and took Ron's truck.. I dropped Chris off at work and headed to Lexington, about 5 minutes into the drive, Sierra asked to use my cell phone. That is when I discovered I had left it in my Camaro.. so.. I turned around and drove the 8 or so miles back to the school .. got my phone and we were off again.. we get to Jordan's Dad's house where I was letting them out.. (Whew!!!) and they can't get in.. they knocked and hollered and called Jordan's dad from my phone.. and nuttin.. then they knocked some more.. Jordan looked in the mail box and found a key to the front door.. that got me to thinking I might make a clean getaway after all.. they go to the screen door and find it locked from the inside.. so back to the knocking and pounding.. and me thinking I am gonna have them for the rest of today if not the rest of the week.. finally Jordan's dad comes to the door and lets them in.. I left ( in a hurry) .. just kidding.. anyway.. I called the doctor..I needed to get the dr. to look at my foot.. the one that I broke the toe on.. and to look at my back which doesn't seem to be in the best of moods right now.. they tell me .. come in at 10:40.. So I went to the parts store and got Ron's oil and oil filter so he could get the automotive students to change the oil in his truck.. then I went to this store I have been trying to find for the last 2 weeks.. I found it finally totally by accident.. I did get some good deals on cologne for Ron and perfume for me.. I have a perfume problem.. it is an addiction.. anyway..I went to the doctor.. waited.. waited.. and then I waited a while longer.. they finally called me to the back.. the dr. looked me over, checked my foot, which he declared (bad) his term not mine.. then he checked my back.. he did new x-rays then he asked me what I do for a living.. I told him I work at Dollar Tree.. he asked me if I am on my feet a lot.. I told him yeah.. I am on my feet 6 to 8 hrs a day .. depending on how many hours I am scheduled to work.. then he asked if I lift anything over 20lbs.. I told him some but not many of our boxes weigh that much and yes I do have to lift them from time to time.. he then told me "not this week you don't" and gave me a note to be off work til Saturday and a shot of cortizone in the butt along with a prescription for prednazone and muscle relaxers.. and told me to have a good day.. yeah.. sure.. no problem doc.. as I was waiting for the nurse to come in with the 4 ft needle.. Chelsea's school nurse called me to tell me Chelsea was throwing up continually and had pain in her right side.. I needed to come get her "NOW" .. I told the lady that I couldn't come get her "NOW" I was 40 miles away.. and that I would be there in about an hour.. she then asked me if I didn't have parents .. or relatives that could come get her.. I told her.. "my mom has alzheimers, my dad is incapable of taking care of himself and I have no one else to get her" " If you would like to make her walk home while puking then go ahead... otherwise I will be there in about an hour" she said " Ok that will be fine" I thought she might see it that way..anyway..I rush back to Winchester to Ron's school.. to get my car and the news that yes in fact it does have a blown head gasket.. and to go get the chella.. I leave there.. get chelsea.. and go to the pharmacy to fill my prescriptions.. while I am there I walk next door to my job and talk to Donna, my boss.. I told her what the dr said.. I told her I would be willing to ignore dr's orders and come in.. that I just can't lift anything.. she said no.. I would have to be off until Saturday and then told me she would have to hire someone.. not like she wasn't supposed to do that a month ago or anything but, now that I have to be out it is all my fault she has to.. ok.. whatever.. Chella and I got my meds and headed home.. where it looks like I will be until Saturday.. oh well at least there will be a home cooked meal on the table every day.. speaking of which, I need to get in the kitchen and kiss my honey and get started on supper..

Y'all have fun

Cooking, Cooking, Cooking

2006-11-22T23:41:00.000-05:00

My back hurts, My feet hurt, my eyes are dry and itchy, I am covered in cherry juice, apples, cinnamon, sugar and eggs.. but.. I am loving every minute of it.. Kyle and I have been baking pies for tomorrow. He is a great little helper. He does whatever I tell him to do and he tries so hard to make sure everything he does is perfect. Honestly for the most part he is a great little kid..

I love the cooking and bustling around the kitchen for the holidays. I don't turn down any kid that wants to help out but I do love doing it all myself, I don't understand people that have their Thanksgiving dinner catered.. maybe it is just me but one of the things I am most thankful for on Thanksgiving is my family sitting down to this meal that I fixed for them and enjoying themselves.. I don't know how many of the kids will be here tomorrow, 2 of them for sure ( they live here) I wish they could all be here.. I do understand they have lives and plans of their own and things to do with the in- laws and other set of parents. Still it would be nice to have all 7 kids with the 4 grandbabies in tow.. no matter how many are actually here I will be thankful for all of them in my heart. When the 4 I gave birth to were little I loved them coming running through the house hollering we are hungry every 5 minutes on Thanksgiving, one wanted a cherry pie, one wanted pecan, they all wanted pumpkin, they could never wait until it was all done and set up on the table I would always catch one or more of them picking at the food as I put things on the table, I would fuss at them but I loved every minute of it.. these days with them all a bit older, one still wants cherry, one still wants pecan and none of them can have Thanksgiving without one or more of mom's pumpkin pies (yuck) and I still love every minute of it.

Ron and I have only been married 3 years but, his girls are my girls and building new traditions with them and my kids are just a small part of the things I am thankful for.. I love each and every one of his kids as I love my own and I am so thankful they are a part of my life and my heart. Ron gave me his heart, and chooses to share his life with me, he also gave me a precious gift in his beautiful girls in allowing me to get to know and love them as my own.

The pies are all done, Kyle and I are quite proud of our selves, they look really good. Tomorrow I will get up early, get Ron to get the turkey out of the fridge in the garage ( I can't lift the thing) and start cooking the rest of our meal. I am so thankful for the life I have and the people in it.

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all and have fun..

The Last Few Weeks

2006-11-11T13:55:00.000-05:00

I really need to make myself notes or set an alarm or something to remind me to blog.. I haven't written anything for a while and I am paying for it now.. I have so much on my mind that I don't know where to start or how to get it all out of my head and on to the screen but I am gonna give it my best shot..

Not that it is news to anyone but my stupid car is still not driving me anywhere but up a wall.. now it isn't starting again.. Ron says that he thinks when it did this last time and the guy fixed it that we only fixed the symptom.. I agree with him but the problem is .. that symptom seems to have returned and is now the leading problem.. I don't even know if we can find out what the source of the problem is.. oh well J. is supposed to be down here this weekend to look at is so hopefully he will remember what he did last time and where to look from there to find out what is causing all the problem in the first place..

I am still working at the Dollar Tree.. I like what I do.. I love the people.. not just the ones I work with but my customers as well .. I have always been a people person.. a cubicle works for me just not for very long stretches of time.. anyway.. My main problems with this job are the pay.. which couldn't suck much more if it tried.. and the standing for long periods of time.. Hmmm thinking what can a people person do sitting down.. Ahahhhh Telemarketing.. ok.. just kidding.. not that I haven't done it for a living just that I have a pretty distinctive voice and this is a small town.. I would get lynched.. It would be like.. " hey you sound like the lady that keeps calling during dinner trying to sell us widgets..".. I see that turning out badly..

We all seem to be recovered or in the process of recovering from whatever this plague was that Chelsea just had to bring home to share.. nice of her eh?

We are getting ready to go to a class/party thing tonight.. I am not terribly interested in the subject matter being taught but it will be good to see our friends and talk to people that can talk about other things besides kids, farming, and hanging tobacco..those are the main topics of conversation around Mt. Sterling.. I have learned more about farming while working at the Dollar Tree than I would have had I gone to agriculture school.. it is a bit strange.. but I like the town itself.. and I enjoy small town life.. not so much traffic.. and the people for the most part seem to be friendlier than in Lex.. maybe it is just that they are not in such a rush here and can take time to be nice..

I know I have been sorta a nag and a pain for the last few days.. I guess all this stuff in my head is just building up to a point of frustration.. I have been grouchy and irritable for a while.. I don't like being this way.. I just don't seem to be able to change it .. So Ron.. Kids.. sorry .. I am trying to work through all the crud in my head without whining or sounding like too much of a bitch.. I don't know how to vocalize what is going on in here.. and y'all know I don't ask for any help when I should.. so just bear with me for a bit.. I have gone crazy.. I will return to my normal state of insanity shortly..

Y'all have fun..

Work, Car, School, Grandmothers.. Life in General

2006-10-25T11:25:00.000-04:00

I still have a blog??? Hmm I was beginning to wonder if I did.. It has been a bit hectic around here ..

Last Thursday I was at work when my cell phone rang. It was the nursing home where my mom and grandmother live.. The counselor there was calling to ask me when I could come to pick up my grandmother's things since she had been in the hospital for 14 days and would no longer have a bed in the nursing home when released.. My first reaction.. WHAT? When? and why didn't anyone call me to let me know she was even in the hospitial in the first place.. B was astounded that I didn't know.. It seems my uncle had taken some paperwork to the nursing home proclaiming himself medical surrogate for my grandmother.. and asking them to only contact him in case of emergency.. This is the same man that my mom and I caught ransacking my grandparents house the minute they divorced and were on their way to different homes. To say the least I wasn't at all amused or pleased by the fact I had not been notified and that someone they had never met could just waltz in there with an outdated document and assume to take over.. and they just rolled over and said ok.. without a word to me.. the person that is listed as her legal representative on all of her paperwork. When I got off work Ron and I and the kids went to the hospital to visit and to set the record straight they ARE to contact me if there are medical issues with my grandmother.. I don't care if they contact my uncle. Just that they contact me. I don't think that is too much to ask.. They are using the HIPPA regulations of privacy as the reason they didn't contact me. I am the person who signed her HIPPA release in the first place so that dog ain't gonna hunt with me.. ya know..

My car is still on the fritz.. we have determined that there is a bleeder valve that should have been bled when they replaced the water pump and if it wasn't done completly or accurately it could be causing the overheating problem I am still having with it.. Hopefully we can get someone to do the bleeding procedure and that will be the end of problems with this car for a while.. don't get me wrong.. I love my lil car but it is becoming a royal pain in my butt..

If you read Ron's blog you got half the story on the Chelsea absence story.. The 9th grade principal Mr. W. called me back later on that afternoon.. He tells me that he will not excuse Chella's absences due to the fact that he spoke with her teachers and they informed him of Chelsea's poor performance in class and that she isn't a very good student.. He also looked at her record from last year at her old school and saw the absences there and that she had some disclipline problems then.. I told him I thought it odd that her teachers would say that when I just had a conference with them and they assured me Chelsea was doing well and participating in all of the classes and had not been a disclipline problem at all.. What I think is her record from last year is what caused him to be a jerk..He also failed to take in to consideration that even though she missed 42 days of school last year due to legitimate health issues she still managed to not only pass 8th grade but to earn 3 HS credits in the process.. whatever problems she had obviously didn't affect her ability and willingness to do the work then nor does it now. Why not base it on who she is now and how she is doing now instead of the things in the past.. People can and do change especially teenage girls.. geesh.. My answer to all of this was to buy a notebook for each of her teachers to sign daily and record any necessary comments about her attendance, participation and behavior .. I am going to do this for a couple of weeks then request a new conference with her teachers and Mr. W and let him tell me then about her performance. Yesterday's note were resoundingly positive from all of her teachers.. He told me if Chelsea missed any more time at school the COMMITTEE would be knocking on my door.. I told him I hope they do...so it should be interesting because I know she will get sick again this year.

Ron and I are still wonderful and still in love.. that ain't gonna change.. through all of this he has been right here beside me and supporting me in every way... he doesn't even know how much that means to me.. and how much more I fall in love with him every day.. thank you my love.

Oh Yeah.. Today is Kyle's 11th birthday.. when did I tell him he was allowed to get that big? I don't recall giving him permission to grow up on me and I don't appreciate the fact that he is doing it anyway.. We have a tradition in our house that whatever you want for dinner on your birthday you get.. so we are having breakfast for dinner tonight.. Kyle wanted one of my souffle's but I suggested eggs, bacon,sausage gravy with biscuits and pancakes.. he said that sounded good and that as long as it was breakfast for dinner he would be happy and it is a fairly easy meal to cook for me.. so I am happy..

Well I need to get off here , Ron is on his way to get me so I can go to Lexington and fill out the paper work for Grammy to go back to the nursing home today.. This time.. I am going to have the advocacy paperwork notorized right then and there that way there will be no question about who to call if they need to call someone.. Oh yeah.. and my mom is coming home with me this weekend.. that should be a blast.. I know she will love the house..

Y'all have fun..

Update.. I went to the nursing home.. signed all the paperwork.. talked to C the admissions coordinator.. she said in speaking with the legal liason at the center it seems the document my uncle brought in there isn't quite on the up and up so I am designated as the surrogate until the guardianship issue can be solved in court... Works for me.. ok.. I am outta here again time for Ron to get off work and us to head home..

Later..

Long Weekend

2006-10-16T09:45:00.000-04:00

It has been a long long weekend.. the court day thing has been interesting but now.. I just wish all these folks would go home.. I had been told that it got crazy down here.. but OMG.. I never dreamed.. I am still trying to figure out how they got all those folks in that small area.. and I was right there in the middle of it a few times.. I did however find out if you have a 3 ft python around your neck while walking through a large crowd.. no one gets in your way.. I took Ava for a walk with me through town.. It was interesting to see all the varied reactions to having a live snake out in public.. she always attracts a lot of attention.. mostly from children.. the parents are the ones that freak about her.. oh yeah and teenage girls..

I didn't get a chance to post about our anniversary last week.. I have been working strange hours.. and when I am home I try to keep the house clean.. make lunches.. cook dinner.. do laundry.. so the blog thing has sorta fallen by the way side a bit. Ron bought me pink daisies for our anniversary.. and he wrote a beautiful poetic blog, letter, whatever you want to label it.. it made me cry of course.. I got him a teddy bear in a bag that said " you are the best part of me".. and I wrote something for him as well.. It always amazes me that when he writes about our relationship he seems to be saying how fortunate and blessed he feels to have me in his life.. I guess I have never been able to convince him that I am the one who is blessed and honored every day just to have him to love.. and to have his love.. I would be lost without him in my life... that is why I didn't write on the card that came with the teddy .. the bag said it best.. Ron is the best part of me..

Today I have to go to work.. yippieee.. can't you feel my excitement?.. I am gonna get dinner put together before I leave.. chella will be able to stick it in the oven for me.. and that will be about all I do today before work.. 7 1/2 hrs of standing on this foot.. I need all the rest I can get this morning.. Ok.. time to get the Chella out of bed and see if we can find her some cars to park..

Y'all have fun.

Tonight is for Cleaning..

2006-10-06T18:56:00.000-04:00

Ok.. so I have discussed at length the fact that I am a bit obsessive about cleaning my house and that I can't stand it to be dirty.. y'all know all that.. so you can imagine what I am going through tonight.. the big housewarming party starts at noon tomorrow.. and with me working now and my stupid car going through whatever it is going through ( it was overheating and 362.00 dollars later it still is).. I haven't had much time to be at home this week to clean.. so... that leaves tonight.. I have already scrubbed the bathrooms, vaccumed the carpets, swept the floors, and shampooed the carpets and I even managed to do shopping, take chella to the dr. and cook a half decent dinner ..now I still need to clean the glass around here, mop the floors, and make sure these dogs don't tear anything up.. and do some dusting.. Kyle did some of it earlier.. I still have to prepare some of the food and make sure everything is perfect.. the garage is still a mess.. I have had no help to get that done.. so our 60 or so guests tomorrow will get to see that while we are out by the grill.. but that project is simply something I cannot do by myself..

I know these are our friends and I know they are not the kind to judge me for my garage being a mess.. but I am such a freak about this sort of thing.. I don't like to have anyone in my house if it isn't up to my standards.. and according to my kids.. my standards are a bit high.. so goes life.

The job is going ok.. It is a bit hard on my body.. I am on my feet the whole time I am at work and there is some lifting and moving things that make my poor wrist and right foot holler.. but hey it is a job.. I am not whining about it.. it is better than what I have been doing for the last almost 3 yrs.. Nuttin'.. I hope that one of the other positions I have applied for come through.. but if not.. this job is here and now.. and allows me to feel useful financially around here.. that does a lot for me.. I am used to working and paying my own bills.. When I was married to my ex.. I was usually the only one working and the only one paying bills or even worrying about paying bills.. so I learned to only depend on me.. Ron has been wonderful about the whole thing with me not working .. it has been me that has been worrying and feeling bad about spending money when I wasn't earning any and while I don't make that much.. it is better than nothing at all.. I know that a marriage is about richer and poorer and all that stuff.. I just don't like having to depend on Ron financially as much as I have had to.. it isn't that I don't trust him.. or that he has a problem with it.. It is totally my issue.. and thankfully I don't have to explain it to him.. he knows..

Right now .. I would love to go over there and lay down on the couch and take a nap.. but I know me.. The second I try to lay down my mind will start yelling at me to get my lazy butt up and start cleaning .. so I think I will cut out the middle man and just start cleaning instead..

Y'all have fun..

I Got a Job..

2006-10-04T10:18:00.000-04:00

Yep.. its true.. I am employed.. .Not that it is my first choice as a job.. or that it pays much.. but still it is a bona fide job.. I am out of the house a few hrs a day.. and making a little money.. woooohooooooo.. It is at Dollar Tree.. and only part time.. for now.. but I love people.. the work is easy and it is close to the house.. and oh yeah.. did I mention.. It is a job.. Yesterday was my first day and I am still wanting to go back today.. I guess that is a good sign..

The only thing that sux about going in to work today is .. My honey's birthday.. He is 49 today.. and getting sexier every day.. He kids that he is old.. I will never see him as old.. I will never see him as anything other than my sweet wonderful, Poet.. that is just how it is.. I am cooking him a nice dinner.. and leaving his presents on the dining room table.. I won't get to eat dinner with him.. but .. I will get to snuggle with him tonight after work.. that is one of my favorite things anyway.. oh wait it is his birthday.. it is about his favorite things.. still works.. cause I know snuggling is a fave of his..

Well I have a lot of housework to do.. and then cooking dinner early today.. so I guess I will get off the computer and get to it..

Y'all have fun..

Fridges and Chicken & Dumplins

2006-09-27T15:40:00.000-04:00

Well it's official.. we have finally moved the last thing out of our old apartment that was ours.. We bought a refridgerator about 2 years ago from my ex and his wife.. we didn't bring it with us when we moved here due to being exhausted from moving all the other stuff and lack of a truck.. Ron's dad has found a tenant for the old place so today I got volunteered to move the fridge.. Ron would have done it.. but he has that wonderful job of dealing with 30 some odd teenagers all day.. I think I would rather lift heavy appliances.. anyway.. I took my car to Ron's school and picked up his truck (SUV) .. I drove to Lexington to pick up Jordan to help me move this thing.. when I got there he and Sierra were of course still sleeping.. after about banging their door down while listening to their alarm clock scream at them they finally got up.. We went down there and loaded the thing in the back of the Bravada.. by we I mean Jordan and Sierra did most of the work.. I am not allowed to lift heavy things.. First I can't do it physically.. and second.. noone will even let me try. I get yelled at if I do.. we got the dang thing in there and I dropped them off at home.. after reminding Sierra to be up in the morning.. she is taking her drivers test tomorrow.. I am sure she will do fine.. unlike her brother Chris ( who still doesn't have his) she can actually drive quite well.. I took Ron's truck back to him fridge and all... he and Chris can unload that bad boy this evening.. I got my pretty lil car back and took my happy butt to the grocery .. this is after numerous complaints this morning of being out of milk.. Not that I don't buy 5 or 6 gallons of milk a week.. We just ran out last night.. but that didn't stop the barrage of complaints.. I got that and some other things that we needed.. and headed home where I am cooking .. I decided on Chicken and dumplins.. Kyle requested them last week.. anyone hungry.. come on over.. I assure you there is plenty.. I always cook enough for an army..

I guess I need to go stir this stuff.. Y'all have fun

My Morning So Far

2006-09-21T08:20:00.000-04:00

It went something like this.. Alarm goes off.. I look at the clock..6:08 already?.. ok.. time to drag my lazy butt outta bed.. I stumble to the dresser trying to figure out why I cannot see.. Oh yeah.. My glasses are on the headboard of the bed.. stumble , whack my knee on the corner of the bed, there they are.. I put them on.. the world comes into soft focus.. too early for anything else.. I finally get back to the dresser without further injury and manage to pick up my clothes... then my bladder speaks up.. "BATHROOM NOW".. I wander mostly naked to the bathroom and tell my bladder to shut the hell up.. I am not awake yet..geesh.. bladder subdued I get dressed in the bathroom.. It is too much trouble to go back to the bedroom.. I know there are things in there just waiting for me to trip over them or for them to step out in front of me to hit parts of my body.. I am safer in the bathroom.. unless the bathtub gets evil ideas..Completly dressed and semi alert.. I head for Chella's room to begin the morning ritual of waking the dead.. "Chelsea get up".. I hear moans and grumbles.. "Chelsea.. You have to be at school early this morning.. get up".. more grumbling and moaning.. and a wheeze.."Chelsea... CHELSEA... OK..IT IS TIME TO GET UP!!!!".. she answers.."I'm up".. now I know from years of experience this is not the truth.. she is not up.. she isn't even awake.. it is just her body trying to get me to go away and let her sleep.. It never works.. but she keeps trying.. " Chelsea.. I am going downstairs.. I want you down there in 5 mins".. this time I get a mostly coherent.. " Ok Mom.. I am up.. getting dressed"..

I head downstairs.. where I say good morning to my honey and Kyle.. they are both up and have been for a while from the looks of them.. I head to my favorite spot in the morning.. My coffee pot.. OOPs.. forgot to set up coffee last night.. this presents all new opportunities for me to hurt myself.. the coffee filters are in the pantry..and that door likes to catch my fingers.. the coffee is in the freezer.. and our freezer is on the bottom of the fridge.. great.. that thing likes to hit me in the knee.. and then there is always the water.. it seems to know when it is me and decides I haven't done a good enough job of showering so it tries to wash me all over again.. I get my coffee made without serious bodily harm this morning.. and manage to stay dry.. I am doing well for me.. I look at the clock.. 6:18.. time to get Chris up.. He is easy.. " Christopher,.. time to get up.. ".. I hear sniffling, groaning.. and " ok.. I'm up.." I believe him.. he is usually pretty easy to wake..

By this time I realize Chelsea is still not downstairs.. Ron is heading up to do his morning thing.. So I know he will get her moving.. I sit down to spend a minute with Kyle.. I then realize it is freezing in this house.. Ron tells me to turn on the heat.. I don't know how.. This house has gas space heaters.. which I have no idea how to operate.. I tell Ron.. " I don't know how.." .. he gives me instructions.. I am thinking .. you know as clutzy as I am .. is it really a good idea to have me fiddling with natural gas and flames when I don't have clue what I am doing?.. Of course I can't get the dang thing to work.. Ron says he will do it.. Kyle and I go to the porch to wait for his bus.. by this time it is 6:25 and still no Chella.. the bus comes about 6:35.. I go back inside and there is heat coming from the confounded space heater.. apparently Ron has it working.. ok.. so I am not technically inclinded when it comes to appliances.. Ron goes upstairs , I hear him and Chella having words.. I can't hear what is being said but I know the jist of it.. he is telling her she IS getting up.. she is arguing from the middle of her bed where she is sitting under the blanket that she in fact IS up.. she does this every day.. I don't know why she thinks that we are going to believe her when she says " I am up" when this has been going on for years and we all know she hasn't given a second thought to putting her feet on the ground to get out of the bed... I yell up the stairs.. " You are fixin to get a butt whoopin if you don't get down here NOW".. ( translation for the hick impaired) (" I am going to spank you") yes..I tend to get a bit redneck when I get ticked off about something.. anyway.. Ron comes down.. still, there is no Chella.. by this time it is 6:39.. Ron comes over and is leaning on the back of the sofa.. he says.. " I am wondering if I should go to work now or wait for the beating".. I told him to do as he wished.. finally the brat came downstairs.. I brought her into the living room.. by this time it is 6:48.. I am not a happy camper.. it shouldn't take 40 mins to get out of the bed.. I tell her " Ok.. you will go to bed 1/2 hr earlier this evening.. and for every word of protest you make about this you will lose another 15 mins" her reply.. OK.. I think she's got it.. then I ask her if she would prefer her butt whoopin now or after school.. to this she protests.. I told her.. " It is gonna happen.. the reason you keep doing the not getting up thing is that you haven't had many consequences to deal with when you don't get up on time.. Now you do".. she grumbled something.. I told her to go eat.. she left..

Ron and Chris by this time are ready to leave.. I kiss Ron good bye and tell Chris to have a good day and they are off.. I go back in.. it is too damn cold to be out there long.. when I get in the house.. it is silent.. ahhhh just the way I like it.. but I find a definate chill coming from the chair where Chella has planted herself.. She isn't speaking to me apparently.. then she tries a new tactic.. " Mom.. I can't go to school early today.. I didn't get a note from Mrs. M.. and you have to have one to get in the school this early".. To which I tell her.. " Sorry kiddo.. but that ain't gonna work either.. I talked to Mrs. M after you left the conference and the school knows she has classes early on Tues. and Thurs. all you have to do is be there and she will meet us at the door".. dang another Chella bubble busted.. she tries to argue.. I say the 2 words that let my children know the subject is done and it would be best to hush.. " I'm DONE".. The silent treatment returns...

We leave around 7:20 she gets to school on time.. still not speaking much.. works for me.. I like quiet..she will talk when she wants something.. of this I can be sure.. she gets out of the car .. looks back at me.. " I love you mom" .. I tell her I love her too.. and I watch her walk to the front of the school..

I got back home, let the dogs out and sat down to blog.. so there ya have it.. my morning so far.. how is your day going?

Y'all have fun

Breakdown Anyone?

2006-09-18T10:41:00.000-04:00

I am trying really hard to not jump on the break down bandwagon around here.. but they are pushing me towards it quickly..

Chella has seemingly lost her mind.. Lately she has been in a bit of a mood.. I don't know if it is moving, new school, being away from her boyfriend or just that time of month all month.. but it seems like everytime I turn around her and I are at it about something or another perhaps it is just plain old teenage angst... who the hell knows..

Kyle is the one that is making me the craziest though.. He has always been a great student.. he gets good grades and is usually somewhat of a teacher's pet.. ever since we moved here he has had one complaint after another.. I took him to the doctor.. she gave him meds for his stomach.. and last week after that he seemed to be fine.. This morning I got him up... he got dressed and made himself breakfast like he always does.. I got dressed and came down stairs.. he and I headed out to the porch to wait for the bus as usual.. he walked to the bus stop..and the next thing I know he is running back home crying his little eyes out.. I tried to ask him what was wrong.. he didn't seem to know.. I asked him if something scared him.. It is still dark when he goes to the bus stop so who knows.. he said nothing had.. I asked him if someone is picking on him at school.. again.. he said no.. he just kept crying and eventually cried himself to sleep.. I don't know what to do at this point.. I have contacted the counselor at his school and she and I are formulating a schedule for him to talk with her.. I hate keeping him home from school with this but I don't really see how he can learn anything while crying all day.. Kyle is a bit immature in that he is the baby of the family and has been treated as such.. but he has never acted like this.. I am worried about what is causing this.. as well as what impact this is having on his schooling.. I don't want him to fall behind because of missing school and wind up failing the 5th grade.. he is too smart for that..

I have some theories about this situation.. but nothing based in fact that might offer a clue as to his behavior.. the only place he seems to want to be is at home with me.. One theory of mine is this.. the last major move in his life was when I was still with my Ex and we moved up to KY from FL.. Kyle was 6 at the time.. a few months after we moved my ex and I split up and it pretty much turned the kids lives upside down for a while.. perhaps he is afraid that something like that will happen again.. Ron and I have talked about this.. and while there are no signs or signals that would trigger Kyle to think Ron and I are having problems (we aren't) there weren't any with my Ex either.. we shielded the younger kids from a lot of what was going on.. especially Kyle.. to him .. Ronnie and I were just mom and dad and things were fine.. and then to him I am sure.. out of the blue daddy is moving out of the house and things were changing way too fast for a 6 yr old to keep up with..

Ron and I have given the kids a secure home.. and we show them just by being us that we are committed to each other and love each other totally.. but who the heck knows what a 10 yr old is thinking..

Ron has his theory too.. that kyle is just going through something and is using this as a reason to stay home and that if he is allowed to stay home he shouldn't have the priviledges of TV, playstation and all the fun stuff he usually does at home.. I do agree that if Kyle can't seem to go to school.. then he shouldn't get rewarded for staying home.. I don't agree that this is a ploy..It is always such a difficult thing to decide whether to be strict and force an issue or to be soft and mushy about it.. I don't want him to miss school.. I don't want him to fall behind.. I don't want to push him and I don't want to not push him.. what are ya supposed to do in a situation like this.. ya know.. even the dang toaster came with an instruction guide.. do you think we could come up for one for kids?

Well I think it is time for me to get off here and see what I can get into around here before I have to go to my 2pm conference at Chella's school.. ain't having kids a blast a minute?

Y'all have fun

Doing the Camaro Happy Dance

2006-09-16T17:52:00.000-04:00

I got my car back, I got my car back.. ok.. I will stop being 3 .. but I am so happy.. a month and a bit over 800.00 dollars later I have my car.. my pretty little white baby...

I picked up the transmission for it on Thursday and took it to the guy who has had my car for the last month.. he told me he would try to get to it on Friday.. I was like ok.. I haven't had it for this long.. I don't think a couple more days is gonna kill me.. Yesterday Ron called me to tell me the guy hadn't had a chance to work on my car.. I was like.. ok.. that is about my luck.. then he tells me the reason the guy hadn't had a chance is that his son was working on it and that it would be ready by 4:30.. I left here to get Ron from work.. on the way I stopped to pick up Chella who had pulled a muscle thursday night and it caused her pain while doing pushups in ROTC.. they called me to come get her.. anyway.. we got to the school and bs'ed around a bit til it was close to time to go get my car... we got to the transmission shop about 4:20 and there was no camaro in sight.. we figured they were test driving it.. Ron went on in the shop.. I sat down for a smoke.. and while I was sitting there .. this cute little white camaro pulled up in the lot.. there he was.. my baby.. I was just happy to see him running.. Ron and I paid the bill and I left to go pick up Chris from work.. I got my car up to about 60 on the back road.. ran perfectly after a few minutes of spitting and sputtering from not running so long.. we got Chris and headed home.. there is a good stretch of interstate between Winchester and Mt. Sterling.. I got him up to 80.. this was good.. then I took the back road home.. it is this winding curvy road.. my lil car loves that sorta thing.. he did well.. I am so happy.. I have my car back.. I have my house.. I have DSL.. dang sorta spoiled ain't I?.. the best thing I have though is my honey, my wonderful children and great friends.. the rest is just the bonus.. well I am off here..

Y'all have fun..

Job Hunting and Doggie Romance

2006-09-15T09:44:00.000-04:00

I am beginning to wonder if I have some sort of strange BO or if I dress funny.. or if I am just funny looking or something.. I have put in applications.. I have followed up on them.. I have gone on interviews.. I have done just about everything I know to do to find a job.. and still .. nothing.. I am frustrated .. irritated and otherwise annoyed at this trend.. I know I will find a job.. I know this will pass.. but grrrr in the mean time it is making me outta my mind..

Part of the problem is my experience and education..It seems like I have too much of both for just about any job in this small town.. I want a job.. I am not picky .. ok.. well I don't want fast food.. but other than that I am not picky.. the thing is that most employers feel that I am applying for jobs that are not up to my education and experience and they are afraid that if they hire me I will leave as soon as something in my field comes up.. I can't convince them otherwise..

Right now I would be happy to find a job part time.. just a couple hundred bucks a week to help with utilities and such.. just so I can feel like I am helping out financially around here.. and part time would allow me to still be able to take care of the house and spend time with the kids and my honey still..

Ok rant over.. other than the frustrating job hunt.. I have just about gotten the house where I want it for now.. I need to get one of the male type folks around here to carry a table in from the garage for me to set up in our bedroom so we can set our computer up in there.. we are getting our DSL today.. so I might get a break and get one of the work at home telecommute jobs I have been trying for .. ok... enough about jobs.. or I will go off on another rant..

I am trying to breed my dog to another Mini Dachshund.. she doesn't seem to like him that way... he is a bit bigger than her and squashes her to the ground every time he tries.. I think she is trying to tell him she would rather just be friends.. he follows her around .. he brings her food.. and she tries to let him.. but not so much.. she is like I don't think so.. maybe a candle light dinner and some wine and he will be able to convince her..

Well my coffee is done and I need to be putting my energies into job hunting.. Y'all have fun..

Moved in and Settling

2006-09-11T08:37:00.000-04:00

Where to start? Seems like I have been away from blogdom forever.. there has been so much going on around here with the move and the kids starting new schools, job hunting, no sleeping due to the bed from hell, and sick children that if I get a spare minute to comb my hair I consider it a good day..

The move is going well.. we finally got everything out of the apt and into the new house.. well some of it is in the garage.. but that stuff doesn't count..I have the house in a reasonable sense of order.. by nature I am a very orderly person.. I believe in everything having and being in it's place.. My house is starting to look like my house.. I love it.. for the first time in my life I can do what I want in my house and make it my own.. this is so cool.. Oh yeah Angie.. I am deliriously happy.. thanks for the comment...

Labor Day weekend was a blast.. there was a surprise b day party for one of the usual suspects as Retro girl calls us.. and she and her hottie Dark were in town.. we got to have lunch with them and then went out for some Karaoke ... We headed out early.. It is a bit longer drive now days for us to get home.. but worth it.. Labor Day we had a cook out.. we had 6 of the 7 kids over with their other halves and children.. it was a blast.. we had kids everywhere.. running up and down the stairs.. the youngest of the grandbabies spent most of the afternoon trying to convince some adult that he did in fact need a cupcake to ensure his survival.. that didn't work out well for him.. but he kept trying..

Both kids have started their new schools....now if I could just keep them there.. they have both been sick.. Chella had a headache Friday and went to the nurse to get a tylenol.. the nurse insisted on taking her temp.. it was a low fever but she had one.. policy in this district is if a child has a fever of 99 or more.. they go home.. and cannot return to school for at least 24 hours.. how much fun is that.. Kyle has come down with a case of the pukies.. I am not sure if his problem is phyisical or emotional.. he has never had a problem with school before.. he has always loved it.. but he seems to be having some adjustment problems here.. I know it will take time.. I am being patient.. but the school and I have decided he needs to stay in school.. so when he went to the nurse this morning she sent him back to class.. she is going to talk to his teacher about maybe a bit of extra attention until he settles in.. and I am working closely with the teacher, counselor and nurse.. we can get him over the hump I am sure..

I am trying to find a job.. Still.. it should be easier now that we are settled in one place and know we are gonna be staying for a while.. a 30 yr mortgage kinda implies we are staying ya know.. so I think I will get off here and see what Career builders has to offer before I start in on another day of trying to get this house in my kinda order...

Y'all have fun..

Finishing Touches

2006-08-24T08:57:00.000-04:00

Saturday is MOVING DAY!!! finally.. yep.. we are really closing on the house tomorrow.. there were times I have wondered if we were ever going to really close on this house.. I didn't exactly give up on worrying about it.. I basically just put it in God's hands and left it up to him.. if it is going to happen it will if it ain't then it wasn't supposed to.. I can't wait to get moved in and decorate our house.. wow.. I like the sound of that.. our house...

My birthday was wonderful..Ron and I got to spend some time alone on the way to Louisville.. we got to talk.. that is always something I love.. We just enjoy each other so much it doesn't matter what we are doing we always have a good time.. the visit with his brother was good.. I like Ron's family.. they are a great bunch of people.. On the way home my best friend of 16 yrs from Florida called me .. Mauritha and I are so close that we never feel like we are 1000 miles apart.. it is like we just pick up wherever we left off every time we talk.. and we talked the whole way home.. she loves to hear how happy I am.. and I am trying everything I know to talk her into coming up here.. at least for a visit if I can't convince her to come up here for good.. When we got home Chella had cleaned the house.. It looked great.. Kyle had gone shopping and had presents for me.. he got me exactly what I wanted.. a bath set.. you know the kind with bubble bath and lotion and body spray... the kind that people only buy for teenage girls.. yep .. that is what I wanted.. My 2 hr baths are my pamper me time.. so it was a great gift.. there were gifts from the other kids as well.. all meant for me to pamper me.. gee my kids know me well.. I don't get a chance to do it often but when I do.. they have me all set up with everything I could want.. Ron and I finally got to go to bed around 11:30.. and the cuddle time was the perfect ending to my wonderful birthday.. thank you Honey.. Kids.. that includes you Justin.. for making my day special.. y'all are a great bunch of folks.. I love you all..

I guess I should be in the kitchen finally packing it up.. I never pack my kitchen until the last thing.. I love to cook and I know me .. I would be unpacking and re packing all the time trying to find this pan or that pan until I drove myself insane.. it is just easier to pack the kitchen last.. I was talking to our realtor this morning.. she says the kitchen is the first thing she packs.. that way she doesn't have to cook until they move.. wonder if I could try that with the washer and dryer.. Laundry is my most hated chore...ok.. I have stalled long enough.. I have things to do..

Y'all have fun...

Another Year Older..

2006-08-23T10:17:00.000-04:00

I am 38 today. woohooooooo... Actually .. I don't think much about how old I am.. I really don't feel much different than I did when I was 21.. well at least most of the time.. when I was younger I was not as settled as I am now.. Not as comfortable with change as I am now.. not as able to deal with stress and pick my battles as I am now.. but I still have the same energy if not more than I did then.. I still have the urge to go get a pair of roller skates and go skating every now and then.. I still try to stay up late on weekends and sleep half the day the next day.. I am happier now than I was then.. I don't have the hangups I had then and I have learned to like myself a lot more than I did then.. I think that is what most people that get down about their age forget.. you don't have to be old.. you don't have to act old.. and you still get the benefit of knowing yourself better and the wisdom of all the things you have done in life so far to carry you on..

I don't have any plans to do much of anything today.. I am going to visit my grandmother it is her birthday too.. she is 93.. I feel so fortunate to still have her... Ron and I are taking a small road trip this evening to visit his brother. I really don't want anything for my birthday.. I have just about everything a woman could want.. I have a husband that adores me and lets me know.. I have children that love me and sometimes even listen.. I have wonderful friends.. All in all I am quite fortunate and happy with my life.. I could use a job.. and it would be nice if my car hadn't broken down.. but it will all work out.. that is another thing about getting older.. you learn that not everything is the end of the world.. that is a good life lesson..

I think I will get off this computer and spend some time with my sick youngin.. Kyle has a terrible cold and is home from school for the 2nd day.. I love the lil monster.. but whew can he make ya crazy..

Y'all have fun

Almost Employed

2006-08-17T11:25:00.000-04:00

Well almost started a new job Monday.. I got the furniture sales position.. so there I was bright and early (9:30) on Monday morning all decked out in my official working woman suit... I walk through the doors to my new job and there is the guy that would be my boss standing there to greet me.. I say good morning.. he walks over to me and puts his hand on the middle of my back and starts rubbing my back and shoulders while saying good morning and how lovely I look.. I backed away from him and told him I didn't want him to touch me that it made me uncomfortable.. He immediately says.. "I didn't mean anything by it" still being polite I assured him I didn't think he did mean anything by it but still I would appreciate him not touching me all the same.. He then starts in about me wearing the support shoe for the still not healed broken toe.. I reiterate to him that I had indeed told him about the necessity of the shoe and that he had ok'ed it.. he told me the job required a lot of standing I told him I knew that hence the shoe.. he then says " I don' t think this is going to work out" ... by this time I am pissed... I tell him " ya know what.. Neither do I" and walked out the door.. By the time I got back home I was really pissed.. I called his boss and told him what had happened.. he called me back later expressing his sincere apologies and asking that this not go any further.. I haven't decided yet if it should..

Then there was Tuesday.. I get in my lil car to go to Mt Sterling to check some things out.. Chella, Kyle and I are just crusing along at 65-70mph when I hear this strange sound under the hood.. it only lasted a second or two.. I drive along another 1/4 mile or so and all hell breaks loose under the car.. there was a grinding.. and a flapping and a squealing... I touched the clutch and the whole car locked up in the middle of the exit ramp .. I am thinking this couldn't possibly be a good thing.. I finally eased the car off the ramp in first gear and get to the nearest store.. I called Ron.. he arranged for a tow truck to come get us... My car is now in the shop in Winchester.. It isn't dead.. but it is seriously in intensive care.. it seems the transmission is shot.. ya know when you say transmission is shot and Camaro in the same sentence the shop says take out your wallet, checkbook, credit cards and sign over your first born male child... hey there is a plan.. I could sign chris over.. ok ok.. I'm just kidding.. mostly

Other than all this and several job interviews and chella and Kyle going back to school it has been a mostly quiet week.. well quiet for around here..

I am looking forward to this weekend.. I will have my honey home for 2 whole days.. we have a party thing to go to on Saturday..It should be a good weekend.. heck we might even get to move.. who knows..

Y'all have fun..

Ron and The Day Off..

2006-08-09T10:25:00.000-04:00

Those of you that know me are not going to believe this.. but I have an entire day off.. well sorta.. I don't have anyone to take anywhere nor do I have any appointments to be anywhere.. for me .. this is a holiday.. I still have Kyle at home.. but he is pretty self sufficient.. and I still have cleaning and dinner cooking to do.. but otherwise I have nothing scheduled.. I know this can and probably will change at some point today.. but for now I am just gonna enjoy the feeling of not being rushed, hurried or otherwised hassled to do anything for anyone..

Yesterday after reading my blog Ron was teasing me that I didn't mention his singing of the national anthem.. I assured him this was not an oversight on my part nor was I neglecting him.. I was blogging in a hurry yesterday and I felt talking about Ron should be given the time he deserves...and sometimes I don't have my words in order if I am in a hurry hell half the time I don't have them in order if I am not in a hurry but that is another story..

I was standing behind the dugout waiting for Ron to sing Monday night.. He was about 50 ft in front of me.. I was watching him, as I often do.. I just like looking at him.. anyway... he was pale and I could see the jitters from where I was standing.. then.. they announced him.. he walked out to the spot where he was to sing.. When he started singing I could see his body relax.. singing for him is as natural as breathing to the rest of us.. he has such a magnificent voice.. it is deep and rich and at times when he is singing the emotion he makes you feel can be a bit overwhelming.. when he finished I heard 1000 or more people clap and holler.. I think they heard me over all of them.. While, from the moment I became his wife I have always had a great deal of pride in my husband.. I think Monday night I was gonna pop if I had felt any more proud of him and of being his wife.. we have a sort of tradition of kissing each other after we finish singing.. this was no different.. he didn't make it half way back to where I was before I tackled him and told him how wonderful he was.. the problem with Ron is there are not enough words to describe his singing.. heck there aren't enough to describe him period.. everything he does he does well.. from being a friend and husband .. to singing and photography and many other gifts.. If I didn't love him the way I do I might be a bit jealous of his talents.. actually that is another thing about him.. people don't get jealous of the talents and abilities he possesses.. they just take it as a normal part of Ron being Ron.. I think it is because he wears his personality so well..He doesn't seem to realize how extraordinary he really is.. It is impossible to not like him.. and for me.. I couldn't think of a world that didn't include me loving him.. Take a bow baby.. you are wonderful..

OK.. time to get some food in me.. I don't eat much but when I want food I have to have it right NOW!!! Y'all have fun..

It's All About Time..

2006-08-08T08:42:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that when you don't have a job and you really need one they are harder to find than the city of Atlantis? Then when you find a job, everybody wants you to come work for them.. what the hell is all that about? I got the sales position at the furniture store... I actually knew I had it after the first interview... but I digress.. since then I have gone on another interview and have yet another one today... the girl (20 yr old) at the last one told me she wanted me for a job at the high school in front of Ron's school but that position doesn't open for another week or so... The one today is the one I want.. It is a combination customer service/clerical/ sales position.. something I'm very good at.. multi-tasking.. all you mom's know what I mean.. I don't feel like I am doing much of anything unless I am doing a little bit of everything.... this job will allow me more challenges than either of the other two... granted it is a little less money.. but when we move this one is only about a mile or so from the house.. that is a big bonus for me..

Speaking of doing a little bit of everything... Already this morning I have been taxi driver, mom, wife, and I think traffic cop on the way to Winchester.. I am at Ron's school right now.. he isn't here he is at the high school for a continuation of yesterday's meetings and such before the big day tomorrow.. ( first day of students) I came here to kill an hour or so before my interview and to change from my old ratty tee shirt and shorts to my pretty purple power suit... I can go from soccer mom to executive in about 3 mins. flat.... from just woke up hair and face to neatly brushed and full makeup.. whew.. that is something else that bugs me.. I hear about women all the time that spend an hour or more putting on makeup.. what the hell is taking you so long.. what exactly are you doing that requires that much time.. and further more how do you get that kind of time to spend on yourself in the first place.. give me an hour and I will pack a lunch, cook dinner, make coffee, vaccuum the floor, start a load of laundry, and get dressed with full makeup.. Is it just me.. or do all moms learn the art of quick change out of necessity?... ok.. it is about 20 mins til I have to leave for my interview.. think I will look around and see if Ron's class needs cleaning.. I have plenty of time for that... wish me luck..

Y'all have fun

Gearing Up

2006-08-01T09:13:00.000-04:00

Things seem to be gearing up around here..

Ron has returned to work.. that sux out loud.. but oh well, somebody has to pay the bills.. speaking of which.. I had my second interview at a furniture store yesterday.. the manager all but told me I have the job.. the earning potential is great.. the only drawback I can see so far is it is a sales position.. while I am great at sales.. burnout happens fast in that field.. I also have a job interview today in Winchester.. If I am offered this position I may take it over the furniture store one just because of the field it is in.. Tech Support.. that is something I know well and won't burn out on.. even if it pays less it would be worth it to me to have a job I know I am gonna want to stay with longer.. and it is closer to the new house than the other one..

Speaking of the new house.. We haven't heard a thing yet about not closing this Friday.. I don't know if that is good news or bad news.. I am gonna take it as no news is good news.. but that is just how I am.. I need to finish packing but honestly I don't think there is room for any more boxes in this house.. Hopefully, we will hear something positive in the next day or so and give me incentive to finish packing...

The kids are getting excited about going back to school.. how weird is that.. I think the thought of new schools and new friends has more to do with the excitement than the actual school thing .. Chella is worried about Kyle .. he may have to ride a bus this year for the first time.. she ain't liking that idea.. Kyle is the baby of the family and has always been treated as such.. I had to convince her last night that in fact the child is NOT a 3 yr old.. he will be 11 in Oct.. I still think of him as a baby at times too.. but I don't think him riding the bus will be too tramatic for him to handle at this stage of his life..

Today will be the second attempt at getting Sierra and Jordan's car legal.. apparently last Friday the title was signed in only one of the two places it needed to be signed and we have to get the second signature today.. yee haw.. don't I sound thrilled.. I have been trying to call them for the last half hr to make sure they will be ready when I am.. if they aren't.. too bad.. I do have a life..

My kids ( the grown ones especially) seem to think that I have no life outside of taking them places or doing things for them.. for some reason they missed the memo on the fact that they have made the decision to move out and be adults.. they think they can have the best of both worlds.. they have their freedom from mom's rules and mom at their beck and call all at the same time.. all I can say for you guys is .. Time's they are a changin'.. When I go back to work, wherever that might be I will not be able to run for them all the time.. further more.. they wanted to be adults.. so it is time to be adults.. when this car thing is over.. don't call me for rides.. don't ask if I can take you here or there.. NO!!!.. I know I sound bitchy.. but dang.. there are days that I spend 7 or more hours just doing things for everyone else.. and while I will do everything in my power to help my kids.. I am just too dang old for all this running all the time.. I would love to go to work.. come home.. cook dinner.. and spend time with my hubby and the 2 kids I have at home .. instead of running here and there.. trying to squeeze in dinner.. rarely seeing Ron til after dark.. and saying a quick hello to Kyle and Chelsea in passing.. it isnt fair to them and it isn't fair to me.. ok.. Rant Over!! well for now anyway..

Well time to get off here and clean a bit.. until time to start running for the kids again that is..

Y'all have fun..

Slow Down .. Take a Deep Breath

2006-07-28T20:30:00.000-04:00

Whewwwwwww.. It has sorta been the week from hell.. Sunday our beautiful, sweet, goofy Malcolm died.. It broke my heart.. he died in my arms.. I did everything as did Ron that we could think of to save him.. poor guy just couldn't hold on.. I personally think he may have had an underlying health problem that we weren't aware of.. but thinking that doesn't help when I look around the house and he isn't here.. I miss the big guy...I really loved that goofball.. He will be missed for a long time..

His passing put a down note on the rest of the week.. I have been packing a lot.. not much fun under the best of circumstances let alone when you start off the week grieving..

Right now there are close to 50 boxes stacked in various places around the house.. I didn't know we had this much stuff.. good lord I think we are way over due for a huge-mongous yard sale.. There is still the bathroom and the kids room left to pack along with all the stuff we are still using .. I don't remember us having all this when we moved in and I know we haven't shopped that much.. Me? shop? buy things we don't need and put them in places where I will forget we have them until moving time? .. Nah...

Then there has been the car drama.. Sierra and Jordan bought a car from another set of our kids and son in law.. we have been most of the week trying to help them get it legal and all that happy horse manure.. today was supposed to be the day.. we got all the necessary items together got them signed.. rushed down to the tag office.. only to find out there was one more place the title needed to be signed.. oh well there is always Monday...

The house.. oh hell I don't even want to talk about the house.. I know things happen for a reason.. but I was so ready to get this over with.. It will take me the next month to get unpacked.. and somewhere in there Ron will be going back to work.. the kids need to get school supplies and clothes.. and registered in school.. I just didn't want to have to do all of it at the same time.. I'll live.. just needed to vent a little..

Ron is now out in his truck waiting on me to get my skinny lil butt out there so we can sing.. so I guess I will do just that..

Y'all have fun..

The House.. The Toe.. The Lack of Sleep

2006-07-17T22:18:00.000-04:00

Whew.. it has been one of those days.. Nothing bad.. just long and tiring on 4 hrs sleep.. Ron and I couldn't sleep last night.. well I tried to sleep..but my poor honey kept tossing and turning.. and then he tried turning and tossing.. and when those didn't work he tried flipping and flopping.. all to no avail.. and in a waterbed the other person feels every movement .. I am usually the tosser and turner in the bed.. I don't know how the poor man sleeps with me every night..

I am at least more comfy in the bed now days.. the boot cast came off Friday.. wooohooo.. I now have a smaller more streamlined looking shoe cast.. The doc told me I can work my way back into my regular shoes over time.. but no 4 inch heels.. I told her.. but those are my regular shoes.. and she still wants to do surgery on the toe and put a steel pin and plate in there.. I just need to find 8 weeks that I can be off my feet.. I am thinking this surgery will be scheduled somewhere around half past never..

The house thing is moving right along.. Ron signed the loan papers tonight to sign away the next 30 yrs of his life.. I didn't have to sign them .. thanks to my ex my credit sux.. so .. we just did it in his name.. which is fine with me.. you know the whole what is his is mine and what is mine is mine thing.. just kidding..

I think I am gonna get off here and get naked.. and.. go my happy butt to sleep..

Y'all have fun..

I Haven't Disappeared.. Honest..

2006-07-11T16:13:00.000-04:00

I know some of y'all might have thought I really had disappeared this time.. heck..some of ya might have even hoped it.. no such luck.. I am still around.. I just haven't had much blog time lately.. There has been toe business, house business, kid business and most of all Ron business.. When my sweet honey is at home.. I don't get online much... partially because I usually just don't care to.. and partially because my wonderful hubby is a COMPUTER HOG.. oh.. sorry did I shout?.. anyway.. I digress..

The toe news really isn't news.. I am still in this boot thingy at least until Friday.. hopefully it will come off then.. this thing is making me truely crazy.. It is heavy, hot and annoying to keep on all the time.. and the small cast I have for night time simply isn't comfortable..Ron fixed it for me so that I can at least wear it.. when the lady made the dang thing she had it going all the way up to the bend in the back of my knee.. I couldn't even bend my leg and the thing was scratchy.. Ron cut about 4 inches off of it and smoothed the edges for me.. ain't he a sweety..

The house thing is moving right along and with any luck I will be unpacking boxes in our new house by the end of the month.. closing is set for July 28th.. the home and termite inspection is complete.. we are waiting for a response from the owner on the things that the inspector says need to be done in the house..things like termite treatment..(non negotiable).. the faucet in the bathtub for the hot water ... again .. (non negotiable) .. the insulation that isn't up to what it is supposed to be.. and a few other minor things that while are not deal breakers are negotiation points.. I can't wait to get in there and out of Lexington..

Kid business has just been the usually running around doing this that and the other thing.. Chris work .. Chella spending the night 2 counties over and having to go get her.. then her and J having issues.. those sorts of kid business things..

The Ron business has just been that he has been home for the last 2 weeks.. I have gotten to spend most all of the day with him.. Yep.. I am spoiled now.. and he is back at work this week.. how much does that suck.. I will have to get used to him being back at work again.. but it is only for a week this time then I have him at home for another 2 weeks before he goes back for the school year.. that will be another 2 weeks of spoiling.. and oh yeah.. COMPUTER HOGGING.. by him.. oops there I go again.. yelling.. well my honey just walked in the door so I think I will get off here and spend sometime with him.. and turn over the puter of course..

Y'all have fun..

What Happened to This Week???

2006-06-30T09:12:00.000-04:00

It has been one of those weeks that you can't decide if you have really done anything or not.. I know I must have accomplished something this week.. but I'll be danged if I can remember what it was.. Ron has been home all week.. that tends to make me a bit lazy.. yeah let's see.. clean house or cuddle for as long as possible in the bed with my sexy hubby.. tough choice eh?.. there has been the usual amount of running Chris back and forth to and from work.. and the normal Chella drama..nothing major.. just the whole "I'm bored " thing that all teenagers do.. I did go to the Dr. last friday for my toe.. he tells me I am going to be in this boot cast thing for "AT LEAST" 3 more weeks.. then the fun will begin.. I have a bone spur on this toe and severe arthritis in the joint.. he compared my toe to that of an 80 yr old woman.. how's that for an ego boost.. anyway.. I have to have this bone spur removed.. it has been there for a long time and yeah from time to time has given me some trouble.. but with this break and the arthritis it is only getting worse so it is time to shave the dang thing off with a bone shaver.. doesn't that sound pleasant? All this really means is that I will be in a cast for most of the summer.. including during the time we are moving into our house.. should be lots of fun..

Oh yeah.. great news on the house.. we accepted the counter offer on the house.. the paperwork is in the process.. hopefully we will be moved in and able to relax a bit before Ron and the kids go back to school.. we, well I am planning a huge housewarming party.. as soon as possible after we move in and get organized.. should be a blast.. I actually have the menu planned..ok so I like to plan ahead..

Chris has a court date today at one.. the good news is this should be one of those in and out type things.. the bad news is it never works out that way.. also Ron will have to drive today.. I can't drive his truck with my boot cast on and my poor lil Camaro is ill.. starter went out on it yesterday at Taco Bell.. I stopped for Sierra to pick up dinner from Jordan .. turned the car off.. and when I got back in it.. Nuttin.. just nuttin.. I called Ron .. he called his brother in law.. the mechanic.. he came to meet me in the parking lot of Taco Bell.. and tells me.. Yep.. it's the starter.. being a stick shift we push started it so I could get home.. The brother in law will be here Sunday to get my baby back on the road for me.. but until then if I want to go anywhere I have to get Ron to take me.. not that I have a problem going anywhere with Ron.. I am just way independent and it makes me a bit nuts to not be able to drive myself.. oh well it is only til Sunday..

Well I guess I better go look for "Court Clothes" y'all have fun..

Words

2006-06-22T11:59:00.000-04:00

Something kept repeating in my head last night as I tried to go to sleep.. so I thought I would share .. nothing like keeping your friends awake too.. anyway..

What was on my mind was the power of our words.. words can have such an impact on people .. they can bring a smile to someone needing one.. they can brighten the day of a total stranger.. they can convey the love one feels for another whether that love be platonic, parental, or to the one you share your life with.. they can be a positive influence on the world at large.. I personally choose to think that is why we were given the gift of verbalization and the ability to translate that into the written word..

Words can also be used to hurt, demean, attempt to embarass, and for all sorts of negative influences on our world.. while most of us can dismiss the people that say words or write them for evil intent this is not the worst way words can be used as a weapon.. the worst way to me is for someone to take the innocent or non hurtful words of another and twist them to suit some personal agenda.. it demeans not only the person they are trying to hurt but themselves, this perversion of words more often than not causes not the furtherment of their agenda but the distruction of their own hearts eventually.. It is often hard to dissociate the person twisting the words from their actions and they become the object of anger, pity and ridicule themselves..

I have heard the expression of something being a double edged sword many times in my life.. I find this to be especially true in the case of words.. be careful how you use them.. try to use them for good... If you don't or if you twist the words of another the only person you will be cutting with your sword is yourself..

Just my take on words .. now that is out of my head.. I think I'll take a nap.. Y'all have fun

Water Wars on The Way

2006-06-21T08:31:00.000-04:00

Ok... It is 4 days and counting.. that is until the annual picnic of a non profit group that Ron and I are a part of.. This thing is an EVENT.. there are water guns.. food.. fun.. and did I mention water guns.. It has now become a team on team thing.. I can't wait... Last year "K" had this water bazooka.. I mean this thing shot about a gallon of water at a time.. and he could reload at a moments notice.. this year.. "K" is mine.. I am bringing water guns.. but if all else fails.. there will be a garden hose in the back of the truck.. It is a lot of fun..I am trying to convince them that I have a handicap this year.. but they aren't going for the broken toe excuse.. It really is broken guys.. I am not wearing this cast to make a statement...Hopefully by Saturday I won't be wearing this thing at all .. I go back to the Dr. on Friday.. He said if it was healing he would take me out of it.. I am thinking I might just hold on to it to take to the picnic..

In other news.. My baby is in FL and I am going through Kyle withdrawls.. there are times when that boy is home that you can't help but wish for duct tape.. but he is the sweetest little thing for the most part.. he will do anything you ask of him.. he loves everyone.. he loves to give hugs and if you are someone he happens to love.. you will receive many hugs a day.. who wouldn't miss that.. I don't know how I am gonna make it through the next 4 and a half weeks without my lil guy.. I will say that it is somewhat easier with Chelsea still home.. she is a great kid.. she has her moments when I question why teenagers exist at all but for the most part.. she is a blast to hang out with and is one of my best friends.. I don't think it is a problem being friends with your kids as long as they still understand you are a friend that can and will ground them .. Sierra lives close by so I get to spend time with her when she isn't working and of course I get to see Chris every day.. I am lucky to have my kids so close.. I enjoy their company.. In fact on of my favorite days of the year is Thanksgiving.. we have a long tradition of having everyone from youngest to oldest tell what they are thankful for.. I look forward to all the work of cooking for all those people every year just because it gets them all under our roof at the same time.. But none of this is helping me not miss my Kyle.. dangit

My mom in law and helper have gotten the apartment upstairs just about ready to rent out again.. I wonder what kinda neighbors we are gonna get this time.. that is one benefit of the landlord being your parent's in law.. you get a say so in picking the tenants.. you would think this would be a good thing.. and it usually is .. until the last ones we had.. hopefully we will be able to get our house soon and that will no longer be a concern..

Well.. I have procrastinated long enough.. I have housework to do.. I have found out one thing that Kyle not being here has changed.. the amount of housework I have to do.. I think the child has been following along behind me messing things up.. My house has stayed pretty much clutter free since he has been gone.. hmmm I guess he took "not me" with him..

Y'all have fun

Just Say No.. To Drama

2006-06-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

I swear sometimes the drama level around here could give soap opera writers material for the next century.. This weekend my ex came up here from FL to pick up the kids and take them home with him for 5 weeks.. that sounds simple enough doesn't it.. a dad picking up his kids.. taking them to the 3rd or 4th (i can't remember) wedding of his 35 yr old sister.. then taking them out to dinner and bowling and back to his brothers house for the night before heading back to FL today.. ok.. yeah... nothing is ever simple where that man is concerned.. ( well there is his mind) ..

The ex picked up the kids yesterday afternoon..Ron and I spent a fairly eventful / uneventful day dealing first with Sierra and Jordan doing their usual sniping and arguing with each other.. then they left and Ron and I were blessedly alone for much of the late afternoon and early evening.. We went out around 8 to do some serious Karaoking.. we had a great time at Todd's Karaoke ( one of our favorite haunts) we each sang 4 or 5 songs (can't remember that either) we left there about 11:30 or so... we got home, Ron was on the computer doing whatever and I was wondering around the house making coffee and such when my phone rang.. It was a hysterical Chelsea, crying and asking me to come get her at her uncle's house.. I asked what was wrong.. she just pleaded for me to come get her.. Ron and I got in the truck and picked her up.. his house is only 5 minutes from ours..Chelsea got in and through tears and trying to calm down she told us what happened.. apparently the ex's wife was late getting back from her daughter's house and when she did come in he started accusing her of screwing around on him and being with other men and so forth.. Chelsea saw that her father was in a state of anger and was approaching his wife that way, she thought that he was going to hit her so she stepped in the middle of it.. then her dad started telling Chelsea that she was taking "L's" side of things, he asked Chella if she wanted to go home.. when she replied that she did .. he got pissed at her and wanted to know why all his kids left him.. she told him that he is the one that chose to move to FL and demanded to know why.. he told her that he would tell her when she was older.. she pressed him on it and he finally told her that he moved because she lived with Ron and I.. this isn't exactly true but, the truth isn't something he is really all that familiar with when it doesnt' suit him.. finally she asked to use his wife's phone and called us to come get her..

When Ronnie and I were married.. it was common for him to accuse me of cheating on him.. if I was 5 minutes late getting home from anywhere, If I took a shower when he wasn't home.. if I wore makeup when he wasn't around me.. If I wore certain clothes and so on and so on.. he was also physically abusive.. but mostly it was the never ending mental and emotional abuse that finally caused me to walk out on him.. I had to get me and my kids out of that situation before he either killed me and my kids would have been left with him.. or he turned my boys into him and my girls into woman that thought all women were whores and should be treated the way their father treated me..

Today when Ronnie came to bring Kyle so he could get his clothes and such.. he asked if Chella was still going with him to FL.. I told her ( at her request) that she had decided she didn't want to go and have to listen to that anymore.. that she had heard enough of that sort of thing growing up.. that got him going on one of his usual bullshit trips .. he first tried the.."it was just an argument thing" not knowing Chella had told me all of it.. I responded with " no it wasn't it was you treating "L" the way you treated me" he said .." I guess you and Ron don't argue" to which I said " In fact we don't" that took the wind out of those sails.. then he tried the poor pitiful me routine.. saying that his kids don't want to be with him.. I told him to take me to court to change it.. he is the one that sat in the judge's chambers and told the judge to " let her have the kids" .. when that didn't work he went to accusations.. nothing I hadn't heard before.. that I was unfaithful to him ( I wasn't).. that I didn't treat him right.. yeah yeah yeah.. when nothing worked for him he decided to call me a whore.. that got him booted off my porch.. Meanwhile Ron had Kyle in the house explaining to him what the problem was and giving him the same option to go or not go.. he chose to go.. that is fine.. Ronnie won't act as much a fool with him there.. he still sees Kyle as a baby and won't go psycho when he is around.. don't ask .. it is a strange thing with him.. but he is just like that.. anyway.. after they left.. we had a pretty much lazy day.. I did my nails and thought a lot..

Last night took me instantly back to a place I fought so hard to get away from.. I have at times felt so guilty about walking out on 18 yrs and breaking up my childrens family.. but, I know every day that I am loved by Ron.. that I did the right thing.. I know I should have done it sooner.. but I look at the reason I didn't do it sooner as that I was supposed to meet Ron and that may not have happened unless I did it when I did it.. ok.. so I look at things a bit differently.. so what.. I am a bit different to begin with.. I will worry about Kyle the entire time he is down there.. I will miss his sweet little face and his voice.. and in 5 weeks I will break the land speed record to go get my baby.. We did tell Kyle that if his dad starts the same old crap and it scares him or he just doesn't want to hear it.. all he has to do is call.. and we will be there as soon as possible to get him.. I think knowing that made it ok for him to make his decision..

My kids have for the most part a good relationship with their dad.. the older ones remember the things he said and did to me... that was between he and I.. he was a good dad to them.. I want them to have a good relationship with him.. and unless I think there is a threat to them I will continue to allow them to make the decisions regarding the time they spend with him.. I won't tell them what to do with their relationship with him... I can't.. I don't want to run the risk of influencing them with my feelings about him.. I won't poison them against their father.. he can do that all by himself..

Well now that I have all that off my chest I think I will go lay my head on Ron's chest and watch the 4400.. y'all have fun..

My Side..

2006-06-14T10:31:00.000-04:00

I don't want to drag out the drama around here any more.. I am not posting this to piss anyone off or to continue what has turned out to be a dramatic mess and a hell of a lot of hurt and heartache.. but, this blog..this writing is my way of getting things out of my system.. my way of putting down on cyber paper the things that are going through my head.. It allows me to put things in perspective.. so that being said.. here goes

When all of the drama started about buying our house.. ( check out TroubledRamblings.blogspot.com for details) I was dumbfounded.. I couldn't believe that a woman who owns her own business, lives in a beautiful home, and has everything going for her would deny her ex husband, the father of her children , a man she lived with for 20 years..the access to 2 pieces of paper that would allow him to buy a home of his own.. I couldn't imagine that it would be such a personal issue for her to allow Ron and I to go after our american dream.. It is difficult for me to understand people that allow the past to rule their lives and hang on to all the hurt, and forget the wonderful.. Then the kids started to get involved.. It amazed me how much of Ron and his ex's life together was known (if not accurate) by his children..There was no other way for them to have some of the information they thought they had without being told these things.. and I knew Ron was not the one that had told them..

My children know some details of the personal relationship their dad and I had because they saw it.. My ex was verbally, mentally and physically abusive to me.. they saw that.. even still I would never ever try to poison my children against their father. There are things that happened in my first marriage that I would never tell my children.. first they don't need to know.. second the telling of these things could alter the way they feel about their dad.. and I don't want that.. My ex does enough on his own to alienate himself from his kids.. he doesn't need me helping him.. I think what my point is here is that while R was not a wonderful husband.. for the most part he was a wonderful dad.. what happened between he and I should stay between he and I.. All the children need to know is how he relates to them.. what kind of father he is to them.. not what kind of husband he was to me..

One of the first things Ron and I talked about when we realized that our relationship was going to be a long term serious relationship was the fact that he and I both came as a package deal.. we both had lives, loves, a past.. and we both had children that were the center of who we are.. and we discussed the fact that in order to blend these two families and 7 children that we would have to understand.. by loving the parent we would have to accept and grow to love the children..we both did that.. Ron adores my kids.. he is a wonderful father and friend to them.. and I couldn't love his girls more if I had given birth to them myself.. this situation with his ex and now with his daughters is tearing me apart.. I hate to hear and read the venom in the e mails 2 of them have sent.. and the phone calls they have made.. I hated sitting at a restaurant Friday night with 2 of his daughters and one of them totally ignoring her father.. I hate the fact that his ex is such an unhappy, bitter person that she would even poison her daughters against their father to try and prevent his being happy.. I guess I am just not made that way..

I would love for his daughters to sit down with him and allow him the luxury of telling his side of the story.. since they are already involved in this whole thing. I think it would be the right thing to do.. to allow Ron to speak.. instead of hurling hateful accusations at him which he has to defend.. It would be so much easier to sit down and discuss matters and then having both sides of the story make a decision as to what really happened in that relationship..

I know a lot about Ron's past.. he was, from the beginning of our relationship open and honest with me about things that had happened in his past.. He has tried to convince me that at one time he was not the wonderful, loving , sensitive man that I fell in love with.. He insists that he wasn't the person he is now.. that may be true.. (hard to believe)..but to me, all that matters is the person I have known and loved for the last 4 years.. a man that is a wonderful, devoted husband, a great friend, a good son... and a loving, supportive father.. I can't believe he became this person overnight.. that he was magically transformed into the man he is today.. I believe that yes, he did have issues years ago and was man enough to realize it and work on himself to become who he is.. and that he has always been the man I fell in love with inside..

I see the hurt in Ron's eyes when he has talked to his daughters on the phone and they are spewing venom at him.. I see the hurt when he opens an email from one of them and they are calling him names and still hurling accusations and intentionally trying to hurt him.. guess what ladies.. it worked.. you have broken your father's heart.. I love Ron's girls with all my heart.. but I cannot stand the pain I feel everytime I see him like this.. If I could take his pain and bear it myself I would.. He puts on his beautiful smile and tells me he is ok.. but there is something I told him a long time ago.. Honey.. even wearing shades.. your eyes tell me everything I need to know.. I will stand beside Ron.. I will be here no matter what happens in all of this.. I am hoping and praying with all of my soul that what has happened here can be repaired and that his daughters don't listen to all of the poison to the point they step out of our lives and deny themselves and their children the lifetime of love and support that Ron and I want to give to them and the opportunity for a happy future as a wonderful blended family..

I think I am all out of words now.. time to dry my eyes and go about my day.. Girls.. I know you read my blog and I know you have my number.. we are still going to be here.. always..

Y'all have fun

Fashion Statement

2006-06-13T08:45:00.000-04:00

Well.. It is broken.. that's right.. My big toe on my right foot is broken in two places.. one break on each side of the joint.. how much fun can one woman have..

A few weeks ago I wrote about Chris totaling his car and dang near totaling me.. well as a result of that accident I now have a new shoe.. it is about two foot tall and about eight inches wide, complete with many velcro straps and an air pump to keep pressure on the foot to immobilize it.. oh yeah it is that beautiful shade of medical navy blue.. can ya beat that for accessorizing?..

What happened was.. right after the wreck, my foot hurt.. I thought I had just jammed my toe by trying diligently to hit the brakes on the passenger side of Chris' car..that didn't work.. So hardheaded me I think ok.. it will go away.. I continued on with my daily thing.. Running Chris back and forth to work.. doing housework.. shopping.. oh yeah and shampooing the carpets in the house.. The toe never got better.. in fact the more I did.. the worse it hurt.. finally last Wednesday I went to the dr.. He sent me for an X-Ray, after saying repeatedly.. " I believe you have broken it".. anyway.. Thursday morning the Dr. called me.. he tells me " Not only is it broken .. It is broken in two places.. we need to get you in to an Ortho NOW!!!!".. the dr. had his secretary set up an appointment for me.. 9:30 Friday morning.. which might I add was an hr and a half before Chris was due to take his drivers test for the second time.. The new Dr. tells me I have a choice.. I can go with the beautiful air boot cast I have now or the traditional plaster cast.. I chose this thing.. I can at least take it off to bathe and sleep.. ok.. so I am not supposed to take it off to sleep.. I don't see this as a problem.. I am not walking in my sleep so there is no danger of me repeatedly re breaking the toe like I had been doing prior to the going to the dr.. I am just sleeping.. I hobble out to Ron's truck to take Chris to his appt.. wouldn't you know it.. this thing on my foot is too wide for me to drive the Bravada.. how much does that suck?.. so.. Chris wound up driving us to his drivers test appointment.. which he failed.. We later met up with Ron.. who took over all driving of the Brevada.. I can drive my car ok.. the Camaro makes you sort of recline to drive and the space between the brake and the gas pedal is wider so I can get this thing on the gas without driving like the rest of the folks around here and riding the brake..

I am now hobbling around .. I can only wear skirts comfortably.. and while I don't mind skirts.. I am not a girly girl type.. so a full 6 weeks wearing nothing but dresses or skirts isn't gonna work for me.. I can wear pants.. but it is a pain to get them on and off.. I have to take this boot off and on every time.. and that is an exercise in velcro strapping , wrapping and air pumping that I would rather undertake as little as possible..

Today I am planning to do not much of anything.. I try to stay off of this foot as much as I can.. If I don't.. I pay for it by mid evening.. of course there is always the Lortab to take the pain away.. or at least make me not care if I have pain.. but I can't drive on drugs.. hmm thinking.. trying to remember what gear to put the car in and exactly where is that clutch thingy anyway.. nope.. not a good plan to drive stoned..

Well I think I am gonna get off here and hobble over to the couch for a morning of riveting television.. or a nap.. which is often the result of riveting morning television for me.. Y'all have fun..

Five Things..

2006-06-05T14:52:00.000-04:00

Ok.. I have been away a while.. just really haven't had time to blog.. I have been busy worrying about my honey's hand and doing all the usual running.. and worrying .. you get the picture.. anyway.. Ron is gone to a class today.. he will at least be close to home all week.. this is a good thing... I know I won't be able to be with him but at least I know he is just down the street..sounds strange I know.. but oh well who said I was normal?..

My mother in law is here today.. she is cleaning upstairs and the back yard.. I love my mother in law.. don't get me wrong.. but there are times when I wonder where Ron came from.. both of his parents can be obsessive about things.. he isn't like that at all.. I am.. he isn't.. anyway.. I would love to be helping her but my wrist has decided that anything above normal cleaning is simply not going to happen today or any time in the near future.. I think it is only hurting like this because Ron's poor hand has been getting all the attention lately and it felt left out.. just my opinion..

This weekend is Heather's graduation.. that is the youngest of Ron's girls.. should be a good time.. I can't wait to see her walk across the stage and get her diploma.. even tho I didn't give birth to her I will be there smiling proudly as any other mom.. Next weekend is the one I am looking forward to and not looking forward to.. My ex will be here to take the kids to FL for a month.. that is so gonna suck and be great all at the same time.. I know I can use a break and it will be great to have some alone time with my honey.. but I know me.. after about a week I will be heartbroken and wanting my kids back.. I always wanted to be a mom.. I can't stand being away from my kids for too long.. I know the rest of them will still be around..I just have a hard time when I can't see, touch, kiss good night my kids.. just who I am.. anyway.. this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I started typing this.. Retro has the 5 things thing going on with her blog and I had every intention of responding with my own 5 things .. so.. here goes girl..

FIVE ITEMS
Five Items in my Fridge:
Dave's insanity hot sauce.. 5 drops of this thing on a whole chicken will clear your sinuses
Hunts Snack Pack - applesauce for Kyle
2 percent milk
About 5 different types of hot sauce.. can you tell we like spicy?
Protein Shake.. I have to drink them every day since my gastric bypass.. I would rather drink mud.. but at least they keep me alive.. alive is good

Five Items in my Closet:
About 20 pair of my shoes.. ok.. there I said it.. I have a shoe addiction..
3 pair of Ron's shoes
Lots of Clothes….this is where Ron beats me.. he has 3 times as many clothes as I do
A briefcase.. I don't know what is in that.. don't think I want to
A laptop.. hmm imagine me finding a computer in my closet.. we only have 6 pcs and 4 laptops in our house.
Five Items in my Car:
CD Case with about 15 Cd’s.
Chella's clothes
A gas can.. not that I would run out of gas on a long country road or anything like that
Coupons in my glove box.. I keep getting them every time I buy my diet Dew they keep going in the glove box.. one of these days they are gonna take over the car..
Two empty cigarette boxes and 2 empty pop bottles.. believe me that is clean for a car of mine.

Five Items in my Purse:
12 shades of lipstick at least
A spark plug gap gage.. never know when you might have to change plugs
Orange scented lotion.. I have the dryest hands on the planet.
This old cosmetics bag with a ziplock bag of letters, poems, pictures from and of Ron..
Lots of basic junk.. my purse weighs about 10lbs.. I only wish I were kidding.. It seems like when each child was born the purse got bigger.. now that they are all big enough to carry their own junk I don't think I can make the transition back to a normal sized purse..

Ok .. so there ya have it.. 5 things.. oh yeah.. I also got my hair styled today.. not cut.. the length is still there.. I just got a lot of the bulk cut out..

well mom in law wants me.. Y'all have fun

3 Day Weekend and Other Stuff

2006-05-26T09:04:00.000-04:00

Whew it has been a bit of a busy week .. Tuesday night was Chella's 8th grade graduation.. ok .. I am thinking.. this shouldn't be too bad.. give them a few awards.. tell them they passed .. let the kids go to the dance and the parents go home.. Right? Wrong!!!.. this turned out to be a 2 hr EVENT.. there was a 20 minute speech about memories of all the times in school.. ok.. this is middle school.. then there was an hour long awards ceremony .. complete with children in evening attire.. I swear I saw 2 boys in tuxedos and 5 or 6 girls in 200 dollar evening gowns.. then there was the Class of 06 song to be played and sung by the chorus.. then the principal made a speech about the children moving on to real life.. Ummm excuse me.. they are going to HS.. when did HS become real life?.. I swear they were acting like these kids were going out into the world, getting jobs, and starting families.. I'm confused.. when did we decide that celebrating every milestone in a child's academic career had to be a big affair?.. What do these kids have to look forward to with HS graduation if everything is made such a special event?... Kindergarten here have ceremonies complete with cap and gown.. what the hell is that about.. I am not saying we shouldn't recognize accomplishments.. but does everything have to get so blown out of proportion for kids to feel that they have done something? I personally think we are creating a generation of people that won't have any incentive to do anything because everything has been turned into such a big deal that nothing seems worth putting effort into.. just my take..

Wednesday was great.. I went to Ron's school and hung out all day.. we didn't talk a lot. He had work to do and I read an entire book almost completely uninterrupted.. it was great.. I love just being in the same place with Ron.. being able to look up over my book and see him there is enough for me..

Yesterday we went to Rockcastle County.. Ron had a class.. and I had my debit card for shopping.. I got some great clothes for me.. a pair of jeans and a shirt for Ron.. Kyle got a couple of toys.. and Chella got a notebook and some clothes.. then we went back and waited about 45 mins for Ron to get out of class.. we drove home and Ron and I took a short nap until Chris called for us to pick him up from work.. It was a great day overall.. I got to spend time with the kids and Ron as well as going out spending money.. that is a good day.. just kidding.. I am not a big spender.. I just have a slight thrift store, yard sale addiction.. I can't help myself..

I woke up with a major headache this morning so my sweet honey went to pick up Chris for work and I stayed home on the couch with a bottle of advil.. I am starting to feel better now.. I don't know how long my headache will stay gone though.. Kyle's best friend Caimon just knocked on the door and he is not a quiet child.. oh well.. I am gonna get off here and rest for a bit until it is time for me to take Ron lunch.. should be a good day.. we have a somewhat busy weekend scheduled.. singing, dinners, oh and a Preschool Graduation party for our granddaughter.. who would have figured?.. anyway.. I'm gone..

Y'all have fun

Playing Catchup

2006-05-22T11:27:00.000-04:00

Not that there is a lot to catch up on but here goes... I have finally mostly recovered from my adventures in riding with Chris.. My shoulder is still a bit sore and my foot still hurts if I stand on it for too long.. but otherwise I think I'm gonna live.. Chelsea seems to be over most of her whiplash too.. well at least the painful part... It is gonna be a long while before I ride with that boy driving again..

The weekend was good.. quiet and at home for the most part.. we had plans for Saturday and Saturday night but due to an ill vehicle and general tiredness on our part and the lack of a return phone call on Jesse's part we didn't do any of the things we planned.. we just sat home mostly and watched tv.. that is not a bad thing.. but by yesterday I was getting a bit stir crazy being mostly in the house all weekend so I decided to go shopping for Chelsea an outfit to wear to her 8th grade graduation tomorrow.. oh yeah tomorrow is the last day of school.. wooo ohoooooooo.. anyway.. after the trip to WalMart.. Ron and I drove out to the airport to pick up the vehicle Ron rented to drive to work today and tomorrow due to the illness in his Bravada (fuel pump)..He got a Chevy HHR.. that thing is cool to look at and has all sorts of gizmos but it isn't the most comfortable thing to ride in there was a something poking me in the rear end the whole trip last night.. oh yeah we had to go out and take the kids for a ride in the thing so they could say they got to ride in it.. you know how kids are.. did I mention I WILL drive this thing before we take it back..

Chelsea went to school today and got sent home.. she is in a special accelerated program and didn't participate in the regular 8th grade activities much.. the 8th grade went on a field trip.. she was not given a permission slip for this trip due to her schedule not being that of the rest of the 8th grade.. she didn't mind.. she got to come home .. She is now upstairs cleaning the apartment that Pete and Angie moved out of.. yeah of course they left a mess.. not that I didn't expect them to ya know.. anyway.. I am thinking Chelsea may have prefered to stay in school if she had known I was gonna put her to work..

Well I have my honey in my right ear.. and I need to go check on the Chella... Oh yeah.. Check out my honey's blog.. there is his latest poem..and some of y'all wonder why I am such a happy woman... Ok.. I'm out..

Y'all have fun

From Kyle To Mom and Other News.

2006-05-16T11:14:00.000-04:00

This is an addition to yesterday's post.. it is the letter written by Ron and edited by Kyle..

To Mom

As we grow, we realize that some things cannot stay the same forever.As much as we enjoy the small things that make our relationship wonderful, they cannot last. We know, however, the flowerings that cause the little things, will not change. I know we will not always be able to sit on the bed laughing at yesterdays. We will not always be there to share the personals glimpses of life gone by. Someday, the reins of my life will pass into my own hands, and, while I will ever value your guidance, the decisions will become mine to make.
The invaluable parts of who we are will never change. I will always depend on your eager willingness to be a part of my life. I will rest continuously in the warmth of your love. This core will remain even though the trappings change. Our laughs will grow deeper. Our tears will burrow further into our hearts. Our love will continue to develop.
For now, we will still giggle uncontrollably at the goofiness of the ridiculous. We will talk about the deep mysteries and suddenly be talking about the bizarre. I will be the kid too big for my britches, and you will be the Mom that keeps me straight. I look forward to growing up and becoming the best man I can become. I look forward to becoming independent and making my way in life. I will never look forward to the part of growing up, that changes our everyday joys. Only the very real truth that the foundation will grow stronger allows me to take each step toward my future.

Only knowing that you will always be a part of my life, keeps me reaching.

I will always be your son. You will always be my Mom.

Kyle

In other around here news.. The Lincoln we got for Chris is no more.. Yesterday on the way from Chris' job to his house we had a slight detour in our trip.. into a telephone pole, a tree, a couple of stumps and a fence.. yep Christ totaled the Lincoln on it's maiden voyage from Winchester to Nicholasville.. We are all basically ok.. sore.. in pain.. but ok.. Chris felt bad about the car and having the accident but I assured him it is ok.. the only thing that matters is that we are all ok.. Cars can be replaced.. My kids can't.. poor guy.. he was so proud of having his first car and finally being able to look forward to some independence from having to rely on everyone to get him from point a to point b.. and everywhere in between.. I told him it will happen.. it will just take a little longer now.. I did tell him he buys the next car though.. anyway.. Ron has prescribed rest for me today.. and I think I will follow Doctor's orders on that one.. thank goodness the kids have the day off from school today and I don't have to worry about going out to get them or anything like that.. not that they felt like going today anyway.. ok.. enough of this... I am outta here..

Y'all have fun..

Mother's Day/ Everyday

2006-05-15T09:57:00.000-04:00

I had a wonderful Mother's Day.. I didn't get out of bed til about 10:30.. and I only got up then at the insistance of my bladder.. That in itself was a great start to Mom's Day.. getting to sleep in is always a good thing.. I am an insomniac.. so any sleep is a good thing.. anyway.. I got up found the note Chelsea left for me taped to the bedroom door along with a banner, took the dogs out and settled in on the couch.. Kyle got up shortly after I did and started waiting on me hand and foot, getting me coffee, getting me this or that.. and giving me a beautiful letter.. written by Ron.. edited and approved by Kyle.. Kyle has the words on his own.. he just doesn't know how to put them together the way he would like to.. it made me cry..

Chelsea finally got up and we were off to the grocery store.. after shopping we went to Ron's parents house to wish his mom a happy day.. I love Ron's mom.. I have come to think of her as mom too.. she raised 6 kids.. I respect her for doing such an awesome job with them.. they are all good people and they all still love and admire their parents.. that is something you don't see in our world that often anymore.. Ron's dad is wonderful too.. you can see the love they still have for each other in their eyes and in the way they interact with each other.. it is just a wonderful thing to be witness too and I am honored to be included in their family..

We came home and the kids and Ron put the groceries away.. I got fussed at for trying to help.. I was having a bad wrist day.. and they shewed me out of the kitchen.. we sat around for a while, just enjoying each others company.. Sierra stopped by.. she wasn't feeling well and needed to call work to tell them she was still coming in but would be late.. she went to work and they sent her home.. Jordan dropped her off here again and went on to work himself..My brother Calvert called me to wish me a happy day.. he has called me every year on Mother's Day since I became a mom at 17 to wish me a happy day.. Sweet huh?.. anywho.. we talked for a while.. it is always good to hear from him.. since we don't get to see each other much.. he lives in AZ.. that is a bit of a drive from here.... While on the phone with him Ron,the kids and I headed over to visit mom.. It was a good visit.. she knew who we all were.. she didn't know our names.. but she knew who we were.. she remembered Ron and had a ball sitting and talking with us.. the girls and I are planning on taking her shopping tomorrow since there is no school and I will need the assistance with mom... should be a good time.. We left Northpoint and Ron headed towards home.. on the way he turned into the Home Depot parking lot.. the kids were confused.. I wasn't.. there is a Perkins restaurant in the same plaza.. that was Ron's true destination.. I knew it when he turned in the place.. the kids took a bit longer to catch on.. we had a great dinner and an even better time.. I would have liked to spent some time with Chris on Mother's Day but I do still get to see him every day.. that is a good thing.. After dinner we came home where I pretty much chilled for the rest of the night.. just enjoying the company of my kids and my honey.. all in all it was a great day..

I get tickled at all the jewelry commercials for Mom's Day.. and the flower commercials.. most of the moms I know would love jewelry or flowers sure.. but what means the most to a mom is time with our kids.. seeing them smile.. knowing they are growing into good people.. feeling we have done something well in raising them.. there are no diamonds, no roses, no perfume that can possibly rival the simple " I love you Mom" from your child.. just my take on it.. I hope every Mom out there, and the Dads that are being both mom and dad had just as wonderful a Mother's Day as I did..

Y'all have fun.

A Season Of Change

2006-05-11T09:26:00.000-04:00

I have been talking to my friends and reading blogs of online friends lately and there seems to be a recurring theme among them.. It seems that it is a season of change.. My best friend is looking forward to getting married in July, another friend is moving out of her house and on with her life .. I have always adapted well to change.. I think it is partially because when I was a kid we didn't stay in one place for very long.. I went to 16 different schools before 8th grade.. No I wasn't a military brat.. My dad drank a lot and we lost a lot of houses because even working 2 and 3 jobs my mom couldn't afford to keep them.. anyway.. All of the talk of changes got me to thinking about some of the changes in my own life in the last 4 years..

I have changed so much about my life that sometimes I have to slow down and take a look at myself in the mirror to make sure it is really me.. I left an 18 yr marriage that I had known for a long time was killing me, I met my sweet wonderful Ron, I have lost 170+ lbs, I became a better mother in spite of the 3 months I went through trying to find out who I was and was not a good mom at the time, and recently I have come to terms with my family.. there have been several other smaller changes in my life that have shaped the last 4 years but, there is no way I can remember most of them I am sure however that they along with the larger things have helped to make me who I am right now.. I like me.. That took a long time.. that is something I still need to work on.. I know I will keep changing.. Life around me will keep changing and shifting directions and I know that all of these things will assist me in being the person I want to be..

I can't wait for the next set of changes.. buying a house.. Moving out of here.. Chella getting into high school.. maybe finally having a job ( thanks Denise).. Think I will just strap on my seatbelt and enjoy the ride.. Y'all have fun

Monday Again

2006-05-08T09:45:00.000-04:00

I don't like Mondays .. I don't know anyone that does.. well except maybe my honey.. but then again he likes just about everything...nothing gets that man down.. Gotta love that ya know.. anyway.. the weekend was great.. I didn't have to pick Chris up on Saturday.. that was a good thing. I got 2 hrs of laying in bed cuddling with Ron time instead of drive time. Then we went to Todd's to do the karaoke thing.. Red and Steve were there.. along with a host of other good friends.. not that I don't want to mention them by name but for me it was all about Red and Steve. We haven't seen them in forever.. I miss them both so much.. They were friends with Ron before he and I met.. Red and I just hit it off the first time we met and I have felt I found a long lost sister in her for a long time.. I don't know Steve as well but he is a great guy and makes my friend happy .. that goes a long way towards getting my respect and friendship.. There was singing.. contests.. remembering of old times.. catching up on new things.. oh yeah and the Steve test driving my Camaro.. he liked the way it handles.. you know I gotta like the guy if I give him the keys to my car and tell them to have fun with it.. We all had a really good time..

Ron and I didn't get home til 1:40 in the morning .. when we arrived there was a pissed off Chella on the porch.. hands on hips asking "where have y'all been" I felt 15 again and mom was fixing to ground me.. Chella banished us to our room for the rest of the night.. Kiddo.. you are gonna have to get much better at this grounding thing before you have kids.. Our bed is where we wanted to be.. Sunday was a slow, not feeling good day.. I think I have caught a bit of a cold over the weekend.. I sniffled and ached my way through the day..

I took Chris to work and then upon returning home Ron and I went to the grocery store for dog/cat food along with a few other necessary items.. then it was back to the house for a really sweet treat from Ron.. he made me a milkshake from sugar free ice cream and low fat milk.. I love milkshakes.. I just can't have them most of the time due to sugar content.. I don't digest sugar since my gastric.. the shake was great but him thinking of a way for me to have one and then making it for me was even sweeter.. We crawled into bed around 7pm and that is where I stayed mostly until 6:20 this morning. I feel less stuffy this morning but I still have the headache and I am PMSing on top of all that so I think this will be a more lazy day for me than usual.. I am intermittingly cleaning and resting.. I will get it done, just not at my usual warp speed..

I still don't like Mondays.. but then again I don't like any day that takes my honey away from me.. time to clean..

Y'all have fun

Happy Cinco De Mayo

2006-05-05T08:59:00.000-04:00

It is finally Friday.. this has been the longest week.. I don't know why.. Maybe it is just all the changes in schedules this week or the trips to the hospital.. (My dad had heart surgery yesterday).. or it could be the anticipation of seeing our old friends Retro-girl and her hubby Dark's Life.. yes they have real names..anyway.. they are in town from Chicago and we are planning to get together with them this evening for some serious Karaoke.. Clearing my throat.. not that that will help me sing any better..

The best part of it being Friday is my honey will be home with me for the next 2 days.. It is strange how much I miss him while he is at work.. when I was married to my ex.. there were times I wished for the man to stay at work 24/7.. I have never had that feeling with Ron.. don't think I'm gonna.. Ron treats me like I am precious.. who wouldn't miss that..

Right now I am trying to decide what needs to be done the most around here.. house cleaning or napping.. I didn't fall asleep until 2:47 this morning.. too much on the old gray matter .. and I woke up at 5:03 this morning when Ron got out of bed..I fell back asleep til around 6:42 which had me running late to get the kids , the dog and myself out of the house.. I am not good with rushing.

Lacey.. the annoying lil dachshund loves to ride in the car.. she loves to go with me when I do my morning run .. Malcolm loves to ride too... but 4 people and an 85lb dog in a Camaro doesn't work out well.. So I will take Lacey with me a few times a week..but before you start feeling sorry for poor Malcolm don't worry he gets to go for rides on the weekends in the Bravada... where he can hang his head out the window and attempt to stick his head out of the sun roof.. If he were only 3 inches taller he could do it.. but he never quits trying..

Well I think the napping is winning.. I can barely keep my eyes open and my fingers typing at the same time.. I guess it is a good thing I can sleeptype..

Y'all have fun.. I am headed for the couch..

No Morning Commute

2006-05-02T11:51:00.000-04:00

I am having a lazy day.. When I got up this morning it was pouring rain.. I still got the kids moving and out the door at 7am.. on the way.. Ron called me and suggested I call Chris and have him call his boss and find out if in fact they were working today.( sometimes my brain is not working enough to do these things).. I called Chris, who called his boss then called me back to inform me that there would be no working this morning..which meant no morning trip to Winchester.. I had a whole hour to do nothing.. I didn't really know what to do with that much unplanned time.. Chella,Kyle and I stopped at the store down the street where I got a diet dr pepper with cherry and vanilla.. funny thing.. I don't like Dr. Pepper. .never have.. but I love the cherry and vanilla and the berries and cream ones.. yeah I do know I am strange..anyway from there we went to mail a rebate form for Ron.. and then took Kyle to school.. he likes to get there in time to socialize in the cafeteria with the other kids.. that means I usually drop him off between 7:30 and 7:45.. school begins at 8:00.. then there is Chella to drop off.. her school doesn't begin til 8:30 and she cannot be there earlier than 8:00 so .. on normal traveling mornings she rides to Winchester and back with me, this morning we just sorta sat around in the parking lot listening to our favorite morning show on the radio.. 103.3 zrock.. and waiting for it to be time for her to go in..wow didn't I have an exciting morning?

After I deposited the kids in their respective schools I came home with every intention of cleaning house and getting some things done around here.. instead I had some sort of strange allergy attack and then Dude (the 15lb cat) decided he just had to get in my lap for petting.. this did nothing to improve the allergy situation considering I am allergic to cats.. I swear cats know when people are allergic to them.. they can sense it.. and will make it their life's ambition to cuddle up to that person.. anyway... when I finally convinced him that the wheezing and sneezing was killing me and that if I dropped dead there would be no more petting he got down.. I promptly fell asleep on the couch for an hour.. I woke up feeling a bit better.. I still can't get my eyes or nose to stop itching.. but at least I can breathe now.. I have done a whole lot of nothing today.. I made the bed and did a load of laundry.. see.. when I have too much free time I don't know what to do with it so I generally do nothing.. ok.. that is my story and I am sticking to it.. my ADHD shuts down when I have nothing to do.. sounds plausible doesn't it?

I do have a few things to do this afternoon... I have kids to pick up and today is Chella's second appt with her counselor.. and somewhere in there I have dinner to cook and vaccuuming to do.. but there will be no trip to Winchester or Nicolasville this afternoon which means I will have 2 more hours with my honey.. sometimes the taking Chris back and forth doesn't bother me much.. but lately I feel like I am neglecting my honey .. that is not a good thing.. Chris is looking at a trailer across the street from where he works tomorrow afternoon.. If he and Tommy room together they should be able to afford it... I love seeing my son every day.. but the running and neglecting my hubby part I don't love.. so I do hope this works out for him.. he will be able to get his license and we are gonna help him get a car or truck that way he won't be out in the middle of nowhere with no way to get anywhere.. and he will have a place of his own which I think will do him a world of good in growing up...

I am very proud of Chris as of late.. the kid is doing everything he should be doing and nothing he shouldn't.. over the weekend some of his friends from FL came into town.. they were lost and had no money.. due to the one with the money having his wallet stolen in a motel room.. they wanted to hang with Chris and borrow enough money to get to one of the boy's grandmother's house in IN.. They followed me out to pick Chris up from work Saturday.. Chris was glad to see his friend.. gave him a guy hug and 20 bucks and politely told them he wouldn't be hanging with them because he needed to get home and rest for work the next day.. the old Chris would have hung with his friends and most likely gotten into some sort of trouble with them.. he is growing up.. that is a good thing and I am proud of his choices.. I let him know.. he turned a little redfaced as he has always done and said "thanks Mom" what more could a mom ask for.. he never fails to tell me thank you for the running him back and forth.. he never fails to let me know he appreciates the things I do for him.. what he doesn't understand.. is even though the thanks and appreciation from him are precious to me.. I do the things I do simply because he is my child.. and I love him..

Well I think I have stalled on the house cleaning long enough.. I get to spend that extra 2 hours with my honey tonight.. I would rather do that in a clean house...

Oh Russ.. thank you for calling and checking on ya girl.. she said she loves ya..

Y'all have fun..

The Pain Is Silent

2006-04-26T10:17:00.000-04:00

For those of you that read Ron's blog , you know what happened to Chelsea on Sunday. To make a long painful story short she was attacked and bitten by a boy on our front porch.. before he bit her he told her he would kill Kyle and rape her.. so I tend to look at the attack as not only assault but a sex crime as well.. she wasn't raped.. but she was violated just the same..

We have taken the proper steps to first have this boy arrested and punished for what he did.. and secondly to help Chelsea work through any emotional issues that may arise from this.. She is showing the same type of emotional responses that a rape survivor shows ( I hate the word victim).. she no longer feels safe sitting on the porch alone.. When she and I go to the store she will not leave my side.. she doesn't want to walk home from school anymore.. Not that I ever let her walk home alone .. just now she doesn't even feel comfortable walking with her friends and her boyfriend.. she is showering more and feels "dirty".. those are normal parts of the emotional responses to any violation.. given my history with this subject I knew I could not be objective in helping her.. so I sought outside assistance for her.. she told me yesterday after her first visit that it made her feel better to talk to someone not so close to the issues at hand.. that is a good thing.. she also got a 911 cell phone.. the only # it will call is 911 and anytime she feels she is in an unsafe situation and needs assistance she only has to push one button to get help.. that is a good thing as well..

I have a personal history with this subject that I will not go into here.. I learned to handle it on my own and have made peace with it.. it took me a long time to get here.. I don't want Chelsea to have to go it alone.. no one should have to deal with an issue of any type of personal violation on their own..

Part of me wants to find the kid that did this to my precious child and beat the living shit out of him.. I know that is a normal reaction when a mother's child is hurt.. I won't do that.. I will let the police handle it.. I will not however sit back and wait for them to do it.. I am gonna be like a thorn in the side of the police until something is done about this kid..

I wrote a poem about a year and a half ago about my personal experiences , about how sometimes even to this day 30 years later I still have my moments of pain.. I have shared it here before, so if you will allow me the indulgence I would like to share it again.. for my daughter's pain, for my pain and for anyone that has been there..

The Pain Is Silent

The pain is silent
Screaming only on the inside
Smile brightly outward for the world to see
Never reveal what lies beneath

Tortured waiting, for it will come
In the dead of night
Peace laid to waste by hurt’s wail
Trembling from a frozen touch

The bringer of the torment is dry bones in his grave
Still he lives on in the memory of the child that once was
Reality fades but his face looms large
Shrinking into the smallest space to try to find comfort

Icy fingers invading even love’s warmest embrace
Memories crashing against even the sincerest touch
Cringing inside the child screams not again
The me of now buries the pain just to survive

Suffer silently
To give voice would to lend strength to the demon
To surrender all hope of happiness
Quieter strength is the stronger,
bearing a load that no loud wail of agony could carry

The sound of innocence shattered is deafeningly still..
Tammy J.

November 17, 2004

The only thing I am grateful for in Chelsea's situation is she doesn't have to be silent in her pain..

I usually end my post with Y'all have fun.. I just don't have a fun bone in me right now.. so I will just say .. Take care

What a Week Already.

2006-04-18T09:59:00.000-04:00

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday.. but I still got a workout.. Ron's parents own a few houses around here and Ron sorta manages them for them.. I try to help out where I can.. Yesterday was one of those where I can days.. They had a tenant move out and well lets just say this wasn't the cleanest or neatest person on the planet.. I volunteered to help clean out the house and get it ready to re rent.. OMG.. I have never seen such a mess.. I didn't know it was possible to mistake an attic for the garbage can.. I do believe these people are now walking around naked cause they didn't take any of their clothes with them.. Mom and I worked our butts off.. we bagged , swept, carried and fussed for almost 5 hrs .. we got it mostly cleaned out.. all that was left was the heavy furniture stuff we couldn't lift.. I left there a bit after 1 and headed home for a much needed shower.. I decided on a bath instead.. ewwwww the water was a lovely shade of grey about 30 seconds into it.. I bathed then showered afterwards.. yuck..

After my shower I tried to rest my back a bit... I knew that Justin is out of school by 2:30 so I waited til he got home and called him to ask if he would help with the heavy stuff.. he was happy to oblige.. I have to give the boy credit.. he is one of the hardest working skinny little kids I have ever seen in my life.. anyway.. Tommy, Justin and I headed back to the house.. they got the heavy stuff out of the house.. while they were working I went to pick up Chella.. and grab some tools from the house.. they guys got it finished in a couple hours.. then it was time to come home and cook supper.. I put supper in the wok and made Ron's lunch and went to get Kyle from his chess class.. by that time Chris had called for a ride home and Ron was on his way home .. sweet man that he is offered to pick Chris up on his way home from work.. we met at Kroger to exchange son's .. he took Kyle I took Chris and off to Nicholasville we went.. I finally dropped Chris off and got home around 7:15pm.. by this time my back felt like there was some evil gnome in there with a hot poker trying to reaarange my spine.. I curled up on the couch with a book and the heating pad.. and that is where I stayed most of the evening..

This morning I am still hurting a bit.. so my sweet darling hubby offered to meet Chris at his pick up spot and take him to work for me.. saving me and my back 40 minutes of driving/riding time.. he is such a sweety.. Oh speaking of my sweety.. he finished his internship yesterday.. and aside from being so proud of him and a healthy dose of I told you so's it means he doesn't have to stay late anymore..well not til 6 anyway.. yay!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway.. after he left I got to sit here for an additional 45 mins with the heat on my back.. I reluctantly got up and took the kids to school at 7:45 and came home to do my housework.. If I don't keep moving some my back is gonna seize up on me and I won't be able to move at all .. not fun..

The rest of my day is going to be fairly uneventful I hope.. I need to go to the nursing home and visit mom.. but that is usually a good time.. and I still have to pick up kids, do more laundry, clean a bit more, and do the afternoon Chris run.. but those are all part of the ordinary around here.. time to get off here and do something.. I have been sitting too long and the gnome is pissed..

Y'all have fun

I May Hate Myself In the Morning..

2006-04-14T13:02:00.000-04:00

Ouch.. I have been wanting to get back into the gym for a long while now.. I have been wanting to get my body in some shape other than the shape it is in.. Today must be the beginning of that..Ron and I started about 2:30 this morning with our own private workout.. ( Russ update).. and knowing I was going with our friend Brandy to the local Y today.. I foolishly thought ok.. a little less sleep ain't gonna hurt me.. ( It was worth it at any rate)..

Brandy called me about 9 : 45 this morning wondering if I were still going or if I had chickened out on her.. I said in my most cheerful voice.. " I'm ready".. Her hubby had her car this morning so I drove over to pick her and her darling little girl up.. and as Brandy was admiring the "Ro" we were off .. we got there, I signed in as a guest.. and next thing I know I am walking 3 mph on an incline of 2 on a treadmill for 20 mins.. that part was ok.. that I can do.. I love to walk anyway.. so ok.. no problem.. then came the weights.. now you have to understand .. I used to work out 3 times a week.. but that was 20 yrs ago.. I ain't young anymore.. I ain't strong anymore.. so Brandy puts me on non wrist taxing machines and helps me adjust the weights and I promptly try to kill myself I think.. I don't remember being this weak.. 20 reps damn near killed me with 12.5lbs.. and that was on the leg lifts.. we don't want to go there with the rest of the machines.. those aren't for excersise.. those things were made for mid-evil torture.. I did make it through it.. I managed to do 2 sets of 20 reps on all the machines I could do without hurting my wrist.. and surprisingly I even managed to find some to work the upper body as well..

I feel pretty good.. I can feel my muscles planning a revolt for later on this evening.. and I know my back is gonna be in a pissy mood.. but I actually feel pretty good.. I am even thinking bout going back with her on Monday.. OMG.. I have truly lost my mind this time.. oh well.. at least it gets me out of my routine and I am doing something for me.. even if it does wind up killing me.. just kidding.. I know when I get used to going again I will feel and look better.. and that is something I need to do for me.. I am so used to doing everything for everyone that I think this will be good for me to do for me.. I don't want to lose weight.. I weigh right about 155 or so.. usually.. and at 5'8 that is a good weight .. I just want to tone my body from where I have already lost so much weight and get into better shape .. I think starting with 2 days a week I should be able to do it.. wish me luck..

TGIF.. I get my sweet Ron home for 2 days.. Yeah I know I had him home for 4 days last weekend.. but that was last weekend.. I miss him.. this is a whole new weekend.. and Ill take the 2 days when I can get em.. well think It is time for me to go.. umm .. lemme think.. oh yeah.. lay down and die till the tylenol kicks in..

Y'all have fun

Still Running

2006-04-11T09:22:00.000-04:00

I know I have been negligent in my posting lately.. I just don't seem to have time to blog.. between running back and forth with Chris, dealing with the Chelsea drama.. (too much to go into right now) , and all the other things I have to do in a day.. by the end of most days I am ready to cuddle in the bed and go to sleep by around 8pm.. now Kyle has gotten into the mix of changing up my schedule.. he has 2 different afterschool activities he is involved with now and stays late 3 days a week.. you would think that would free up some time for me around his usual pick up time, it doesn't.. Because my life is so hectic I have to be very precise when scheduling things.. I have to know how long it will take me to do this or that and get back to where I need to be when I need to be there.. Kyle staying late 3 days a week is messing with that.. but I am sure I will adjust soon.. he has only been doing this for 2 weeks and last week was spring break so I had all sorts of time to fill.. That is my main problem.. I am so accustomed to running all the time and having almost every moment filled with things to do, when I don't have things to do or have too much free time I get antsy.. I don't know what to do with myself..

Today will be fun.. I get to go visit Ron's class as a business professional. Ron is having a community business leader in to talk with his class about what the real world expects of them.. I have a degree in business administration as does his principal.. he thought it would be a good chance for the students to take part in a round table type discussion of what employers look for in potential employees and some interviewing techniques for them as some of them are going to be graduating this year and will need some real skills for getting a job soon.. Oh yeah and there will be pizza.. I think the kids will pay more attention to that than me .. but hey they are teenagers and this is only the second day back after spring break..

I think I am gonna get off here and go clean something.. and then maybe take a short nap before I have to leave for Winchester..

Y'all have fun..

I Am Still Alive.. Sorta

2006-04-05T21:09:00.000-04:00

I haven't forgotten I have a blog.. I haven't forgotten that some of my best friends actually read this thing.. I am just not quite human enough to write intelligently right now.. the trip kicked my ass.. In more ways than one.. the physical part of it is what is mostly bothering me now.. I forget sometimes that I only feel like I am in my 20's still... in fact my body knows I am getting close to the 40 mark even if my mind doesn't.. my recovery time isn't what it used to be.. My entire body is hurting right now and I seem to have lost all use of the index finger on my right hand.. makes typing interesting to say the least.. anyway.. just wanted to let anyone that is interested know I am still alive and will hopefully be back to myself in a few days..

Oh one major thing that I can't leave out of this .. I know some folks probably get tired of hearing about how wonderful Ron is.. but for y'all .. get over it.. for the ones that ain't tired of it... he is the main reason I made it back at all.. I had a panic attack ( actually two of them) for the first time in about 5 yrs.. and he was able to do something that no one has ever been able to do.. he talked me through them and gave me back my confidence in me and convinced me to take care of me so that I could take care of the kids I had with me on that winding mountain road.. so again my love.. thank you.. your voice in the night was my lifeline.. as your voice is always my comfort..

Y'all have fun

The New Toy

2006-03-29T08:54:00.000-05:00

Well.. we got the Camaro.. Monday is still somewhat a blur.. we did so much that day I don't know where to start.. We took the Lumina back to the dealer.. when we got there the salesman tried one more time to get me to keep Rose.. he offered 1000.00 for me to keep her.. I was like no.. then he tried to sell me a blazer.. I don't want a blazer.. they are too big for what I was looking for.. and further more I wouldn't want to buy anything from this guy.. He gave us a check for the full amout of the car plus the tires we put on it.. and we were on our way.. to Ohio that is..

After stopping for lunch and Kyle ( who has a really bad cold/flu this week) getting his first pizza sub we called the man in Ohio and told him we were on our way.. We got there, I drove "lil' toy" and fell in love/lust whatever with him.. (the car).. we paid the man and headed for the next little hole in the wall town to get it legal to make the drive back home.. Yeah .. ok.. that is what we thought we were going to do.. When we got there the building was about the size of the bathrooms in our clerks office here and was staffed with people who didn't seem the least bit interested in helping anyone.. The lady looking bored asked Ron and I for our licenses and SS cards.. I just happened to have my SS card due to the fact I had lost the old one and got the new one in the mail last week, when it came I put it in my purse ( Ron calls it the black hole) and it was still there.. Ron however, didn't have his with him.. the lady tells us we need something with his SS# on it along with his name.. health ins card, voters registration card, something like that.. we had nothing.. We went back out to the truck.. Ron called our health insurance provider to ask them if they could fax the info to the clerk's office.. while he was doing that he rummaged through the glove box and came up with a letter from the SSA .. with his name, addy, and SS#.. I took the letter to the other bored looking lady there.. only to be told that a letter from the federal freakin government was not acceptable.. ok.. if that isn't acceptable what is.. Our insurance company couldn't fax the info due to privacy regulations.. Ron came in with this news.. I shared with him the unacceptability of the letter from the SSA.. he took the paperwork back from miss bored #2 and tells her " Fine, I'll drive it illegally then" and out we go..

We drove the 100 miles home without a tag.. we did have the title.. and the car was insured.. so if I had been stopped I would have gladly informed the officer about the incredible stupidity of the people of Ohio and hoped for the best. ( no offense to anyone from OH) I just don't like that state.. Did I ever mention my ex is from OH?

We got "toy" home and found out our clerks office is open til 6pm on Mondays.. yayyyy.. we rush down there.. they tell us the price on the title is not good enough and we will have to get a bill of sale from the seller stating the price..and the car would need to be inspected.. ok.. fine.. we called the dude in OH.. he said he would fax the info.. got the car insurance carrier to fax proof of ins.. The lady gave us a one day pass to drive the car down there on Tuesday for inspection.. By this time it is after 6... We head home again.. about a half hour after we sit down .. Ron's phone rings , It is Chas needing help moving furniture.. so we are off and running again.. we helped them get the part of their sectional that wouldn't fit in their truck home.. on the way home we stopped for food and smokes for me.. we finally walked back in the house around 8:45pm.. and promptly crashed..

I got the legal stuff done on "toy" yesterday.. and have been driving my little heart out ever since.. I love the little thing.. it drives well.. it shifts well.. and it is way cute.. I will have to get Ron to take a pic or two and post it here soon.. there is the wrist factor with driving a stick.. yes it hurts.. but no more than it hurts anyway.. and the I haven't driven a stick in 4 yrs and I am rusty factor.. but that is getting better.. but mostly there is the I love my car factor..

I thanked Ron Monday night.. he didn't know why I was thanking him.. I told him I was thanking him for dealing with all the hassle and stress just to make sure I had what I wanted.. how sweet is that.. Thank you again my love..

Whew.. I didn't realize this was gonna be a novella when I started.. talk about wrist pain.. I think I am gonna go forage for food.. medicate Kyle, then go sit on the porch and look at " toy" ..

Y'all have fun...

Confused Yet?

2006-03-27T10:22:00.000-05:00

OK... the lumina is going back to the car place.. they called us Friday telling us that the car has a salvage title.. that means that at one time or another the car has either been totalled or salvaged.. this in itself is not really a big deal to me.. I have worked as a body repair person and mechanic.. I know that cars can be rebuilt with no harm done.. the problem for me is they didn't tell us this from the beginning and then they tried to rush me into making a decision whether or not to keep the car.. I don't like being rushed into things.. especially things about my money.. then on Saturday they offered us 500.00 to keep it.. we said "No" then the offer jumped to 600.00.. still " No" then the offer went to 800.00.. we said to ourselves.. "Maybe"... we drove the car this weekend.. It finally made the noise I was telling him about yesterday.. he called a friend about the noise.. the friend told Ron it is most likely the Torque Converter going out on it.. that is a 600.00 job to fix.. Umm the car is going back and they are going to pay me for the tires I put on it.. that is the end of it...

Ron and I had planned to meet with the carlot this afternoon and go car shopping afterward.. and guess what happened.. the guy in Ohio called saying he fixed the ignition problem with the Camaro and while he was at it he noticed the clutch was slipping so he fixed that too.. he wanted to know if I still wanted it.. Ummm yeah if it is fixed and running.. yeah I want it.. I feel good about that car.. I have since the first time I saw it..I don't know if we are going to get it today or tomorrow.. but I really want this car.. I know it has more miles on it.. but I just have a good feeling about the car.. I tried to talk myself out of wanting it.. I couldn't get it off my mind.. I kept thinking about it.. I told Ron all weekend I wanted to call the dude about the car.. he must think I am crazy.. I just can't help it.. when something gets in there it won't get out until I know why I keep thinking about it.. now I know.. I think this is the car I am supposed to have.. ok.. go ahead .. think I am crazy.. I do.. anyways.. time to start the running..

Y'all have fun

I Feel Good....

2006-03-23T09:50:00.000-05:00

I don't know why.. but today I woke up in a great mood.. I actually slept last night .. that may have something to do with it.

My driving all over has resumed.. no there is nothing wrong with "Rose" she is fine. Chris called me yesterday and informed me that he has gotten his old job back with the landscaping company.. this is a good thing.. the bad news is.. Chris is living in Nicholasville and his job is in Winchester.. Beek's mom met me half way between Nich. and Lexington for me to pick up Chris this morning ( thank you Michelle) and we were off to take Kyle to school and then to Winchester to drop Chris off, then I had to come back home for Chelsea to pick up her things.. the fact that I told her to bring them with us in the first place and she didn't.. didn't seem to be a problem for her.. we stopped here, grabbed the books and it was off again racing to her school.. she was late..

We go to court again next Friday for the so called harassment charge against Chris, hopefully we will be able to get the judge to agree to Chris coming back home.. We can prove that Chris didn't harass John so there is no reason for Chris to not be able to live at home.. It pisses me off that Chris has not been found guilty of anything and he is being punished .. first by making him live in Nicholasville.. not that living with Michelle and Jeff is a bad thing but this is Chris' home.. this is where his family is.. second.. Chris lost a good job because of the moving to Nicholasville thing.. he was working mostly 2nd shift at that time and there is no way I could have picked him up at midnight and taken him home the 20 miles or so.. third.. Now that he has his other job back it makes the rest of us have serious transportation problems trying to help this young man keep a job and make a living.. this is causing him to not be able to do that .. and he hasn't even gone to trial yet...

Ok.. now I am through bitching..I still feel great.. I am still in a great mood.. I am going to Winchester again today.. there is a job there that I want.. it is for an assistant librarian.. for me that would be perfect.. I love books.. I read all the time.. what better place for me than in a library.. ok so it is a school library but I can see me now.. trying to encourage a love of books in young minds.. yep that would work for me.. wish me luck..

We have made no progress on the house yet.. trying to get our mortgage guy to get back with us.. apparently he is either not getting the messages or he isn't calling back right away.. we don't know.. but we really want to get a move on this.. hopefully he will get back with us soon..

I think I am gonna finish my house cleaning and get outta here to go apply for that job.. Y'all have fun..

Change of Cars

2006-03-18T20:30:00.000-05:00

Well the camaro didn't pan out.. Friday, I was checking on the how to get the legal part of the car done thing so I could drive the car legally from Ohio to Kentucky.. I found out the only way I could do it was to have a bill of sale .. I couldn't get that without paying the dude for the car, so .. Ron took off from work, I went and got Chris and Beek and we headed for Ohio.. It was a great 1 1/2 drive... we got there and what do you know but the car wouldn't start.. we tried jumping it .. we tried the battery charger.. nothing worked.. so very bummed by that time we headed home.. the guy said he would call us if he found out what was wrong with it and that if we still wanted it fine.. if not that was fine too..

We got home and Ron got online trying to find something else.. something to cheer me up.. I was way down about the whole thing.. he found a cute little Chevy Lumina online.. we went and looked at it today... I drove it and I fell in love.. ok.. so it isn't a camaro.. it isn't HOT.. but it is cute and runs great and it is 2 yrs newer than the Camaro .. It is a beautiful shade of burgandy, almost like a bloodrose color.. I am seriously thinking of calling her Rose.. I don't know why I name my cars.. I just always have.. It usually doesn't take long for me to name them either.. I know it is strange.. but who ever said I was normal... Cars have personalities.. they do.. so they need a name.. It is that simple..

Anyway.. the rest of today's post is for my beautiful friend Red.. here ya go gorgeous..

Name: Tammy J.
Childhood Ambition: To be a doctor
.Fondest Memory: I have many wonderful memories.. One that comes to mind is the look in Ron's eyes as he sang " You had me from hello" to me at our wedding.
.Soundtrack: Hmmm thinking I really loved the music in " Blues Brothers 2000"
MusicRetreat: In my car alone on an open highway.
Wildest Dream: Win the lottery and build my dream home with enough land to build homes for all 7 kids.
Proudest Moment: Graduating College at age 22 after being told I wouldn't go because I got married at 16 and was pregnant with my 3rd child through most of my last yr of college. Also finally doing something totally for me and having gastric bypass surgery.
Biggest Challenge: Being a good wife, mom, friend, mostly being the best me I can be for me so I can be the best whatever to those I love.
Alarm Clock: Ron's cell phone.
Perfect Day: Most every day since May of 2002
First Job: Arby's.. I was 13 and lied about my age to say I was 16
Indulgence:Perfume, shoes
Last Purchase: Last was a cup of coffee,2 diet Dews and Cheetos, Oh yeah and my car.
Favorite Movie: Lady and The Tramp hands down..:
Inspiration: My kids, My hubby, people I love.
(Finish the sentence)

My Life: My life is not just what I am doing now or where I am going it is a combination of where I have been the me that I have become and who I can still grow to be surrounded with all the love anyone could want and the security of finally loving the skin that I'm in..

Y'all have fun

Life Is Good.

2006-03-17T09:04:00.000-05:00

Snickers is alive.. Bobby the brother in law, finished putting the starter on Snickers last night.. we were not home, when I got here we had other things to do.. which I will tell ya about in a minute.. anyway.. when the other things got done, I went out and started my little van up.. It came to life as it always has... ahhhhhhhh no more running back and forth to Winchester.. I am sort of bummed about not getting to spend that much time with Ron but I figure he and I can spend time together around 2 am like we did this morning to make up for it... ( sorry Russ).. The kids are not entirely pleased about the resurrection of snickers.. It signals the end to breakfasts from Hardee's and Marathon.. poor little deprived children will just have to go back to cereal, oatmeal, waffles, or whatever else we might have in the kitchen..

Ok.. on to the "other" things Ron and I had to do when we got home last night.. no this will not be a close your eyes Russ thing...Ron and I had been looking at cars on e-bay the other night.. we spotted a 95 camaro z28 that I promptly fell in love with.. Ron put it on his watch list.. yesterday while we were at his school and he was finishing up some things he looked at his e bay watch list and asked me if I wanted him to bid on it.. I thought he was kidding, he wasn't.. he put the bid on it and with and hr and a half left on the auction we left the school and headed home.. when we got here I was anxious to find out if we were still the high bidder.. There was a package here that Ron had to look at first.. then the computer wasn't cooperating and had to be shut down and re booted.. finally he got online and checked.. we were not the high bidder.. Ron entered a new bid.. we were at 18 mins at that point.. I held my breath.. I paced.. I went outside to smoke.. I came back in with 2 minutes to go.. I sat breathlessly beside Ron and watched the last few seconds tick away... We Won!!!!! We are going to Ohio this weekend to get my camaro.. wooohoooooo .. I have always loved the camaro.. I have always wanted one.. now I have it.. I can't wait.. I am gonna look good in that car.. speaking of which.. I need to get my butt to the courthouse and get the temp tag and transfer form..

y'all have fun..

Blah Blah Blah

2006-03-16T14:13:00.000-05:00

I feel blah today.. I don't have a clue why.. Ron was having a "foggy" day yesterday so I guess I can have a blah day today.. It isn't that I don't have anything to do.. I have plenty with Ian here..It isn't that I am particularly unhappy about anything.. I'm not.. I don't even think it is the looking for a job and no one wants to hire me thing anymore.. I just feel out of sorts...

I am getting my van back tomorrow.. Our brother in law Bobby came over after work yesterday and took the starter off.. but due to lack of tools and light he couldn't put the new one on, he will be here this afternoon with his own tools to finish the job.. that is good news.. Ron says the not having his truck with him isn't a problem for him, he just hates that I have to drive so much.. He ain't the only one..

I am wanting to hurry up and get the settlement thing done with my wrist. I am getting a new car with part of it.. well not new but new to me.. the van as much as I love the lil thing kills me to drive.. and I want to get things settled with whether or not we are moving to Mt. Sterling.. I love the house.. Honestly.. It doesn't matter to me where we live just so we are together I guess what bothers me is uncertainty.. I like to know what we are doing.. I am just like that I like to know what is going on and when.. If I am gonna do something I do it.. I have always been that way.. Ron takes things more slowly.. he thinks more than I do about things.. I usually know what I want and go for it.. that works for me.. Ron's way isn't a wrong way.. It is just his way ya know.. That is one of the things that make Ron and I work so well.. We have very similar personalities in many ways.. however we are also vastly different in some areas.. those differences just balance us and make us understand each other even better.. that is a good thing..

Well Chas and Chris are here to take my Ian for the day.. Y'all have fun

I'm Too Old For Two Year Old's

2006-03-14T13:36:00.000-05:00

I didn't know I had gotten old.. I had no idea until this week.. It is only Tuesday and I am already dreaming of the weekend.. I have Ian all week.. Don't get me wrong...I love having the little guy here.. I love watching him and playing with him.. the problem is I thought I had the energy to chase his lil butt and I don't.. he wants to run.. Nanny wants to walk.. he wants to beat up the dogs.. Nanny wants to sleep.. He wants to.. well you get the picture..

I had also forgotten the simple fact that the word "no" doesn't mean much in a two yr olds vocabulary..He knows what it means.. he just chooses not to understand.. and then he giggles when I say the word to him.. cute little brat that he is.. his favorite game today has been throw yourself at Nanny and see if she can catch you.. So far so good I have caught him every time.. but, I am on guard for that one time when he throws and I am not ready to catch..

Chas.. I know you sometimes read my blog.. don't you dare infer from this one that I don't want kiddo here as much as possible.. I do.. I am just old.. love ya girl..

On to other things.. For those that read Ron's blog.. the situation with my ex is still in my head.. I want to call him and tell him what I think of what he did while he was here and what he can do the next time he wants the kids with him while he is here.. I just don't feel like talking to the asshole.. he hasn't even called to let the kids know he made it home safely.. It is funny.. he and I get along great when he stays in Fl.. It is only when I have to deal directly with him that I have issues with wanting to choke the life out of him.. I remember feeling this way when I was married to him as well .. could explain one of the reasons he is an ex huh?.. I am going to talk to him about this summer.. If he cannot keep the rules we have for the kids here 11 months of the year I am really going to have to re think him having them for a month in the summer.. It takes about a month to undo all he does in that month.. I am just tired of going through all that yr after yr.. Chella doesn't seem all that interested in going to FL for a month... Kyle does.. but last year he only stayed 3 weeks and was begging to come home.. I don't want the kids to not have their father.. but I don't know how to maintain the relationship for him.. and that seems like what I have been doing all along.. If they don't call him.. he won't call often.. if I don't make arraingments for the FL thing he won't .. I think there comes a time when he needs to facilitate his relationship with his kids and leave me out of it.. I will never keep him from them or them from him.. I am just tired of being the go between so to speak..

Oh well better get off here before the whirling dervish wakes up from his nap..

Y'all have fun

Morning Conversation Starters

2006-03-09T09:32:00.000-05:00

While the driving back and forth to Winchester is a bit tiring..there are some benefits.. one of them being the conversations I have with the kids on the way back to lexington.. this morning we were listening to the radio .. one of our favorite morning shows.. they were talking about a New York case involving mens rights .. The case is about a guy that had a fling and the woman got pregnant.. she wants him to pay child support .. he doesn't think he should since it was a consensual act and they took precautions..

I personally can see this from all points of view.. my ex and I had 18 yrs of marriage.. he raised our 4 kids with me.. and when we split he fought long and hard to get out of paying child support because I wasn't with him..Ron on the other hand never shirked his child support when he and his ex split .. and he took on the responsiblity of my 4 kids when he married me.. actually long before we got married he was supporting not only me but them as well.. anyway.. Chelsea got to talking about what we were listening to.. she feels about the same way I do.. That in some ways women have all the options available to them and men do not.. I dont think men should get away with not supporting their children.. but what about men that want the child when the woman doesn't.. if she decides to abort the man has no right to keep her from it.. if she decides to put the child up for adoption it is sometimes very hard for the father to keep the child himself.. but if the woman chooses to keep the child the man is almost always required to pay support and in cases of one night stands.. the man often doesn't get to be a part of the child's life that he has to pay to support.. I personally have issues with the unequalness of this..

Personally.. abortion would never be an option for me.. adoption I am on the fence about but to me is a viable option if you know you can't take care of a child.. But, I do know if I had ever gotten pregnant by someone one night stand or similar situation..( not that I have ever had a one night stand) I would be willing to take full responsiblity for any consequences resulting from that.. I am an adult.. If I chose to sleep with someone I know the possible outcome.. if I got a STD I would have to take care of the cost of treatment.. If I got pregnant.. I would have to choose what to do about it.. therefore.. making the decision to have sex in the first place I would have to be ready and willing to raise a child if one were to result from that encounter if I chose to keep the baby.. I think that should go both ways.. both parties should look at it from the standpoint of owning the decisions they make.. I think fathers should support their children.. I think men should have some say so in the decision to keep or not keep a child they helped to create.. if we women have the options we do.. then men should have more themselves.. just my take on it..

Chelsea saw it from a Ron point of view.. she said that even tho she doesn't like some of the rules around here.. and she doesn't agree with Ron all the time.. she has a great deal of respect for him.. she said he has gone above and beyond any responsibility to raise children.. My kids are not biologically his.. but his love and support has made him their dad as much as their biological one is.. I think she said it well..

I know there are a million women out there fighting and struggling to get the support they need for their kids.. I also know there are plenty of good men that want to do the right thing.. and there are men that can't even get the chance to be fathers because all the choices have been taken out of their hands.. except the financial ones..

ok.. rambling and ranting over.. time to eat something and wait for Sierra and Jordan to get here for our thrift store date.. Y'all have fun..